100+ Pregnancy Puns & Jokes: Expecting Laughter!
Get ready to laugh your water… bottle… off! 😂 We’re serving up the best pregnancy jokes and puns that are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone, even if it’s currently being used as a footrest. 🤰 This list of clever and funny quips is perfect for expectant parents, those who’ve already braved the journey, and even (some) kids. Just remember to warn everyone that you’ll be laughing for two now! 😉 Get ready for some seriously punny humor!
Top Pregnancy Jokes – Best Picks
Someone called me a “glowing” expectant mother today. I think they were just trying to soften the blow of “Wow, you’re huge!”
I failed a pregnancy test once… Turns out, I just wasn’t holding the steering wheel properly.
My husband has really stepped up during my pregnancy. In fact, he even started peeing in the middle of the night like I do!
You know you’re pregnant when… “Netflix and chill” means actually watching Netflix and chilling because you’re too exhausted for anything else.
What’s a pregnant woman’s favorite app? Womb-er!
My wife is so emotional during her pregnancy, she cries at everything! Good thing too, someone needs to water the plants around here.
I asked my doctor what position my baby was in. He said, “Probably thinking about all the student loans it’ll have to take out someday.”
Sleeping is my favorite thing to do now that I’m pregnant… at least, it would be if I could ever get to sleep!
My back hurts, my feet are swollen, and I can’t see my toes… Yep, pregnancy is glamorous, just like everyone says!
What do you call a sea creature that’s always pregnant? A materni-tyrant!
Clever Pregnancy Puns – Best Picks
Pregna-see? Yeah, I’m starting to! This bump isn’t from all the donuts, I swear.
My wife asked what ‘labor’ would feel like. I told her to “Just imagine pushing a watermelon out of a coin slot.” Apparently, that wasn’t helpful.
I’ve been having the strangest cravings lately… Like, I’m dying for my husband to do the dishes. Is that normal? #pregnancybrain
My partner keeps rubbing my belly for good luck. I told him, “Honey, at this point it’s not luck we need, it’s an epidural.” 🤰
Someone called me a “glowing” expectant mother today. I think they were just blinded by my greasy hair. Pregnancy is glamorous, folks.
My doctor told me to take it easy this trimester. So, I’m just gonna hang out in my maternity pants…on the couch…eating pickles. Seems reasonable.
I swear, pregnancy brain is REAL. The other day I put the milk in the pantry and cried because I couldn’t find my phone…which was in my hand.
Remember when sleep was a thing we took for granted? Yeah, me neither. #pregnancyinsomnia
My baby already has a favorite hobby – kicking my bladder. It’s like a tiny little ninja warrior in there.
Honestly, the only reason I’m excited about labor is the epidural. They could tell me it was unicorn tears and I’d be like, “INJECT IT INTO MY SPINE.”
Pregnancy: Putting the “eat” in “eat, sleep, repeat.” (And by “sleep,” I mean “toss and turn for 20 minutes before giving up and getting a snack”).
Don’t worry, I’m not fat… I’m just preparing for my role as a human bouncy castle. #babybump
My baby’s first words better be, “Thanks for carrying me around for nine months.” Followed by, “And for the free rent.”
Apparently, “nesting” is a real thing. I spent all day reorganizing the sock drawer, and now I’m ready to give birth on a pile of freshly folded laundry.
Pregnancy is a journey… a long, strange, hilarious, and often uncomfortable journey. But hey, at least we get cute babies out of it! 👶
Funny Pregnancy One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Pregnancy Jokes
Pregnancy brain is real – I offered my wife grapes, and she asked, “What color are they?”
My wife’s cravings have gotten out of control. Last night she woke me up at 3 am for pickles and ice cream. I guess you could say we’re expecting a very… complex child.
They say pregnancy is contagious. I sure hope it is because I’m tired too.
My wife started doing prenatal yoga for peace of mind. I joined her for piece of pizza.
I asked my wife what the baby was kicking about in there. Apparently, my taste in music.
People keep asking if we’re having a boy or a girl. I tell them, “We’re hoping for a good sleeper.”
