98+ Fear Jokes & Puns: Scared You Looked?
Fear got you frozen in your boots? 😂 Don’t worry, this list of fear jokes and puns is here to the rescue! We’ve compiled the best 😂 and most clever 🧠 puns and humor, appropriate for kids 🧒 and adults alike. So buckle up, and get ready for a list of knee-slapping jokes 🤣 about being afraid…or maybe just a-ghoul-ittle scared. 👻
Clever Fear Puns – Top Picks
I’m fearfully clumsy. I’ve got a phobia-nesia.
Did you hear about the scared cow? It was petrified!
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
My fear of elevators is reaching new heights!
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
My fear of speed bumps is irrational, but I get over it.
Never trust atoms. They make up everything!
My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. I’m still holding on!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
Top Fear Jokes – Best Picks
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! (Get it? Fear the gummy bear!)
My therapist told me to face my fears… …So I unfollowed my bank account on social media.
I used to have a fear of hurdles… …But I got over it.
What does oblivious mean? I have no idea! (Because you fear nothing…get it?)
What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious! (Mountains are nothing to fear!)
Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because they are easy to see through! (Don’t fear ghosts!)
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
My biggest fear is that when I die, my wife will sell my gaming collection for what I told her I paid for it.
Why are fish so easy to weigh? Because they have their own scales! (No need to fear weighing fish!)
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! (Don’t fear science!)
Funny Fear One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Fear Jokes
I wasn’t afraid of heights, but then I realized they were groundless.
My fear of speed bumps is irrational, I know, but I just can’t get over it.
You know what Yoda said? “Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to… you’re probably going to eat the whole bag of chips anyway.”
My biggest fear is that when I die, my wife will sell my belongings for what I told her I paid for them.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved. But I swear, I heard it whisper my greatest fear.
My fear of elevators is reaching new heights.
Fear is a great motivator… mostly for avoiding things.
I’m not afraid of commitment. I just don’t want to. See? Totally different.
My friend said he wanted to die peacefully in his sleep. So I suggested we try sneaking up on him. On second thought, maybe that’s why I don’t have more friends…
My fear of insects is only rational. They have eight eyes and could be plotting against me right now.
Parallel parking? More like parallel fearing. Amirite?
Never make a bet with your fear. You’re sure to lose.
Fear QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Fear
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A: A gummy bear, but you should still be a little beary-fraid!
Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? A: Because he was outstanding in his field … of conquering fear!
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: Because you can see right through them, especially when you conquer your fear!
Q: What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? A: “Oops!” But hey, at least it’s not “fear,” right?
Q: What did the ocean say to the iceberg? A: Nothing, it was too scared…or maybe just too cool to talk about fear!
Q: What did the light bulb say to the darkness? A: “I’m not afraid of you! … Well, maybe a little.” It struggles with facing its fears.
Q: Why don’t scientists trust atoms? A: Because they make up everything! Even our fears, surprisingly enough.
Q: How do trees get on the internet? A: They log in! They just shake off their fear and branch out.
Q: Why do fish live in salt water? A: Because pepper makes them sneeze! And nobody wants to see a fish face its fear of pepper.
Q: Why did the bicycle fall over? A: Because it was twoTIRED! And maybe a little bit afraid of heights.
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A: A carrot! Don’t be afraid to eat your veggies!
Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: Pouch potato! It’s okay to relax sometimes, even if your fears tell you to jump away.
Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? A: Too many cheetahs! They cheat because they’re afraid to lose!
Q: Why are skeletons so calm? A: Nothing gets under their skin! Except maybe fear itself, but they keep it under wraps.
Dad Jokes About Fear: Pun-Filled Quips
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his fearld!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows on too high. She seemed a-feared.
You know, I’m not afraid of heights…just afraid of the fearst degree.
What did the dad say to his son who was afraid of the dark? “Don’t worry, I’m fear.”
My wife said I needed to add a sense of danger to my life. So I went grocery shopping on an empty stomach. Now that’s fear-factor shopping!
My friend said his fear of speed bumps is irrational. I told him it’s a very real fear.
I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it. Now I have a fearless outlook.
I just got fired from my job at the bank. Apparently, my position was filled by an ATM. Times are getting fearce out here.
I went to a seafood restaurant that served crabs. They were to die fear.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Apparently, the food is good but it has no atmos-fear.
Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them. Now that’s a fear-ly transparent lie!
My son is terrified of elevators. He’s taking steps to get over it, though. I told him it’s nothing to fear.
Fear Jokes and Puns for Kids
Why was the math book afraid of the history book? Because it had too many problems!
What did the scared window say to the storm? Let’s not pane-ic!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear… but don’t worry, there’s nothing to be a-fraid of!
Knock knock! Who’s there? Fear. Fear who? Fear not, little one, for laughter chases worries away!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was twoTIRED! But don’t worry, it’s wheely ok!
What’s a monster’s favorite dessert? I scream, you scream, we ALL scream for ice cream!
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! But don’t worry, you’re safe with me!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! See, there’s nothing to fear!
What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious! And don’t worry, it’s not as steep as it sounds.
What musical instrument do ghosts play? The spook-ulele! But don’t be scared, it’s just a friendly tune.
Why didn’t the two 4’s want any more dinner? Because they already 8! Don’t worry, they weren’t very hungry anyway.
What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound! Don’t worry, he’s just a big softie.
Why don’t mummies take vacations? They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind! But hey, everyone deserves a break.
Fear Jokes and Puns for Elders
My therapist told me to face my fears. So I deleted my browser history, cancelled my doctor’s appointment, and threw out my scale.
You know you’re getting old when ‘staying up late’ is a triumph, not a lifestyle choice. And “fear of missing out” becomes “fear of getting up.”
They say you should conquer your fears. I’m still working on my fear of a good Chardonnay sale. Those things go fast.
My doctor said I need to reduce my stress levels. Easier said than done when your retirement plan is held together with hope and a prayer.
You know you’re old when your idea of extreme sports is watching someone else try online banking.
What do you call an elderly person’s fear of heights? High anxiety with a senior discount.
I used to fear getting old, but now I’m embracing it. I just wish I could remember what I was supposed to be embracing.
They say age is just a number. A terrifying number that keeps getting higher.
My doctor told me to write down my fears. Now I can’t remember where I put the list… or what I was so afraid of in the first place!
I’m at that age where I don’t need drugs to hallucinate. I can achieve that just by misplacing my reading glasses.
Retirement is great, but it does come with a new set of worries. Like, did I leave the stove on? And for how long?
What’s the difference between fear and excitement at my age? An ambulance.
Fear Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
What’s the most common fear of a software developer? Null pointer excep-fear. 😩
My friend said his fear of snakes is genetic. I guess it runs in his genes. 🐍🧬
I used to be terrified of elevators, but then I stepped back. Now it’s just an irra-fear-nal thought. 🏢
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. 🐆🃏
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear. But, that doesn’t make them any less fear-ocious!🐻🍬
Just saw a sign that said “Beware of the Dog.” I looked around, and all I saw was a fire hydrant. Now that’s some serious false ad-fear-tising. 🐕🦺🔥
My friend’s fear of commitment is getting out of hand. He won’t even join a fear-quent flyer program! ✈️
Don’t trust atoms. They make up every-fear! ⚛️😳
Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because you can see right fear them.👻🤥
I used to have a fear of heights, but then I realized it was completely irra-shelf-ional. 🪜🤪
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business. 🌶️🤫 Bonus Pun: My fear of speed bumps is getting out of control. I’m constantly living life on the hedge! 🚗🌿
