98+ Tissue Puns & Jokes: You’ll Snot Be Disappointed!
Get ready to ROFL with the best tissue jokes on the internet! 😂 This list of puns and funny quips about everyone’s favorite snot-stopping squares is sure to get you laughing. We’ve got humor for kids and clever puns that will tickle even the most discerning funny bone. Get ready for some tear-inducing laughter (but don’t worry, we have tissues for that 😉)!
Top Tissue Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the tissue cross the road? To prove it wasn’t a chicken! 🤧
- What’s a ghost’s favorite type of tissue? Boo-hoo-ny! 👻
- I met a tissue at a party last night, but he wouldn’t talk to me. He said he felt a little rough around the edges. 😔
- What do you call a stack of used tissues that can solve mysteries? Evidence snot to be ignored. 🕵️♀️
- Did you hear about the tissue that won an award? It was an honor well-deserved. 🏆
- I tried to make a tissue dance for me earlier. It just blew me off. 🌬️💃
- Why are tissues always getting lost in the laundry? They’re always paired with socks, and everyone knows socks vanish! 🤷♀️🧦
- I was feeling under the weather, so my doctor prescribed me some tissues. He said I needed to take them whenever I felt a sneeze coming on: “One tissue, three times a sneeze.” 🤧
- What’s a kleenex’s biggest fear? Running out of tissues! 🧻😱
- I tried to explain to my dog why she shouldn’t eat tissues, but it just went in one ear and… Well, you know. 👂🐶
- Feeling stressed? Just remember: No problem is too big for a tissue… to completely fail to solve. 😌😌😌
- Life is like a box of tissues. You take one thing for granted, and then they’re all gone! 😭
- Why are tissues so good at poker? Because they always have an ace up their sleeve (box)! 😎🃏
Clever Tissue Puns – Best Picks
- My doctor told me to take this medication with a soft tissue. Seems kinda sus, but okay… 🤨
- Feeling down in the dumps because you ran out of tissues? Don’t worry, I find them to be entirely snot essential. 😉
- Heard they’re making a movie about tissues. The working title is “Pulp Fiction.” 🎥
- Did you hear about the tissue that won an award? It was an honor to be nominated, but it won for its absorbency.🏆
- I used to be a tissue salesman, but I couldn’t hack it. It was too much pressure. 😩
- Just saw a commercial for tissues that are twice as soft. They’re advertising them as “double-ply awesome!” 🤩
- Why did the tissue cross the road? To prove it wasn’t a chicken! …Get it? Because it’s paper? 🐓
- Tissues may be disposable, but their sense of humor is tearable! 🤣
- My friend said his dream job is to write slogans for a tissue brand. I guess you could say he’s got big goals. 📝
- Why are tissues so good at poker? They always have an ace up their sleeve! Get it? Sleeve…? ♠️
- What’s a tissue’s favorite genre of music? Blues! 🎶
- I’m writing a song about tissues. It’s a real tear-jerker. 😭
Funny Tissue One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Tissue Jokes
- I tried to make a tower out of tissues. It was a snotty experience.
- Did you hear about the tissue factory that went out of business? They ran out of issue.
- I just met a Kleenex who won the lottery. Now he’s a rich tissue.
- My friend tried to start a tissue company, but it folded.
- Never ask a tissue what’s wrong. They’ll always give you the same old issue.
- I sneezed so hard I blew my nose in a tissue of lies!
- Life is like a box of tissues: You pull one out, tear up, and then you need another one.
- I got fired from my job at the tissue factory. Apparently, I had a blowing problem.
- You know what they say: Don’t cry over spilled milk, grab a tissue!
- A tissue’s favorite sport? Basket-bawl.
Tissue QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Tissue
- Q: What did the allergy-ridden ghost buy at the store? A: A boo-box of tissues.
- Q: Why did the tissue break up with the toilet paper? A: It said their relationship was going down the drain.
- Q: What’s a tissue’s least favorite food? A: Snot-chos!
- Q: Where do tissues dance? A: At a boog-gie.
- Q: What do you call a really strong tissue? A: A snot-buster!
- Q: Why was the tissue paper afraid of the dark? A: Because it kept having paper nightmares!
- Q: What did the little tissue say to the big tissue? A: Hey! I’m coming up in the world!
- Q: Did you hear about the tissue who won an award? A: It was an honorary handkerchief!
- Q: What kind of music do tissues listen to? A: Anything but heavy metal – they hate tearing up!
- Q: What’s a tissue’s favorite sport? A: Baseb-all!
- Q: Why did the tissue cross the road? A: To prove it wasn’t chicken! (Even though it is a little fowl sometimes…)
- Q: What do you call a tissue that’s been used as a stress ball? A: A crumby situation!
Dad Jokes About Tissue: Pun-Filled Quips
- Did you hear about the tissue factory that exploded? It was a total blow out.
