110+ Caesar Puns & Jokes: Lettuce Romaine Calm and Laugh!
Ave, friends! π Get ready to laugh your togas off because weβve got a list of Caesar jokes and puns that are truly best in class! ππ From clever wordplay to funny quips that even kids will love, this collection of puns about Caesar is guaranteed to bring the humor. So, lettuce begin! π₯¬ Youβll be saying βet tu, Brute?β to your sides from laughing so hard. π€£
Top Caesar Jokes β Best Picks
Why was Caesar such a bad gambler? Because he always came, saw, and lost it all!
Did you hear about the restaurant Caesar opened on the moon? I heard the food was good, but it had no atmosphere.
Why did Caesar fail his art history exam? He thought a βstill lifeβ was a statue of himself.
How did Caesar describe his salad dressing recipe? βEt tu, croutons?β
What did Caesar say when he returned from conquering Gaul? βVeni, vidi, wifi!β
What was Caesarβs favorite Broadway musical? βAnnie, Get Your Chariot!β
A Roman walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, βTheyβre right behind you!β The Roman replies, βThose are about Caesar!β
Why did Caesar always carry a spare toga? In case he had a toga party!
What did the Roman children sing on Caesarβs birthday? βHail, Caesar! The pizzaβs here!β
Whatβs the difference between Caesar and a pizza delivery guy? One came, saw, and conquered, while the other came, saw, and conquered your hunger.
Did you hear about Caesarβs stand-up comedy routine? It was to-ga-ther awful.
Why wouldnβt Caesar approve of instant coffee? He liked his coffee like he liked his victories: brewed fresh and instant-iously legendary!
What was Caesarβs password? VeniVidiVici (but his friends called him V3 for short).
Clever Caesar Puns β Best Picks
Why did Caesar always travel with a spare toga? In case he ran into some bad Roman numerals.
Caesar walks into a bar and orders a fruit basket. The bartender says, βWe donβt serve food here. And Julius quit last week.β
What was Caesarβs favorite salad? Hail Caesar!
Did you hear about the restaurant Caesar opened after retiring? Itβs called βEt Tu, Brutefait?β
Why did the Roman Empire fall? They never learned to Caesar the day.
Whatβs Caesarβs favorite Broadway show? A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum.
What did Caesar say when he saw the overpriced silk robes? βThatβs outrageous! Toga be kidding me!β
How did Caesar feel about his enemies? He loathed them.
What beverage did Caesar enjoy in the Colosseumβs private box? Gladiatorade.
What was Caesarβs least favorite month? March.
Why did Caesar bring a ladder to the Senate? He heard the seats were tiered.
Caesarβs biggest pet peeve? People who were wishy-washy. He demanded they βBe Roman about it!β
What did the gladiator say after winning a tough battle? βI came, I saw, I conquered! But enough about Caesarβ¦β
Funny Caesar One-Liner Jokes β Short & Funny Caesar Jokes
I went to a party hosted by Julius Caesar last night⦠I came, I saw, I passed out.
Did you hear about the psychic dwarf who escaped from prison? They say heβs a small medium at large.
Caesar walked into a Roman bar and said βIβll have a martinus.β The bartender replied, βDonβt you mean martini?β Caesar said, βIf I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!β
I used to date a Roman emperor. It was great for a while, then it all went Caesar salad.
My friend said βEt tu, Brute?β at our dinner party last night. I responded, βDude, itβs a potluck, not a reenactment.β
You know, money talksβ¦ but all mine ever says is βEt tu, Brute?β
Whatβs Caesarβs favorite salad dressing? Itβs a vinaigrette he made himselfβ¦ he calls it βVeni, vidi, vinaigrette!β
Caesar had a favorite pet, but it got assassinated. It was a Brutus the Betta fish.
My Roman history teacher told us Caesar wasnβt ambitious. I think he was just in denial.
My dog is named Caesar, but heβs more of a lover than a fighter. He prefers belly rubs to conquering Gaul.
Tried to explain the concept of Caesar Salad to a Roman, he looked at me like I was crazy!
Whatβs a Roman emperorβs least favorite month? March. It just stresses him out.
