145+ Cocktail Puns & Jokes to Quench Your Funny Bone

ByRabia Noreen & Team

🍸🍹 Looking for the best way to spice up your next party? Get ready to shake things up with some hilarious cocktail puns! 😂 This list of clever and funny jokes about cocktails is sure to get you laughing. From “gin-ius” wordplay to “rum”-believable punchlines, we’ve got the perfect blend of humor to entertain adults and (maybe, just maybe) some jokes for kids, too! 😉 Get ready for some “positively” intoxicating fun! 🎉

Top ‘Cocktail Jokes’ – Best Picks

  1. Why don’t they serve cocktails at banks? Because they’re trying to avoid a run on the mojitos!
  2. What’s James Bond’s favorite cocktail ingredient? The element of surprise.
  3. What did the bartender say to the lime? “You’re looking sour tonight!”
  4. What’s a bartender’s favorite musical? Anything Goes!
  5. Did you hear about the bartender who lost his job? He was caught shaking things up a little too much.
  6. I went to a party thrown by a mime last night. The cocktails were great, but the conversation was a little flat.
  7. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a cocktail. “Hey, how much is that?” he asks the bartender. The bartender smiles and says, “For you? No charge!”
  8. Why did the olive stay at the bottom of the martini glass? He was holding on for dear life!
  9. I’m writing a dissertation on the history of cocktails. It’s intoxicating research!
  10. What do you call a cocktail party for ghosts? A spirits gathering!
  11. Did you hear about the bartender who quit his job to become a lawyer? Now he’s serving justice, one cocktail at a time.
  12. Two tequila shots walk into a bar… You know what? It gets fuzzy after that.
  13. I only drink cocktails on two occasions: When I’m thirsty, and when I’m not!
  14. What’s a pirate’s favorite cocktail? A Sea Breeze, of course!
  15. A grasshopper walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper replies, “Really? You have a drink called a Steve?”
  16. Why did the daiquiri blush? Because it saw the gin fizz!
  17. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  18. I’m on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it!
  19. I told my bartender I was looking for a drink to help me forget about my problems. He said, “We don’t serve that much alcohol*!”
Ultimate list and collection of Best Cocktail Jokes and Puns, One-liners, Dad Jokes, Funny Quotes, and Captions - Discover engaging and humorous content at PunnyHub.com

Clever ‘Cocktail Puns’ – Best Picks

  1. Feeling pine-full of regret after last night’s cocktails? This drink is called “The Apologizer.”
  2. This cocktail is like a pirate’s treasure chest… full of rum!
  3. Can’t decide between sweet or sour? Don’t worry, be happy – order this cocktail!
  4. This margarita is so good, it’s practically got its own fan club!
  5. Life is too short for boring drinks. Spice things up with this cocktail!
  6. Warning: This cocktail may cause spontaneous fits of dancing.
  7. This drink is called “The Adulting.” It’s basically juice, but with booze.
  8. This cocktail is stronger than my willpower to resist dessert.
  9. This drink is proof that anything can be improved with a little tequila.
  10. Forget therapy, I’ll take another one of these cocktails instead.
  11. I’m not sure what’s in this cocktail, but I’m pretty sure it’s magical.
  12. This drink is like a vacation in a glass… with a splash of alcohol.
  13. Warning: Side effects of this cocktail may include uncontrollable laughter and excessive use of emojis.
  14. This drink is so good, it should be illegal. (Don’t worry, it’s not.)
  15. You know what rhymes with Friday? Cocktails.
  16. Feeling stressed? This cocktail is like a hug in a glass. A really, really strong hug.
  17. I’m not saying this cocktail will solve all your problems, but it’s a good place to start.
  18. Don’t worry, this cocktail is on the approved list for my “imaginary diet.”
  19. This drink is the perfect balance of sweet, sour, and “I’m an adult, I do what I want.”
  20. Life’s too short for bad cocktails. Cheers to this one!
Related:  91+ Tooth Fairy Jokes & Puns: You Can't Handle the Tooth!

