91+ Crush Jokes & Puns: Feel the Funny Crush!
Get ready to laugh your socks off because we’ve got the best crush jokes this side of the internet! 😂 This list of funny puns and clever quips is perfect for kids and anyone who’s ever had a crush (so, basically, everyone!). 💖 Get ready for some seriously hilarious humor, because these jokes are sure to crush it! 🎤
Top Crush Jokes – Best Picks
- What did the ocean say to its crush? “I lava you a latte!” 🌊☕
- My friend said he wanted to write a song about his crush… I told him to compose himself! 🎶😌
- What did the limestone say to the Geologist? “Hey! Don’t take me for granite, but I think I have a crush on you.” 😉🪨
- If you’re ever feeling down, just remember… Somewhere, there’s a can struggling to contain its soda crush. 🥤🥰
- I think my crush is a dictionary… Because she’s adding meaning to my life! 📚😄
- I have a huge crush on a girl who works at the bank… I think I need to make a deposit in the love department. 🏦💖
- My crush is really good at math… She must have figured out she’s the one for me! 🔢😘
- Why should you always take your crush to the art museum? Because that’s where you’ll find the finest works of art… and maybe work up the courage to talk to them! 🎨😊
- My friends keep making fun of my crush on the barista… But I don’t care, I still think she makes a mean cup of love! ☕❤️
- What do you call a bunch of grapes in love? A crush of grapes, of course! 🍇🥰
- How do trees in love hold hands? They pine for each other! 🌲💕
- My crush is like a parking ticket… Every time I see her, my heart skips a beat! 😉💓
Clever Crush Puns – Best Picks
- I tried to tell my crush I had feelings for them, but the words just got bottled up. (Get it? Like a soda crush!)
- What does a socially awkward fruit punch say to their crush? “Hey… wanna be my main squeeze? … No pressure.”
- I think my crush is a parking ticket… because they’ve got “fine” written all over them.
- I had a dream I was crushing grapes with my crush. It was… a pretty grape dream.
- I asked my crush what their favorite soda was. They said, “I don’t have one.” Sounds like they’re open to being crushed. (Smooth, right?)
- My crush is like a fine wine… I’m getting bolder with every glass.
- What’s the difference between me and a juice box? Someone actually wants to have a crush on me. (Ouch, but funny!)
- I tried playing it cool around my crush, but I think I accidentally froze them out. (Whoopsie!)
- My crush is like a dictionary… they add meaning to my life. (Awww…)
- What did the orange say to their crush? “We’re soda-lightful together!”
- My crush asked me what my favorite drink was. I said, “Anything you make me.” I think they found it grape-ful.
- I’m crushing on this new juice bar. It’s really stolen a pizza my heart.
Funny Crush One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Crush Jokes
- I’m crushing on this new girl at school… hope I don’t make a fool of myself when I try to talk to her soda pressing machine.
- What did the orange say to its crush? We’re such a great pear!
- You must be limestone, because you’re really rockin’ my world. (Sedimentary rock – get it?)
- I’d say you’re the apple of my eye, but I’m trying to play it cool so you don’t think I’m bananas for you.
- I had a dream we were married, and then I woke up and came crashing back to reality.
- Forget Spiderman, Superman, and Batman. I’ll be YOUR man.
- I’m trying to write a song about our love… but it’s hard to find the right words to express how grape you are.
- This may sound cheesy, but I think you’re grate.
- Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you. But seriously, you should probably pay attention to me instead.
- My friends keep telling me to tell you how I feel… So here it goes: I have a huge crush on you-cumber.
- Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see… and the only one I want to see.
- I think I’ve fallen for you… And I’m not talking about tripping in the hallway.
- If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber… and I’d still be too nervous to talk to you.
- I tried to write a love poem for you, but I got lost in your eyes. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
- Do you like raisins? How do you feel about a date? 😉
Crush QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Crush
- Q: What do you call a very small crush? A: A micro-wave of my heart!
