135+ Pirate Puns & Jokes: You’ll Be Hooked!
Ahoy there, me hearties! ⚓️ Get ready to embark on a hilarious journey through the seven seas of humor with the best pirate puns and jokes this side of the Caribbean! 😂 This treasure chest of jokes about pirates is packed with witty wordplay and side-splitting gags for kids and landlubbers of all ages. So hoist the sails and get ready for a fun-filled adventure with this list of clever and positive pirate jokes! 😄
Top ‘Pirate Jokes’ – Best Picks
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? Plank-ing!
- Why don’t they let pirates play golf? They spend too much time in the water hazard!
- What do you call a pirate who’s always losing his battles? Captain Loses-a-Lot!
- Why is it so hard to understand a pirate? They talk like they’ve got a mouthful of booty!
- How do pirates communicate? Aye-to-aye!
- What does a pirate say on his birthday? “Shiver me timbers, it’s me birth-aye!”
- Why did the pirate get rejected from the blood drive? They said his blood type was too salty!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You might think it’s “R”, but it’s the “C”!
- Why did the pirate bring a rope to the bar? He wanted to tie one on!
- What kind of ship does a pirate dentist work on? A tooth-ferry!
- Why are pirates such bad singers? They always drop the anchor note!
- What does a pirate use to style his hair? A plunder-dryer!
- How do you make a pirate angry? Take away the “p”!
- Why did the pirate cross the road? To get to the second-hand shop!
- Why did the pirate bury his treasure under the slide? He wanted to go on a treasure hunt when he dug it up!
- What happened when the pirate played the trumpet? He went from buccaneer to bandleader!
- Where do one-legged pirates park their cars? In the dis-able-d bay!
Clever ‘Pirate Puns’ – Best Picks
- Why did the pirate go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw his sword.
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? Dear (It’s something they dread).
- Why don’t pirates take showers before they walk the plank? They wash up on shore later anyway.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? Plank-ing!
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? He was sitting on the deck.
- Why did the pirate get fired from his job at the library? He kept checking out books by their covers.
- How did the pirate win the singing competition? He hit all the high Cs.
- Why are pirates so good at poker? They have a great poker face… and a bluff-ercoat!
- What do you call a pirate who loves to knit? A loopy buccaneer!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of tea? Bootylicious blend.
- Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house!
- Why did the pirate bring a rope to the bar? He heard they had a great tie-d selection!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Sea shanties!
- What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
- How much did the pirate pay for his corn? A buccaneer! (a buck an ear!)
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! Wait… wrong list!
- Why did the pirate go to the Caribbean? He wanted a little rum for his tummy!
- What do you call a pirate who’s always losing his battles? Captain Defeat-ed!
- Why did the pirate break up with his girlfriend? She said he was always “shippin'” out on her.
Funny ‘Pirate One-Liner Jokes’ – Short & Funny Pirate Jokes
- Why don’t pirates say the alphabet all the way? They get lost at sea.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? The plank.
- Did you hear about the pirate who went to art school? He loved to draw his cutlass.
- Why did the pirate go to the Caribbean? He was looking for a-rrr-uba.
- How do you make a pirate furious? Take his treasure, one piece at a time.
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? Rrrrr… you think it’s R, but it’s actually the silent P!
- Why are pirates such bad singers? They always drop the chorus.
- I met a pirate with a steering wheel down his pants… I asked, “Isn’t that uncomfortable?” He said, “Aye, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
- Why did the pirate quit his job? He was tired of the high seas.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Sea shanties.
- What does a pirate use to style his hair? A plunder-dryer.
- Why are pirates so good at poker? They have a great poker face… and a hook!
- My wife told me to take the spider webs down instead of using them as pirate decorations… I told her she was being ridiculous!
- What’s a pirate lawyer’s favorite courtroom maneuver? The “plea-bargain-ing”.
- Why are pirates called pirates? They just arrrrr!
- What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved!
- I told my wife to dress up like a pirate for our date night… She said, “Aye, aye, captain!” Now I’m worried.
- I tried to explain to a pirate why his business would fail… But he was too busy running it up the mast.
- Where can you find a pirate who lost his wooden legs? Right where you left him.
