96+ Future-Seeing Fortune Teller Jokes & Puns 🔮😂
🔮 Looking for the best fortune teller jokes and puns to tickle your funny bone? 😂 Look no further! This list of clever jokes is perfect for kids and adults alike. Get ready for a barrel of laughs with these humorous quips and puns about the mystical world of fortune tellers! 💯 From palm readings to crystal balls, we’ve got you covered! 😄
Clever Fortune Teller Puns – Top Picks
- 🔮 See a Future Teller? I see a lawsuit.
- 🔮 Fortune Teller’s advice? Invest wisely… in me.
- 🔮 Awkward Fortune Teller date? No future.
- 🔮 Fortune Teller’s side hustle? Hand modeling.
- 🔮 Need your palm read quickly? See Insta-Tell.
- 🔮 Fortune Teller allergic to crystals? That’s rough.
- 🔮 Can’t afford a Fortune Teller? Get a free-tune teller.
- 🔮 Fortune Teller with writer’s block? The struggle is real.
- 🔮 Fortune Teller who’s always right? Has a bright future.
- 🔮 Trust your Fortune Teller… or your money back! *Conditions apply.
- 🔮 Fortune Teller on vacation? Finding themselves.
- 🔮 Pessimistic Fortune Teller? Sees no future in this.
- 🔮 Fortune Teller’s favorite game? Guess Who.
- 🔮 Fortune Teller’s rate? $5, or your future’s free!
Top Fortune Teller Jokes – Best Picks
- Why don’t fortune tellers win the lottery? Because they know their numbers are up in the air.
- I went to a fortune teller who said I possess a sixth sense… Turns out it was just common cents.
- How did the fortune teller know she was going to get fired? She saw the writing on the palm.
- A fortune teller told me I have a bright future, but then she asked for my watch and wallet… Guess the future isn’t what it used to be.
- My fortune teller told me I’d come into a lot of money next week. Can’t wait to tell her I’m seeing someone else.
- What’s a fortune teller’s favorite drink? In-tea.
- A fortune teller told me to avoid dangerous situations. So I canceled my appointment with the psychic surgeon.
- Why did the fortune teller break up with the chemist? They had no chemistry.
- I asked a fortune teller to predict my future, but she just kept staring at my hand and laughing. Turns out, I had accidentally given her my shopping list.
- How do you make a small fortune as a fortune teller? Start with a large fortune.
- Why are fortune teller’s predictions always so vague? They like to keep their options open.
- What’s a fortune teller’s favorite type of car? A Subaru Fortune. (It tells the future!)
- I saw a sign that said “Psychic Readings $5, Guarantee or Your Money Back” Sounds like a safe bet to me!
- Why did the fortune teller refuse to read the comedian’s palm? He kept telling her to hold it…
- “Your future is unclear,” the fortune teller muttered, peering into her crystal ball. “Could you try cleaning your glasses?” I suggested.
Funny Fortune Teller One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Fortune Teller Jokes
- I asked a fortune teller about my future in finance, she said, “It doesn’t take a crystal ball to see you’re not rolling in dough.”
- Fortune tellers have really upped their marketing game; I saw an ad that said, “Get your future read for a fair price. That’s our guarantee.”
- I broke up with my fortune teller girlfriend, turns out she was just stringing me along.
- Always borrow money from a pessimistic fortune teller – they’ll expect you never to pay them back.
- Fortune telling is a tough gig; you’re constantly under pressure to predict the unexpected.
- Being a fortune teller must be exhausting. Imagine seeing the future and not being able to tweet spoilers.
- A fortune teller told me I have a fear of psychic phenomena. I guess you could say I was scared beyond belief.
- A confused fortune teller walked into a bar… and then a table, and then a chair.
- I went to a fortune teller who specialized in long-term predictions. He said, “In your future, I see…” and then Netflix asked, “Are you still watching?”
