145+ Bar Puns & Jokes To Raise Your Spirits 🍻
Ahoy there, mateys, and batten down the hatches! 🍻 You’re about to enter the planet’s funniest, most pun-derful saloon—no ID required! 😉 This ain’t your mama’s list of jokes (unless your mama is a total jokester, then hey, maybe it is! 😂). Get ready for a treasure chest overflowing with the best bar puns and jokes about bar situations, guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. So grab a (root) beer, settle in, and get ready to laugh! This list of clever jokes is fun for kids and adults alike. Get ready for some positive vibes and good, clean fun! 😄
Top ‘Bar Jokes’ – Best Picks
Why don’t scientists trust atoms in bars? Because they make up everything!
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a beer?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge!”
Did you hear about the lawyer who opened a bar across from the courthouse? He was disbarred… and then re-barred!
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants to the bar? In case he got a hole-in-one!
What do you call a bar that only serves robots? A Bolt-hole!
Why was the bee’s acceptance speech at the bar awards ceremony so short? Because he wanted to keep it brief.
You know, I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… …but then I turned myself around. Now, I just hang out at the bar.
What do you call a bar without a door? Ajar!
I saw a sign outside a bar that said “Free Beer Inside!” Turns out, it was just a typo. It was supposed to say “Free Bear Inside!” I was so disappointed. The bear was, too. He was hoping for free beer.
What’s a pirate’s favorite bar game? DARTs!
Why are fish easy to weigh at the bar? Because they come with their own scales!
Why did the can crusher quit his job at the bar? He said it was soda-pressing.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo at a bar? A pouch potato!
What’s a composer’s favorite drink at a bar? A Chopin-tini!
Why did the bartender kick out the history textbook? Because it kept starting bar fights!
I’m writing a book about all the bars I used to frequent… …I’m calling it “My Drinking Career.”
Clever ‘Bar Puns’ – Best Picks
I tried to explain to the bartender that I only wanted a little beer… Guess I wasn’t clear enough. He brought me a beer… wearing a monocle.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms in bars? Because they make up everything!
A pianist walks into a bar… He can’t believe his Chopin Liszt!
What’s a bee’s favorite bar snack? Honey-mustard pretzels!
I walked into a bar and ordered a fruit punch… The bartender said, “Pal, we only serve hard liquor here. You’ve gotta be melon-dramatic about it!”
Did you hear about the bar that only served animal crackers? It was a real zoo!
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The mushroom replies… “What? No way! You have a drink called Steve?!”
I went to a bar last night that was entirely made of ice. It was cool… until it wasn’t.
Why did the scarecrow win an award at the bar? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? A sue-gar-free soda.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato who never leaves the bar!
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants to the bar? In case he got a hole-in-one!
I went to a bar themed after Sigmund Freud. They only served… Slip of the tongue-wiches.
What did the ocean say to the beach at the tiki bar? Nothing, it just waved.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle bar? Too many cheetahs!
I tried to start a protein bar business, but… It never got off the ground.
You know you’ve been going to the same bar for too long when… Your blood alcohol content is on the loyalty program.
Funny ‘Bar One-Liner Jokes’ – Short & Funny Bar Jokes
I tried to explain to the bartender that I only wanted a small drink, but I think he misunderstood. Now I’m facing a pint-sized problem.
A lawyer walks into a bar examining a lawsuit and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Hey, isn’t that the case you’re working on?” The lawyer replies, “It was, but now it’s bars none.”
Why did the lawyer always bring a ruler to the bar? To make sure the drinks were up to bar standards.
You know, I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… but then I turned myself around. Now, I spend my time at a protein bar.
I’m writing a song about a crowbar. It has a very high bar for success.
My friend opened a bar in space. It’s called “The Interstellar Saloon,” but so far, business has been astronomically slow.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for low flying owls.” So I ducked. Then it hit me – that’s bar none the worst pun I’ve ever heard.
I went to a bar last night that served drinks in test tubes. Apparently, they have a very high proof standard.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a beer?” The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?” The other replies, “I don’t know, go ask the bar fly.”
My friend tried to sneak a candy bar into a movie theater. He got caught red-Hansel and Grettelbar.
