109+ Baptism Puns & Jokes: Holy Water You Laughing At?!
💦 Dive into the holiest water this side of the Jordan River – we’re talking about the best baptism jokes and puns, folks! 😂 Ready to add some clever humor to your next baptism celebration? 🎉 Whether you’re looking for knee-slappers for kids or 🤪 hilarious puns that’ll have the whole congregation giggling, this list of funny baptism material is guaranteed to make a splash! 💦
Top Baptism Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the baby cry during his baptism? He thought the priest was giving him a water boarding.
- What did one ocean say to the other ocean about the baptism? “Looks like we’ve got a new wave of believers.”
- Where do they baptize cats? In the River Jordan Free.
- Why are baptisms so holy? Because they’re full of spirit.
- Why did the preacher wear scuba gear to the baptism? He wanted to go deeper into his sermon.
- What’s a baptism’s favorite genre of music? Christian rock!
- I saw a sign that said, “Baptisms performed while you wait.” Sounds a little risky, I’d rather they dunk me in properly.
- You know you’re at a long baptism when… you start understanding what the fish are saying.
- What do you get if you cross a baptism with a magic show? A disappearing act you have to believe in.
- Why did the baptism interrupt the preacher? Because he kept saying, “And with this water…” and the baptism was getting impatient!
- What did the river say after the baptism? “Well, that was refreshing.”
- Heard about the priest who was also a bodybuilder? He made quite the splash at baptisms.
- I tried to baptize my cat in holy water… It just made him holy mackerel.
- What did the shy water say to the priest at the baptism? “I’m feeling a little nervous, is this my first time?”
- Why are photographers always calm at baptisms? They know everyone will be getting a new profile picture.
Clever Baptism Puns – Best Picks
- I’m starting to think this baptism is taking too long. The preacher is really milking it for all it’s worth.
- What do you call a penguin who’s unsure about baptism? A lukewarm-itarian.
- Someone stole all the holy water from the church! Police say it’s a clear case of baptism robbery.
- That priest’s sermons are so captivating, even the baptismal font was converted.
- Breaking News: Local bakery to start selling “Holy Donuts” after a baptism of fire destroys their previous inventory.
- That baby cried so much during the baptism, we thought they were going to have to use holy-tears instead of water!
- My friend says he found enlightenment at the bottom of a baptismal font. Sounds like a load of holy water to me.
- You can say a lot of things about this church, but you can’t deny they have a killer baptismal font.
- This heatwave is so intense, I saw a bird using the baptismal font as a bird bath-tism.
- The church installed a new, high-tech baptismal font. They say it’s all the rage-tism.
- The priest told me I needed to be more font-ly in my approach to baptism.
- I’m starting a new band called “The Holy Rollers,” and our first album is called “Baptism of Cool.”
- Those monks are so devoted, they get up at dawn every day for baptism meditation.
- I tried to convince the church to replace the baptismal font with a slip-n-slide. They weren’t buy-tism it.
Funny Baptism One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Baptism Jokes
- They asked the baby how he liked his baptism. He just gave them the silent treatment.
- I’m starting to think the pastor’s lost his touch, he used to baptize in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit, now it’s just a quick “sink or swim.”
- My friend said he found baptism incredibly moving. I guess being carried to the altar as a baby will do that to you.
- I tried to baptize my cat the other day… turns out they’re already holy terrors.
- Apparently, there’s a new sparkling water brand called “Baptism Water.” It’s making quite a splash.
- They say with baptism comes great responsibility… mostly to stay dry for the photo op.
- Heard about the priest who was a terrible driver? He kept accidentally baptizing people at the carwash.
- The pastor asked the congregation to turn to the book of Revelations for a reading on baptism. I guess he wanted us to have a deep dive.
- I wanted to be baptized in chocolate milk, but the church said that was heresy.
- My friend told me she wanted a destination baptism in the Dead Sea. I told her that was pushing it a bit.
- The baby looked surprised during his baptism. I guess you could say he was all like “holy water, Batman!”
- Just saw a sign that said “Drive-thru baptism.” Seems a little shallow to me.
