96+ Apricot Puns & Jokes: You’ve Gotta Be Kidding Me!

Get ready to laugh your pits off because we’ve got the best apricot jokes this side of the orchard! πŸ˜‚ This isn’t just a list of puns, it’s a carefully curated collection of apricot-themed humor so funny, it’ll tickle your funny bone. Get ready for some clever wordplay and fruity fun, perfect for kids and adults alike. Let’s get this apri-party started! πŸŽ‰

Top Apricot Jokes – Best Picks

  1. Why don’t apricots make good detectives? They always jump to conch-lusions!
  2. What’s an apricot’s favorite genre of music? Anything but heavy metal… it makes them pitted!
  3. I tried to make apricot jam last week… It was just a big pit-asco!
  4. Why did the apricot get lost on vacation? It forgot to pack its compass-ion!
  5. How do you make an apricot split? With a pit-bull! (Don’t try this at home, kids!)
  6. What did the apricot say to the peach at the fruit stand? “Hey there, lookin’ peachy!”
  7. An apricot walks into a library looking for books on woodworking… The librarian says, “Sorry, we only have volumes on carpentry.” The apricot replies, “But I’m only a-fruit-ionately interested!”
  8. What do you call a group of apricots who form a band? The Stone Temple Pit-ches!
  9. Why are apricots such bad dancers? They have two left feet! (Technically, they don’t have any feet…)
  10. My grandpa says he remembers when apricots cost a nickel. Now those were the good ol’ days… before inflation made everything a-peach-antly expensive.
  11. You know what they say about apricots and patience… Good things come to those who wait… for them to ripen!
  12. What’s an apricot’s favorite type of car? A pit-up truck, of course!
Ultimate collection of Best Apricot Jokes and Puns, One-liners, Dad Jokes, Funny Quotes, and Captions - Discover engaging and humorous content at PunnyHub.com

Clever Apricot Puns – Best Picks

  1. Why don’t apricots make good detectives? They always get stuck in sticky situations.
  2. What do you call a group of apricots singing? A pit-ch perfect choir!
  3. My friend told me he started a fruit business selling only apricots. Sounds like a very a-peach-aling idea.
  4. I tried to make apricot jam the other day… …it was a terrible orchard-deal.
  5. You know what they say about apricots? They’re im-peach-ably delicious!
  6. Did you hear about the apricot who went out on his own? He was trying to find his pit-ential.
  7. What’s an apricot’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat.
  8. This morning I had to break up a fight between two apricots. I had to split them up.
  9. Why did the apricot get in trouble at school? He kept throwing pits in class.
  10. What does an apricot say after a long day? “I’m pit tired!”
  11. Life is like a box of apricots… …you never know what you’re gonna pit.
  12. Where do apricots sleep? On apri-cots!
  13. Never tell an apricot a secret… They’re always pitting others against each other.
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Funny Apricot One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Apricot Jokes

  1. I tried to make apricot jam the other day, but I got in a real sticky situation.
  2. You’re looking absolutely stone fruit-geous today! Oh, this compliment is for you, Apricot.
  3. I met a friendly apricot at the farmers market, he was really ap-peach-able.
  4. Apricots are always getting into trouble. They’re real pit-y thieves.
  5. I told my friend an apricot pun, but he just said it was the pits.
  6. Apricots are so dramatic, they’re always saying, “It’s the pit-acle of my existence!”
  7. You know what they say, an apricot a day keeps the doctor… well, at least a little bit away.
  8. My dream is to open a juice bar that only serves apricot juice. I’d call it “The Apri-Spot.”
  9. Be careful not to make an apricot angry. When they lose their temper, it’s the pits.
  10. I tried to write a song about an apricot, but I couldn’t find its key-wi.