Funny ‘Cocktail One-Liner Jokes’ – Short & Funny Cocktail Jokes

  1. I tried to make a cocktail with whiskey and coffee… Turns out it was already taken: Irish Coffee.
  2. My therapist told me to avoid alcohol for a month… Worst 30 cocktails of my life.
  3. My doctor said I need to drink less, so I switched to cocktails… They’re basically just juice, right?
  4. What do you call a cocktail made with rum and regret? A Moji-doh!
  5. Did you hear about the bartender who lost his job? He just couldn’t cut it in this economy.
  6. I only drink cocktails on two occasions: When I’m thirsty and when I’m not.
  7. I told my date I only drink socially… Then I ordered a whole round of cocktails for the bar.
  8. I’m writing a book about all the cocktails I’ve had… It’s called “Tequila Mockingbird.”
  9. What’s a bee’s favorite cocktail? A Bee’s Knees, of course!
  10. What’s Dracula’s favorite cocktail? A Bloody Mary, obviously.
  11. My bank account after a night of cocktails? More like a “mocktail” hour.
  12. What’s a cat’s favorite cocktail? A Fuzzy Navel.
  13. Why did the cocktail blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  14. I’m not addicted to cocktails… We’re just in a very committed relationship.
  15. You know you’ve had too many cocktails when… You start seeing double and spending triple.
  16. I’m on a seafood diet… Every time I see food, I eat a cocktail.
  17. I’m not sure what’s in this cocktail, but I’m pretty sure it’s making my problems disappear.
  18. Life’s too short for boring drinks… Have a cocktail!

Cocktail QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Cocktail

  1. Q: What did the introverted cocktail say? A: “Leave me alone, I’m feeling mixed up as it is.”
  2. Q: Why did the cocktail rush hour start late? A: There was a bit of a traffic jam in the shaker!
  3. Q: What do you call a cocktail that’s been in a fight? A: A bruised screwdriver!
  4. Q: What’s a bartender’s favorite musical? A: “Anything Goes!”
  5. Q: How do you tell if a cocktail is lying? A: It’s got that “proof” in it!
  6. Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite cocktail? A: A “Boo”-sberry Daiquiri!
  7. Q: Why did the cocktail get lost in the library? A: It was looking for the “wine” section, but ended up in the “spirits.”
  8. Q: What do you call a cocktail party for computer programmers? A: A LAN party with a splash of JavaScript!
  9. Q: What did the lime say to the cocktail shaker? A: “Hey, shake things up a bit!
  10. Q: Why don’t they serve cocktails at school dances? A: They’re afraid the punch might get spiked!
  11. Q: What did the beach say to the cocktail? A: “Long time no sea! You look absolutely stunning.”
  12. Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite cocktail? A: A Sea Breeze, but they call it “Plunder in a Glass!”
  13. Q: What do you call a cocktail made with rum and a bad sense of direction? A: A “Lost” Mojito!
  14. Q: Why did the cocktail go to the doctor? A: It wasn’t feeling very well-mixed!
  15. Q: What’s a gardener’s favorite cocktail? A: A Bloody Mary, especially when they have a tomato stake!
  16. Q: Why did the detective order a Martini? A: He liked his cocktails shaken, not stirred, just like the clues!
  17. Q: What do you call a cocktail that’s always getting into trouble? A: A real “spirit” animal!
  18. Q: Where do fruits go to have a good time? A: A cocktail party, they love to let their hair down!
  19. Q: Why are cocktails always invited to parties? A: They know how to “liquor” up the mood!

