104+ Bill Jokes & Puns: You’ll Totally Pay Attention!
Get ready to laugh your bills off! 😂 This post is dedicated to the best bill jokes and puns, perfect for kids and adults who appreciate a bit of clever humor. 😉 We’ve got a whole list of funny wordplay and knee-slappers, all centered around the word “bill.” So grab your funny bone and get ready for some pun-derful entertainment! 🤣
Top Bill Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the duck get a job at the bank? Because he was great at handling bills!
- I told my friend I was writing a screenplay about a cashier. He said, “Really? Bill-ieve it or not, so am I!”
- Why was the bill always invited to parties? Because it was always ready to party… and get paid!
- Did you hear about the psychic medium who refused to read bills? She said she only dealt with spirits, not finances.
- What do you call a bill that’s always hanging around the North Pole? A chill bill.
- My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry… especially when I see all those bills.
- What do you call a dinosaur who’s a lawyer? Sue-a-Bill!
- I saw a sign outside the bank that said, “Come in and talk to us about a loan.” I walked in and said, “Hi, can we talk about a loan?” The teller looked startled and said, “Sir, this is a drive-thru.”
- Why did the bill go to therapy? It had too many outstanding issues.
- I tried to pay my electricity bill with glitter. They said, “Sorry, we don’t accept that kind of sparkle-ment.”
- What did the detective say to the suspect after finding a clue in a stack of bills? “Looks like we’ve got your number.”
- I finally paid off my credit card bill today! It felt amazing… for about five minutes, then I went shopping.
- My dog ate my electricity bill! I’m not sure what’s going to be more shocking – the next bill or watching him light up the yard.
- You know what’s scarier than a monster bill under the bed? A real monster under the bed asking you to pay his monster bills.
Clever Bill Puns – Best Picks
- Why did the duck get a job at the bank? Because he was good with his bill.
- Did you hear about the duck who became a motivational speaker? His speeches were always long, drawn-out…and billed as inspiring.
- I tried to pay for my groceries with a drawing of currency. The cashier said, “I’m afraid we can’t accept this bill.”
- What’s a bird’s favorite type of money? A bill, of course! They just can’t get enough of those crisp ones.
- My friend named Bill started a band called ‘The Bills’. They’re really good…they’re always playin’ around with the setlist though.
- Why did the pirate refuse to pay the restaurant bill? He claimed it was full of galley fees.
- I tried to explain to the bird outside my window about credit cards. He looked at me and said, “I only deal in bills, buddy.”
- What’s a bird’s favorite Shakespeare play? Hamlet, because they love the line “To bill or not to bill…”
- The duck lost his job as a cashier. Apparently, he kept confusing the cash register for a nest and sat on the bills.
- My wallet feels so light… Must be all those bills flying away.
- The IRS called, they want their mascot back. Apparently, they miss Bill.
- What’s a bird lawyer’s favorite courtroom drama? Law & Order: Pecking Vicarously
- I saw a bird with a cast on its wing the other day. I asked what happened and he said, “Too many bills, man…too many bills.”
- My friend Bill has started investing in rare, collectible bills. He says it’s his nest egg.
Funny Bill One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Bill Jokes
- Bill claims he’s a self-made millionaire, but knowing his dad, I think he got some help with the billing department.
- My friend Bill said he wanted a job he could really sink his teeth into. I suggested becoming a dentist, but he just gave me the bill.
- Did you hear about the restaurant that only served bills? Their food was outstanding, but the service was paper thin.
- I saw a bill walking down the street in a trench coat. I thought, “That’s one shady invoice.”
- My therapist told me to face my bills. I think I’ll start by ironing them.
- They say money talks… but all mine ever says is “bill, bill, bill.”
- I tried explaining to my dog that bills aren’t chew toys. He seemed interested until he saw the balance due.
- I got a job at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, just to be closer to my money. Turns out, it all goes towards bills anyway.
- Bill Nye the Science Guy should do a series on personal finance. He could call it “Bill Nye the Bill Payer Guy.”
- I tried to pay my electric bill with a light bulb. They said that was unacceptable and handed me another bill.
