99+ Scissor Jokes & Puns: You’ll Be Cut Up!
Get ready to cut up with laughter! 😂 This list of scissor jokes and puns is the best! 💯 We’ve got humor so sharp, it’ll have you in stitches! ✂️ From clever wordplay to funny sayings for kids, these jokes are guaranteed to make you LOL. 🤣 So grab your funny bone and get ready for some scissor-ific fun! 😄
Top Scissor Jokes – Best Picks
- Why are scissors so well-connected? Because they’re always up on the latest cuts!
- What’s a hairstylist’s favorite movie genre? Anything with a good plot twist!
- Did you hear about the scissor factory that went bankrupt? They lost all their shearholders!
- Why did the paper lose the fight to the scissors? Because it was hopelessly outmatched!
- I told my friend I was writing a book about scissors. He said, “That cuts it! What else you got?”
- Why did the scissors blush? They saw the paper slip!
- What’s a hairdresser’s worst nightmare? Getting tangled in a hairy situation!
- I went to a rock concert last night for hairdressers. Let’s just say things got pretty snip-sync!
- My friend said he wanted to live life on the edge. So I pushed him closer to the scissors.
- Why don’t scissors ever win in a fight? They’re always getting snipped in the bud.
- What did the left blade say to the right blade? Let’s cut to the chase!
- Why are scissors so honest? They never beat around the bush!
- What’s a barber’s favorite dance move? The scissor-kick!
- Why don’t scissors trust staplers? They always seem a little two-faced!
Clever Scissor Puns – Best Picks
- What’s a hairstylist’s favorite movie genre? Thrillers, because they always keep you on the edge of your seat…or should I say, scissor?
- Did you hear about the barber who won an award? He was outstanding in his field. (A field of hairs, that is!)
- I wanted to open a shop selling left-handed scissors, but it cut into my profits. (Because no one goes left!)
- My friend tried to convince me that scissors can cut through anything. I told him, “Don’t be absurd!” (Absurd…sounds like ab-SURD…okay, we’ll move on.)
- Those scissors are absolutely scissorly! They can cut through anything! (New word alert! Scissorly: exceptionally good at cutting.)
- I used to hate doing arts and crafts, but then it grew on me. Especially the part where you get to use scissors! (Get it? Grow…like hair…which you cut with scissors?)
- What’s a sheep’s least favorite instrument? Scissors! They prefer a more shear-ful sound. ( Shear-ful! Like cheerful, but for sheep!)
- You know, I’m starting to think these scissors have a mind of their own. Every time I need them, they disappear. It’s like they’re cutting me off! (Intentional double meaning, for maximum pun power!)
- I wanted to date a pair of scissors, but I heard they were really cutthroat. (Dating can be rough, especially in the sharp object community.)
- Always be careful when lending scissors to a friend. It can really cut into your relationship if they don’t give them back! (Another classic conundrum.)
- My friend told me he’s starting a scissor sharpening business. He’s really honed in on his passion. (Honed…like a blade…get it?)
Funny Scissor One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Scissor Jokes
- What’s a hairdresser’s favorite movie genre? Hair-larious comedies and anything with good shear-ography.
- My friend tried to convince me that left-handed scissors are a myth. I told him that was absurd.
- Scissors are always getting into trouble. They’re real cut-ups.
- I saw a pair of scissors riding a bike. I thought to myself, “That’s wheely dangerous!”
- Scissors are surprisingly deep thinkers. They’re always reflecting.
- I once dated a pair of scissors. We were a perfect match, but things got cut short.
- What does a pair of scissors say when it wins a prize? “I’m shear-ly honored!”
- Bought a pair of running shoes from a talking pair of scissors. I guess you could say it was a snip-it decision.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite type of scissors? Specter-llers
- My kid wanted to name our new puppy “Scissors.” I said, “That seems a little ruff on the dog, don’t you think?”
- Did you hear about the barber who opened a seafood restaurant? He specializes in crab cuts.
- Never bring scissors to a sword fight. It’s just not fair.
- What’s a sheep’s favorite type of scissors? Shear-ing is caring!
Scissor QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Scissor
- Q: Why did the scissors get sent to their room? A: They were feeling a little snippy!
- Q: What’s a hairdresser’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good beat and shears!
- Q: Why are scissors so misunderstood? A: Because they’re always cutting things short!
- Q: What did the paper say to the scissors? A: Cut me some slack!
- Q: What do you call a pair of scissors who’s always getting into trouble? A: Shear chaos!
- Q: Why did the scissors go to jail? A: They got caught cutting class!
- Q: What’s silver and sharp and writes Taylor Swift songs? A: Scissor Swift!
- Q: Why are scissors so dramatic? A: Because they’re always cutting to the chase!
- Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite type of scissors? A: A pair of scare-issors!
- Q: Why didn’t the scissors want to go to the party? A: They were feeling a little cut off.
- Q: What do you call a pair of magical scissors? A: Shear wizardry!
- Q: What’s a sheep’s least favorite movie? A: Anything with scissorhands!