- How do pirates know they are true pirates? They just feel it in their bones… or lack thereof!
Pirate QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Pirate
- Q: Why did the pirate go to art school? A: He wanted to learn how to draw his sword!
- Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? A: Plank-ing!
- Q: Why don’t pirates ever take showers? A: They prefer to say they “washed up” on shore.
- Q: Where did the pirate park his car? A: In the car-ribbean!
- Q: Why did the pirate crew get lost? A: Their captain was always dropping the compass!
- Q: What do you call a pirate who sells fake glass eyes? A: A con-eye-ver!
- Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite type of tea? A: Bootylicious blend!
- Q: What music do millennial pirates listen to? A: Post-Ma-roon 5.
- Q: What do you call a pirate who loves to gamble? A: A high-stakes buccaneer!
- Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate ship? A: Nothing, it just waved!
- Q: Why did the pirate get fired from his job at the library? A: He kept trying to book people for mutiny!
- Q: How did the pirate fix his ripped clothes? A: With a patch, of course!
- Q: What does a pirate use to style his hair? A: A swash-comb!
- Q: How do pirates communicate? A: Aye-to-aye!
- Q: Why are pirates such good singers? A: They can hold a tune… for ransom!
- Q: What do you call a pirate who always finds treasure? A: A lucky dog! (Or should we say, a lucky parrot?)
- Q: What kind of birthday cake do you get for a pirate? A: One with a “sea-cret” message inside!
- Q: Why did the pirate cross the ocean? A: To get to the other tide!
- Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? A: Aye! It’s always “Aye”!
- Q: What’s a pirate’s worst nightmare? A: Running out of scurvy gummies!
Dad Jokes About Pirate: Pun-Filled Quips
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? Plank-ing!
- Why don’t pirates take showers before they have to walk the plank? They’ll wash up on shore later anyway.
- I told my wife we should try dressing up as pirates for Halloween. She said, “Aye, aye, Captain!” So I guess that means I’m stuck finding my own parrot.
- What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? “Aye Matey!”
- Why are pirates so good at poker? They always have an ace up their hook.
- How did the pirate get his ship so cheap? It was on sail!
- My son wanted a pirate themed birthday, but I couldn’t figure out the cake. Then it hit me!
- Why are pirates such bad singers? They always drop the anchor note.
- Where do pirates keep their gold? In a yarrrrrd sale!
- My pirate friend always stresses about the future. I told him, “Don’t worry, it hasn’t been written yet!”
- Why did the pirate go to the Apple store? He needed a new iPatch!
- My wife wanted a romantic pirate getaway, so I booked us a trip on a car ferry. Now she’s saying I’m a little shippy.
- Why did the pirate refuse to learn the alphabet? He kept getting lost at “C”.
- You know, pirates are actually very religious… they pray for good booty!
- How do pirates know they’re true friends? They’ve been through thick and thin stripes!
- What does a pirate get when he suffers from hayfever? A buccaneer!
- Why can’t you trust atoms? Because they make up everything, even pirate ships!
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his pants. The bartender says, “Hey, you know you have a steering wheel on your pants?” The pirate replies, “Arrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
Pirate Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the pirate go to the Apple store? To get a new “i-Patch”!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Sea shanties!
- Where do pirates keep their valuables? In a treasure chest of drawers!
- Why are pirates such good singers? They can hit the high Cs!
- Why don’t pirates ever take a bath before they have to walk the plank? They just wash up on shore!
- What does a pirate say on his birthday? “Shiver me timbers, it’s me birthday!”
- What do you get if you cross a pirate and a dentist? Tooth decay!
- Why did the pirate bring a rope to the baseball game? He wanted to tie up the score!
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? He was sitting on the deck!
- What does a pirate use to surf the internet? A “C” drive!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You might think it’s “R”, but it’s the “C”!
- Why did the pirate quit his job? Because he was board!
- Why is it so hard to understand pirates? They talk in code-fish!
- How do pirates send secret messages? By sea-mail!
- What kind of money do they use in Pirate School? Pieces of eight!
- What happened when the two pirates got in a fight? They had a plank-off!
- What did the ocean say to the pirate ship? Nothing, it just waved!
- How do pirates know they are pirates? They think, therefore they ARRRR!