- They’re calling the baby’s baptism a “splash hit” – guess they haven’t heard of the silent treatment.
- I went to a baptism where they used a wading pool instead of a font. They weren’t quite submerged in the faith.
- I saw a group of penguins getting baptized. Talk about a flock that’s all in!
Baptism QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Baptism
- Q: What did the ocean say to the river at the baptism? A: “Looks like we’ve got a new convert…to liquid-ity!”
- Q: Why did the pastor bring a ladder to the baptism? A: He heard the baptism was going to be really moving.
- Q: What kind of music do they play at a hip-hop baptism? A: Gospel, but with a good beat and you can definitely baptize to it.
- Q: Why was the baby so calm during his baptism? A: He was already used to liquid assets.
- Q: How can you tell if someone is a professional baptizer? A: They have a whole congregation of techniques!
- Q: Why did the minister bring snacks to the baptism? A: He wanted everyone to have holy-y crackers and grape juice after!
- Q: Did you hear about the nervous pastor during the baptism? A: He dropped the ball… and the baby…and the microphone!
- Q: What’s the only kind of baptism cats enjoy? A: A catastrophe – because they hate water!
- Q: Why was the history book soaked after the baptism? A: It fell into a significant body of water!
- Q: Where do they hold underwater baptisms? A: In a baptistery, of course! What else would you call a swimming pool with stained glass?
- Q: What happens when a king gets baptized? A: He gets holier-than-thou… literally!
- Q: What do you call a baptism that takes place in the metaverse? A: A virtual blessing!
- Q: Did you hear about the baptism that was so popular they had to issue tickets? A: Apparently, it was standing room only in the splash zone!
- Q: Why are baptisms like really good sermons? A: Because they’re both incredibly moving experiences!
Dad Jokes About Baptism: Pun-Filled Quips
- Just saw a priest trying to baptize a bunch of rubber ducks in the bathtub. I guess you could say he’s really pushing the believe-it-or-not aspect of the religion.
- They should call baptism a “dip-loma” because you get certified holy!
- My son cried during his baptism. I told him, “Don’t worry, it’s just holy water under the bridge now!”
- Heard about the priest who was late to the baptism? He got tide up!
- My wife asked me to choose between the baptism and a fishing trip. Talk about a tough choice… I’m really in deep water with that one!
- Went to a baptism where they used sparkling water. Someone wanted to add a little spirit to the occasion.
- That baby was really quiet during the baptism. Must have been board with the whole thing.
- The priest asked if anyone had objections. I yelled out, “Yeah, water you waiting for?!” (Don’t tell my wife I said that.)
- My wife wanted a live band for the baptism. I told her that was way over the font!
- Apparently, they don’t use waterproof ink on the baptism certificates. What a washout!
- What’s the difference between a baptism and the ocean? One is a religious experience, the other is a religious experience! (Get it? Because you get wet in both?)
- They say baptism washes away your sins. Does that mean I can do whatever I want until then? Just kidding, honey! (Please don’t hurt me).
- Why do they always dress babies in white for their baptism? So you can’t see them sin! (At least not easily.)
- Someone tried to tell me baptism was just a bunch of hocus pocus. I told them they needed to be-lieve!
Baptism Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the baby giggle during his baptism? Because the water tickled his funny bone!
- What did the minister say to the baby before the baptism? “Let’s get this show on the road!”
- What kind of music do they play at a baptism? Hymns and “splishy-splashy” tunes!
- What did the baby wear to his baptism? A tiny little robe-y and a big, bubbly smile!
- Why was the baptism cake extra special? It was holy-ly delicious!
- What did the river say to the baby during the baptism? “Welcome to the wet side!”
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bap. Bap who? Bap-tism you were here!
- Why did the baby bring a towel to his baptism? Just in case things got a little “wild” in the water. 😉
- What’s a baby’s favorite part of a baptism ceremony? Getting sprinkled! It’s like a mini water park!
- Where do they keep the holy water? In a “holy” water cooler, of course!
- What do you call a penguin at a baptism? A “bird” of faith!
