145+ Hand-Picked Jokes & Puns About Hands

πŸ‘‹ Hey there, humor enthusiasts! Get ready to give your funny bone a high five because we’re about to dive into a treasure chest overflowing with the best hand puns and jokes about hands! πŸ˜‚ This list of clever and positive quips is perfect for kids and adults alike. So, whether you’re looking for a chuckle or just want some punny entertainment, get ready to “hand”le the laughter! πŸ’―

Top ‘Hand Jokes’ – Best Picks

  1. Why did the clock get a hand transplant? It needed to get a second hand!
  2. Why did the hand get sent to the principal’s office? For making too many finger guns!
  3. What do you call a hand that’s always cold? A palm-polar bear!
  4. Why did the hand go to art school? It wanted to learn how to draw!
  5. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business!
  6. What’s a boxer’s favorite type of mail? A fan-mail!
  7. Why don’t they play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
  8. I used to be addicted to hand sanitizer… but I’m clean now.
  9. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!
  10. I went to a zoo, and they only had one dog… It was a shih tzu!
  11. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one!
  12. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
  13. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells!
  14. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
  15. I just bought a thesaurus, but all the words are blank! I have no words to describe how angry I am!
  16. What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business!
  17. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
  18. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
  19. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
Ultimate list and collection of Best Hand Jokes and Puns, One-liners, Dad Jokes, Funny Quotes, and Captions - Discover engaging and humorous content at PunnyHub.com

Clever ‘Hand Puns’ – Best Picks

  1. I used to be a hand model, but I got caught throwing shade. They said I wasn’t cut out for it.
  2. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
  3. What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds!
  4. My friend tried to make a hand-powered helicopter. He went down in flames. Turns out, you need more than just a good spin on things.
  5. I met a fortune teller who said I have a strong future in farming. She said I have really fertile palms.
  6. I used to think my clock hated me, but it turns out it was just giving me the cold shoulder. It’s all good now, we’re hand in hand again.
  7. What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish… unless you’re using your hands to make a sandwich!
  8. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field, with a little help from his friends – the hands that planted him!
  9. Why don’t they have a clock-watching competition? Nobody wants to watch a contest that’s hands-down boring.
  10. My friend said his carpentry business is going hand over fist. I told him that’s not something to brag about, sounds like he’s losing grip.
  11. You know what’s handy? A pocket dictionary. Oh, and a spare hand, but that’s just me being silly.
  12. Why did the handyman bring colored pencils to every job? He wanted to draw his own conclusions.
  13. I tried to learn sign language but gave up. It felt like I was just talking to myself, but with extra steps.
  14. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, even excuses!
  15. What do you get when you combine a clock and a boxing champion? A knockout timepiece!
  16. I wanted to organize a thumb-wrestling tournament, but I couldn’t get a grip on the logistics. It was a real missed opportunity.
  17. What do you call a clock that’s always getting into trouble? A bad influence on the other hands!
  18. My friend said he was feeling run down. I offered him a ride in my car, but I think he just needed a hand with his problems.
  19. Why did the clock go to the doctor? It got tic-ked off by a mosquito!
  20. Why don’t skeletons play music in church? They have no organs, and you need those to lend a hand in praising the Lord!
Related:  96+ Jokes & Puns: You'll Be Pal-ing Over with Laughter!

Funny ‘Hand One-Liner Jokes’ – Short & Funny Hand Jokes

  1. I tried to explain to my hand model friend why his career was all in vain… he just didn’t want to hear it.
  2. I met a fortune teller who said my future was “in my hands.” I guess that rules out a career as a surgeon.
  3. What do you call a hand sanitizer that doesn’t work? A missed opportunity.
  4. My friend said his new watch was waterproof to 200ft. I asked him what good that would do if his hand fell off at the wrist.
  5. Why did the clock get its hand stuck in the cookie jar? It was looking for a “time out” treat.
  6. I told my friend I was going to write a book about all the amazing things I’ve done with my hands. He said he couldn’t wait to not read it.
  7. Why are hand models so persuasive? They know how to handle themselves.
  8. I went to a high five party last night… it was amazing! I’ve never seen so many hands in one place before.
  9. My friend told me he wanted to be a hand model… I told him to try a hand at something more realistic.
  10. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… and probably had a helping hand.
  11. What do you get when you combine a clock and a boxing ring? A whole lot of knockouts… and a second hand.
  12. I tried to learn sign language but gave up. It was too much hand-waving for me.
  13. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs… and they can’t keep their paws to themselves.
  14. What’s a clock’s least favorite job? Handing in its notice.
  15. Never lend a pirate a hand… you might find it hard getting it back.
  16. I saw a sign that said “Talking Clocks Repaired.” I thought, “They must have their hands full.”
  17. If money doesn’t grow on trees, why do banks have branches? And why do tellers always seem to have sticky fingers?
  18. I’m not sure what’s wrong with my car, but every time I turn the steering wheel, it makes a funny hand gesture.
  19. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything… especially excuses for not washing their hands.

