140+ Lawyer Puns & Jokes: You’ll Be Suitably Amused
👋 Hey there, humor hounds! Get ready to unleash your inner comedian with this hilarious compilation of lawyer puns and jokes about lawyers 🤣 We’ve got the very best list of funny puns and side-splitting humor that’s sure to tickle your funny bone, whether you’re a fan of clever wordplay or positive, knee-slapping jokes. And don’t worry, these are all lawyer-approved for kids! So put on your best robe (or don’t, we’re not judging!), grab a gavel, and get ready to laugh! 👨⚖️👩⚖️
Top ‘Lawyer Jokes’ – Best Picks
- Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? > Professional courtesy.
- What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? > A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.
- How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? > Their lips are moving.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? > The lawyer charges more.
- Why do lawyers wear neckties? > To keep their suits from crawling up their backs for a better deal.
- How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? > One. But it takes a team of twelve to bill for it.
- Why was the lawyer buried up to his neck in sand? > Because the jury didn’t like his case.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? > A boxing referee doesn’t get paid more for a longer fight.
- What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? > Your Honor.
- How can one distinguish between a herd of buffalo and an attorney? > The attorney charges more.
- What happens when you cross a lawyer with a snake? > You get a poisonous creature with a billable hour rate.
- Why are lawyers always losing their watches? > Time flies when you charge by the hour.
- What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? > A good lawyer can get you out of trouble. A great lawyer can get you into it… for a hefty fee, of course.
- Why did the lawyer bring a dictionary to court? > He wanted to look up the word “justice.”
- Why are lawyers so good at poker? > Bluffing is in their blood… or at least their billable hours.
- Why don’t lawyers need to learn the entire alphabet? > Because they get to “sue” whoever they want.
- What’s black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? > A Doberman Pinscher.
Clever ‘Lawyer Puns’ – Best Picks
- Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? To reach a verdict!
- What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for years. A good lawyer knows how to make it take even longer.
- I used to be a lawyer, but then I realized I wasn’t cut out for it. I lacked the appeal.
- How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving. (Just kidding… maybe.)
- Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
- My friend said being a lawyer is easy. I told him, “Suit yourself!”
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Sue-per juice!
- I met a lawyer who was also a professional gambler. He said he was a sue-perb poker player.
- Why are lawyers like penguins? They both specialize in icy stares and waddling around courtrooms.
- Did you hear about the lawyer who was addicted to bird watching? He couldn’t resist a case of the condors!
- What do you call a lawyer with laryngitis? A sue-whisperer!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… and he knew a good lawyer.
- You know money talks… but all mine ever says is “Goodbye” to my lawyer.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
- I told my lawyer my future seems bleak. He said, “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered… in paperwork.”
- Why don’t lawyers ever go hungry at work? They know how to stretch their arguments.
- My lawyer told me to avoid any conflicts of interest. So I fired him. Now he’s suing me for breach of contract… talk about a conflict of interest!
- Why did the lawyer always carry a thermos? In case they needed to present a brief-case.
- How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But it takes a team of twelve to bill you for it.
Funny ‘Lawyer One-Liner Jokes’ – Short & Funny Lawyer Jokes
- I told my lawyer I wanted a clean divorce. He asked, “On whose behalf?”
- Lawyers are like fish – they both smell after a while, especially in court.
- Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
- Did you hear about the lawyer who was injured in a car wreck? He was rear-ended by his closing argument.
- My lawyer told me to fight fire with fire. I guess that’s why he’s now disbarred.
- What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.
- My lawyer said my case was airtight. Turns out, he meant full of hot air.
- Why don’t lawyers play hide and seek? Because they’re always lying in discovery anyway.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
- I wanted to be a lawyer but couldn’t pass the bar exam… or afford the bar tab.
- Why are lawyers always buried 6 feet under? Because deep down, they’re really good people.
- What do you get when a lawyer drowns in the ocean? A good start.
- My friend said he wanted to be a lawyer to make a difference. Turns out, he meant to his bank account.
