145+ Drink Puns & Jokes: You’ll Totally Sip On That.
Get ready to laugh your water bottle off! 😂 This isn’t your average grocery list of puns, this is the ultimate, most hilarious collection of drink puns and jokes about beverages – seriously, it’s the best! 😉 Whether you’re a kid or just a kid at heart, get ready for some seriously clever and positive humor. So grab your favorite drink (or don’t, we don’t judge!), get comfy, and prepare for some pun-derful fun! 😄
Top ‘Drink Jokes’ – Best Picks
- Why don’t they serve beer at math parties? Because you can’t drink and derive!
- You know, I started out as a bartender… But it was just too soda-pressing. I needed a change.
- What’s the most dependable drink? Water, it’s always on tap!
- Why did the coffee go to the police? It got mugged.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food is good, but it has absolutely no atmosphere. Speaking of which… let’s get another round!
- I got a job at a factory that makes orange juice. Turns out, I’m not cut out for that concentrate.
- Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressing!
- I used to be addicted to sparkling water… But I kicked the bubbly habit.
- I went to a seafood restaurant and the waiter asked me, “Do you want your calamari fried or battered?” I said, “I’ll take it however it wants. It’s your pour choice!
- Why don’t they allow vampires in bars? They’re always sucking the fun out of everything. Another round? It’s my blood type.
- I got into a fight at a smoothie bar… I only threw one punch before they banana split*.
- How do trees get on the internet? They log in. Speaking of which, this party is off the chain!
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot. Speaking of orange… can I get you something to drink?
- Why did the hipster burn his mouth on his coffee? Because he drank it before it was cool.
- I tried to explain to my friend why throwing a glass of water on someone is wrong… But it was like talking to a brick wall. They just didn’t get it!
- I used to be addicted to soap… but I’m clean now. Another round? Don’t worry, the first one is on me.
- What did the bartender say when oxygen walked into the bar? “Hey! You’re cut off!”
Clever ‘Drink Puns’ – Best Picks
- “I’m writing a dissertation on energy drinks. I’m really amped about it.”
- “What did the bartender say to the hesitant customer? Take your time, it’s not going to rye away.”
- “I used to be addicted to soda, but I’m trying to kick the can.”
- “Why did the beer go to the doctor? It wasn’t hoppy.”
- “What do you call a fake noodle in your soup? An impasta… Drink up!”
- “My doctor told me to drink more, so I’m drowning my sorrows in tea.”
- “I tried to make a smoothie without any fruit. It was a missed-smoothie.”
- “What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved… Can I get you a drink?”
- “Never laugh at someone who spills their drink. It’s a sip-uation they didn’t want.”
- “What’s a vampire’s favorite drink? A bloody Mary, but they only have it one night a year.”
- “I went to a party that was themed after fruit punch. It was quite the punchline.”
- “I’m starting a band called ’10 Things I Hate About You’. We’re mostly a cover band.”
- “Where do milkshakes go to dance? A malted milk ball… Can I get you something to drink?”
- “What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry. But hey, have a drink and cheer up!”
- “My friend tried to make a drink out of ink and paper. It was a terrible draft. I stuck to beer.”
- “What’s a pirate’s favorite drink? I don’t know, it’s hard to tell what their wine-ing about.”
- “I saw a sign that said ‘Watch for beverage carts.’ I thought, that’s a tea-riffic idea!”
- “What did the bartender say when I asked for something stronger? This isn’t a library, you can’t whiskey-per.”