- Just met a guy named Bill who collects rare and valuable bills. He’s a real money collector… literally.
- My bills pile up so high, they qualify as a fire hazard. Guess I’ll just tell the landlord they’re an art installation.
- I’m on a strict budget this month. I can only afford bills with low numbers on them.
- Always pay your bills on time. Unless, of course, it’s a restaurant bill and your date runs out on you. Then, by all means, chase after them.
Bill QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Bill
- Q: Why did the duck get a job at the bank? A: He heard they were ‘bill’ collectors.
- Q: What did the dad say to his son who wanted to be a stand-up comedian? A: “You better get ready to pay your dues, Bill.”
- Q: Why was the duck billed platypus always getting into trouble? A: He had a real problem paying his bill. You could say he was chronically ‘bill’ delinquent.
- Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope? A: “Stick with me Bill, and we’ll go places!”
- Q: Why did Bill take a compass to the beach? A: He wanted to find the ‘bill’owing waves!
- Q: What do you call a duck with a gambling problem? A: Bill bettington.
- Q: Why did Bill win the ‘Most Likely to Be Late’ award at school? A: He always paid attention, just on a ‘bill’ion second delay.
- Q: How did Bill know the ocean was friendly? A: It waved! Speaking of waves, have you seen the size of his phone ‘bill’? Talk about outrageous!
- Q: Why was the gardener so good at making money? A: He knew how to ‘bill’ his clients properly.
- Q: What music do pirates download illegally? A: “Yo ho ho, and a bottle of free Wi-Fi. ‘Bill’ can wait!
- Q: What did the calendar say to Bill after he complained about Monday? A: “Don’t worry, it’s just a ‘bill’ you have to pay every week.”
- Q: Why was the scarecrow so good at his job? A: Because he was outstanding in his field! But unlike Bill, at least he’s not outstanding on his credit card ‘bill’.
- Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A: A carrot. Speaking of carrots, I hear Bill owes someone a lot of “carrots” – if you know what I mean.
- Q: Why did the restaurant on the moon go out of business? A: It had no atmosphere…and Bill forgot his wallet.
- Q: Why did Bill bring a ladder to the bank? A: He wanted to check his savings… account ‘bill’board, of course!
Dad Jokes About Bill: Pun-Filled Quips
- “Did you hear about the duck who loved paying his bills early? He wanted to see his name on the “bill” board.”
- “My son Bill said he wants to be a comedian when he grows up. I told him, “Don’t quit your day job, Bill!” He still has to pay the bills, ha!”
- “I told my friend Bill he should become a lumberjack. I said, “With a name like Bill, you were born to handle lumber!”
- “What’s a bird’s favorite type of currency? A bill, of course!”
- “My wife asked me to explain our internet bill. It went right over my head!”
- “I saw Bill Shakespeare at the grocery store yesterday. He was buying a lot of quill… probably working on a new play.”
- “Never argue with a bill collector. They always have the final word.”
- “My buddy Bill lost his job at the bank. Seems he took the phrase “making it rain” a bit too literally.”
- “Why did the duck get a job at the Bureau of Engraving and Printing? He was a natural with bills.”
- “You know, I tried to pay my bills with positive thoughts once. Turns out the electric company isn’t very zen.”
- “Heard about the pelican who started a restaurant? He only accepts bills… preferably with fish on them.”
- “I tried to explain to my son that money doesn’t grow on trees. Then I remembered his allowance was tucked in my wallet.”
- “My wife got mad at me for losing all our money on a “sure thing” bet on a horse named Bill. Apparently, putting all your eggs in one basket is bad, even if the basket is named Bill.”
- “Saw a guy walking his dog while carrying a stack of bills. I asked him, “Rough day?” He said, “Nah, Fido just came into some money.”
- “What’s green and always comes back no matter how many times you try to get rid of it? Bills, unfortunately.”
Bill Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the duck get a job at the bank? Because he was good with his bill!
- What do you call a bill that likes to travel? A roaming charge!
- What did the dollar say to the five dollar bill? Hey! I’m Bill, too!