Hand QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Hand

  1. Q: What do you call a hand that’s always getting into trouble? A: A palm-tician!
  2. Q: Why did the clock get its hand stuck? A: It reached its breaking point!
  3. Q: What did the left hand say to the right hand after a fight? A: “I’m gonna need some space.”
  4. Q: Why did the hand go to art school? A: It wanted to be a master-piece!
  5. Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo’s hand? A: A pouch potato!
  6. Q: What do you get if you cross a hand and a map? A: Palmistry!
  7. Q: My hand just won an award for cleanliness. A: I bet it’s thrilled to be recognized for its hand-work!
  8. Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? A: Too many cheetahs!
  9. Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? A: In case he got a hole-in-one!
  10. Q: What does a clock and a family have in common? A: They both have hands, but they can’t clap!
  11. Q: Why is it so hard to have a conversation with a mime with only one hand? A: It’s hard to listen when someone’s only giving you half the story.
  12. Q: Why did the hand get a job at the clock factory? A: Because it was always pointing out the time!
  13. Q: What does a five-fingered, talking hand aspire to be? A: A hand model, of course!
  14. Q: Why don’t they hire more hands at the second-hand shop? A: Because they’re already fully staffed!
  15. Q: What happens when two left hands fall in love? A: It’s difficult, they struggle to hold hands!
  16. Q: Where do fleas learn to jump? A: At flea-market!
  17. Q: My hand is feeling a bit under the weather. A: Maybe it needs to see a palm reader!
  18. Q: Why was the hand model’s career short-lived? A: It was caught thumbing a ride!
  19. Q: What’s a hand’s favorite type of music? A: Anything it can clap along to!
Related:  99+ Bloom Puns & Jokes: You'll Positively Bloom Over!

Dad Jokes About Hand: Pun-Filled Quips

  1. I tried to learn how to play the piano with my hands tied together. You could say I wasn’t very handy at it.
  2. Why did the clock get a job at the jewelry store? It was really good at using its hands.
  3. My friend told me he was going to open a restaurant that serves different kinds of hands. I said, “Sounds like a pretty handy business plan.”
  4. What do you call a clock that can’t tell time underwater? Second hand information.
  5. I used to be a sculptor who specialized in making hands. But I had to quit, the work was too hand demanding.
  6. I’m thinking about opening a bakery inside a haunted house. I’ll call it “Whisky Sour Hands.”
  7. What do you get if you cross a hand with a cow? A handful of moo-zarella cheese!
  8. My son asked me what the opposite of a right hand is. I told him, β€œThe left one, obviously!”
  9. I saw a guy walking his dog with only one hand. I asked him, “Can you give me a hand?” He said, “No, it’s mine.”
  10. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! You gotta play these things by hand, son.
  11. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… just like you when you lend a hand!
  12. I went to a fight the other night and a cement mixer collided with a mail truck. It was a very concrete example of why you shouldn’t hand-deliver your mail.
  13. I went to a zoo with just one dog in it. It was a shih tzu. Talk about a handful!
  14. I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just sitting there collecting dust, and I needed the extra hand.
  15. What does obliviousness and a clock have in common? No hands!
  16. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Pouch potato! Don’t be one, give your mom a hand around the house.
  17. What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish… and you definitely shouldn’t use your hands to catch one!
  18. Why is being a pirate so addictive? They say once you lose a hand, you get hooked!
  19. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised… well, I guess it was a bad time to give her a hand.

Hand Jokes and Puns for Kids

  1. Why did the left hand get in trouble at school? Because it was always getting caught “left-handed”!
  2. What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds!
  3. What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? You think it’s “R,” but it’s really the “C” they can’t find!
  4. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was twoTIRED!
  5. What did one hand say to the other hand when they were lost in the woods? “I’ve got a feeling we’re getting nowhere fast!”
  6. Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snow bank!
  7. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed!
  8. What has no voice but can still tell you a story? A book!
  9. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!
  10. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
  11. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!
  12. Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  13. What has one head, one foot, and four legs? Your bed!
  14. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
  15. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
  16. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey-combs!
  17. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!
  18. What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound!