- Why did the little lamb get baptized? He wanted to be part of the “flock”!
- Have you heard about the baptismal font shortage? People are really “diving” into their faith these days!
- What do you get if you cross a baptism with a magic show? A disappearing act, but only for sins!
- Why was the baby calm during his baptism? He was “swimmingly” happy!
Baptism Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the elder bring a snack to the baptism? Because he heard it was BYOB (Bring Your Own Bread and wine)!
- Did you hear about the priest who was known for his incredibly short baptisms? He only performed splash and dashes.
- An elderly woman at church noticed a young man who always came for the baptism but always left before the service. Curious, she asked, “Are you only here for the spritzing and not the sermon?”
- Why was the baptismal font always so well-informed? Because it was holy water!
- What do you call a baptism that happens in the winter? A brr-th of new life!
- My friend said he found baptism to be a very moving experience. I told him, “Well, technically you’re supposed to be still.”
- What’s the difference between a baptism and a tax audit? One is a cleansing ritual, and the other just feels like you’re drowning.
- Why did the congregation laugh when the Priest said “Let us pray” at the baptism? They thought he said, “Let us prey!”
- Why did the baby cry during the baptism rehearsal? It was just a little pre-mature for the real thing.
- They say when you’re baptized, you get a clean slate. I guess that’s why they call it the “sins” of the father.
- You know you’re at an exciting baptism when… even the priest is holding his breath!
- What did the ocean say to the baptismal font? “You can’t tide me down!”
- My friend tried to tell me baptism washes away all your sins. I told him, “That’s what soap is for!”
- Why are priests so good at poker? They know when to hold ’em and when to holy water!
Baptism Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw a sign that said “Baptism Today!” I’m tempted to go in and ask if they have curbside pickup. #SoakedInHumor #BaptismDriveThru
- Pretty sure they misspelled my Starbucks order. Asked for a Caramel Macchiato, got a “Holy Water Macchiato” instead. Is this what they mean by a “baptism by caffeine”? #BaptismFail #ButFirstCoffee
- Not saying the baptism water was cold, but the priest is now sporting a stylish ice sculpture of a robe. #WinterBaptism #HolyChiller
- My friend invited me to his kid’s baptism, but I accidentally showed up at the after-party. I guess you could say I’m now sinfully full of cake. #BaptismMissedIt #WorthIt
- Tried to explain to my dog that the baby’s baptism wasn’t a bath for him too. He’s currently sitting in the corner, looking very betrayed and slightly damp. #DoggoneBaptism #SoggyDoggo
- The priest asked if anyone objects to the baptism… My brain: “Only if you don’t dunk the cookies afterward.” #Priorities #BaptismMunchies
- Baptisms: the only time it’s socially acceptable to hold someone else’s baby underwater. #WaterBaby #BaptismFacts
- My phone almost went for an unexpected swim at the baptism, which would’ve been tragic… mainly because I was recording for the ‘gram! #BaptismInfluencer #AlmostADisaster
- My kid’s reaction to being baptized was pretty much the same as getting a vaccine. Lots of tears, followed by cake. #BaptismTears #SugarFixesEverything
- Thought I understood babies… then I went to a baptism and realized they’re basically waterproof. #BabiesAreMagic #BaptismWonder
- Pretty sure the priest gave me the side-eye when I yelled “Cannonball!” during the baptism. #Oops #EnthusiasmFail
- Went to a baptism where they used a pool instead of a font. The whole thing felt more like a pool party. Turns out the Holy Spirit also accepts floaties. #PoolsideBaptism #CasualSunday
- You know you’re at a baptism when the air is thick with the scent of holy water and everyone is awkwardly holding their breath. #BaptismVibes #HoldingMyBreathForJesus
- Someone asked me if I prefer baptisms or weddings… I told them, “Weddings, because there’s usually an open bar.” #Honestly #JustBeingReal
Sprinkled with Laughter, Soaking in the Fun!
We hope these baptism jokes had you holier-than-thou howling with laughter! If you’re thirsty for more punny fun, dive right into the holy water of humor on our website. We promise a flood of jokes that will leave you soaked in laughter.
