100+ Julius Caesar Jokes: Puns Et Tu, Brute-Fully Enjoy!
Get ready to laugh your sandals off because we’ve got the best Julius Caesar jokes and puns this side of the Rubicon! 😂 Whether you’re a kid who thinks toga parties are just fancy dress-up, or a history buff who knows their Brutus from their Brutus Beefcake, this list of clever puns and funny jokes is sure to entertain. ⚔️ Get ready for some seriously funny historical humor! 🎉
Top Julius Caesar Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did Julius Caesar fail his geography test? He couldn’t find his place in Rome.
- Why did Julius Caesar always carry a spare toga? In case he had a toga party!
- Julius Caesar walks into a bar… He goes up to the bartender and says, “I’ll have a martinus.” The bartender raises an eyebrow. “You mean a martini?” Caesar replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”
- What’s Julius Caesar’s favorite cheese? Provolonions!
- I met Julius Caesar the other day. Turns out he’s not a big fan of salads. He said, “Et tu, lettuce?”
- What did they call Julius Caesar after he broke up with Cleopatra? Single and ready to conquer.
- Julius Caesar walks into a Roman doctor’s office covered in blood. The doctor exclaims, “Good heavens, Caesar! What happened?” Caesar dramatically cries out, “Help me! I’ve been stabbed!” The doctor calmly replies, “Well, yeah, that seems to be the problem.”
- Why was Julius Caesar so good at problem-solving? He always divided and conquered.
- How do we know Julius Caesar was a trendsetter? He came, he saw, he conquered… then he wrote a self-help book about it.
- Why was Julius Caesar buried in Las Vegas? Because he always bet on himself!
- How did Julius Caesar travel such long distances so quickly? He had a Roman chariot with a V12 engine.
- What was Julius Caesar’s favorite type of music? Anything by The Romantics.
- You know you’re obsessed with Roman history when… You start saluting your dog and saying, “Veni, vidi, vici!”
- Julius Caesar is widely considered the inventor of… Caesar salad. He just couldn’t share the recipe.
- How is a calendar like Julius Caesar? They both have their Ides.
Clever Julius Caesar Puns – Best Picks
- “Et tu, Brute? That’s a bad briehavior!” – Julius Caesar, probably, if he was lactose intolerant.
- Why was Julius Caesar so ambitious? He heard Rome wasn’t built in a day, but he thought he could Ceas-ar it up!
- Julius Caesar walked into a bar. He said, “I’ll have a martinus. Veni, vidi, vici!” The bartender sighed, “Dude, you’re cut off.”
- Heard about the new Julius Caesar biopic? It’s called “From Caesar to Seizure”.
- What’s Julius Caesar’s favorite type of salad? A Caesar salad, of course! Hail, dressing!
- Why was Caesar such a bad gambler? He always bet on the wrong horseman!
- What was Julius Caesar’s favorite sandwich? A “From Veni Vidi Vichi” sub!
- Why did Julius Caesar fail his art class? He struggled with Roman numerals and couldn’t draw straight lines to save his life!
- Did you hear about the chaotic toga party Caesar threw? It was a real Caesar-tastrophe!
- What’s Julius Caesar’s favorite month? It’s Julius, obviously!
- Julius Caesar walks into a Roman bakery and asks, “Got any gluten-free bread?” The baker replies, “Gluten tag it!”
- Why did Caesar cross the Rubicon? To prove he wasn’t chicken, obviously!
- Julius Caesar was a trendsetter. They called him the “emperor of style.”
- “Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your beers! It’s hot out here conquering Gaul!” – A very relatable Julius Caesar.
Funny Julius Caesar One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Julius Caesar Jokes
- Did you hear about the psychic Roman emperor who was also a stand-up comedian? He was a real Seer-ius Caesar!
- I went to a toga party themed around Julius Caesar. It was a really toga-ther kind of night.
- Why shouldn’t you challenge Julius Caesar to a fight? You’ll end up with a Caesar salad.
- Julius Caesar loved throwing huge parties. You could say he always went all out for his Caesar-emonies!
- What was Julius Caesar’s favorite salad dressing? It was creamy with a pungent kick, they called it “veni, vidi, vinaigrette!”
- Someone stole all the doors from Caesar’s palace! It was a catastroph-idi-ough moment.
- Why did Julius Caesar always carry a calendar? To keep track of the Ides of March deals!
- What’s Julius Caesar’s favorite cheese? Camembert-us, of course!
- What’s Julius Caesar’s catchphrase in his gladiator cooking show? “Ready, Steady, Stab!”