- Q: What does a pastry chef do when they have a crush? A: They whisk them off their feet!
- Q: How do trees ask their crushes to prom? A: They wood you be-leaf we’re a perfect match?
- Q: What did the ocean say to the beach when it had a crush? A: I’m so shore of my feelings for you!
- Q: Why are ghosts such bad secret admirers? A: Their feelings are always transparent!
- Q: What did the shy lightbulb say to its crush? A: I’m feeling awfully drawn to you.
- Q: How do you tell if a vampire has a crush on you? A: They’re always staring, but their heart doesn’t beat for you.
- Q: My crush is a judge! What should I do? A: I’d say the ball is in your court!
- Q: Why did the pickle get rejected by his crush? A: She said he was kind of a dill!
- Q: Why did the comedian bomb when he tried to talk to his crush? A: He couldn’t read the room, let alone her signals!
- Q: My crush is an entomologist, what’s a good pickup line? A: Hey, are you studying butterflies? Because I swear you give me butterflies! (Classic, but sometimes you gotta stick with what works!)
- Q: How do bees deal with rejection from their crush? A: They just shrug and say, “Oh well, honey, another one will come along!”
Dad Jokes About Crush: Pun-Filled Quips
- My son asked me how to impress his crush. I told him to start with a strong opening line: “Hey, I’m writing a book about the history of glue. Stick around, I’m sure you’ll find it interesting!”
- My daughter said her crush is crushing on someone else. Looks like someone else is crushing it.
- I used to have a huge crush on this girl who loved grapes. Turns out, the feeling wasn’t mutual.
- I told my wife her new perfume smells like our honeymoon. She asked, “Why, because it’s exotic and intoxicating?” I said, “No, because it cost me an arm and a leg.”
- What does a crush who loves Halloween wear? A ghoul-friend!
- My son told me he wanted to write a song for his crush…about soda. I said, “Make sure it’s pop-ular!”
- Did you hear about the recycling plant worker who married his crush? It was love at first cycle.
- I saw my daughter all dressed up. I asked, “Who are you trying to impress?” She said, “No one, Dad!” I said, “Right, then you should wear that outfit when you meet your crush.”
- What concert is a crush’s favorite? A crush-endo!
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved. Kinda like my crush did to me this morning!
- Why can’t Monday lift Saturday and Sunday? It’s a weak day. Unlike my crush, she’s strong!
Crush Jokes and Puns for Kids
- What does a queen do when she has a crush? She asks them to be throne with her! 👑
- What did the ocean say when it saw the beach? Nothing, it just waved! 🌊😄
- My friend said his crush was as bright as the sun… I told him not to look directly at her, or he’d get a sunburn! 😎
- What do you call a dinosaur’s crush? A dino-mite situation! 🦖💖💥
- What did the shy pebble say to its crush? I think you rock! 😉
- My friend took a photo of his crush throwing a snowball… He said it was a nice shot! ⛄📸
- Why did the banana get sent to the principal’s office? Because he was caught peeling at his crush! 🍌🤭
- What did the Valentine’s card say to the crush? I’m card-inally yours! ❤️💌
- Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his Valentine’s Day card? He wanted to make it sweet for his crush! 💌🍭
- My friend said his crush was like a dictionary… Because she defined amazing! 🤩📚
- What did the tree say to its crush on Valentine’s Day? Leaf me alone, I’m pine-ing for you! 🌲❤️
- What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling, especially when it comes to love potions! 🧙♀️🧪💖
- What did the ghost say to its crush? You really boo-tified this place! 👻🥰
- How do trees express their feelings? They branch out and tell them! 🌳💌
Crush Jokes and Puns for Elders
- I think my chiropractor has a crush on me… He’s always asking me to come back and see him again soon. (plays on the double meaning of chiropractic adjustment)
- Dating at our age is interesting. It’s less “Netflix and chill” and more “Ambien and a will.” (plays on the common stereotypes of older adults and dating)
- I joined a dating site for seniors. So far, I’ve had two women fight over my profile picture… turns out, it was my wife and my probation officer. (plays on senior dating and past mischief)