- You know you’re a bad fortune teller when you get fired for “unforeseen circumstances.”
- A fortune teller looked into my future and said, “Prepare to be amazed by your incredible luck!” I’m still waiting for something good to happen, so far I just won a year’s supply of mayonnaise.
- I went to a skeptic’s fortune teller. He just shrugged and said, “Who knows?”
- Never ask a fortune teller what’s for dinner, they’ll always say, “I see meat and vegetables in your future.”
- Apparently, fortune tellers make terrible comedians. Their timing is always a little… off.
Fortune Teller QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Fortune Teller
- Q: Why did the fortune teller refuse to read the athlete’s palm? A: She said he had a “pre-determined” lifeline!
- Q: What did the fortune teller say to the ghost? A: “Look into your future? Honey, you are the future!”
- Q: Why did the fortune teller get fired from the bank? A: They caught her telling customers their “balance was about to change.”
- Q: How did the fortune teller win employee of the month? A: She saw it coming a mile away!
- Q: What’s a fortune teller’s least favorite kind of cookie? A: One with a vague fortune like “You will have good luck…eventually.”
- Q: What did the frustrated customer yell at the fortune teller? A: “This isn’t what I ‘saw’ for this reading!”
- Q: Why did the detectives bring in the fortune teller? A: They hoped she could “shed some light” on the suspect’s future whereabouts.
- Q: What happened when the fortune teller went to the casino? A: Let’s just say, she knew exactly what cards fortune would bring her.
- Q: Why don’t fortune tellers ever get lost? A: They always know the way-ahead!
- Q: What did the fortune teller predict for the indecisive customer? A: “Hmm…I see a definite ‘maybe’ in your future.”
- Q: Why was the fortune teller terrible at poker? A: She kept trying to predict everyone’s “futu-hands.”
- Q: How do fortune tellers speak to each other? A: They use sign language, of course!
- Q: Where do fortune tellers go on vacation? A: Oh, they never tell! It’s a secret getaway.
- Q: What did the fortune teller say when she won the lottery? A: “Well, this does change things…”
Dad Jokes About Fortune Teller: Pun-Filled Quips
- I went to a fortune teller who specialized in tea leaves. She told me to be careful with my investments, so I put down my cup.
- A fortune teller tried to predict my future, but I said, “Don’t bother, I’m already one step ahead.” She looked confused, so I added, “It’s in my name – ‘future’!” (Get it? You have to say ‘future’ like ‘foot sure’).
- I saw a fortune teller advertise their services for $1. They told me my future was looking cheap.
- Asked the fortune teller to show me the hand that held my destiny. Turns out, it was mine all along!
- Tried to pay the fortune teller with a blank check. Figured they could see how much I owed them.
- A fortune teller’s business was struggling so I suggested they try a new marketing strategy. “Start a loyalty program!” I said. “Everyone loves fortune-ate rewards!”
- Just found out fortune tellers make terrible bowlers…turns out, they can’t see pins!
- My fortune teller told me I have a bright future… So I asked if I could borrow $20.
- I went to a psychic medium who claimed to channel the spirit of a fortune teller. Turns out, it was a spirit medium well done.
- Fortune teller told me I’d have a long and healthy life. I guess they didn’t see the bus coming. Just kidding!
- The fortune teller told me to invest in crypto. Guess I should have asked them to be a little more bitcoin-crete.
- I went to a fortune teller who used to work for the bank. She told me my financial future didn’t look good and then asked if I’d like to apply for a loan!
- Always trust a fortune teller who can’t find their glasses…they’re looking into the future!
- This fortune teller said I have a sixth sense. Apparently, it’s common sense.
Fortune Teller Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the fortune teller bring a ladder to work? They heard business was looking up!
- What did the fortune teller say to the computer? Tell me about my future, byte by byte!
- Where do fortune tellers dance? At a crystal ball!
- Why don’t fortune tellers ever win the lottery? Because they know they won’t!