Funny ‘Drink One-Liner Jokes’ – Short & Funny Drink Jokes
- My New Year’s resolution was to drink less, but I’m two months behind schedule. 🗓️🍻
- What do you call a bear that drinks beer? A beer-y good time! 🐻🍺
- I only drink on two occasions: When I’m thirsty and when I’m not. 🤷♂️🥂
- My doctor told me to take my medication on an empty stomach. So I had a drink, it seemed rude not to! 💊🍷
- I tried to explain to my friend the difference between whiskey and whisky, but he just wouldn’t listen. He’s Scotch deaf. 🥃👂
- I’m writing a book about the downsides of drinking. It’s hard to put down. 📚🚫🍻
- Why did the coffee go to the police? It got mugged. ☕👮♂️
- What’s a pirate’s favorite drink? Root beer floatin’ on the seven seas. 🏴☠️🍺🌊
- My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So I’m going to go hug a bottle of tequila. 🤗🥃
- I started a band called “10 Beers Short”. We haven’t gotten very far. 🍺🥁🎤
- You know you’re addicted to coffee when you start smelling like a fresh pot every morning. ☕👃
- My doctor told me to reduce my stress levels, so I switched from wine glasses to fishbowls. Problem solved! 🍷🐠
- Drinking orange juice after brushing my teeth is like a war crime for my taste buds. 🍊🦷💥
- I tried to pay for my drinks with a rain check. The bartender said, “Sorry, there’s no chance of that.” 🌧️🚫
- What did the ocean say to the ice cube? “Just chill, dude.” 🌊🧊
- Why did the can crush the recycling bin? Because it was soda-pressing! 🥫💥
- I wanted to open a bar called “Karma”, but there’s no menu. You just get what you deserve. 🍹🤨
Drink QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Drink
- Q: What did the thirsty calendar say to the pitcher of lemonade? A: “Hey there, I’ve got my eyes on you-ly!”
- Q: Why did the bartender refuse to serve the ghost a drink? A: He could tell it was already spirits.
- Q: What do you call a cow who just finished a marathon? A: De-calf-inated.
- Q: Why don’t they serve alcohol at math parties? A: You shouldn’t drink and derive.
- Q: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? A: The food was good, but it had no atmosphere.
- Q: What does an Italian ghost always order at the bar? A: A spook-etti and meatballs!
- Q: How do you make a water bed bouncier? A: Use spring water!
- Q: Why did the man put his money in the blender? A: He wanted liquid assets!
- Q: What kind of tea do hockey players drink? A: Penal-tea!
- Q: What do you call a bear without teeth drinking soda? A: A gummy bear!
- Q: Why did the juice box blush? A: Because it saw the salad dressing!
- Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit to add to their drink? A: Blood oranges, of course!
- Q: What did the ocean say to the beach? A: Nothing, it just waved. But if you listen closely, you can hear it saying, “Have a drink on me!”
- Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? A: Too many cheetahs…and they all want a sip of your drink!
- Q: How do trees get on the internet? A: They log in. Then they usually order root beer online!
- Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: A pouch potato…who probably just wants to be left alone with his iced latte.
- Q: What did the coffee report to the police? A: A mugging!
- Q: What do you call it when a dinosaur spills its drink? A: A Mesozoic spill!
- Q: Why did the coffee go to the police? A: It got mugged!
Dad Jokes About Drink: Pun-Filled Quips
- I wanted to open a bar called “Deja Brew.” But I gave up on the idea. I thought, “Nah, been there, done that.”
- Why did the coffee go to the police? It got mugged.
- My doctor told me to drink eight glasses of water a day. I’m starting to think he’s all wet.
- I tried to order a beer for my friend who’s a mime, but the bartender said, “He’ll have to tell me himself.”
- Why don’t they serve beer at a math party? You can’t drink and derive.
- What did the ocean say to the thirsty beach? Nothing, it just waved.
- My friend said his new job was stressful, so he quit cold turkey. I told him he should have quit cold brew instead.
- You know what I find really appealing? A good glass of apple juice. Get it? Apple-ing?
- Why is it so hard to trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Especially my drinks.
- I got into a fight with some coffee beans this morning. They really espresso-ed themselves.
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it to the bar for a drink.
- What do you call a thieving fruit juice factory? A smoothie operator!
- Why do bartenders love serving mathematicians? They always know their limits!
- My new year’s resolution was to drink less, but I’m not going to whine about it.
- What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business! Especially yours when you’re having a drink.
- What’s the most emotional beverage? Coffee, because it feels like a hot one.
- I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around. Now I’m addicted to iced tea.
- My therapist told me I have a problem with alcohol. I told him to hold my beer while I go get a second opinion.
Drink Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the orange juice laugh? Because it was full of zest!
- What did the baby bottle say to the mama bottle? Hey! What’s up, sippy?
- What do you call a cow’s favorite drink? A moo-licious milkshake!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the juice boxes, you load up the car!
- Why did the apple juice get in trouble at school? Because it kept getting graded on its a-peel!
- What’s a vampire’s favorite drink? A Bloody Mary… without the Mary!
- Why don’t they serve chocolate milk at school dances? Because it’s always trying to do the milkshake!
- What did the water say to the ice cube? Let’s chill later!