Dad Jokes About Cocktail: Pun-Filled Quips

  1. I told the bartender, “I’ll have a cocktail with a twist.” He looked confused, then gave me a glass of orange juice and spun me around.
  2. I tried to come up with a cocktail pun, but I just drew a blank. Maybe I need a little inspiration…or a stiff drink.
  3. My wife asked me to make her a “surprise” cocktail. So I put a little umbrella in her usual drink! She wasn’t amused.
  4. What do you call a cocktail party for dogs? A yappy hour!
  5. A bartender walks into a library looking for a book about cocktails. The librarian whispers, “They’re in the spirits section.”
  6. What do you call a lazy kangaroo bartender? A pouch potato!
  7. Why don’t they serve cocktails at the bank? Because they’re trying to avoid a run on the mint!
  8. Why is it so hard to talk to a pirate while he’s making a cocktail? He keeps getting lost in the rum-inations!
  9. I wanted to open a bar called “Deja Brew” where every cocktail is served twice. But then I thought, “Nah, been there, done that.”
  10. What’s Dracula’s favorite cocktail? A Bloody Mary, extra bloody!
  11. Why did the olive go swimming in the martini? Because it was feeling salty!
  12. What’s a ghost’s favorite cocktail? Anything with a little “boo”-ze in it!
  13. I ordered a cocktail with gin, vermouth, and a pickled onion. The bartender said, “That’s a Gibson, right?” I said, “No, this one’s for me!”
  14. Why did the cocktail go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t feeling well-mixed!
  15. A horse walks into a bar and says, “Hey, I’ll have a Cosmopolitan.” The bartender raises an eyebrow and says, “That’s a pretty strong drink for a horse.” The horse replies, “Well, I’m a thorough-bred!”
  16. I asked for a “Sea Breeze” cocktail, but they gave me a “Bay Breeze” instead. I guess you could say I got blown off course.
  17. How do you make a “Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall” cocktail? I have no idea, but it sounds interesting! Better ask your mother…
Related:  90+ Hocus Pocus Puns & Jokes: You'll Say, "Yabba Dabba Brew!"

Cocktail Jokes and Puns for Kids

  1. Why did the orange juice blush when it saw the cocktail shaker? Because it knew it was about to get shaken, not stirred!
  2. What’s a baby cow’s favorite cocktail? A moo-jito!
  3. Why did the strawberry get grounded after the party? It was caught sneaking sips from the straw-berry daiquiri!
  4. What do you call a cocktail made by a cat? A meow-tini!
  5. Why did the pineapple get fired from the tiki bar? He kept forgetting the umbrella in the pina colada!
  6. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say “banana” and make you a smoothie instead?
  7. What’s a ghost’s favorite cocktail? A spook-tail!
  8. Why don’t they serve cocktails at the library? Because it’s supposed to be quiet!
  9. What do you call a clumsy bartender? A shaker and a spiller!
  10. What’s a pirate’s favorite cocktail? A Sea-breeze!
  11. Why don’t they let teddy bears make cocktails? They get too bear-footed in the kitchen!
  12. How do you make a water slide more fun? Add water and call it a slip-and-slide-quiri!
  13. What do you call a cocktail party for dogs? A yappy hour!
  14. Why don’t they allow sharks at cocktail parties? They’re always looking for a little bite!
  15. What do you call a cocktail made with lemonade and sunshine? A summer-tini!
  16. Why did the cookie go to the cocktail party? It wanted to be a choco-tini!
  17. What’s a sheep’s favorite cocktail? A baa-hama mama!
  18. What do you call a cocktail that’s been in the freezer too long? A brain-freeze-rita!

