109+ Psychic Puns & Jokes That Are Out of Sight

🔮 Looking for the best psychic jokes that are out of this world? 😂 Get ready to laugh your crystal ball off with this hilarious list of puns and funny jokes about psychics! Whether you’re a believer or a skeptic, this collection of clever quips is perfect for kids and adults alike. Get ready for some seriously funny mind games. 😜

Top Psychic Jokes – Best Picks

  1. Why don’t psychics ever win the lottery? Because they’re always picking the wrong numbers… duh! 😜
  2. I went to a psychic last week. She told me I have a very strong aura. I said, “Well, make it a Sprite then, I’m trying to cut back on sugar.” 🥤
  3. You know you’re at a bad psychic when… they ask for your name during the reading. 🔮
  4. A psychic walks into a bar… and says, “Hey, I knew you guys were going to be here.” 😎
  5. My psychic told me to invest in a company that’s about to be huge. Turns out, it was a balloon factory. I guess she wasn’t lying! 🎈
  6. I met a psychic who could predict what you were going to eat. He was easy to read. 🍔🌮
  7. What’s a psychic’s favorite type of tea? Medi-tea-um, of course. ☕
  8. How do you know if your dog is psychic? They start barking at the mailman before he even arrives. 🐶✉️
  9. My friend claims to be psychic, but I’m not buying it. He still hasn’t returned the book I lent him last year! 🤔
  10. I went to a Zoom meeting for psychics the other day. It was… well, awkward. We all just kept saying, “I know, right?” at the same time. 💻
  11. What’s a psychic’s favorite dessert? Icing… because they can see right through it. 🎂
  12. A psychic walks into a library, goes straight to a shelf and pulls out a book. “This one,” he declares, “will tell you everything you need to know about the future!” The librarian whispers, “Sir, that’s the fiction section.” 📚
  13. My friend says he can communicate with vegetables. I reckon he’s a bit of a… medium, rare talent! 🥕🥦
  14. Never play poker with a psychic…. unless you want to lose your shirt and your mind! 🃏🤯
  15. Why did the psychic get fired from the theater? He kept revealing all the plot twists! 🎭
Ultimate collection of Best Psychic Jokes and Puns, One-liners, Dad Jokes, Funny Quotes, and Captions - Discover engaging and humorous content at PunnyHub.com

Clever Psychic Puns – Best Picks

  1. I tried to start a psychic network, but it went bankrupt in six months. Turns out I should have seen it coming.
  2. My psychic powers are like Wi-Fi. Sometimes they’re strong, sometimes I just get a weak connection, and sometimes my mom uses all the bandwidth.
  3. Why don’t psychics ever win the lottery? Because they’re always picking the wrong numbers… on purpose! Gotta keep up appearances, you know?
  4. Just met a psychic who could predict what you’re going to eat. He’s a cereal offender.
  5. I recently broke up with my psychic girlfriend. She said it was over before it even began.
  6. Getting my morning coffee from a new barista who claims to be psychic. So far, he’s gotten my order frightfully right.
  7. A psychic told me I’d meet a tall, dark, and handsome stranger today. Turns out it was just the UPS guy dropping off my new lamp. I guess technically, she wasn’t wrong.
  8. What’s a psychic’s favorite type of tea? Medium blend!
  9. Tired of your boring job? Become a psychic! It’s easy to get in touch with spirits when you work for minimum wage.
  10. Tried to become a psychic, but I couldn’t hack it. Apparently, premonition doesn’t mean “pre-Monday exhaustion.” Who knew?
  11. What do you call a psychic dwarf who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
  12. The psychic fish was fired from his job. He couldn’t predict any sales because he worked in the salmon department.
  13. You know, I used to be skeptical of psychics, but then I met one who told me exactly what I wanted to hear. Now, I’m a believer in the power of suggestion…and good marketing.
  14. My dog’s a psychic. He can always tell when I’m about to open a bag of treats. Also, when I’m about to take him for a walk, need to cuddle, or breathe.
  15. I met a psychic who specializes in predicting the past. It’s actually quite boring. She just keeps telling me how much better things used to be.
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Funny Psychic One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Psychic Jokes