- Why did the pirate go to the bank? To get his pirate-tential checked!
Pirate Jokes and Puns for Adults
- Why did the pirate break up with his girlfriend? Because he kept saying “she’s the only treasure I need” but then kept eyein’ up buried chests on every island!
- You know those motivational posters pirates have? It’s always “Seas the Day” with a picture of a looted merchant vessel. Bit on the nose, if you ask me.
- Heard about the pirate who retired and became a lawyer? Now he specializes in Pier-acy law. Makes a killing, apparently.
- What’s the most confusing part of dating a pirate? Figuring out if they’re being genuinely sweet or just trying to get their hands on your…booty.
- Why are pirates such terrible singers? Because they always drop the high C’s!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite yoga pose? Plank pose, of course. Gotta keep that core strong for plunderin’.
- My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes… So I went and got a peg leg, an eyepatch, and started demanding grog at the local pub.
- Why are pirates always wanting more? Because they’re driven by that insatiable sea-ker mentality!
- Ever notice how pirates are always so well-hydrated? Must be all that high-sea-drated water they drink.
- I asked a pirate for directions to the bank… He just laughed and said, “Matey, we are the bank!”
- The life of a pirate is full of ups and downs… Mostly ups, once you’ve climbed aboard a fully-loaded galleon, that is.
- Why don’t pirates ever win at poker? Because they always end up showing their blunder.
- Dating a pirate is tough… Especially when you realize all their compliments are just cleverly disguised pirate-up lines.
- I’m writing a romance novel about a pirate captain… It’s called “Love in the Time of Scurvy.” Bit niche, I know.
- Why do pirates hate going to therapy? They can never get to the root of their is-sues.
- The pirate captain tried to motivate his crew with a rousing speech… But they just stared blankly and said, “Sorry Cap’n, we’re a bit board.”
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Sea shanties…what else?
- Heard about the pirate who got arrested for downloading music illegally? Turns out, sharing really is piracy.
- Life as a pirate: Not all it’s cracked up to be. Unless, of course, you’re cracking open a treasure chest full of gold doubloons. Then it’s pretty alright.
Pirate Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Other Social Media
- Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore later.
- Just saw a pirate with a steering wheel in his pants. Talk about a waist of space!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? You might think it’s “R,” but it’s actually the “C” (sea)!
- My wife told me to take the spiderwebs down from our pirate-themed decorations. I told her she was being ridiculous, she knew I wanted to run them through the holidays!
- Yo ho ho and a bottle of… kombucha? Looks like someone joined the healthy pirate crew.
- Dating a pirate is all fun and games… Until you have to fight a kraken over who gets the last shrimp on talk-like-a-pirate day.
- You know you’ve gone too far down the pirate TikTok rabbit hole when… You start craving rum ham at 3 am.
- What does a vegan pirate say? “Sea-No-Evil!”
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
- Just saw a sign that said “Pirate Parking Only. Violators will be marooned.” Sounds like a risky place to park your car-ribean.
- Did you hear about the pirate who became a gardener? He specializes in “arrr”-omatic herbs.
- Why are pirates such bad singers? They always drop the anchor note.
- Always remember the five essential pirate spices: Salt, pepper, cumin, nutmeg, and a pinch of plunder.
- Why did the pirate go to the Apple store? He heard they had iPatches for his iEye!
- That pirate captain sure runs a tight ship… Too bad he can’t find his keys anywhere.
- I’m starting to think my parrot is actually a pirate in disguise… He keeps trying to make me walk the plank I built for my kid’s birthday party.
- What do you get when you teach a pirate to meditate? Aware and present… booty!
- I told my friend to dress like a pirate for Halloween, so he dressed like a piece of gold. I guess he missed the memo, he was supposed to be dressed to be plundered!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise? Plank walks!
- Why is it so hard to get a pirate to confess? They’ve all got their own buried secrets!
Ahoy, That’s All for Now, Matey! 🦜💀😂
Ahoy there, matey! We’ve reached the end of our treasure map of pirate puns and jokes. But don’t be a landlubber! There be plenty more hilarious puns and jokes to plunder on our website. So hoist the sails and navigate your way to more punny adventures!