- Never start a fight with Julius Caesar. He’ll take you down in one fell swoop… literally.
- Julius Caesar was famous for more than just conquests. He also started a line of luxury bath products called “Ave, Bath-ica!”
- What did the mathematician say about Julius Caesar? “He’s average… Roman average.”
- Julius Caesar’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones, because they always said, “Hail! Hail! Rock ‘n’ Roll!”
- What did Caesar say to the Egyptian Sphinx? “You think you’re so great, with your riddles and your lion body… at least I have a head!”
Julius Caesar QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Julius Caesar
- Q: What did the Roman citizens shout on Julius Caesar’s birthday? A: Hail, Caesar! It’s your salad day! (Playing on the phrase “salad days” meaning youthful time)
- Q: Where did Julius Caesar keep his armies? A: Up his sleevies, Caesar! (Humorous play on “up his sleeve”)
- Q: Why was Caesar such a heartbreaker? A: He ruled Rome-ance! (Combining “Rome” and “romance”)
- Q: What did Caesar say when he saw the overpriced chariot? A: That’s outrageous, man! (Humorous connection to “outrageous” and “chariot-us man”)
- Q: What was Caesar’s favorite salad dressing? A: Caesar dressing, of course! (Classic and unavoidable pun)
- Q: What was Julius Caesar’s favorite Broadway musical? A: Any show with a killer chorus! (Dark humor referencing his assassination)
- Q: Why did Caesar fail his geography test? A: He couldn’t find Gaul on the map! (Play on “Gaul” being a historical region and “gall” meaning boldness)
- Q: What did Caesar say when he had too much wine? A: I came, I saw, I conquer … hic … ed too much! (Modifying his famous quote with a drunken hiccup)
- Q: What did the gladiator say to Caesar after winning the chariot race? A: I came, I saw, I conquered … your horse! (Twisting Caesar’s quote)
- Q: Did you hear about the chaotic Roman toga party? A: It was utter Caesar-strophe! (Combining “Caesar” with “catastrophe”)
- Q: Why was Caesar so good at math? A: He excelled at Roman numerals! (Logical and straightforward pun)
- Q: Why don’t they teach Julius Caesar in school anymore? A: They stabbed him in the curriculum! (Dark humor play on his assassination)
- Q: What did they call Caesar after he tripped and fell into the River Tiber? A: All wet, Caesar! (Silly and playful take on a historical figure)
- Q: Why didn’t Caesar enjoy playing hide and seek? A: Because he was always getting assassinated! (Another dark humor reference)
- Q: What did the fortune teller predict for Julius Caesar’s future? A: Beware the Ides of March … and any suspicious salads! (Connecting the warning with Caesar’s love for salad)
Dad Jokes About Julius Caesar: Pun-Filled Quips
- Did you hear about the Roman Emperor who was a real cut-up? He came, he saw, he Julius Caesard!
- Why was Caesar so sad when he looked at the Roman Empire on a globe? He left out Greece!
- What did the romaine lettuce say to Caesar? “Lettuce be friends!”
- My son is obsessed with Ancient Rome. He even tried convincing his teacher to rename the class hamster “Julius Cheeser.”
- I used to hate Caesar Salad, but now it’s all grown on me.
- Why was Caesar such a bad gambler? He always bet on the wrong horse-drawn chariot!
- I went to a toga party themed after Julius Caesar, but I forgot my sheet! You could say I came, I saw, I sheet-conquered!
- Why did Caesar fail his art history class? He couldn’t tell his statues apart!
- If you were a Roman Emperor what would your theme song be? Hail, Caesar-tainly not!
- Did you hear about the psychic Roman emperor? He had a seer sucker robe.
- You know, I think Caesar dressing might taste better if it had more croutons.
- My wife told me to name our twins Romeo and Caesar. Well, at least I got half of it right.
- Why shouldn’t you mess with Caesar? Because he’ll be back…in 10 minutes or less!
- Brutus was a terrible friend but a worse barber. Sure, Caesar said “Et tu, Brute?” but what he meant was “Hey, watch the sideburns!”
Julius Caesar Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why was Julius Caesar so popular? Because he was totally roam-antic!
- What did Julius Caesar say when he saw the salad bar? “Et tu, lettuce?”
- Julius Caesar walked into a Roman bakery and asked, “Ave, bread?”
- What was Julius Caesar’s favorite type of music? Anything with a lyre!
- Why didn’t Caesar like drinking wine anymore? He had too many grapes with the senators.
- Why did Julius Caesar always carry a spare toga? In case he got into a toga-ther mishap!
- Where did Julius Caesar learn to conquer the world? Caesar-garten!