  1. I tried to become a psychic, but I couldn’t see a future in it.
  2. My psychic said I’d win an argument with a telemarketer – I’m eager to hear the silent treatment.
  3. Just had a psychic reading. Turns out my future is pretty vague.
  4. Being a psychic is so rewarding. Especially when your clients aren’t cheap.
  5. A psychic offered to tell my fortune for $5. I said, “Isn’t it ironic that you have to ask?”
  6. You know a psychic’s in a good mood when they’re vibing.
  7. Met a psychic dwarf today who escaped from jail. Must’ve been a small medium at large.
  8. A psychic told me to invest in a company that makes blankets. Said it’s got a comfortable future ahead.
  9. My psychic powers must be on the fritz, because all I see is static.
  10. My psychic encouraged me to embrace my mistakes. I think he meant it literally.
  11. What do you call a psychic duck? A four-seen feather.
  12. I went to a psychic, and she charged me $50 a word. Seems a little steep, but on the other hand…
  13. Being a psychic is exhausting. My mind always feels read.

Psychic QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Psychic

  1. Q: Do you think millennials will ever be able to afford homes? Psychic: I see an open house in your future… filled with other disappointed millennials eating avocado toast.
  2. Q: Will I finally win the lottery this year? Psychic: Let me consult the spirits… shakes magic 8-ball “Outlook hazy, try asking someone who doesn’t charge by the minute.”
  3. Q: Can you tell me what my husband is thinking right now? Psychic: That depends, is his name Google too?
  4. Q: My doctor told me I need to avoid stressful situations. What should I do? Psychic: Find a new doctor. This one clearly doesn’t see the future.
  5. Q: What’s the difference between a psychic and a used car salesman? Psychic: A used car salesman knows when he’s lying.
  6. Q: Is it true you can predict what I’m going to eat for dinner? Psychic: Only if it’s takeout. Again.
  7. Q: Will I ever find true love? Psychic: Of course! whispers But it might be hiding behind a paywall on a dating app.
  8. Q: I’m feeling lost in life. Can you see what my true calling is? Psychic: To be honest, I’m a little lost myself. Didn’t see that career change coming.
  9. Q: Can you help me move a heavy object with your mind? Psychic: Only if it’s the needle on this scale. Those calories don’t count during a reading.
  10. Q: How do you make a small fortune as a psychic? Psychic: Start with a large fortune. Next!
  11. Q: You claim to be the most accurate psychic in the world. Prove it. Psychic: You will ask me for proof. smirks
  12. Q: I brought you a gift! It’s a crystal ball. Psychic: That’s very kind! Although, I already have one… I’m still waiting for that Netflix subscription to pay off though.
  13. Q: What’s a psychic’s favorite type of tea? Psychic: Herbal in-fuse-ions. It helps with the visions.
  14. Q: Can you give me one piece of advice for the future? Psychic: Don’t believe everything you hear. Especially from a guy in a sparkly turban.
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Dad Jokes About Psychic: Pun-Filled Quips

  1. I tried to become a psychic, but I didn’t foresee it working out.
  2. I went to a psychic’s office, and she told me to leave. Apparently, I came at a bad thyme.
  3. You know, my grandpa could bend spoons with his mind. Impressive? Nah, he was just a psychic-opath.
  4. My friend claims to be psychic. I asked him what I was thinking, he said, “Probably that I’m faking it.” I guess he’s right. He must be psychic-ed!
  5. How do you know if a psychic is having a bad day? He’s got a frown-tensity headache.
  6. My wife got mad when I said her psychic friend was a fraud. I should have seen that coming a mile away.
  7. Someone stole the psychic’s crystal ball – the police say they have no leads.
  8. I asked the psychic to tell me about my past lives. Turns out, I procrastinated learning the answers in all of them.
  9. A psychic offered me a free reading. I told him, “No thanks, I can see right through you.”
  10. What’s a psychic’s favorite type of tea? Medium.
  11. Do you believe in psychic powers? Because I have a feeling we’ve met before…
  12. Why did the psychic refuse to read the fortune teller’s palm? He said it was a conflict of interest.
  13. My dad’s not a psychic, but he’s pretty good at predicting what’s for dinner… it’s always leftovers.
  14. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs… and one psychic jaguar.
  15. I wouldn’t say I’m psychic, but right now I can sense you reading this list and giggling to yourself.