I’m not saying my wife is moody during pregnancy, but yesterday she cried for an hour because we were out of mayonnaise. Miracle Whip just wouldn’t do.
Tried to explain labor pains to my husband. Let’s just say I don’t think he’s ready to coach anyone through the Superbowl.
My wife’s emotions are on a roller coaster right now. Unfortunately, I seem to be stuck on the ride with her.
We’re having a baby! I guess you could say things are about to get very deliver-able.
My wife said she’s craving “something sour.” I handed her my tax return.
You know you’re pregnant when you can burp and sneeze at the same time…and somehow still manage to pee your pants.
I rubbed my wife’s pregnant belly for good luck. She charged me rent.
Pregnancy QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Pregnancy
Q: What do you call a pregnant woman who craves Chinese food? A: Pregna-thai!
Q: Why did the baby bump get a promotion at work? A: Everyone said it was due for a raise!
Q: How do you know your baby’s a true comedian in the womb? A: They keep you up all night with their punch-lines!
Q: What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? A: You can unscrew a lightbulb.
Q: Why don’t they play poker in the maternity ward? A: Too many expectant faces!
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and constantly complains about being huge. What can I do? A: Tell her to wait till she’s six months pregnant!
Q: Why was the pregnant woman so tired? A: She was carrying two buns in the oven! (and one was probably kicking!)
Q: Why did the pregnant woman bring a ladder to the library? A: She heard they had books on high shelves!
Q: What position are most babies born in? A: The “I can’t believe I have to pay for their college” position.
Q: Why did the pregnant ghost go to the doctor? A: She had a boo-boo in her tummy!
Q: What do you call a baby kangaroo who’s always complaining? A: A pouch potato!
Q: My wife is pregnant and wants to name the baby after her favorite dessert. Any suggestions? A: Please, anything but Tira-miss-you!
Q: What’s the most reliable pregnancy test? A: The one that comes nine months later!
Dad Jokes About Pregnancy: Pun-Filled Quips
My wife’s craving pickles and ice cream. Guess the baby wants to be a clown when it grows up!
Being pregnant is like a nine-month airport layover – uncomfortable and with terrible food choices.
I asked my wife what she was craving, and she said, “Whatever the baby wants!” Looks like someone is already a master manipulator.
My wife is so pregnant, she’s starting to measure time in watermelon units.
My wife started wearing maternity pants, even though she’s not pregnant. I guess you could say she’s… faking the bump?
They say pregnancy brain is real. The other day, my wife found the remote… in the refrigerator. At least it was cold?
I’m not sure what’s growing faster, the baby or my wife’s ability to eat an entire pizza in one sitting.
We took pregnancy photos last week. It was quite the ordeal, trying to find the perfect angle for my wife’s “glow” and my “deer-in-the-headlights” look.
Sleep? What’s sleep? From now on, it’s just me, the wife, and the nightly symphony of snoring and kicking.
I told my wife we should hire a baby photographer who specializes in “bump-to-baby” shoots. She rolled her eyes and said I was being extra. I told her, “No, I’m being dad-tra!”
My wife told me to read up on the stages of labor. Seems like a lot of pressure on me to know my contractions from my dilations!
Heard a rumor that babies are delivered by stork… I told my wife, “Honey, I think our insurance might not cover airmail!”
Pregnancy Jokes and Puns for Kids
Why did the baby tomato blush in the garden? Because it saw the mommy tomato talking to a preg-na-tor (pollinator)!
What’s a baby’s favorite music genre before they’re born? Womb-a music!
What position does a baby sleep in when they’re in the tummy? Any position they want – it’s a free-tummy sleeper!
Why was the pregnant lady so good at poker? She always had a great poker face… because of all the kicking!
What’s a baby’s favorite dance move? The belly bounce!
Why couldn’t the baby bear concentrate on his homework? Because his mom was having a new baby and there was going to be a new-bear-n in the house!
My mom said she ate watermelon when she was pregnant with me… I guess I was melon her mind!
How is being pregnant like being a detective? You’re always following clues… about what the baby will be like!
What’s as big as an elephant but weighs nothing at all? An elephant’s shadow… and a baby’s laugh when it’s still in the tummy!