My friend opened a bar where everything is miniature. It’s doing really well, the bar is set really low.
Why don’t they serve beer at the library? Because they’re afraid you’ll end up with a short story and a long blackout.
The other day, I saw a sign outside a bar that said, “Free drinks if you’re named Nick.” I thought, “Well, that’s a bit of a mis-bar-tism.”
I tried to start a dating app for bartenders, but I couldn’t figure out the algorithm. It turns out love doesn’t follow a set bar code.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, “Why the long face?” The horse replies, “I think I had too much stable-vodka last night.”
My therapist told me to avoid bars. So I just stay away from the chocolate aisle.
Bar QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Bar
Q: What did the lawyer order at the bar after a rough day in court? A: A briefcase of beer and a settlement plate.
Q: Why did the chocolate bar melt at the pub trivia night? A: Because it couldn’t handle the pressure of the questions!
Q: What do you call a bar that only serves time travelers? A: A tense situation.
Q: Why did the ghost get banned from the bar? A: He kept asking for spirits and then complaining they weren’t real enough.
Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite type of bar? A: A crow bar!
Q: Why was the math book sad at the bar? A: It had too many problems and couldn’t get a solution.
Q: What do you call a bar completely made of ice? A: A brrrr tender’s paradise!
Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award at the farmer’s bar? A: Because he was outstanding in his field!
Q: Why don’t they serve coffee at the library bar? A: They’re afraid it’ll cause too much grounds for a dispute.
Q: What’s a bee’s favorite drink to order at the bar? A: Anything on tap!
Q: Why did the artist get kicked out of the bar? A: He kept trying to abstract all the beer!
Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of bar? A: A blood bank.
Q: What’s a gardener’s least favorite type of bar? A: A crow bar!
Q: Why don’t scientists frequent the bar after work? A: They prefer to go to the laboratory instead.
Q: What did the ocean say to the beach bar? A: “Nothing, it just waved!”
Q: Why don’t aliens go to bars anymore? A: They’re tired of being probed for their ID!
Q: What’s a cat’s favorite bar snack? A: Mice crisps!
Q: Why did the bicycle fall over at the bar? A: Because it was two tired!
Dad Jokes About Bar: Pun-Filled Quips
Why don’t they serve chocolate at that bar? It’s always got Twix in it!
A lawyer walks into a bar exam… and fails miserably. He should have seen that coming!
I walked into a bar made of pool noodles… and thought, “Hey, this place is buoyant!”
Heard about the bar that only serves animal crackers? They have a very low shelf.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for Flying Drinks.” Sounds like my kind of bar!
I tried to explain to my son that candy bars are bad for his teeth… He just gave me a Snickers.
I used to be a bartender, but I had to quit. It was too much counter culture.
That bar is so exclusive, they only let in people named “Bar.” I tried to sneak in, but they caught me at the door. They said, “We’ve been expecting you, Mr. Fly.”
Why don’t they allow granola bars in school? They’re always up to no good!
I wanted to name my pet parrot “Pina”, so I could say I got a Pina Colada at the bar!
You know what my favorite type of music is? Bar-oque!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… and pretty good at bar trivia.
What’s a bee’s favorite drink to order? Anything on tap, honey!
I went to a bar last night that was shaped like a hexagon… Turns out it was just a regular bar, I was looking at it from the wrong angle!
You know what’s better than a free trip to the bar? A “barre,” I hear those are great for dancers.
What did the math book say to the bar of soap? “Hey! I’ve got problems too, you know!”
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… but then I turned myself around. Now, I’m a bartender.
Bar Jokes and Puns for Kids
Why did the chocolate bar go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little crunchy!
What’s a pirate’s favorite candy bar? A Caaaaaaramel bar!
What do you call a bar of soap that doesn’t work? A bar none!
Where do sheep go to get their wool trimmed? To the baa-baa-rber!
What kind of music do they play in candy stores? Anything with a good chocolate bar-itone!
Why don’t they allow elephants in the chocolate factory? They always try to eat the chocolate bars, wrappers and all!
What did the granola bar say to the milk before the big race? Don’t worry, I’ve got this oatmeal-ed!
Why are chocolate bars bad at poker? They always raise the stakes!
What do you get if you cross a candy bar and a sheep? A chocolate baa-a-ar!
