135+ Onion Puns & Jokes: You’ll Cry With Laughter
Get ready to laugh your onions off because this post is packed with the best onion puns and jokes about onions! 😂 We’ve got a hilarious list of clever puns and jokes about onions, perfect for kids and anyone who loves a good chuckle. Get ready for some positive vibes and some seriously funny onion humor – this is one root vegetable that’s sure to tickle your funny bone! 🧅
Top ‘Onion Jokes’ – Best Picks
- Why did the onion fail its driving test? Because it kept making everyone cry and couldn’t stay in its lane!
- What do you call an onion with a college degree? An intelli-onion!
- Why did the chef get rid of the crying onion? He just couldn’t stand the drama!
- Did you hear about the onion that joined the circus? It became a ring-leader!
- How do you make a crying onion laugh? You tickle its funny bone marrow!
- Why are onions such good storytellers? Because they have so many layers!
- My therapist told me to let go of my past. I can’t believe they want me to give up my onion ring collection!
- You know you’ve been chopping onions too long when… you start narrating your life story with dramatic pauses.
- What’s an onion’s favorite genre of music? Heavy metal! They love Iron Maiden!
- What’s an onion’s least favorite activity? Going to the gym. They hate all the cardio!
- Did you hear about the onion who was a suspect in a robbery? He had a watertight alibi!
- Why don’t they allow onions on cruise ships? They’re afraid they’ll start a mutiny!
- What did the onion say to the garlic at the party? “Hey, you look like you could use a clove!”
- What’s an onion’s favorite dance move? The “Cry-Baby” Shuffle!
- I used to work at an onion processing plant… but I quit, there was just too much pressure!
- Why did the onion cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
- What’s an onion’s favorite Shakespearean play? “Othello!”
- My friend tried to tell me onions are good for your eyesight… But I’m pretty sure they just make you cry harder.
- What do you call an onion that’s a bad loser? A sore loser-oni!
Clever ‘Onion Puns’ – Best Picks
- “You’ve got me crying onion tears of joy!” (For an overwhelmingly good onion dish)
- “This soup needs more onion. Said no one. Ever.” (For the onion lovers)
- “Feeling kinda shallot-y today. Might cry a little.” (Playing on “sorry” and the tear-inducing effect of onions)
- “Let’s be real, onion rings are just vegetable donuts.” (And we love them for it!)
- “What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!” (A little bonus pepper pun for good measure)
- “I tried to explain to my friend why onions are so complex…it was all going over his head.” (Subtle and clever)
- “My therapist told me to release my suppressed feelings. Guess I’ll go chop some onions.” (For the emotionally-constipated chef)
- “You can’t rush perfection, they say. Especially not when caramelizing onions.” (A truth every cook knows)
- “What do you call a fake onion? An im-posta!” (Wordplay at its finest)
- “Onions: the vampires of the vegetable drawer. They suck the life out of you…and your breath.” (Dark humor, anyone?)
- “I’m starting to think my significant other is an onion. Every time I peel back a layer, they make me cry.” (Deep, man, deep.)
- “My love for you is like an onion…multi-layered, pungent, and occasionally makes people cry.” (A unique way to declare your love)
- “I went to a restaurant that serves “all you can cry” onions. It was an emotional buffet.” (Where do we sign up?)
- “If you’re feeling lonely, just chop some onions. You’ll soon have plenty of companions…in tears.” (The perfect pick-me-up)
- “Don’t be sad that the onion festival is over. Be glad onion happened!” (Uplifting and punny)
- “You know you’re an adult when you get genuinely excited about finding a good deal on onions.” (Too real.)
- “Life is like an onion. You peel it one layer at a time, and sometimes you cry.” (Philosophical and punny!)
Funny ‘Onion One-Liner Jokes’ – Short & Funny Onion Jokes
- I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around… now I’m an onion ring.
- Did you hear about the onion that tried stand-up comedy? He kept bringing the house down, layer by layer.
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it to the movies. It loved the onion rings.
- What’s an onion’s favorite genre of music? Anything but the blues.
- You know you’ve chopped onions for too long when you start to tear up just thinking about your retirement plan.
- What do you call an onion with a college degree? An intelligent onion… or a scallion!
- Why did the onion fail its driving test? Because it kept making the instructor cry.
- I tried to explain to my friend the different ways to dice an onion, but he just wasn’t interested. Guess he wasn’t ready for that conversation.
- Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it was an onion. It’s okay, crying is natural.
- The life of an onion is like a Shrek movie – full of layers.
- What does an onion say when it wants a high five? Slap me five!
- You know you’re in love when someone’s breath could knock you out, but you still want to be close. Onions, man.
- My therapist told me to embrace my layers. So I ordered onion rings.
- Why did the onion get kicked out of the salad bar? Because he kept dressing himself.
- I’m starting a dating app for onions. It’s called “Farmers Only.”
- My friend said he wanted to live in a world without onions. I told him that was a pretty shallow dream.
- I just bought a self-peeling onion. It’s amazing! It’s like watching a magic trick, only with more tears.
- Why are onions such good storytellers? Because they have so many layers to their personality.
- An onion walks into a bar and says, “Hey, bartender, I’ll have a drink. And hold the tears!”
Onion QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Onion
- Q: Why did the onion fail its history test? A: It kept getting all the dates mixed up!
- Q: What did the onion say to the garlic at the party? A: You look absolutely stunning! Have you been working out? You’re one clove above the rest!
- Q: Why wouldn’t the restaurant serve onion rings? A: They said they were all out of loops!
- Q: What’s an onion’s favorite genre of music? A: Anything but heavy metal – it’s too tear-inducing!
- Q: Why did the onion get kicked out of the salad bar? A: It was causing quite a scene!
- Q: What do you call a fake onion ring? A: An im-poster!
- Q: How do onions celebrate New Year’s Eve? A: They have a ball…drop!
- Q: Why did the chef refuse to use the moldy onion? A: He didn’t want his food to go down in history!
- Q: What’s an onion’s least favorite dance move? A: The cut and spin!
- Q: Why did the onion cross the road? A: To prove to the chicken it wasn’t chicken!
- Q: What does a well-dressed onion wear to a party? A: A tunic!
- Q: What’s an onion’s favorite board game? A: Cry-opoly!
- Q: Why did the onion get a job at the bank? A: Because it was good with its layers!
- Q: What do you call an onion who sings? A: A tear-tenor!
- Q: What’s an onion’s favorite sport? A: Base-bulb!
- Q: Why was the onion always invited to parties? A: It knew how to really spice things up!
- Q: What do you call a group of onions playing music? A: A pungent symphony!
- Q: What did the onion say to the knife? A: “Hey! You’re really cutting me deep with that!”
- Q: What did the onion say after a long day? A: “I’m completely shallot-ered!”
Dad Jokes About Onion: Pun-Filled Quips
- Why did the onion fail its driving test? Because it kept making everyone cry and couldn’t stay in its lane!
- What do you call an onion with a college degree? An intelli-onion!
- I used to hate onions, but then I grew a peel-ing.
- My son asked me to take him to the onion festival… I told him, “No way, it’s tearable!”
- Did you hear about the onion that went to art school? It specialized in still-lifes.
- What’s an onion’s favorite genre of music? Blues…because it makes them sad.
- You know, I’m like an onion… Full of layers, and occasionally make people cry.
- I saw an onion ring at the jewelry store yesterday. It was looking at engagement rings!
- Why don’t onions ever tell secrets? Because they have so many layers!
- My wife asked if I put onions in the guacamole. I told her, “I haven’t a peeled.”
- I tried to explain to my son why onions are round… But he just wouldn’t shallot.
- What’s an onion’s favorite dance move? The Salsa!
- I tried to make onion rings wearing 3D glasses… Turns out they were just regular onion rings.
- What do you call it when an onion wins a race? An onion-believable victory!
- Why did the chef add extra onions to the dish? He wanted to give it more flavor layers.
- I told my friend all my problems while chopping onions… Turns out, I really needed to vent-ilate.
- I used to work in an onion factory… It was tearable having to quit.
- My kid asked me how long it takes to grow an onion… I said, “No thyme to cry about it now!”
Onion Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the onion fail the math test? Because it kept getting all the problems wrong-ion!
- What did the onion say to the garlic at the party? “Hey there, you must be my long-lost clove!”
- Why are onions such good dancers? Because they have got layers!
- What do you call a sad onion? A cry-baby onion!
- Why did the onion get kicked out of the band? Because it had too many layers and couldn’t keep the beet!
- What do you call an onion that makes music? A rock and roll-onion!
- Where do onions go to dance? The onion ball!