What did the doctor say when the baby bump started talking? “Well, that’s in-ter-estine!”
Why did the baby want to stay in mommy’s tummy? Because it was all-inclusive – food, drinks, and a swimming pool!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Baby. Baby who? Baby coming soon, that’s who!
What’s a baby kangaroo’s favorite game to play? Pouch!
Why did the pregnant lady get a job at the post office? Because she was good at delivering!
What did the mommy say to the baby in her tummy? “I can’t wait to meet you, you little stinker!”
Pregnancy Jokes and Puns for Elders
My kids are thrilled I’m going to be a grandparent… mostly because they’re hoping I’ll forget all the embarrassing stories from their childhood.
I’m so used to sleepless nights from my prostate that the newborn won’t phase me one bit. Now, where’d I put those earplugs?
We considered a doula, but then we realized – between my sciatica and her hot flashes, who would even help who up off the floor?
They say grandchildren are God’s reward for not strangling your teenagers. I guess I overpaid, because here comes another one!
Pregnancy cravings are weird. Last week, it was pickles and ice cream. This week, it’s prune juice and denture adhesive.
Sleep? What’s sleep? I haven’t had a full night’s rest since they deregulated the airlines.
I’m not saying I’m old, but the last time I saw a baby bump this high, gas was a nickel a gallon!
Good news, kids! You’re finally getting a sibling… that I’ll probably accidentally call by your name for the first year.
My wife says I’m not allowed to give parenting advice anymore since I suggested using a rotary phone as a baby monitor.
We’re having a gender reveal party, but instead of balloons, we’re using my old blood pressure medication – blue for a boy, pink for… well, you know.
Becoming a grandparent is a strange experience. It’s like getting a new car… that someone else gets to drive while you worry about the insurance premiums.
I was going to knit a tiny sweater for the baby, but then I remembered they have stores for that now. And online shopping. What a time to be alive!
Honestly, I’m just excited to have someone new to spoil rotten and then send them back home with their parents. It’s the circle of life!
Pregnancy Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
Me trying to hide my pregnancy before 12 weeks: 🤰➡️📦 Status: Incognito Cargo
Pregnancy brain is real. The other day I ate my husband’s pickles and put my phone in the fridge. #pregobrain 🧠🥒📱🥶
My partner said he’d share the pregnancy weight with me. So far, he’s gained 10 pounds and I’ve gained “are you sure there’s only one in there?” 👀🤰
Sleep? What’s sleep? Pretty sure my nightly routine now qualifies as interpretive dance…if the interpretation is “desperately seeking a comfortable position.” 🤰💃 #pregnancyproblems
Official Sponsors of my Pregnancy: Pickles, Ice Cream, and the urge to pee every 5 minutes. 🤰🥒🍦🚽
Heard my baby’s heartbeat for the first time today! Pretty sure they were practicing their kick drum solo. 🥁👶 #babyrocker
Officially graduated from maternity pants! Now if only I could graduate from having the bladder control of a teacup piglet…🤰👚🐖
Just found out twins run in my family… Guess I should’ve considered that before I ate the entire pan of brownies. 🏃♀️💨🤰 #worthit
“You’re glowing,” they said. What they meant was, “You’re sweating profusely from every pore, but congratulations.” 🙃💦🤰 #pregnancytruths
Me before pregnancy: “I love a good mystery!” Me now: “IS THIS HEARTBURN OR EARLY LABOR?!” 🕵️♀️🤰🔥
Pregnancy: The ultimate test of your patience. That and seeing how long you can hold it after chugging a gallon of water. 🧘♀️🤰💦
Forget the gym membership, I’m carrying around 8 pounds of human! And apparently, a watermelon decided to take up residence in my bladder. 💪🍉🤰 #fitmom
Dear everyone asking if I’m having twins: Let’s just say, if this belly gets any bigger, I’m expecting my own zip code. 🤰🌎 #growingafamily
Bouncing off to labor-atory for more puns!
Well, there you have it! Enough pregnancy puns and jokes to make you push for more. If you’re still hungry for laughs (and who isn’t?), don’t be a womb-at! Waddle on over to our website for a whole nursery of hilarious puns and jokes. 😄