- What did the fortune teller see in the mirror? The future!
- Why did the fortune teller get glasses? To improve their foresight!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Future. Future who? Future your fortune told, it’ll be an amazing day!*
- How do you make a fortune teller cry? Tell them a sob story about their future!
- What’s a fortune teller’s favorite drink? Future-ade!
- Why did the fortune teller get lost on their way to work? They took a wrong turn in the future!
- What position do fortune tellers play in baseball? They’re always up at bat…seeing the future pitches!
- What did the fortune teller say to the banana peel? I can see your future, and it’s slip-ery!
- How come fortune tellers are always rich? Because they have a lot of foresight…seeing investments!
- What happens when a fortune teller gets in trouble? They have to face their doom…with extra doom-sday discounts!
- Why are fortune tellers bad dancers? Because they have two left feet…in the future!
Fortune Teller Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the fortune teller refuse to read the cynic’s palm? She said his future was writ in stone.
- A fortune teller told me my future was looking bright. I should have known better than to trust a prediction made with a crystal ball.
- My financial advisor is a bit of a fortune teller. He’s always saying, “In the future, you’ll be thanking me.” I guess time will tell.
- Heard a rumor that the local fortune teller is being investigated for insider trading. Apparently, her stock tips have been eerily accurate.
- I went to a fortune teller, and she told me I’d come into a lot of money next week. Turns out, I did… My retirement check cleared.
- Fortune teller told me I’d find my soulmate on a cruise. Now I’m broke and all at sea.
- The fortune teller had fallen on hard times. Turns out, predicting the future was an unsteady gig.
- Used to be skeptical about fortune tellers, but then I met one who could tell futures. Most of them can only do presents.
- A fortune teller told me to invest in a company making “invisible mending tape.” Seemed like a rip-off.
- The fortune teller advertised “Past Lives Read Cheap!” Turns out, it was just a used bookstore.
- My doctor told me I need to exercise more. Maybe I should see a fortune teller and ask about my running future.
- Never trust a fortune teller who offers you a discount. Sounds like a cheap trick.
- Why did the elderly fortune teller retire? She didn’t have the future-sight.
- Always wondered what kind of tea fortune tellers use. Turns out, it’s future tea.
- Met a fortune teller who predicted I would win an award for being incredibly humble… Guess she can’t foresee everything.
Fortune Teller Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw a fortune teller who rubbed my hand and said, “Someone’s been putting you through the ringer.” I should’ve known, my phone was on vibrate.
- Why did the fortune teller get fired from the carnival? Too many palm readings and not enough hand jobs. (NSFW – use with caution!)
- I asked a fortune teller about my love life, he said “It’s in your hands.” I’m now a very enthusiastic hand model.
- Fortune teller: “Your future is unclear.” Me: “Oh, no! Is my crystal ball dirty?”
- I went to a fortune teller with a broken heart. She told me to “pick up the pieces.” Turns out, she also moonlights at a pottery shop.
- Met a fortune teller who said I’d become wealthy beyond my wildest dreams. Turns out, he meant emotionally. I’m now drowning in self-love.
- What’s a fortune teller’s favorite snack? Palmistry dough-nuts.
- Why are fortune tellers always tired? Because they have too much on their hands.
- My fortune teller told me I’d meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger. Turns out it was just my coffee order.
- Just had my palm read. Apparently, my love line is a perfect circle. So that’s why I’m single…I’m already complete.
- Tried to pay for my fortune telling with exposure. Turns out, the future isn’t free.
- What did the fortune teller say to the ghost? I see your future is looking rather transparent.
- My fortune teller told me I should invest in Bitcoin. I should have known better…he works in a magic shop.
- My cat is apparently a skilled fortune teller. All he sees is paws in my future.
- I tried to become a drive-thru fortune teller. Turns out, predicting the future is hard when you can’t see your customers pulling up.