Apricot QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Apricot

  1. Q: What do you call an apricot that’s a really good secret keeper? A: A pit-bull of secrets!
  2. Q: How do apricots greet each other during allergy season? A: “Hey there, achoo-tiful!”
  3. Q: Why are apricots such bad liars? A: You can always see right through them!
  4. Q: What do you call a group of apricots who start a band? A: The Pit-ch Perfect Players!
  5. Q: What’s an apricot’s favorite movie? A: Mission: Improbable – Fallout (Get it? Fruit fallout!)
  6. Q: Why did the apricot get detention in school? A: It kept making juice boxes explode!
  7. Q: You’re driving a car full of apricots. What’s the name of your band? A: “Smashing Pumpkins” (but with less angst, more jam)
  8. Q: What do you call an apricot with a sunburn? A: A dried apricot, duh!
  9. Q: Why are apricots such good athletes? A: They’re full of vitamin A (and a-game!)
  10. Q: What did the judge say to the noisy apricot? A: “Order in the fruit court!”
  11. Q: Where do apricots go to dance? A: The A-pri-cotillion!
  12. Q: What’s an apricot’s favorite social media platform? A: The Apri-gram! (They love sharing pit-tures)
  13. Q: What do you get if you cross an apricot with a grumpy cat? A: A sour puss… with a pit!

Dad Jokes About Apricot: Pun-Filled Quips

  1. I tried to make apricot jam last week… but I had no current plans.
  2. What do you call an apricot who commits a crime? An apri-con!
  3. I used to work at an apricot farm, but I quit because it was too demanding. They said I had to work on all the apri-cots!
  4. My friend told me he’s starting an apricot farm with only half the land he needs… I guess he’s playing the long con?
  5. This morning, I ate an apricot while reading a dictionary. I was looking for the definition of a balanced breakfast.
  6. Someone keeps stealing apricots from my orchard. I suspect it’s an inside job.
  7. My wife asked me to get some apricot preserves at the store, but they were all out. Guess we’ll have to jam it out some other time.
  8. An apricot and a pear walk into a bar… the bartender says, “Wow, we don’t see you two together much. What’ll it be?”
  9. My kid asked me how trees get on the internet… I said, they log in! He groaned and asked, “Even the apricot trees?” I said, “Sure, they just use a different site. They log in on Apri-co.net!”
  10. My friend tried to make a car entirely out of apricots… Turns out it just wasn’t very durable. He said, “Well, it was worth a shot!”
  11. I saw a dog carrying an apricot in its mouth. I thought, “Wow, that’s one smart pup-ricot!”
  12. How do you organize an apricot party? You planet.
  13. You know, some people say money can’t buy happiness. But I bet having an unlimited supply of apricots would put a smile on my face!
  14. Two apricots are sitting on a porch swing. One turns to the other and says, “Hey, wanna go out tonight? We can hit up the smoothie bar!”
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Apricot Jokes and Puns for Kids

  1. Why didn’t the apricot win the fruit race? Because it got pitted!
  2. What do you call a silly apricot? A-pri-silly!
  3. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Apricot. Apricot who? Apricot-a-licious day to you, too!
  4. My little brother tried to make apricot juice in the bathtub! What a crazy apri-tot!
  5. What did the mama apricot say to her little seeds? “Be good, and don’t cause a-peach!”
  6. What’s an apricot’s favorite game? Pit-a-pat!
  7. What do you get if you cross an apricot with a cat? A fuzzy fruit that loves to take naps!
  8. Why don’t apricots like to share? They’re a little bit… apri-greedy!
  9. What kind of music do apricots listen to? Anything with a good beat!
  10. What did the apricot say to the lemon? “Hey there, sour-puss!”
  11. Why did the apricot go to school? To improve its a-peel-ing knowledge!