- My grandkids keep asking me how to find someone special. I tell them, in my day, we didn’t have the internet. We went outside, and if someone caught your eye, you just married their roommate out of spite. (plays on the “good old days” and exaggerated relationship drama)
- Having a crush at our age is weird. My heart races, my palms sweat, then I remember I need to pee. (plays on the physical sensations of excitement overlapping with aging)
- I saw my old flame at the grocery store… or maybe it was just the heartburn medication kicking in. (plays on “old flame” and the realities of digestive issues)
- My crush just complimented my youthful appearance. I told him, darling, this is what panic attacks disguised as a hot flash looks like. (plays on beauty and aging anxieties)
- You know you’re old when your idea of a romantic evening is finding someone who takes the same blood pressure medication. (plays on shared experiences in later life)
- I finally worked up the courage to tell my crush how I feel… but then his nurse told me visiting hours were over. (plays on senior living situations and missed opportunities)
- My friend told me I should write a romance novel about senior dating. I told him, honey, by the time I describe the characters’ medications, we’ll be on page 300 and nothing will have happened. (plays on the stereotype of long-winded storytelling and the realities of aging)
- I asked my crush out for a drink, but she said she was seeing someone. Turns out it was an ophthalmologist, but I appreciate the honesty. (plays on the double meaning of “seeing someone”)
- Remember love letters? Now it’s all “u up?” at 2 a.m. with emojis that look like ancient hieroglyphics. (plays on the differences in communication styles)
- My crush asked me what my biggest weakness was. I said, “Honesty.” He laughed and said, “I don’t think that’s a weakness.” I replied, “I don’t care what you think.” (plays on self-deprecating humor and confident responses)
- I joined a dating app for people who love to complain. Turns out, it’s just my building’s community message board. (plays on the stereotype of seniors loving to complain)
- I asked my crush if they believed in love at first sight, or should I walk by again with my hearing aids in? (plays on hearing loss and flirting)
Crush Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw my crush driving a garbage truck… Guess I really am trash for them.
- My attempt at flirting is so bad, I could turn a “crush” into a “crushed spirit.”
- Is it still called a “crush” if they completely crush your self-esteem every time they walk by? Asking for a friend.
- My therapist told me to deal with my crush by writing them a letter and then burning it. I’m not sure it’s working, but at least now I have their attention every time the fire alarm goes off.
- What do you call it when a fruit basket falls in love? A fruit crush.
- Tried to slide into my crush’s DMs, but I think I tripped and accidentally liked a picture from 2015.
- My love language is gift-giving. So far, I’ve given my crush several awkward glances and a lot of stammering.
- I’d tell you who my celebrity crush is, but you’d probably get jealous. They’re a really big dill.
- Relationship Status: Eating a family-sized bag of chips and pretending it’s not because my crush didn’t text back.
- Do you think oranges get anxiety when they get put in a juicer? Asking for a friend who is kind of crushing on someone.
- I’m so smooth, I can turn a crush into a relationship by simply tripping over my own feet and accidentally kissing them. Disclaimer: Results may vary.
- Just saw my crush walking down the street. I was going to say hi, but then my brain reminded me that I’m basically a walking, talking disaster zone.
- Me: “I have a new crush.” My bank account: “Oh no, not this again.”
- Crush: “I like bad boys.” Me: trips and spills coffee all over myself “You called?”
Don’t Crush It! Share These Puns 😉
Hope these crush jokes helped you work up the courage to talk to your crush… or at least provided enough laughter to mask the pain of unrequited love. For more chuckle-worthy puns and jokes, explore the rest of our punny website. You’ll be crushing the humor game in no time!