- Where does a bill sleep? In a cash register!
- Why was the bill sad? Because it was always being spent!
- What do you get if you cross a bill with a skunk? I don’t know, but it sure would stink to be in debt!
- What did the momma bill say to the baby bill? Don’t be a penny pincher!
- Why did the bill go to school? To learn its cents!
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! But they could play for bills!
- What has a neck but no head? A dollar bill!
- What’s a bill’s favorite sport? Basket-bill!
- What did the scissors say to the bill? I find you very attractive….Cut it out!
- How can you make seven even? Subtract the “S”! And you’ll have a bill!
- Why was the bill wrinkled? It was feeling old!
Bill Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Retirement is great! I finally have time to pursue my lifelong dream of collecting vintage unpaid bills. I call it my outstanding collection.
- Why did the elderly couple refuse to go on a second date to the haunted restaurant? They said the ghost kept trying to stick them with his death certificate bill.
- Remember when bills used to come in envelopes? Now they just pop up on my phone like unwanted relatives. I guess some things never change.
- I got a job offer to write overdue bill reminders. Apparently, I have a real knack for prose-testing.
- My doctor told me I needed to reduce my stress. Now if only my cable company could take the hint and reduce my bill.
- You know you’re old when your idea of a wild Friday night is finding an unopened bill at the bottom of the mail pile. The suspense is exhilarating!
- I saw a sign that said “Bills Paid Here.” So I asked, “For how long?”
- Why are pirates so bad at paying their bills? They always say “Aye, aye, Captain!” but never “I, I, paid!”
- They say money talks. But all my bills ever do is scream at me.
- My financial advisor suggested I diversify my portfolio. So I took his advice and started investing in… different colored envelopes to organize my bills.
- I tried to explain Bitcoin to my grandkids. They just stared at me like I was speaking ancient Greek. They obviously haven’t seen the size of my medical bills yet.
- My therapist told me to confront my biggest fear. So I went straight to the mailbox and opened all my bills at once. It was terrifyingly liberating!
- Retirement: Where your energy levels decline, but the cost of living doesn’t. They should call it “Bill-evance.”
Bill Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw a restaurant bill board advertising “Food so good, you’ll want to frame us!” I’m thinking… that’s a pretty expensive frame of mind. 🖼️🤑
- My friend named Bill said he wanted to become a comedian. I told him, “You’ve got potential, Bill, but you really need to work on your delivery.” 🎤👶
- Why did the duck get a bad credit score? He had too many outstanding bills! 🦆💳
- I tried to explain to my dog why he can’t pay with bones at the pet store… he just looked at me like I was barking mad. I guess you could say he didn’t get the bill. 🐶🦴
- Just got my internet bill… It was so high, I could barely see the total! 📶🤯
- My wallet is like an onion… opening it makes me cry. Especially when I see all those bills! 😭🧅
- You know you’re broke when your bank account starts ghosting you. It’s like, “New bill who dis?” 👻💸
- What’s the difference between a lawyer and a boxing promoter? A boxing promoter knows when to throw in the towel. A lawyer will bill you for it. 🥊💰
- Why is it so hard to trust atoms? Because they make up everything, even the bills! ⚛️🤥
- My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes… so I’m taking my unpaid bills out for a nice seafood dinner. They deserve a treat! 🦐🥂😅
- The electricity bill came in today. It was shocking! ⚡️😲 (Okay, maybe this one isn’t entirely new… but it’s a classic for a reason! 😉)
- If money talks, mine must be fluent in bye-bye. 👋💸
- My credit card company called about my balance. I told them, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that…” and hung up. Problem solved! 😎💳 (Disclaimer: Please don’t actually do this.)
- They say money can’t buy happiness… but have you ever tried paying your bills with hugs? Doesn’t work. 🤗💔
Bill We’ve Reached the End, Folks!
Well, there you have it, folks! A whopping 104+ jokes about bills that are anything but payable on sight! We hope this punny parade tickled your funny bone and didn’t leave you feeling billed out. But don’t stop here! Explore our website for more rib-tickling puns and jokes that are guaranteed to leave you in stitches.