- How did Caesar describe his army of elephants? “Well, they’re really trunk-tional!”
- Why was Caesar such a sore loser at board games? He always went back to square one!
- What did the history teacher say when Julius Caesar tripped and fell? “He really took a tumble down the Roman Empire!”
- Why was Julius Caesar scared of calendars? Because they had Ides of March!
- What did the Romans use to build their houses? Caesar salad dressing… it holds everything together!
- What’s Julius Caesar’s favorite kind of pizza? Pepperoni-us Maximus!
- Julius Caesar walked into a Roman restaurant. He said to the waiter, “I’ll have a Caesar salad, and make it snappy!”
- How did Julius Caesar travel through time? In his time mach-ine!
Julius Caesar Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did Julius Caesar fail his driving test? Because he kept going over the Roman NUMEROUS times!
- Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a martini. As he’s paying, he drops a coin. He bends over to pick it up and says… “Et tu, dime?”
- You know, in my day, we could get stabbed 23 times and still make it to our own funeral. pauses to adjust hearing aid Kids these days are so soft…
- I told my granddaughter about the Ides of March. She said, “Sounds dramatic, but I’d rather shop at Target.” Kids these days!
- Caesar walks into the Senate, looking glum. Brutus asks, “What’s wrong, Caesar?” Caesar sighs, “Veni, vidi, wifi weak.”
- What’s the difference between Julius Caesar and a salad? You can’t make a salad with romaine lettuce!
- What’s Julius Caesar’s favorite cheese? Cheddarus Cheesus! (said in a faux-Latin accent)
- Doctors say a balanced diet is key to a long life. Guess that’s why Julius Caesar ate his salad with a side of knives. chuckles wryly
- My doctor told me I need to exercise like a Roman emperor. So I’m conquering the couch and enslaving a bag of chips.
- My grandson told me he was learning about the Roman Empire. I said, “Back in my day, we didn’t learn about empires, we built them!” Then I accidentally took my blood pressure medication twice.
- Caesar’s last words weren’t “Et tu, Brute?” They were, “I should have stayed home and watched Netflix.”
- What’s the only cure for a Roman emperor with a cold? Caesar salad-dressing!
- Why was Caesar so bad at poker? Because he never knew when to hold ’em or fold ’em. Especially when Brutus was around. winks knowingly
- They say Rome wasn’t built in a day. Obviously, they never saw me try to assemble a piece of IKEA furniture.
- You know you’re old when you start identifying more with the senators than with Caesar in that whole assassination scene.
Julius Caesar Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just finished “Julius Caesar”. The ending was a real stab in the back. #Shakespeare #Ouch
- Heard they’re making a Julius Caesar biopic…starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Gonna be called “See-sar Salad.” 😂 #CastingNews #Punny
- My love life is like the Ides of March for Caesar…doomed from the start. 😩 #SingleLife #ShakespeareanProblems
- Tried to explain Roman history to a toddler. Showed them a picture of Caesar. They pointed and said, “Dog!” Close enough. 🐶 #Parenting #HistoryFail
- You know you’ve read too much Shakespeare when your GPS tells you to “Turn left, Brutus.” 🤔 #NavigationFail #BardLife
- “Beware the Ides of March,” they said. Me: “It’s cool, I brought my umbrella.” ☔️ #MarchWeather #AlwaysBePrepared
- If Julius Caesar was alive today, he’d be all over Twitter. Probably trending with #VeniVidiVici. 📱 #SocialMedia #RomanInfluencer
- My bank account after a weekend trip to Rome is looking like the Roman Empire after Caesar’s assassination…in ruins. 💸 #TravelBroke #AncientHistory
- Caesar salad is basically the Beyoncé of salads…iconic, powerful, and always dressed to impress. 👑 #SaladGoals #QueenBey
- Teacher: “Can anyone name a famous Roman emperor?” Me: “Augustus Caesar.” Teacher: “Excellent! And his brother?” Me: “…Julius Spring?” 🙈 #HistoryFail #BrainFartz
- My dog is named Brutus. Taking him out for a walk on March 15th is always awkward. 🐾 #DogOwnerProblems #IdesOfMarch
Et Tu, Brute-ful? Time for a Caesar Salad!
Well, folks, it appears we’ve reached the Ides of this pun-derful journey through the world of Julius Caesar jokes. We hope these quips and puns about the legendary Roman emperor left you feeling anything but stabbed in the back. But hey, if you’re still hungry for more laughs, don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! Just head over to our website and explore the vast Roman empire of hilarious puns and jokes. Trust us, it’s far from a tragic comedy!
