Sail Into 105+ Captain Jokes, Puns: A Bounty of Laughs
Ahoy there, mateys! 👋 Ready to embark on a hilarious journey across the seven seas of humor? 🌊😂 This one’s for all you landlubbers who love a good pun, especially those about the fearless leaders of the ship: Captains! ⚓ We’ve assembled the best list of captain jokes and puns, clever enough to impress even the saltiest sea dog, but still ship-shape for kids. So batten down the hatches and get ready to laugh, because this collection is shore-ly something special! 🤣
Top Captain Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the captain bring a ladder to the ocean? He heard the tide was high!
- Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore later!
- What’s a captain’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good “sea” shanty!
- How do you make a pirate angry? Nothing, you just have to insinuate it!
- What happens when a ship gets sick? It goes to the doc!
- Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? He was sitting on the deck!
- Why did the ocean get so angry? It was constantly being crossed!
- What does a nosey pepper do on a ship? It gets jalapeno business!
- Where do jellyfish sleep? On the ocean bed!
- What does an ocean do when it sees its friends? It waves!
- You know what’s remarkable about sloops? They’re knot as fast as you think.
- What does the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waves!
- Why are pirates such bad singers? They always drop anchor in the middle of a song.
- Why did the new pirate struggle with the alphabet? He kept getting the “C” and the “R” mixed up.
- What kind of ship is too big to put in a bottle? A relation-ship!

Clever Captain Puns – Best Picks
- Why did the pirate captain get voted “Most Likely to Succeed”? Because he was always out-standing in his field!
- This ship is sailing terribly! “Don’t blame me,” the Captain said, “It’s the navigate-or miss attitude.”
- A pirate captain just won an award for his clean ship! They said he really scrubbed the poop deck.
- I tried to make a reservation at the fanciest seafood restaurant in port. But the maître d’ said they were full. “No ship!” he told me.
- What’s a pirate captain’s favorite type of tea? Looti-Boo-Tea!
- Did you hear about the pirate captain who retired? Now he spends his days re-telling all his favorite boat-tles from his career.
- The new pirate captain is making me walk the plank! Well, that’s just board.
- Why are pirate captains such good singers? Because they can hit the high Cs!
- That lifeboat looks awfully familiar. “Are you shore?” asked the Captain.
- Why don’t they play poker on pirate ships? Too many cheaters, and too many decks!
- I once met a pirate captain with a rubber toe. He said he lost his toe in a horr-toe-ble battle.
- What’s a pirate captain’s favorite letter to write? Aye!
- What happened to the clumsy pirate captain? He kept falling for the oldest trick in the book!
- A storm’s brewin’, Captain! “Don’t worry,” the Captain said. “We’ll weather it.”
Funny Captain One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Captain Jokes
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his pants. The bartender asks, “Hey, what’s with the wheel?” The pirate replies, “Arrr, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
- What kind of ship do ghosts use? A phantom sloop.
- The new captain was nervous about his first time steering a ship, but the crew told him, “Don’t worry, it’s just like riding a bike… only if bikes weighed 50,000 tons!”
- Heard about the sea captain who became a gardener? He really knows his shrubs!
- How did the ocean liner break up with the tugboat? It said “Tug you later!”
- Why did the captain bring a ladder to work? He wanted to climb the ranks!
- What’s a captain’s favorite coffee? Cap-puccino.
- Never ask a captain what their favorite fish is… they’ll say “All of them!”
- Why are pirates such bad singers? They always drop anchor notes!
- Being a ship captain is easy – it’s just like riding a bike. Except your bike is on fire, and the water is on fire, and… well, everything’s on fire!
- My friend said he wanted to be a ship captain, but he couldn’t handle the pressure. I guess you could say he just wasn’t cut out for the high seas.
- Our captain’s so superstitious, he won’t let anyone say “banana” on board… it’s completely bananas!
- A pirate captain always makes sure to keep his treasure close and his arrr-mies closer.
Captain QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Captain
- Q: Why did the captain bring a ladder to the ocean? A: He heard the sea level was rising!
- Q: What did the ocean say to the captain after a rough day? A: “Don’t worry, captain, it’s just water under the bridge… literally!”
- Q: Why did the pirate captain get sent to his cabin? A: He kept telling the crew to “Walk the plank-ton!”
- Q: What music does a ship’s captain listen to? A: Anything but dub-step!
- Q: How did the captain know he was about to be attacked by pirates? A: He could see their sloop-shots on Instagram!
- Q: What’s a captain’s favorite type of tea? A: Captain’s Brew, of course!
- Q: Why was the captain always covered in glitter? A: He loved going to boat-lesque shows!
- Q: Why did the captain get a job at the bank? A: He was great at managing in-vest-ments!
- Q: What kind of car does a sea captain drive? A: A Ship-aru!
- Q: What does a captain use to style his beard? A: A tide comb!
- Q: Did you hear about the introverted captain? A: He loved to sail-o!
- Q: Why don’t they play poker on pirate ships? A: Too many Captains and not enough mates!
- Q: How do you make a pirate captain angry? A: Take away the “p” in his alphabet soup!
- Q: What did the captain say when his ship started sinking? A: “Well, ship happens!”
Dad Jokes About Captain: Pun-Filled Quips
- I wanted to be a ship captain, but I realized I lack the quali-tees.
