99+ Cough Jokes & Puns: You’ll Be Wheezing With Laughter!
Get ready to laugh your lungs out 😂 with the best cough jokes and puns that are sure to tickle your funny bone! 😄 This mega list of clever and funny cough jokes is perfect for kids and adults alike. From puns that’ll make you wheeze to one-liners that’ll leave you gasping for air, we’ve got the humor covered. So, grab a tissue (you might need it from laughing so hard!) and get ready to explore the silliest side of coughs!
Top Cough Jokes – Best Picks
- I started a new job at a cough drop factory… It’s been a real cough-changing experience.
- My doctor told me to take shorter showers to save water… Now I just cough loudly, and my family knows it’s time to panic.
- What do you get when you cross a sheep and a bad cold? A hacking cough!
- Why did the singer have to “cough” his way through the performance? He was dealing with some serious a-chord-itis.
- My friend said his singing voice is like a fine wine… I said, “More like a chronic cough.”
- What do you call a contagious tickle in your throat? A cough-spiracy theory.
- My doctor keeps telling me to keep taking my cough medicine… I think he just wants to see me whine about the taste.
- You know you’re sick when you cough, and money comes out your mouth… It’s called “paying for tissues” season.
- Why are fish so bad at basketball? They always throw up air-balls… or are those just coughs?
- My voice is so hoarse from this cold… I sound like I’ve been gargling with gravel and rusty nails.
- Why did the microphone quit its job at the cough syrup factory? It said the work was too “phlegm-inating.”
- The doctor asked me to describe my cough. I said, “It’s a bit ruff…” He said, “Don’t worry, I’ve heard it all.”
- What’s worse than a bad cough? Having to listen to someone else’s all day long!
Clever Cough Puns – Best Picks
- My doctor told me to avoid crowded places so I wouldn’t get sick. Guess you could say I’m cough-tious about my health.
- I started a band called “The Phlegmtones.” We mostly play cough covers.
- I tried to make a cough drop out of sandpaper. It was a cough rough draft.
- What’s the difference between a bad golfer and someone with a cold? One coughs in the rough, the other coughs in the rough.
- I used to be a cough drop, but then I got promoted. Now I’m in cough management.
- My friend tried to make cough syrup out of maple syrup and cough drops. It was a cough sticky situation.
- I’m writing a fantasy novel about a magical cough. It’s going to be epicough.
- What do you call a fake cough drop? A cough con!
- My voice is a little hoarse today. I guess you cough say it’s a bit under the weather.
- I saw a sign that said “Cough Silently.” I thought, “How else am I supposed to cough do it?”
- Whoever invented the cough drop deserves a cough medal!
- My friend’s got such a bad cough, he’s thinking about joining a cough choir.
- Trying to whisper a secret with a cough is a real cough-undrum.
- What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of cough drop? A cough drop with a treasure chest on it!
Funny Cough One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Cough Jokes
- My doctor told me to take shorter breaths, but I think he just wanted me to cut to the chase- cough, cough – get to the point.
- My friend said his cough was from his new pet parrot, but I think he’s just parroting what everyone else is saying.
- I told my doctor I was feeling under the weather. He said, “Don’t worry, I’m about to weather the storm of your cough.”
- You know you’ve been sick for too long when you start adding “-cough” to the end of your sentences – cough, cough.
- My doctor gave me good news and bad news about my cough. The bad news is it’s contagious. The good news is, so is laughter.
- What do you call a coughing competition where nobody wins? A tie-red cough-test.
- What do you get if you cross a cough with a sea creature? A lobstery cough!
- I went to the doctor and said, “Every time I drink orange juice, I cough.” He said, “Next time, take the oranges out first.”
- I started a new job at a cough drop factory, but I had to quit after a week. Turns out, it was just too menthol taxing.
- A guy walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you! cough cough”
- What do you call a bear with a persistent cough? A cough-bear!
- Don’t you hate it when someone coughs and then says, “Don’t worry, it’s not contagious?” Yeah, right, like I needed that cough to remind me of your other germs.
Cough QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Cough
- Q: What’s worse than a bad case of the flu? A: Having to cough up the money for the medicine.
- Q: Why did the cough syrup go to art school? A: It wanted to learn how to draw breath.
- Q: What do you call a contagious laugh that spreads through a library? A: A cough-alogue of giggles.
- Q: Why did the doctor prescribe a vacation for the patient with a bad cough? A: He said he needed a little “cough” time.
- Q: What’s the opposite of a “cough drop”? A: A “cough pickup”!
- Q: Why did the singer have to cancel their concert because of a cough? A: They were afraid they wouldn’t hit the high notes, just the cough notes.
- Q: How did the detective know the culprit was hiding in the library? A: He heard a suspicious “book cough!”
- Q: Why did the computer programmer start coughing during the meeting? A: He had a serious case of the “code-pendent cough.”
- Q: My doctor said my cough sounds much better over the phone… A: …Guess I’m not going in to work tomorrow then!
- Q: What do you get when you cross a sheepdog and a lemon? A: A cough drop that rounds up your worst coughs!
- Q: Why did the ghost keep coughing? A: It had a boo-boo in its throat.
- Q: What kind of music do you listen to when you’re sick? A: Anything with a good beat…and a lot of coughs!