- A lawyer’s dream client is one who’s guilty, rich, and keeps committing the same crime.
- The only difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee is that the lawyer wears a nicer robe.
- My lawyer said, “I’m confident we can win this case.” I didn’t realize “we” meant him and the opposing counsel.
- Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? He heard the jury was going to be hung.
- How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving and they’re billing you for it.
- Why did the lawyer cross the courtroom? To get to the other side… of your wallet.
Lawyer QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Lawyer
- Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? A: One lays down the law, the other laws down the lay.
- Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? A: Their lips are moving – just like everyone else when they speak!
- Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? A: Too many cheetahs… and lawyers!
- Q: Why did the lawyer bring a dictionary to his client’s sentencing? A: He was looking for a good synonym for “innocent.”
- Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A: A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.
- Q: Why don’t lawyers ever starve in the desert? A: Because of all the sand-wiches!
- Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? A: Your Honor.
- Q: What do you call a lawyer who represents Santa Claus? A: Sue Claus.
- Q: How can one lawyer make a million dollars? A: Start with two million.
- Q: Why was the lawyer always losing his keys? A: He couldn’t case the joint!
- Q: Why did the lawyer bring a tape measure to the courtroom? A: He wanted to see how long his closing argument was!
- Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? A: The lawyer charges more.
- Q: Why are lawyers like sharks? A: They both smell an opportunity a mile away… especially when you’re bleeding money.
- Q: Did you hear about the lawyer who could speak Braille? A: He was feeling his way through a case.
- Q: What do you call a group of lawyers who start a singing group? A: A law firm and order!
- Q: Why was the scarecrow such a good lawyer? A: He was outstanding in his field!
- Q: What’s the lawyer’s favorite drink? A: Subpoena colada!
Dad Jokes About Lawyer: Pun-Filled Quips
- I told my son he should be a lawyer because he’s good at arguing. He said, “Dad, that’s completely irrelephant!”
- Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? He heard the jury was going to be sequestered.
- What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.
- My friend said his lawyer was very supportive. I guess he really took a brief interest in his case.
- I used to be a lawyer in a circus… until I was caught tampering with the jury’s genes.
- What do you call a lawyer who’s always cold? Esquire-ly chilly.
- Why don’t lawyers ever go camping? They can’t stand the idea of a trial by fire.
- You know your lawyer is having a bad day when… he gets sued by his stapler for providing a hostile work environment.
- How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving. (Just kidding… mostly.)
- Why did the lawyer bring a pencil sharpener to court? He wanted to make sure his arguments had a point.
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Sue-gar free lemonade.
- I asked my lawyer if he thought I would win the case. He said, “I’m cautiously optimistic, but you should probably get a second opinion.” I said, “Okay, you’re also ugly.”
- Why are lawyers like airplanes? They both love a good brief-case.
- A lawyer walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
- I tried to explain to my dad why being a lawyer was so rewarding, but I just couldn’t articulate it.
- Why do lawyers make bad chefs? They argue with every recipe.
Lawyer Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? Because he heard the evidence was on another level!
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish? One can sting you in court, the other stings you in the sea!
- Why don’t lawyers ever need umbrellas? Because they can always find loopholes!
- What do you call a lawyer who’s always cold? Sue-per chilly!
- What do you get if you cross a lawyer with a baker? Lots of lawsuits!
- Why did the lawyer bring a pencil to every case? Because he wanted to “draw” his own conclusions!
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Sue-gar free soda!
- Why don’t lawyers get lost? They have their own case files!
- What do you call a lawyer who helps bees? A bee-liever!
- Why did the lawyer bring a map to court? He wanted to find the “case” quickly!
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite school subject? His-story!
- What do you call a group of singing lawyers? A law firm harmony!
- How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving! (Just kidding, lawyers tell the truth!)
- Why did the lawyer bring a mirror to work? To see who’s right!
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite snack? Trial mix!
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline!
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs…and lawyers!