Cocktail Jokes and Puns for Adults

  1. Why did the bartender refuse to serve the time traveler a Manhattan? Because he knew he was already hammered from all the cocktails he’d be having later.
  2. I told the bartender I wanted something sophisticated and strong. He said, “Got it. You must be a Hemingway fan,” and handed me a daiquiri. I guess you could say things got Farewell to Arms pretty quickly.
  3. You know, I tried to explain to my therapist that my love for cocktails is a serious problem. He just looked at me and said, “I think you’re getting your drinks mixed up with your issues.”
  4. I got kicked out of a bar last night for trying to order a “Freudian Slip.” Apparently, it’s not socially acceptable to ask for a “sex on the beach” with “mommy issues.”
  5. A bartender walks into a library looking for a book on the history of cocktails. The librarian whispers, “It’s in the spirits section… but keep it down, will ya?”
  6. What do you call a cocktail made with tequila and existential dread? A “Tequila Mockingbird.” One sip and you’ll be questioning the meaning of life… and lime.
  7. My doctor told me to cut back on the sugary cocktails. Now I just drink martinis and contemplate the bitterness of life. It’s basically the same thing, right?
  8. Why are bartenders always so calm and collected? Because they know how to handle their liquor…and your existential crisis.
  9. My new year’s resolution was to give up cocktails for good. But then I realized, why should I deny myself the finer things in life… like gin?
  10. I went to a cocktail party for introverts the other day. Turns out, it was just me, sitting in the dark, silently judging my drink choices.
  11. A friend told me I should try this new cocktail called the “Existential Crisis.” It’s basically just a shot of tequila served in an empty glass.
  12. What’s a bartender’s favorite philosophical question? “To be shaken or stirred?”
  13. I tried to order a “Midlife Crisis” at the bar. The bartender just sighed and handed me a double scotch and a therapist’s business card.
  14. I used to think drinking cocktails was a bad habit. Then I realized, it’s not a habit, it’s a hobby… an expensive, slightly debilitating hobby.
  15. They say money can’t buy happiness. But it can buy you a really, really good martini, and honestly, that’s pretty much the same thing.
  16. Why don’t they serve cocktails in hell? Because it would be considered a cruel and unusual punishment to give someone a hangover that never ends.
  17. What do you call a group of bartenders having a philosophical debate? A “pour-over” conversation.
  18. I tried to have a serious conversation with my friends at the bar last night. It was going well until someone ordered the tequila shots and things got progressively less coherent.
  19. You know you’ve had one too many cocktails when… you start telling the bartender your life story and he’s actually pretending to listen.
Related:  97+ Fork Jokes & Puns: You'll Dig These! 🍴 😂

Cocktail Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Other Social Media

  1. Just got cut off at the bar. Guess I reached my limitation cocktail. 🍸
  2. My therapist told me to shake things up. So, I ordered a cocktail. 🤷‍♀️🍹
  3. What’s a bartender’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat! 🎧🥁
  4. Drinking a rum cocktail while on a video call. You could say it’s a virtual happy hour. 💻🍹
  5. My dating life is like a poorly made cocktail: a little bitter with a twist of lime. 🍋😔
  6. Did you hear about the bartender who won an award? He was really shaken! 🏆😳
  7. Life is too short for boring drinks. Spice it up! …Or add some pepper if that’s your thing. 😉🌶️
  8. What’s a ghost’s favorite cocktail? A spook-tail! 👻🍸
  9. My bank account after a night out for cocktails: “We’ll gin and tonic about that.” 💸😭
  10. I only drink cocktails on days that end in “y”. Oh wait… 😅🥂
  11. Me trying to make a fancy cocktail at home like the bartender does. It’s a pour decision every time. 🤦‍♀️🍹
  12. What do you call a cocktail that’s been in a fight? A bruised Mary. 🤕🍅
  13. Relationship Status: Single and ready to mingle… with a good cocktail. 🙋🍸
  14. Sipping on a Moscow Mule. Feeling copper and ready for anything! 💪🍹
  15. Cocktail: The only “C” word I want to hear on a Friday night. 🙌🎉
  16. Don’t worry, be hoppy. And if that doesn’t work, have a beer cocktail! 🍺😊
  17. “I’m not drinking tonight,” I said… before winking and ordering a mocktail. 😉🍹
  18. Just found out my favorite cocktail is named after a city I’ll never be able to afford to visit. 🍹✈️😭
  19. Started my diet today. It’s called the “One-Drink Diet”. One drink…that happens to be a massive cocktail. 🍹😂

Shake Up Your Vocab: Pun Intended 😉🍸

We’ve reached the bottom of our glass (hic!) but don’t worry, the laughter doesn’t have to stop here! For more intoxicatingly funny puns and jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, shake up your browsing routine and head over to our website. Cheers to endless amusement!

Rabia Noreen & Team

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

Similar Posts