109+ Handyman Jokes: Puns So Good, They’re Nuts!
Get ready to hammer down on some laughter! 😂 This list of handyman jokes and puns is the best way to fix your funny bone. 😉 From clever wordplay to jokes that are truly nuts and bolts, we’ve got the perfect humor for kids and adults alike. So grab your tool belt of giggles, and let’s get this list started! 🧰 You’ll be floored by how funny these puns are! 🤣
Top Handyman Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the handyman bring colored pencils to every job? He wanted to draw his own conclusions.
- You know your house is in trouble when the handyman says… “Well, this is a new one.”
- What’s a handyman’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good tool and die for.
- The handyman quit his second job at the bank today. He said he couldn’t handle another counter job.
- Why don’t handymen ever get lost? They have built-in direction.
- How is a handyman like a doctor? If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all… at least, that’s what my wife says.
- What did the handyman say to the door that needed fixing? “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.”
- How can you tell a handyman is having a bad day? He’s using his drill as a microphone to sing the blues.
- Why did the handyman bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house.
- What’s a handyman’s favorite dance? The Electric Slide (rule).
- The handyman was arrested for trying to pay with screws and bolts. The cashier said, “Sorry, we only accept cash in hand.”
- I asked the handyman for a ballpark estimate for the repairs. He just threw me a hammer and said, “You fix it!”
- Why was the handyman always covered in paint? He loved throwing a brush with danger.
- Never argue with a handyman. They have all the tools to win.
Clever Handyman Puns – Best Picks
- Why did the handyman bring colored pencils to every job? He wanted to make sure he could draw his own conclusions.
- What’s a handyman’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good tool-kit drop.
- A handyman walks into a psychiatrist’s office. What does he say? “Doc, I think I’m screwed.”
- Why did the handyman win an award? He nailed it!
- What do you call a handyman who only works with copper pipes? The Pipenator!
- Why was the handyman always covered in sawdust? He had a splitting image problem.
- What’s a handyman’s favorite Shakespeare play? Measure for Measure!
- My handyman friend is incredibly strong. I saw him bench-press a door… He said he needed a new entrance-gy routine.
- The handyman couldn’t fix the clock. He said time was just not on his side.
- Why did the handyman bring a ladder to the library? He heard the shelves were stacked with great stories.
- What’s a handyman’s favorite type of coffee? Decaf-ix!
- Never underestimate a good handyman. They have all the solutions under their tool belt.
Funny Handyman One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Handyman Jokes
- I tried to explain to my boss that I’m a “handyman,” not a “handyman’s handyman,” but he just handed me another list.
- A handyman walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says, “I’ll take a pint, please…and one for the road.”
- You know you’ve hired a truly “handy” man when he can fix your leaky faucet and whip up a gourmet meal at the same time.
- Being a handyman is a tough gig. You’re always on call, even when you’re on the john.
- My wife said she needed a handyman. I said, “But honey, I’m right here!” She said, “I know, that’s the problem.”
- The handyman told me he could fix anything with duct tape and WD-40. I just hope my marriage isn’t next on his list.
- You could say I’m a “jack of all trades” kind of handyman, which is great, except I haven’t quite mastered any of them yet.
- The handyman was arrested for stealing from houses. Apparently, he took “handy” a bit too literally.
- Handymen are like boyfriends: the good ones are always taken, and the rest are still figuring out how to use their tools.
- My handyman skills are so bad, even IKEA instructions make me nervous.
- I finally realized why they call them “handy” men. It’s because they’re always “handing” you the bill!
- Being a handyman is a rewarding job. Mostly, because it pays well. Okay, maybe not rewarding, but it’s definitely a job.
- I thought about becoming a handyman, but I realized I lack the essential tools. Like patience, skill, and a clue.
- I’m not sure my husband is cut out to be a handyman. He just spent an hour trying to fix a broken hammer.
Handyman QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Handyman
- Q: Why did the handyman bring colored pencils to every job? A: He wanted to draw his own conclusions.
- Q: How does a handyman apologize for a botched job? A: “Sorry, looks like I screwed the pooch… and the drywall, and the plumbing…”
- Q: What do you call a handyman who can fix anything? A: A myth. (But seriously, call me if you find one.)
- Q: Why did the handyman bring a ladder to the library? A: He heard they had lots of bookshelves to reach new heights.
- Q: What’s a handyman’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good beat… and measure.
- Q: How can you tell if a handyman is lying? A: His lips are moving… and his estimates just went up again.
- Q: Why is a handyman like a superhero? A: They can both save the day, one tool belt at a time.
- Q: Why did the handyman bring a dictionary to the construction site? A: He wanted to make sure he was using the right lingo.
- Q: Why don’t handymen ever get lost? A: They always have a lot of bearings.
- Q: What’s a handyman’s favorite board game? A: Tool and Trouble.
- Q: How is a handyman like a therapist? A: They both help you deal with your problems… even the ones you didn’t know you had.
- Q: What’s the difference between a doctor and a handyman? A: A doctor can’t always help you, but at least they usually wash their hands.
- Q: What did the handyman say to the leaky faucet? A: “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.”
- Q: Why did the handyman get fired from the orange juice factory? A: He couldn’t concentrate!
Dad Jokes About Handyman: Pun-Filled Quips
- I told my wife that I’m basically a handyman around the house. She said, “Yeah, handy to have around, but mostly just man.”
- My wife asked me why I keep calling myself a “handyman” around the house. I said, “Well, I’m certainly not handy AND a handsome man.”
- What’s a handyman’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good tool riff!
- You know your son’s going to be a handyman when his first word is ” screwdriver “… or maybe that was just gas.