- How do you make a crying onion laugh? You tickle its funny bone-ion!
- What does an onion wear to a wedding? An onion ring, of course!
- Why did the onion get a job at the bank? Because it was good with its layers of security!
- What’s an onion’s favorite sport? Baseb-onion!
- What did the mommy onion say to the little onion? “Lettuce be friends with the tomato!”
- What’s an onion’s favorite genre of music? Pop! Because they’re always saying “pop!” when you cut them.
- What’s an onion’s favorite school subject? Lunch! Especially when onion rings are served!
- What do you call it when an onion wins a race? An onion-victory!
- Why did the onion blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- What’s an onion’s favorite type of book? A tear-jerker!
- Why are onions so good at keeping secrets? Because they’re always in layers!
Onion Jokes and Puns for Adults
- Why did the restaurant critic give the French onion soup a bad review? It was a little to oniony.
- You know you’re an adult when… Your idea of a wild Saturday night is finding a perfectly caramelized onion on your pizza.
- An onion walks into a therapist’s office and says, “Doc, I’m feeling so layered and complex. Everyone keeps trying to peel away my walls.”
- My therapist told me to embrace my emotions, so I hugged an onion. We both cried.
- I went speed dating last night. Met a really nice onion farmer. Turns out, he was a total keeper.
- My love life is like an onion… Most of the time it’s just me crying over layers of past mistakes.
- What do you call an onion who’s also a lawyer? A sue-do chef.
- I used to work at an onion processing plant, but I quit. The pay was low and the atmosphere was toxic.
- You know you’re getting old when… You can’t remember if you took the onion out of the fridge or if you’re just crying over your life choices.
- What’s an onion’s favorite genre of music? Blues.
- My friend tried to tell me onions are the only food that make you cry. I threw a coconut at him.
- I tried to explain to my date that I’m sensitive, like an onion. He just rolled his eyes and said, “Yeah, you make me cry too.”
- Did you hear about the onion that went to acting school? He’s trying to get into drama.
- Being a vegan is easy, they said. They obviously haven’t tried making a decent burger without onions.
- What’s worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Finding half an onion in your cocktail.
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it. Preferably with onions.
- Dating apps are like onions. Lots of layers, a high chance of tears, and you often end up wondering why you bother.
- My doctor told me I need to incorporate more greens into my diet. So I added more onions to my pizza.
- Life is like an onion. It’s full of layers, and you cry a lot. But hey, at least you can make onion rings with the bad parts.
Onion Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Other Social Media
- Just saw an onion ring in the gym. I thought to myself, “That’s some serious onion strength training!” 💪🧅
- What do you call an onion that’s a hopeless romantic? A shallot weepy boy. 🥺🧅
- You know you’ve chopped onions for too long when… you start tearing up just thinking about them. 😭🧅
- My therapist told me to cry more. So I’m starting a new diet. All onions, all the time. 😭🧅
- Why did the onion fail the audition? Its performance was too dramatic. 🎭🧅
- Why did the chef refuse to make anything with the tiny onion? He said it wasn’t even trying. 🙄🧅
- How do you make a crying onion laugh? Tell it a good yolk! 😂🧅
- My friend said, “Onions are the only food that makes me cry.” So I threw a coconut at his face. 🥥😳
- What does a fashionable onion wear? A scallion belt. 🧣🧅
- You’re looking sharp! Thanks, I just got onioned. 😎🧅
- Don’t worry, be happy! Unless you’re an onion being prepped for dinner. 😅🧅
- What’s an onion’s least favorite day of the week? Fry-day. 😰🧅
- Why did the onion cross the road? Nobody knows. It’s a mystery for the ages. 🧅🚶♂️❓
- What do you get from a pampered onion? A spoiled shallot! 👑🧅
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Onion. Onion who? Onion you glad to see me? 😊🧅
- Why don’t they allow onions on cruise ships? They’re afraid they’ll start a shallot. 🛳️🧅
- I met a girl at the farmer’s market; we were instantly attracted to each other. Turns out, it was just the onions again. 😔🧅
Onion-dering what to read next? Peel out of here!
Well, that’s all for our onion puns and jokes – we hope we didn’t make you cry too much with laughter! If you’re still hungry for more hilarious puns and jokes, peel yourself away from this page and explore the rest of our punny website. We’ve got a whole harvest of humor waiting to be discovered!