Dad Jokes About Cough: Pun-Filled Quips
- I told my son to try coughing into his elbow. He said, “But Dad, I don’t have an elbow on my face!” I replied, “Well, you’d better find one, because this cold’s got me feeling blue in the cough-ace!”
- What do you call a fake cough drop? A con-fesh!
- Why don’t they have cough syrup in movie theaters? Because it’s too tear-rible to hear people choking on it!
- Someone complimented me on my cough today. They said it was very becoming. I told them I was hoping it wouldn’t lung around.
- Did you hear about the guy who coughed so hard he lost his job as a traffic cop? Yeah, he couldn’t conduct himself!
- I just can’t seem to shake this cough. Guess I’m stuck with it.
- My doctor told me to take cough syrup, but it keeps going to the wrong side. I guess I need to turn over a new leaf!
- What do you call a test for a cough? A coughin-ation!
- Why did the singer drink cough syrup before the concert? He wanted to hit those high notes!
- My wife asked me to pass the cough drops. I said, “Sure, catch!” She wasn’t amused.
- I started a new job at a cough drop factory. I have a soothing feeling about it.
Cough Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the cough drop get sent to the principal’s office? Because it kept coughing in class!
- What do you call a bear with a cough? A bear-ly audible creature!
- Why did the little boy bring cough syrup to his math test? He heard it was good for a cough-mon cold!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cash. Cash who? Cough-cough… sorry, I thought you said “Cash!”
- What do you call a dinosaur with a really bad cough? A tyrannosaurus-hoarse!
- Why did the doctor give the sheep cough drops? He heard it had a baa-d cough!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of cough drop? A cough drop with a hook!
- My friend told me to take cough syrup for my voice. It’s been minutes… Cough, cough …I think it’s starting to work!
- What do you call a coughing competition where everyone gets a prize? A con-cough-ulations party!
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle when someone has a cold? Too much cheetahing…cough… cheetahing!
- I think my computer has a cold. It keeps coughing up spam!
- What did the tickle monster say to the cough drop? “Get outta here, this is my job!”
- My dad told me to eat garlic to cure my cough. But now I think I’m a vampire…cough!
- Why did the cough drop break up with the microphone? It said they weren’t compatible.
Cough Jokes and Puns for Elders
- I told my doctor I thought I had a rare disease transmitted by antique books. He just gave me a wry smile and said, “Ah, yes, sounds like a touch of the olde’ cough.”
- Why did the retired opera singer refuse the cough drops? He preferred to suffer in silence…ly.
- My friend said his new luxury car has a “whisper-quiet” interior. I told him to wait until he gets a load of my vintage cough.
- I went to a doctor who specializes in treating hypochondriacs. I coughed softly, and he said, “Now, now, let’s not get carried away.”
- You know you’re getting old when… a “wild night” involves deciding between NyQuil and plain old whiskey for your cough.
- What do you call a coughing auctioneer? A rare find.
- My doctor asked me to describe my cough. I said, “It sounds like a distant foghorn trying to warn a ship about a bad pun.” He just sighed and said, “Sounds about right.”
- I used to be a banker, but I kept getting sick at work. I think all that counting money made me cough. Now I just volunteer at the library – much quieter.
- Why are historical dramas so hard on my throat? All those period pieces make me cough!
- I asked my doctor if my chronic cough was a sign of something serious. He said, “Well, at our age, everything’s a bit serious, isn’t it?”
- Retirement is great! I finally have enough free time to perfect my award-winning cough.
- My doctor says my cough is just a sign of aging. I guess I’m really clearing out the cobwebs now.
- You know you’ve lived a full life when… even your cough has a good backstory.
Cough Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw a sign that said “Cough Syrup: Now in 10 new flavors!” 🤔 I guess they finally realized it tastes awful.
- My friend started a band called “The Phlegmtones.” 🎤 They’re really good at clearing a room.
- I told my doctor I think I have a chronic cough. He said, “Take these pills.” I said, “Will they cure my cough?” He said, “No, but they’ll make you not care about it anymore.”
- You know you have a bad cough when you’re banned from participating in online spelling bees. 😂
- Relationship Status: In a committed relationship with my cough syrup. We’re inseparable, especially at night. 😩
- Why do singers hate getting coughs? Because it really affects their “a-game.” 😉
- I went to the doctor for my cough. He asked, “Are you taking anything for it?” I said, “Yes, precautions.” 😷
- My cough is so bad, I accidentally opened a secret passageway in a video game by yelling at the screen. 🎮💀
- I tried making cough syrup at home. Turns out honey and lemon don’t mix well with a blender. 🍯🍋🌪️
- “Coughing is my superpower,” I whispered to my friend in the library. gets kicked out five seconds later 🤫📚
- I coughed so hard, I lost my voice. It’s okay, though. I wasn’t using it anyway. 🤐
- My kid thinks “cough drops” are actually drops of a cough. I haven’t corrected them yet because honestly, that’s terrifyingly accurate. 🍬😨
- What’s the opposite of a cough drop? A swallow stick. (I apologize for nothing.)
- Every time I cough, I think to myself, “Wow, this would be really inconvenient if I were a spy.” 🕵️♀️💨
Cough-clusion: These puns really grew on you!
We hope these cough jokes didn’t leave you breathless! But if you’re still thirsting for more side-splitting puns and knee-slapping jokes, clear your throat and head over to our website. We’ve got enough humor to cure even the worst case of the giggles!