- I asked a handyman to help fix my shelves. He said, “No problem, I’ve got this under control… literally, hand me that drill.”
- My handyman friend started offering couples therapy. He calls it “Reconcile-ations and Repairs.”
- The handyman took his girlfriend to the amusement park just to ride the Ferris wheel. He said it really gets his gears turning.
- I tried to make a DIY website for handymen, but I could never get the homepage to load properly.
- Just saw a handyman driving a convertible. Guess he really enjoys his open-air projects.
- I wanted to hire a lazy handyman… you know, someone who really knows how to tool around.
- A handyman walks into a library. Why? He heard they had a lot of bookshelves that needed fixing!
- A handyman always carries a spare ruler in his pocket. Just in case he needs to measure something up!
- Heard the local handyman quit his job to join the circus? He’s apparently a whiz with the tightrope!
- You can tell it’s going to be a bad day when the handyman shows up to work hammered.
- I tried to explain to my son the concept of a handyman. I just got a blank stair… maybe I should’ve used a different example.
Handyman Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the handyman bring extra pants to work? In case he got a hole-in-one!
- What’s a handyman’s favorite dance move? The hammer dance!
- Where does a handyman go to get new tools? The hardware store, silly!
- What do you call a handyman who’s always losing things? A mis-tool-aneous person!
- Why don’t vampires hire handymen? They’re afraid of cross-threaders!
- How do you make a handyman’s tools disappear? You use a magic wrench!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Harry! Harry who? Harry up, I need a handyman! Something’s gone wonky!
- What’s a handyman’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good tool-box beat!
- My dad’s a handyman, he’s so good at fixing things… he can even make time fly!
- Why did the handyman bring a tape measure to bed? He wanted to see how long he could sleep!
- What does a handyman use to travel through time? A time-a-chine! (Get it? Like a machine… but with time!)
- How can you tell if a handyman is having a bad day? Everything he touches goes screwdriver!
- What’s a handyman’s favorite type of tree? A screw-pine tree!
Handyman Jokes and Puns for Elders
- I tried to hire a handyman to help with some repairs around the house, but his rates were outrageous. He said, “Look, I’m retired now. Time is literally money, and mine is almost up.”
- You know, being a handyman is a lot like being a doctor. You’re always dealing with plumbing issues, just not the kind that require a medical license.
- My doctor recommended I take up woodworking. Said it would be good for my arthritis. I told him, “Look, I’m eighty, not a miracle worker.”
- I told my handyman I wanted him to make my house look like it was transported from the future. He just sighed and said, “Lady, I can barely keep up with the present.”
- My handyman is such a perfectionist. He measures twice, cuts once, then spends three hours on WebMD convinced he’s got carpenter’s tremor.
- Why did the retired handyman become a librarian? Because he was good with his tools, even the Dewey Decimal kind.
- I asked the handyman if he could install some grab bars in my bathroom. He looked at me and said, “Honey, at our age, every wall’s a grab bar.”
- You know you’re getting old when the most strenuous thing you do all day is arguing with the handyman about his Senior Discount policy.
- My new handyman is a real whiz kid… if the whiz kid was born in 1952.
- I tried to explain to my handyman how I wanted the garden gate to swing, but he just rolled his eyes and said, “Listen, I invented “swinging” back in the 60s.”
- Why did the handyman bring a rocking chair to every job? So he could get some rest between “hammers.”
- What’s the difference between a handyman and a time traveler? A time traveler shows up before the repairs are actually needed.
- Being a handyman after retirement is great. You set your own hours, charge what you want, and if the job’s not done perfectly? Well, it’s not like they can fire you.
- I finally found a handyman who understands the word “urgent.” Means he’ll get to it sometime before he kicks the bucket.
Handyman Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Why did the handyman bring a ladder to the bar? He heard the drinks were on the house! 🪜🍻
- Just saw a handyman holding a tape measure up to a broken heart sculpture. Asked him what he was doing… He said he was trying to mend a broken heart. 💔📏
- I used to be a pretty good handyman, but then I hit a rough patch. Now, I’m just wall-eyed from crying. 👀😂
- My wife told me to get a handyman to fix the sink… I said, “But honey, I am the handyman!” She said, “Exactly.” 🤦♂️
- Life hack: Marry a handyman. That way when things go wrong, you have someone to blame it on. 😜 (Don’t tell my wife I said that)
- You know what’s a handyman’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal! 🤘😂
- Why can’t handymen ever finish telling a story? Because they always get sidetracked! 🔨😆
- Handyman walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I think I’m addicted to WD-40.” Doctor says, “Don’t worry, this problem is easily fixable.” 👨🔧
- What’s a handyman’s favorite type of shoes? Work boots! …Get it? I’ll see myself out. 🥾🚪
- Being a handyman is like being a detective, except instead of finding clues, you’re usually the one who lost them. 🕵️♂️🔨
- Why did the handyman get lost in the hardware store? He went to aisle B4 and just couldn’t find his way back. 🗄️😂
- My therapist told me to do something with my hands to relieve stress… So I took up carpentry. Now I’m both stressed and covered in sawdust. 🪚😫
- My sink was talking back to me, so I called a handyman. Turns out, it had a leaky faucet. 💧🗣️
- Handyman walks into a library looking for books on shelves… Librarian whispers, “They’re in the non-fiction section.” 🤫📚
Nailed It! More Puns Under Construction.
We hope these handyman jokes and puns didn’t screw with your funny bone too much! But if you’re still hammering away for more laughs, nail down some fun by exploring the rest of our punny website. We’ve got more jokes than you can shake a screwdriver at!