Apricot Jokes and Puns for Elders

  1. Why did the retired tailor refuse to use apricots in his fruit salad? He found them to be far too sew-fisticated.
  2. My doctor told me to incorporate more apricots into my diet. Now, I’m living la vita apricot!
  3. Heard about the new apricot-based dating app for seniors? It’s called “Wrinkled and Ready.”
  4. What’s an apricot’s favorite type of music? Anything from the pit-er Pan era.
  5. I went to an art exhibit featuring still lifes of fruit baskets. The apricot painting was breathtaking. It was truly appeeling.
  6. My friend tried to tell me apricots and nectarines are the same thing. I told him, “Get out of here with that pit-iful excuse for an argument.”
  7. Why don’t they allow apricots in the library? They keep getting into sticky situations with the dates.
  8. Retirement is like an apricot. It’s sweet, but you need to work a little to get to the good stuff.
  9. What do you get when you cross an apricot with a head of lettuce? I don’t know, but it’s probably something you shouldn’t tell your salad days are over.
  10. An apricot walks into a bar and orders a martini… The bartender looks at him and says, “We have a drink named after you.” The apricot replies, β€œYou have a drink called Steve?”
  11. My wife’s been leaving apricot pits around the house… I think she wants me to follow the breadcrumb trail to a romantic picnic. Or maybe she just forgets where she puts things.
  12. Why are apricots such bad dancers? They have two left feet.
  13. Back in my day, apricots cost a nickel! Now, inflation’s gone and pitted us all against each other.
  14. Don’t tell anyone, but I think the cantaloupe is cheating on the honeydew with the apricot… It’s a real melon-drama in the fruit bowl these days.
  15. You know you are getting old when… You and the apricot have the same number of wrinkles.
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Apricot Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

  1. I tried to make apricot jam last night, but I got into a real sticky situation. (Get it? Because jam is sticky…and situations can be tricky!)
  2. Did you hear about the apricot who went to school? It was a real… scholar-chip! (This one plays on the “scholar” sound in “apricot”!)
  3. I’m starting a band called The Dried Apricots. We’re gonna be huge… eventually. (A pun on dried apricots being smaller, but with the implication of future success!)
  4. Why did the apricot get bad grades? It kept getting stoned! (A cheeky reference to the pit being like a “stone”!)
  5. I told my friend all my problems. He said, “Look at the bright side… at least you’re not an apricot!” I was like, “What’s wrong with being an apricot?” He goes, “Exactly!” (Absurdist humor is big online, and this one delivers!)
  6. What’s an apricot’s favorite type of music? …Anything but the blues! (Playing on the idea of apricots being orange, the opposite of blue!)
  7. You know, I’m a lot like an apricot… Sweet on the inside, but with a hard exterior that takes a bit to crack! (Relatable! We all know someone like this, making it perfect for sharing.)
  8. Why are apricots so bad at keeping secrets? They have a tendency to spill the pits! (Capitalizing on the dual meaning of “pits” as both the seed and gossip!)
  9. Just saw an apricot wearing sunglasses and sipping a tiny cocktail. Looks like summer’s in full swing! (Funny imagery + relatable summer vibes = online gold.)
  10. What do you call an apricot that’s also a lawyer? A pit-ificator! (Silly, but the “pit” soundalike works well!)
  11. I’m not saying I love apricots, but I would definitely fight a bear for one. Okay, maybe a small bear. A teddy bear? Fine, I really like apricots, okay? (Self-deprecating humor is always a hit online!)
  12. Someone stole all the apricots from the orchard! Police are describing it as a…stone-cold crime. (Bad pun? Absolutely. But those get shared ironically all the time!)
  13. Me trying to explain to my dog that the apricot isn’t a tennis ball is quickly becoming my villain origin story. (Relatable pet struggles + a touch of drama = prime meme material.)
  14. Went on a date last night, and they brought me a bouquet of apricots. I guess you could say… things are getting pretty peachy! (Ending strong with a classic, shareable pun!)

Apri-go Out on a Laugh!

We’re absolutely pitted you made it to the end of our apricot-themed joke fest! If you’re still hungry for more fruity puns and side-splitting humor, don’t stop here! Explore the rest of our a-peeling website for a bushel of laughs.

Rabia Noreen & Team

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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