- What do you call a sad strawberry in a glass of water? Feeling blue!
- Why did the juice box get a job? Because it said it could concentrate!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite drink? Arrrrnold Palmer!
- What do you call it when a dinosaur spills its drink? A mezozoic spill!
- Why did the lemonade stand close down? Because it ran out of juice!
- My dad told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So, I took it to the movies and bought it a soda. Hope it wasn’t a thriller!
- What does an Italian ghost like to drink? Spook-etti and ghoul-ash!
- Where do ants go for a drink? The nearest micropub!
- I tried to make orange juice out of artificial oranges this morning. But I couldn’t concentrate.
- What kind of milk do you get from a forgetful cow? Re-mem-b-rrr milk!
- My friend tried to convince me that Sprite and 7-Up are the same thing. I told him, “They’re practically identical!”
Drink Jokes and Puns for Adults
- Why did the bartender cut off the mime? He kept ordering “drinks” in silence, but it turned out he was just thirsty for attention.
- My doctor told me to drink more, so I sent him a picture of me at the bar. He hasn’t responded, guess he needs a stronger prescription.
- I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around. Now, I’m just addicted to drinking on an empty stomach.
- Dating a bartender is fun… until you realize their idea of a “sweet nothing” is literally just an empty shot glass.
- I met a guy at a bar who said he was a time traveler. I was immediately smitten. Finally, someone who could buy me a drink before last call!
- What do you call a group of stressed-out bartenders? A shaken cocktail party.
- I’m writing a book about all the hidden dangers of alcohol. It’s a real page-turner… mostly because my hands are always shaking.
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it to the bar and got it drunk.
- Why did the can of soda go to rehab? It had a problem with “drinking” on the job.
- “I only drink on two occasions,” said the man to his concerned friend. “Oh yeah? When?” “When I’m thirsty, and when I’m not.”
- My New Year’s resolution was to drink less. Now, I just drink faster to fit it all in before midnight.
- They say tequila makes you see double… Weird, I’m pretty sure I came here alone.
- My friend said he was going to start drinking responsibly. I guess that means he’s finally learned how to operate a brewery.
- “I’m not an alcoholic,” I said to my reflection in the mirror. “That’s exactly what an alcoholic would say,” slurred my reflection.
- My liver hates me, my lungs despise me, my brain is begging for a break… But my heart? My heart just booked us a one-way ticket to the Bahamas.
- Alcohol is a lot like duct tape: It fixes everything… temporarily.
- I’m on a new seafood diet. Every time I see food, I drink!
Drink Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Other Social Media
- What did the thirsty router say to the modem? “Hey, wanna go grab a byte to drink?”
- My New Year’s resolution was to drink less. Guess it’s back to the drawing board… of beers.
- What do you call a bear without teeth that walks into a bar? A gummy bear looking for a soft drink.
- Just saw a sign that said “Watch for Drinking Birds.” How do they hold the tiny glasses?
- I tried to explain to my drink it was over between us… but it just kept getting absorbed in the conversation.
- My doctor told me to drink more water each day. I think he’s trying to drown my sorrows.
- They say money can’t buy happiness. They’ve clearly never experienced a well-crafted cocktail.
- Two guys walk into a bar. You’d think the second one would have ducked. Especially if they were there for the “all you can drink” special.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, especially excuses to grab a drink.
- My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So I’m going to the bar to hug the bartender who keeps mixing my drinks wrong.
- I went to a zoo with just one dog in it. It was a shih tzu. The bartender there said, “Want a drink? We’ve got a lot of dog beers.”
- I used to be addicted to soap. But I’m clean now. Now, it’s just coffee. Don’t judge.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. Good thing I brought her a drink to calm her down.
- My friend said to me, “Let’s go get drunk and make some bad decisions.” I replied, “Hold my beer, I’ve got this.”
- I’m starting a band called “1023 Megabytes.” We haven’t gotten a gig yet, but we’re hoping to get signed soon. We’re going to call our first album “I drank a gigabyte and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”
- Why did the can of soda lose the fight? Because it was easily crushed under pressure.
Sip, Sip, Hooray! You’ve Reached the Bottom of the Glass.
We hope these drink puns and jokes quenched your thirst for laughter! If you’re still feeling parched for more punny fun, be sure to check out the rest of our hilarious website. We’ve got puns and jokes on tap, so belly up to the bar and get ready for another round of laughs!