- Q: Why did the stylist win an award? A: For their shear brilliance!
- Q: How do scissors get around? A: They take the scissor-mobile!
Dad Jokes About Scissor: Pun-Filled Quips
- Why did the comedian bring scissors on stage? He wanted to deliver some cutting-edge humor!
- My kid lost at rock, paper, scissors. I told him don’t worry, it’s just a minor setback.
- What do you call a pair of talking scissors? Shear madness!
- I tried to make a pair of scissors out of boomerangs. Turned out terribly, I kept getting thrown off.
- Why don’t they allow scissors in the jungle? Because they’re always lion about!
- Those crafting scissors are amazing! I heard they’re really good at cutting to the chase.
- Why are scissors so blunt? ‘Cause they’re always getting left out in the rain.
- I saw a sign that said “Left-Handed Scissors On Sale!” That seems kind of pointless.
- Those safety scissors are so passive-aggressive. They’re really just cutting remarks.
- Why are scissors so jealous? They just can’t handle the paper’s success!
Scissor Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the scissors go to jail? Because they got caught cutting class!
- What’s a scissor’s favorite game to play? Anything cut-throat!
- Why did the left scissor cross the road? To get to the right scissor’s side!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Scissors! Scissors who? Scissors your nose off! (Don’t worry, just kidding!)
- What do you get if you mix a sheep and a pair of scissors? A baa-baa-rilliant haircut!
- Why do scissors make such bad dancers? Because they’ve got two left feet!
- What’s a scissor’s favorite snack? Cut-icles! (Don’t worry, they’re just fruit snacks!)
- My friend said my scissors were dull. I told him he was being too blunt!
- What did the paper say to the scissors? I thought we had something special, but you just cut me off!
- How do scissors listen to music? They use their ear buds!
- Why did the scissors get sent to the principal’s office? For being a little too sharp!
- What did the grumpy scissors say to the paper? “Cut it out!”
- Never tell a secret to scissors. They’re always snipping!
- What’s a scissor’s favorite movie? Cutthroat Island!
Scissor Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why don’t they allow scissors in the retirement home? Because they’re always cutting in line!
- Heard about the hairdresser who won an award? He was truly scissor-thing else!
- You know you’re getting old when… you get excited about a new pair of scissors. But these titanium blades? Those are exciting!
- My doctor told me I need to cut back on sugar. Guess I’ll have to scissor-cuit habit in half.
- Just saw a documentary about famous scissors throughout history. Turns out, they really cut to the point.
- My friend said his new apartment is located on a “cul-de-sac.” Sounds dangerous… are those streets paved with scissors?!
- They say money talks, but mine always seems to say… “Cya later! Gotta run!” Guess I need to give it a raise and a scissor-ption to stay.
- Antique scissors are all the rage these days. Seems like everyone wants a piece of that vintage shear!
- Used to hate getting my hair cut as a kid, but now I look forward to it. It’s the only time someone listens to my side of the story. Thanks for always lending an ear (and your scissors), Edna!
- I told my tailor I needed my pants altered. “No problem!” he said. “I’ve got just the thing!” Turns out, “the thing” was a very large pair of scissors. I’m still waiting for the punchline.
- Why did the paper win the argument with the scissors? Because it had a cutting remark but knew when to fold!
- I used to collect stamps, but it got too expensive. Now I just collect scraps of paper. Turns out, my hobby is scissor-ly a matter of perspective!
- My wife said I need to be more spontaneous. So I surprised her with a brand new pair of embroidery scissors! She said it wasn’t what she had in mind… maybe I should have gotten the left-handed ones.
Scissor Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- What’s a hairdresser’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat…and shear drop! 🎶✂️
- My friend told me scissors are stationery. I said, “That’s debatable.” ✏️🤨
- My kid named his safety scissors “Safety.” Now everything they cut is “safe.” 🤦♂️🤣 #parenting
- Why are scissors so blunt in conversation? They don’t know how to break the ice. 🧊✂️ #awkward
- I’m starting a band called “Left-Handed Scissors.” We’re always looking for a right-handed bassist. 🤘🎸 #lefthandedproblems
- My vintage scissor collection is really coming along. I can’t wait to show it off at the cutting-edge exhibit! ✨️✂️ #antique
- You know you’re an adult when… finding your good pair of scissors is a legitimate win for the day. 🎉✂️ #adulting
- I told my barber, “Give me the Edward Scissorhands.” He gave me a confused look and said, “Sir, this is a library.” 📚🤨 #facepalm
- Life is like a pair of scissors. Choose your cuts wisely, because you can’t always tape things back together. 🤔✂️ #deep
- What did the paper say to the scissors? “Cut me some slack!” 😅✂️ #punny
- I’m convinced my scissors have trust issues. They always seem to get cut off mid-conversation. 😔✂️ #relatable
Cut-ting the laughter short? Never! ✂️😂
We hope these scissor jokes and puns didn’t cut your laughter short! If you’re still hungry for more humor, don’t fret, our website is packed with enough puns to make you laugh all the way to the stitch doctor. Explore our punny world, we promise it’s a cut above the rest!