Psychic Jokes and Puns for Kids

  1. Why did the psychic get lost on their walk? Because they missed all the signs!
  2. What’s a psychic’s favorite drink? ESP-resso!
  3. What do you call a psychic duck? A wise quacker!
  4. Why did the psychic snail get a speeding ticket? He was charged with ESP-eeding!
  5. What do you call a psychic who loves to bowl? A strike seer!
  6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Psychic. Psychic who? I knew you would say that!
  7. Why didn’t the psychic win the lottery? They said their numbers were coming to them… eventually.
  8. My friend says he has ESP, but I’m a bit sci-ptic.
  9. What’s a psychic’s favorite school subject? Tele-pathy!
  10. Why don’t they let psychics play poker? They always know when someone’s bluffing.
  11. How does a psychic artist paint? With a vision easel!
  12. What do you call a psychic kangaroo? A pouch-tuitive thinker!
  13. What do you get if you cross a psychic and a mushroom? I don’t know, but it’s something to think about!
  14. Where do fortune tellers stay when they go on vacation? The future!

Psychic Jokes and Puns for Elders

  1. I went to a psychic who could tell my future just by smelling my hand. Turns out, I have a very “predict-able” future. (Play on “predictable” sound)
  2. A psychic told me I’d come into a lot of money when I’m older. So far, so good. (Dry, ironic humor relating to age)
  3. My friend said he met a psychic who could talk to vegetables. I said, “That’s pre-posterous!” (Play on “preposterous” sounding like a vegetable)
  4. You know you’re getting old when the only spirits you see are in the liquor cabinet. (Play on “spirits” with a humorous nod to aging)
  5. My retirement plan is heavily reliant on winning the lottery. My financial advisor calls it “psychic income.” (Sarcastic take on improbable financial planning)
  6. Never trust a psychic who can’t remember where they put their glasses. They clearly don’t see everything. (Humor in the irony of a forgetful psychic)
  7. I went to a psychic last week. She told me to avoid negative people. I haven’t seen her since! (Playful jab at psychics giving generic advice)
  8. My wife says she doesn’t need a psychic. She already knows what I’m thinking. Frankly, that scares me more. (Humorous take on long-term relationships)
  9. I saw an ad for a psychic who specializes in reincarnation. I’m tempted to call and ask for my money back from the last time. (Playful jab at the cyclical nature of reincarnation beliefs)
  10. My doctor told me I need to exercise more. Maybe I should get a job as a psychic, then I could just move things with my mind. (Dry humor about finding shortcuts to physical activity)
  11. I went to a psychic who specialized in reading tea leaves. Turns out, my future is looking rather steeped in uncertainty. (Play on words – “steeped” referring to both tea and a state of being)
  12. I used to be skeptical about psychics, but then I realized… hey, at least they’re good listeners. (Humorous take on the therapeutic aspect of psychic consultations)
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Psychic Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

  1. Just saw a psychic battle of the bands. It was an all-out medium clash. 🔮🤘
  2. Why did the psychic go broke? He could only predict eight out of ten clients correctly. 🤔🔮😂
  3. My friend says she’s psychic. Personally, I think she’s lying about being clairvoyant. 😏🔮
  4. Me trying to use my psychic powers to see who likes my Instagram post: 👁️🔮crickets chirping
  5. Why are psychics bad poker players? They can never keep a straight face. 😂🔮
  6. My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. Guess I’m hugging my psychic today. 🤗🔮
  7. Being a psychic sounds rough. Imagine having insomnia and knowing you were going to have insomnia. 😴🔮😭
  8. Just found out my psychic isn’t actually psychic. Totally saw that coming. 😎🔮
  9. A psychic walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We’ve got a drink with your name on it!” The psychic says, “That’s spooky…how’d you know my name was Steve?” 😂🔮
  10. Never ask a psychic what their superpower is. It’s just awkward when they already know the question and refuse to answer. 🙅‍♀️🔮
  11. Psychic to their client: “I see a bright future for you… unfortunately, it’s in someone else’s life.” 😂🔮
  12. What’s a psychic’s favorite type of tea? Medium blend. ☕️🔮
  13. Tried to log onto the psychic website, but it said “error 404: Future Not Found.” 💻🔮😂

That’s All Folks! Hope You Saw These Jokes Coming.

We hope these psychic jokes and puns left you feeling clairvoyant with laughter! If you’re still craving more pun-derful humor, don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Head over to our website for a treasure trove of jokes that will have you laughing your crystal ball off! 🔮😂

Rabia Noreen & Team

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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