- Why did the tissue cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a little wimp.
- What do you call a box of tissues that’s really understanding? Empa-thetic.
- My doctor told me to have a good cry to relieve stress. I guess you could say I’m on a tissue-fueled therapy plan.
- Why are tissues always invited to parties? Because they’re great at breaking the ice!
- I just bought this amazing new box of tissues… They’re tear-proof! Now I can cry all I want and no one will ever know.
- I tried to explain to my son that a tissue is not a toy. He just blew me off.
- I accidentally put my tissues in the washing machine with my camouflage pants. Now I can’t find them!
- My kid wanted to know why tissues are so important. I told him, “They’re always there for you, no matter how snotty you get.”
- You know you’re in trouble when even the tissues are saying, “Weep not!”
- What’s a tissue’s least favorite genre of music? Heavy metal.
Tissue Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the tissue dance? Because it got caught in the wind!
- What did one tissue say to the other tissue? Let’s stick together!
- Why did the tissue cross the road? To get to the snother side! 🤧
- What’s a tissue’s favorite game? Tag, you’re it!
- My nose is always running, it must be late! Better check my tissue for the time! ⌚
- What did the teacher say when she saw the ripped tissue? “That’s tear-able!” 😭
- What kind of music do tissues listen to? Pop music! 🎶
- Why was the tissue sad? It was feeling a bit run down. 😔
- What does a tissue use to surf the internet? A fire-wall! 🔥💻
- How did the tissue get to school? On the school bu-snot!
- What’s a tissue’s favorite sport? Basket-bawl! 🏀
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Tissue. Tissue who? Tissue be you, I’m so happy! 😄
- My dad gave me a box of tissues for my birthday… I guess he thought it was a practical gift! 🎁
- What does a tissue do when it’s cold? It puts on a sweater-snot! 🧣
- Why are tissues so strong? Because they can hold your tears when you’re feeling blue! 💙
Tissue Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the elder refuse the tissue at the funeral? They said, “At my age, why bother? Let it all hang out!”
- My doctor told me I have “paper skin.” I said, “What does that even mean?” He said, “It’s very tissue.”
- They say crying is good for you. It releases toxins. At this rate, I should be the least toxic person on the planet. Anyone have a tissue?
- Why am I always losing my tissues? Must be all this senior discount sneezing!
- I joined a support group for people who are addicted to buying tissues… We meet every week. Boxes and boxes of them. It’s kind of an issue.
- Back in my day, we didn’t have fancy lotion-infused tissues… We used newspaper. It was rough, but it built character!
- You know you’re getting old when… You can’t remember if you came to the bathroom to go or to grab another tissue.
- My grandkids are always asking me to tell them about the ‘good old days’… So I start by handing them a handkerchief and saying, “Let’s talk tissues.”
- Doctor: “I’m afraid I have some bad news…” Me: (Reaches for tissues preemptively) “Just give it to me straight, doc.” Doctor: “You have a cold.”
- I saw a sign that said, “Tissues, $500.” I thought, “Man, inflation is really hitting everyone hard!” Turns out, it was the price of the box of tissues… at an antique store.
- My friend told me I should invest in tissues. “The market is always going up,” he said. I told him, “I’m pretty sure Kleenex doesn’t have an IPO, but thanks for the financial advice.”
- Why don’t they make tissues out of velvet? Because then they’d be too fancy to use!
Tissue Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- I tried to make a business out of selling tissues infused with healing crystals… It folded.
- Why did the tissue cross the road? To get to the other side! 🤧
- You know, I used to be afraid of used tissues… But then I realized, it’s all just snot that scary.
- What’s a tissue’s favorite music genre? R&”B”lows! 🎶
- Did you hear about the detective who specialized in tissue-related crimes? He had a real knack for solving plywood puzzles. 🕵️
- My friend’s always using my tissues. It’s such a blow to my supplies. I should really start charging rent…per sheet.
- Just saw a tissue box walking down the street… I guess you could say it was mobile. 🚶
- Tried to explain to my dog why he can’t have my used tissue…He just gave me this look like, “It’s already been pre-chewed for your convenience!” 🐶
- My resolution this year is to use fewer tissues. So far, I think I’ve blown it.
- Who’s the most famous philosopher who used tissues? Socrates! Because he was always asking “Why?” 🦉
- I’m writing a children’s book about a little tissue named Timmy. He gets lost in the laundry and ends up going on all sorts of fabric adventures! 🧺
- What did the tissue say to the nose? “Hey, we need to have a little talk.” 🤔
That’s all, folks! Blew through these tissue jokes yet? 🤧
We hope these tissue jokes and puns didn’t leave you feeling too wiped out! If you’re still searching for more chuckle-worthy content, don’t blow it! Explore the rest of our punny website for even more hilarious jokes and puns that’ll leave you in stitches (not the kind you need a tissue for, of course).