Hand Jokes and Puns for Adults

  1. I told my friend I was writing a novel about a guy with incredibly small hands. He said, “Sounds gripping!”
  2. Dating a mime is tough. You can never tell if they’re holding your hand or just silently judging your life choices.
  3. My friend’s a magician. He’s trying to improve his sleight of hand. I told him to keep practicing, and it’ll get out of hand eventually.
  4. I met a fortune teller who said she saw a lot of money in my future. I guess she didn’t realize I work at a bank…with incredibly sticky fingers.
  5. My friend’s an expert at palm reading, but he’s terrible at poker. He knows what you have in your hand, just not what to do with it.
  6. What do you call a hand model with anxiety? A nervous wreck… literally.
  7. You know you’re getting old when high fives turn into “Please be careful with my hands!”
  8. I tried to make a hand-crafted clock once, but it never worked. I guess time just wasn’t on my side.
  9. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. And they all have an extra hand.
  10. What’s the difference between a pianist and a pizza chef? One strokes his instrument to make beautiful music, the other tosses dough.
  11. My chiropractor is really handsy. But hey, at least he’s got a good grip on things.
  12. I saw a guy walking his dog. The dog had no front legs. The guy said, “Don’t worry, he’s got it handled.”
  13. Why don’t surgeons play video games? They get enough hand-eye coordination at work. Plus, the stakes are much lower.
  14. Why are hand models so persuasive? They’ve got the power of gesture at their fingertips.
  15. I went to a bar for contortionists last night. The drinks were cheap, but good luck getting the bartender to give you a hand.
  16. My friend said his new job was “hands-on.” Turns out, he’s a proctologist.
  17. I told my friend my rock climbing hobby was getting out of hand. He said, “That’s what happens when you don’t use your feet!”
  18. Why did the clockmaker get fired? He kept getting caught watching the second hand.
  19. I tried to explain to my friend that “sleight of hand” is a figure of speech. He didn’t get it. Then again, I was picking his pocket at the time.
  20. Life is like a deck of cards. You never know what hand you’re going to be dealt, but you can always try to bluff your way through it.
Related:  109+ Infectious Disease Jokes & Puns: This Humor's Contagious!

Hand Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Other Social Media

  1. I told my wife her hand-knitted sweaters were amazing. She just gave me the cold shoulder. πŸ₯Ά
  2. My friend tried to sell me a watch today. He said it was hand-me-down… I think he meant heirloom. ⌚🀨
  3. Why did the clock get a promotion? It worked its way up from the bottom hand! ⏰⬆️
  4. What’s a clockmaker’s least favorite thing? A second hand compliment. πŸ•°οΈ 😬
  5. You know, my grandpa was a clockmaker. He really taught me the value of time, and how to handle it. πŸ‘΄πŸ•°οΈ
  6. My friend’s a mime. He’s got such a great hand for comedy… literally. πŸ‘πŸŽ­
  7. I’m not sure what’s wrong with my car, but the turn signal keeps giving me the high five. βœ‹πŸš—
  8. Never break a promise to a clock. It’s a matter of hand and word. 🀝⏰
  9. Tried to make a hand-crafted candle today. Turns out, wax is really hard to reason with. πŸ”₯πŸ•―οΈ
  10. My friend said I had a talent for massage. I told him, “Hey, I work with what I’ve got…two hands.” πŸ’†β€β™‚οΈπŸ’†β€β™€οΈ
  11. My rock climbing instructor told me to “never let go.” I think he misunderstood when I said I was looking for a low-pressure hobby. πŸ§—β€β™€οΈπŸ§—β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜…
  12. Just bought a new thesaurus. It’s hand-picked, and cover to cover, it’s simply amazing. Oh, and fantastic! And wonderful! Andβ€” πŸ“šπŸ€―
  13. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! πŸ†πŸƒ
  14. I’ve been working on my handwriting. I need to get a grip on it. ✍️πŸ’ͺ
  15. You can tell a lot about someone by their hands. For example, if they’re holding a hammer, they’re probably about to do some DIY… or they’re Thor. πŸ”¨πŸ¦Έβ€β™‚οΈ
  16. Dating a hand model now. Things are going well, but they’re moving a little slow. πŸŒπŸ’•
  17. I told my friend my hands were freezing. He said, “Well, you should probably put some gloves on then.” I said, “Hey, I’m all ears!” πŸ§€πŸ‘‚πŸ€£

Give These Hand Jokes a Big Hand! πŸ‘‹ πŸ˜‚

We hope these hand-picked puns and jokes left you feeling all right! But the fun doesn’t stop there. Get a gripβ€” explore our website for a whole lot more hilarious puns and jokes that’ll have you rolling on the floor laughing. You don’t want to miss out!

Rabia Noreen & Team

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

Similar Posts