- Why did the captain bring a ladder on board? He heard the bar was set really high.
- That captain sure knows his knots! He must have studied knot-ology.
- You could say the pirate captain runs a tight ship, but everyone’s always walkin’ the plank!
- You can’t trust atoms. They make up everything, even the captain!
- What’s a captain’s favorite drink? A plane-colada!
- A seagull landed on the captain’s head. He said “Ahoy there, feathered friend! Enjoy the view from my perch!”
- Never tell a captain your secrets. They always get spread across seven seas.
- I saw a ghost captain playing the piano. He must have been a specter-cular musician.
- The captain walked into the grocery store and said, “Ahoy! Where do you keep your arti-choke hearts?”
- This cruise ship is amazing! They even have a coffee shop for captains… It’s a cappu-ccino the high seas!
- What’s a pirate captain’s favorite letter? You might think it’s ‘R’, but it be ‘C’.
Captain Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the pirate captain go to the bank? To get his booty!
- How do you make a pirate captain angry? Take away the “p” and make him a plain ol’ captain!
- What’s a captain’s favorite letter to write? Sea, of course!
- Where does a pirate captain park his car? In the car-ribbean!
- Captain, captain, what’s green and has a treasure chest? I don’t know, what? A pirate’s booger! (Don’t tell your mom I said that!)
- Why did the captain get lost on the ship? He kept following the “C” on his compass!
- Captain, captain, I see a ship on the horizon! Aye, and what’s its nationality? It’s a Tuna-sian ship!
- Knock, knock… Who’s there? Captain. Captain who? Captain Obvious! rolls eyes playfully
- Why was the pirate captain a good student? He was always captaining new information!
- What music do pirate captains listen to? Sea shanties!
- Why are captains bad at poker? Because their ships are always going down!
- What did the ocean say to the captain? Nothing, it just waved!
- Knock, knock… Who’s there? Cereal. Cereal who? Cereal-sly Captain, we have a problem! makes a funny surprised face
- What kind of ship do ghosts use? A sub-marine-ghost!
- Why did the captain bring a ladder to the ocean? To climb up the waves!
Captain Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the retired captain refuse to learn Spanish? He said he was too old to be learning a new language – he was already at mast-ery level with English!
- A pirate captain walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his fly. The bartender says, “Hey, you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?” The pirate sighs, “Arrr, it’s driving me nuts!”
- Two old captains are reminiscing about their glory days. One says, “Remember when we used to chase those fast trading ships?” The other replies, “Ah yes, those were the sail-good times!”
- What’s a captain’s least favorite coffee shop? Starbucks. They always get his name wrong and call him “Cap-tain.”
- An elderly captain, known for his bad decisions, is navigating a treacherous storm. His first mate says, “Captain, shouldn’t we be heading towards the lighthouse?” The captain replies, “Nonsense! What could a lighthouse tell us that our years of experience can’t?”
- Why did the captain bring a ladder to the casino? He heard the stakes were high!
- You know you’re getting old when… the only time you’re referred to as “Captain” is when you’re ordering a senior discount at the diner.
- Two old captains are playing chess on deck. One says, “Your queen is in jeopardy!” The other replies, “She’s been married to me for 40 years, she’s used to it.”
- What’s the difference between a captain and a philosopher? One sails the seas and the other sees the sails. But really, they both just go around in circles.
- Retirement is tough for a captain. He can’t tell if it’s the sea air he misses or if his wife is just always giving him that “pier pressure.”
- Why don’t they have casinos on cruise ships anymore? Because the captains were always accused of rigging the games!
- A captain is telling his grandson about his daring adventures at sea. “Grandpa,” the boy says, “were you ever boarded by pirates?” The captain sighs and pats his knee, “Son, at my age, every day is like being boarded by pirates.”
- What’s the difference between a captain and a bad golfer? One goes down with his ship, the other goes around with his.
- Doctor: I’m afraid I have some bad news. You have a rare disease caused by decades of sea travel and grog consumption. Captain: “Well blow me down! What’s it called?” Doctor: “Pier-iodontal disease.”
Captain Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Why did the pirate captain get rejected from the library? He kept trying to check out books with his hook.
- What’s a space captain’s favorite cheese? Moonchester!
- You know you’ve messed up when the ship’s captain starts looking for a plank… and you’re not a piece of wood. 😅 #nervouslaughter
- Why was the captain feeling emotional on the sloop’s anniversary? It was a sentimental journey.
- Heard the pirate captain lost his treasure map… Now he’s just sailing aimlessly. 😂 #punny
- Why did the ghost pirate make a terrible captain? He was always a little trans-parent. 👻 #halloweenhumor
- Captain’s log, day 42: Ship raided, crew mutinied, parrot escaped… At least the snacks are still good. 👍 #relatable
- Never ask a pirate captain their age… They tend to lie about it. 😉 #piratelife
- Looking for love on a pirate dating app. My bio says “seeking First Mate”… Hopefully, it helps me navigate the dating pool! #onlinedating
Ahoy, That’s All for Ship-tickling Puns!
Ahoy there, matey! We’ve reached the end of our pun-derful journey, but don’t abandon ship just yet! There’s a whole ocean of hilarious puns and jokes waiting to be discovered on our website. So, hoist the sails and navigate your way to more laughter. Don’t be a landlubber, dive in!