What does a ghost like to order at a spooky bar? A BOO-berry smoothie!
What’s a candy bar’s favorite game to play? Truth or snickers!
Why did the gummy bear get fired from the candy bar factory? He kept getting stuck in the machinery!
Where do squirrels go to get a drink? The nearest nut-bar!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato bar-fly!
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed!
Why was the bee’s hair sticky? Because he used a honey-comb bar!
Where do pencils go for a drink? A lead-ing bar, of course!
What did the bar of soap say to the sponge? I’ve got you covered!
Bar Jokes and Puns for Adults
Why did the lawyer always order a double at the bar? He was a trial-cohol-ic.
A physicist walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then, another physicist walks in and orders a drink…then another, and another. You could say it’s getting… quantized.
Heard about the new bar that caters to existentialists? They have no atmosphere.
I tried to explain to the bartender that I suffer from agoraphobia and can’t handle open spaces. He said, “So why are you here?” I told him, “Hey, this counter is my comfort zone.”
What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a bad lawyer? A bad golfer might still hit the bar…occasionally.
Why did the bar go bankrupt? It lost all its appeal.
I tried to make a reservation at a bar for 20 people, but they said they were fully booked. I guess you could say they were…barred out.
What do you call a high-class bar for horses? A hay-tel.
Why did the dating app for introverts fail? They set the bar too low.
My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So I went back to the bar and hugged the bartender.
I used to work in a bar that served only animal crackers. It was a zoo-tastic experience, but the tips were peanuts.
Two cannibals walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of beer.” The second one says… “And make mine a bloody Mary!”*
I’m writing a song about all the bars I’ve been kicked out of. It’s got a real good beat, but no bars.
I asked the bartender for something strong and bitter. He said, “My life story? That’ll be $12.”
Why don’t they serve alcohol in the metaverse? Because it’s a slippery slope into virtual reality-alism.
You know, money talks… But all mine ever says is “Goodbye” at the bar.
I went to a bar last night that had a “No Talking” policy. It was really awkward until we all started drinking sign language.
My friend tried to pay his bar tab with cryptocurrency. The bartender just stared at him and said, “That’s not how we roll.”
I met a girl at a bar last night. We were really hitting it off, so I asked her, “What’s your sign?” She said, “Do Not Enter.”
I went to a bar that serves time travelers. Even though it was empty, the bartender said, “Don’t worry, they’ll be here any minute now.”
Bar Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Other Social Media
What’s a bartender’s favorite game show? Wheel of Fortune Cookie Shots!
You know you’re at a hipster bar when… Even the ice is artisanal, hand-crafted, and locally sourced.
I’m opening a bar called “Karma.” There’s no menu, you just get what you deserve.
My therapist told me to avoid bars. So, I went to a few pubs instead. Technically, they’re different!
What’s the most popular bar in the ocean? The sandbar!
Just got kicked out of a mime bar… Apparently, they took my “drinking in the atmosphere” literally.
I went to a bar last night themed after grammar… Good times, but it was too comma-mercialized for my taste.
Why are lawyers so good at mixing drinks? Because they know how to stir up trouble!
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. “How much will that be?” asks the neutron. The bartender replies, “For you, no charge!”
My friend tried to start a bar crawl business… But it just kept going around in circles.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for low flying owls.” So I ducked, but then it hit me – that’s just how they get you into the bird bar.
You know you need a drink when… Your blood alcohol content is starting to look like your GPA.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field…and a regular at the bar.
My new year’s resolution was to drink less… Guess I should have been more specific about what kind of bars. Chocolate is still on the table!
I went to a bar last night that served everything by the foot… I’m not sure how much I drank, but I left with a huge bar tab.
A ghost walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits.”
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… But then I turned myself around, went cold turkey, and joined a support group that meets at the bar.
Never take life advice from a sign in a bar bathroom… It’s probably been through some stuff.
That’s All, Folks! Bar-lieve In the Power of Puns! 🍻
We hope these bar puns and jokes really lifted your spirits! If you’re thirsty for more laughs, belly up to the bar and browse our website for a whole round of hilarious puns and jokes. We promise, it’s the perfect place to unwind after a long day of… well, anything really!
