96+ Apricot Puns & Jokes: You’ve Gotta Be Kidding Me!
Get ready to laugh your pits off because we’ve got the best apricot jokes this side of the orchard! π This isn’t just a list of puns, it’s a carefully curated collection of apricot-themed humor so funny, it’ll tickle your funny bone. Get ready for some clever wordplay and fruity fun, perfect for kids and adults alike. Let’s get this apri-party started! π
Top Apricot Jokes – Best Picks
- Why don’t apricots make good detectives? They always jump to conch-lusions!
- What’s an apricot’s favorite genre of music? Anything but heavy metal… it makes them pitted!
- I tried to make apricot jam last week… It was just a big pit-asco!
- Why did the apricot get lost on vacation? It forgot to pack its compass-ion!
- How do you make an apricot split? With a pit-bull! (Don’t try this at home, kids!)
- What did the apricot say to the peach at the fruit stand? “Hey there, lookin’ peachy!”
- An apricot walks into a library looking for books on woodworking… The librarian says, “Sorry, we only have volumes on carpentry.” The apricot replies, “But I’m only a-fruit-ionately interested!”
- What do you call a group of apricots who form a band? The Stone Temple Pit-ches!
- Why are apricots such bad dancers? They have two left feet! (Technically, they don’t have any feet…)
- My grandpa says he remembers when apricots cost a nickel. Now those were the good ol’ days… before inflation made everything a-peach-antly expensive.
- You know what they say about apricots and patience… Good things come to those who wait… for them to ripen!
- What’s an apricot’s favorite type of car? A pit-up truck, of course!

Clever Apricot Puns – Best Picks
- Why don’t apricots make good detectives? They always get stuck in sticky situations.
- What do you call a group of apricots singing? A pit-ch perfect choir!
- My friend told me he started a fruit business selling only apricots. Sounds like a very a-peach-aling idea.
- I tried to make apricot jam the other day… …it was a terrible orchard-deal.
- You know what they say about apricots? They’re im-peach-ably delicious!
- Did you hear about the apricot who went out on his own? He was trying to find his pit-ential.
- What’s an apricot’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat.
- This morning I had to break up a fight between two apricots. I had to split them up.
- Why did the apricot get in trouble at school? He kept throwing pits in class.
- What does an apricot say after a long day? “I’m pit tired!”
- Life is like a box of apricots… …you never know what you’re gonna pit.
- Where do apricots sleep? On apri-cots!
- Never tell an apricot a secret… They’re always pitting others against each other.
Funny Apricot One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Apricot Jokes
- I tried to make apricot jam the other day, but I got in a real sticky situation.
- You’re looking absolutely stone fruit-geous today! Oh, this compliment is for you, Apricot.
- I met a friendly apricot at the farmers market, he was really ap-peach-able.
- Apricots are always getting into trouble. They’re real pit-y thieves.
- I told my friend an apricot pun, but he just said it was the pits.
- Apricots are so dramatic, they’re always saying, “It’s the pit-acle of my existence!”
- You know what they say, an apricot a day keeps the doctor⦠well, at least a little bit away.
- My dream is to open a juice bar that only serves apricot juice. I’d call it “The Apri-Spot.”
- Be careful not to make an apricot angry. When they lose their temper, it’s the pits.
- I tried to write a song about an apricot, but I couldn’t find its key-wi.
Apricot QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Apricot
- Q: What do you call an apricot that’s a really good secret keeper? A: A pit-bull of secrets!
- Q: How do apricots greet each other during allergy season? A: “Hey there, achoo-tiful!”
- Q: Why are apricots such bad liars? A: You can always see right through them!
- Q: What do you call a group of apricots who start a band? A: The Pit-ch Perfect Players!
- Q: What’s an apricot’s favorite movie? A: Mission: Improbable – Fallout (Get it? Fruit fallout!)
- Q: Why did the apricot get detention in school? A: It kept making juice boxes explode!
- Q: You’re driving a car full of apricots. What’s the name of your band? A: “Smashing Pumpkins” (but with less angst, more jam)
- Q: What do you call an apricot with a sunburn? A: A dried apricot, duh!
- Q: Why are apricots such good athletes? A: They’re full of vitamin A (and a-game!)
- Q: What did the judge say to the noisy apricot? A: “Order in the fruit court!”
- Q: Where do apricots go to dance? A: The A-pri-cotillion!
- Q: What’s an apricot’s favorite social media platform? A: The Apri-gram! (They love sharing pit-tures)
- Q: What do you get if you cross an apricot with a grumpy cat? A: A sour puss⦠with a pit!
Dad Jokes About Apricot: Pun-Filled Quips
- I tried to make apricot jam last week… but I had no current plans.
- What do you call an apricot who commits a crime? An apri-con!
- I used to work at an apricot farm, but I quit because it was too demanding. They said I had to work on all the apri-cots!
- My friend told me he’s starting an apricot farm with only half the land he needs… I guess he’s playing the long con?
- This morning, I ate an apricot while reading a dictionary. I was looking for the definition of a balanced breakfast.
- Someone keeps stealing apricots from my orchard. I suspect it’s an inside job.
- My wife asked me to get some apricot preserves at the store, but they were all out. Guess we’ll have to jam it out some other time.
- An apricot and a pear walk into a bar… the bartender says, “Wow, we don’t see you two together much. What’ll it be?”
- My kid asked me how trees get on the internet… I said, they log in! He groaned and asked, “Even the apricot trees?” I said, “Sure, they just use a different site. They log in on Apri-co.net!”