- Why did the lawyer bring a flashlight to court? To shed some light on the situation!
Lawyer Jokes and Puns for Adults
- Why don’t lawyers ever get lost? They’re incredibly well-versed in finding loopholes.
- Heard about the lawyer who quit his job to open a bakery? He’s now specializing in sue-flees and tortes.
- A lawyer walks into a bar looking despondent. The bartender asks, “What’s wrong, counselor?” The lawyer sighs, “I just lost a case I was sure I could milk for years.”
- Why are lawyers so good at poker? Bluffing is second nature to them – they’ve honed it in the courtroom for years.
- You know you’ve hired a bad lawyer when… he tells you to plead “guilty with a side of fries.”
- What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.
- What do you call a lawyer who’s an expert on the constitution? A sue-preme legal eagle.
- Heard about the lawyer who married a ghostwriter? Their vows were hauntingly beautiful, but nobody knows who wrote them.
- Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to the courtroom? He heard the opposing counsel had a watertight case.
- My lawyer told me I had an airtight case. Then he charged me $5,000 for the air.
- Lawyers are like sharks. They’re both known for their bite… and their exorbitant fees.
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more for a stampede.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award for being a great lawyer? He was outstanding in his field.
- I told my lawyer, “I want a divorce. She’s been putting nuts in my protein shakes!” He said, “That sounds like grounds for a mistrial.”
- What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer in a courtroom? One pleads, the other makes you wish they had.
- My lawyer told me, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this case in the bag.” I should’ve been worried, it was a body bag.
- Why are lawyers always so calm? They like to keep their settlements confidential.
- How can lawyers tell if their clients are lying? Their lips are moving, and they’re breathing.
- A lawyer is just someone who knows the law… well enough to find someone who doesn’t, and then charge them for it.
- Why did the lawyer bring a tape measure to court? He wanted to see if the case held water.
Lawyer Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Other Social Media
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more. 🦬💰
- I used to be a lawyer, but I gave it up. Turns out, it was too suit-able for me. 👔😂
- Heard about the lawyer who was struggling to pay rent? He got evicted from his lawfice. 🏢😭
- Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? He heard the evidence was circumstantial. 🪜🔎
- What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink? Sue-gar-free lemonade. 🍋🚫
- Why don’t lawyers need fireplaces? They’re always getting clients to settle out of court. 🔥🤝
- Why did the lawyer always carry a scale? To weigh his arguments. ⚖️🗣️
- What do you call a lawyer with laryngitis? Lost for words. 🤫🤐
- How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving. 👄🤫 (Just kidding…mostly! 😉)
- Why are lawyers like whales? They both get paid a lot for spouting off. 🐳🗣️💰
- A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. St. Peter asked, “Name?” The lawyer whispered, “Can we talk off the record?” ☁️🤫
- Two lawyers walk into a bar. The third one ducks. 😄🤕
- How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But it takes a team of twelve to bill for it. 💡💰
- You know you’re in trouble when your lawyer says, “This is going to be interesting…” 😨
- What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer. ⏳🤑
- My friend wanted to become a lawyer but couldn’t pass the bar. So he just started selling them instead. 🍻😂
- I told my lawyer I wanted a divorce. He asked, “On what grounds?” I said, “About 2 acres and a nice house with a pool would be great.” 🏡🏊♀️
- My lawyer told me, “I’ve got good news and bad news.” “What’s the bad news?” I asked. He said, “Your DNA is a match at the crime scene.” “What’s the good news?” “They’re offering a plea deal.” 🧬👮♂️
- Why was the lawyer’s office always so cold? He kept losing all his suits. 🥶🧥
Case Dismissed: Laughter Sentenced to Life!
We rest our case! We hope these lawyer puns and jokes have left you in stitches and not in contempt of court. If you’re still hungry for more laughs, don’t worry, we have a whole law library of puns and jokes waiting for you on our website. So don’t be a juror and deliberate any longer, explore the rest of our punny content!