- My friend tried to make a car entirely out of apricots… Turns out it just wasn’t very durable. He said, “Well, it was worth a shot!”
- I saw a dog carrying an apricot in its mouth. I thought, “Wow, thatβs one smart pup-ricot!”
- How do you organize an apricot party? You planet.
- You know, some people say money can’t buy happiness. But I bet having an unlimited supply of apricots would put a smile on my face!
- Two apricots are sitting on a porch swing. One turns to the other and says, “Hey, wanna go out tonight? We can hit up the smoothie bar!”
Apricot Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why didn’t the apricot win the fruit race? Because it got pitted!
- What do you call a silly apricot? A-pri-silly!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Apricot. Apricot who? Apricot-a-licious day to you, too!
- My little brother tried to make apricot juice in the bathtub! What a crazy apri-tot!
- What did the mama apricot say to her little seeds? “Be good, and don’t cause a-peach!”
- What’s an apricot’s favorite game? Pit-a-pat!
- What do you get if you cross an apricot with a cat? A fuzzy fruit that loves to take naps!
- Why don’t apricots like to share? They’re a little bit… apri-greedy!
- What kind of music do apricots listen to? Anything with a good beat!
- What did the apricot say to the lemon? “Hey there, sour-puss!”
- Why did the apricot go to school? To improve its a-peel-ing knowledge!
Apricot Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the retired tailor refuse to use apricots in his fruit salad? He found them to be far too sew-fisticated.
- My doctor told me to incorporate more apricots into my diet. Now, I’m living la vita apricot!
- Heard about the new apricot-based dating app for seniors? It’s called “Wrinkled and Ready.”
- What’s an apricot’s favorite type of music? Anything from the pit-er Pan era.
- I went to an art exhibit featuring still lifes of fruit baskets. The apricot painting was breathtaking. It was truly appeeling.
- My friend tried to tell me apricots and nectarines are the same thing. I told him, “Get out of here with that pit-iful excuse for an argument.”
- Why don’t they allow apricots in the library? They keep getting into sticky situations with the dates.
- Retirement is like an apricot. It’s sweet, but you need to work a little to get to the good stuff.
- What do you get when you cross an apricot with a head of lettuce? I don’t know, but it’s probably something you shouldn’t tell your salad days are over.
- An apricot walks into a bar and orders a martini… The bartender looks at him and says, “We have a drink named after you.” The apricot replies, βYou have a drink called Steve?”
- My wife’s been leaving apricot pits around the house… I think she wants me to follow the breadcrumb trail to a romantic picnic. Or maybe she just forgets where she puts things.
- Why are apricots such bad dancers? They have two left feet.
- Back in my day, apricots cost a nickel! Now, inflation’s gone and pitted us all against each other.
- Don’t tell anyone, but I think the cantaloupe is cheating on the honeydew with the apricot… It’s a real melon-drama in the fruit bowl these days.
- You know you are getting old when… You and the apricot have the same number of wrinkles.
Apricot Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- I tried to make apricot jam last night, but I got into a real sticky situation. (Get it? Because jam is sticky…and situations can be tricky!)
- Did you hear about the apricot who went to school? It was a realβ¦ scholar-chip! (This one plays on the “scholar” sound in “apricot”!)
- I’m starting a band called The Dried Apricots. We’re gonna be huge… eventually. (A pun on dried apricots being smaller, but with the implication of future success!)
- Why did the apricot get bad grades? It kept getting stoned! (A cheeky reference to the pit being like a “stone”!)
- I told my friend all my problems. He said, “Look at the bright sideβ¦ at least you’re not an apricot!” I was like, “What’s wrong with being an apricot?” He goes, “Exactly!” (Absurdist humor is big online, and this one delivers!)
- What’s an apricot’s favorite type of music? β¦Anything but the blues! (Playing on the idea of apricots being orange, the opposite of blue!)
- You know, I’m a lot like an apricotβ¦ Sweet on the inside, but with a hard exterior that takes a bit to crack! (Relatable! We all know someone like this, making it perfect for sharing.)
- Why are apricots so bad at keeping secrets? They have a tendency to spill the pits! (Capitalizing on the dual meaning of “pits” as both the seed and gossip!)
- Just saw an apricot wearing sunglasses and sipping a tiny cocktail. Looks like summer’s in full swing! (Funny imagery + relatable summer vibes = online gold.)
- What do you call an apricot that’s also a lawyer? A pit-ificator! (Silly, but the “pit” soundalike works well!)
- I’m not saying I love apricots, but I would definitely fight a bear for one. Okay, maybe a small bear. A teddy bear? Fine, I really like apricots, okay? (Self-deprecating humor is always a hit online!)
- Someone stole all the apricots from the orchard! Police are describing it as a…stone-cold crime. (Bad pun? Absolutely. But those get shared ironically all the time!)
- Me trying to explain to my dog that the apricot isn’t a tennis ball is quickly becoming my villain origin story. (Relatable pet struggles + a touch of drama = prime meme material.)
- Went on a date last night, and they brought me a bouquet of apricots. I guess you could say⦠things are getting pretty peachy! (Ending strong with a classic, shareable pun!)
Apri-go Out on a Laugh!
We’re absolutely pitted you made it to the end of our apricot-themed joke fest! If you’re still hungry for more fruity puns and side-splitting humor, don’t stop here! Explore the rest of our a-peeling website for a bushel of laughs.