I told my friend all about ancient Rome. He said, βThatβs an interesting Caesar story, bro!β
What cheese did Caesar like on his pizza? Asiago, obviously.
What did Caesar say when his friend boasted about his new chariot? βThose are some nice wheels, Brutus!β
Caesar QnA Quip β QnA Jokes & Puns about Caesar
Q: What did Caesar say when he saw the overpriced Roman baths? A: βEt tu, Brute-al on the wallet!β
Q: Why did Caesar always carry a spare toga? A: In case he had a toga-ther accident!
Q: Whatβs Caesarβs favorite salad dressing? A: Anything but Ranch, he was a Caesar-ian guy.
Q: Whatβs a Roman emperorβs favorite movie? A: Gladiator, it really resonated with him.
Q: What did Caesar say as he died? A: βIβve been stabbed in the back! And the frontβ¦ and the sideβ¦ frankly, itβs quite crowded down here.β
Q: What do you call a Roman emperor who hates vegetables? A: Julius Caesar-ly Dislikes Broccoli.
Q: Did you hear about the new Caesar-themed amusement park? A: Itβs got everything: chariot roller coasters, gladiator shows, a toga-wearing contestβ¦ itβs got it all!
Q: Why donβt they serve alcohol in the Roman Senate anymore? A: Too many senators were getting stabbed in the back after a few drinks.
Q: Whatβs a Roman emperorβs favorite type of music? A: Anything but organ music, he found it too organist-rated.
Q: Whatβs Caesarβs favorite Broadway show? A: βJulius Caesar: The Musical!β He loves a good self-referential plot.
Q: Whatβs a Roman emperorβs favorite type of dog? A: A Caesar-an section, obviously!
Q: Why was Caesar so good at math? A: He excelled at Roman numerals.
Q: What did Caesar say to the Egyptian sphinx? A: βHey, you look like youβve got a lot on your mind!β
Q: Heard about the chaotic Roman bakery? A: They were always having a Caesar-kerfuffle.
Dad Jokes About Caesar: Pun-Filled Quips
Did you hear about the Roman Emperor who opened a salad bar? He called it βHail, Caesar! β¦and dressing on the side.β
I tried to explain to my son that βCaesarβ isnβt a real job. He said, βYeah, right! Then what was Juliusβs salad dressing all about?β
Why did Caesar always travel with a spare toga? In case he ran into some bad togas!
Caesar walks into a Roman pub and orders a martini. The bartender asks, βOlive or twist?β Caesar replies, βVeni, vidi, vΔ«ciβ¦ give me both!β
Why did Caesar fail his art history exam? He thought the Venus de Milo was just going through a faze.
I met a gladiator today who said he was undefeated. Turned out, he was just a Caesar salad enthusiast⦠always romaine undefeated.
Why did Caesar hate playing board games? Because he always got Gaul-ed at losing!
I saw a street performer dressed as Caesar juggling knives. I thought, βWow, this takes gutsβ¦ or should I say, βAve, Gutsβ?β
My kid wanted a pet lion after learning about Caesar. I said, βDonβt be ridiculous, those things will eat you like a Caesar saladβ¦ with croutons!β
Why was Caesar such a bad gambler? He always bet on the wrong horseβ¦ or, should I say, the wrong Ro-Man!β
Why did Caesar bring a ladder to the Coliseum? He heard they were having a sale on gladiator sandals!
Whatβs Caesarβs favorite musical? Anything by βThe Ro-Mantics!β
My wife asked me to pick up some dressing for our salad. I said, βSure, but make sure you hail Caesar when you see him!β
What do you call a Caesar salad that talks back? A sassy Caesar!
Caesar Jokes and Puns for Kids
Why did the salad go to the Roman doctor? Because it had a bad case of Caesar!
What did Caesar say when he saw the cute puppy? βHail, pupter!β
Whatβs a Roman emperorβs favorite type of music? Anything but de-FEAT-ed music!
Where did Caesar park his chariot? In the palace of parking!
Why donβt they let Caesar eat at buffets anymore? He always tries to conquer the salad bar!
Knock, Knock! Whoβs there? Caesar. Caesar who? Caesar salad days are over, itβs time for dessert!
Whatβs a Roman emperorβs favorite sandwich? Chicken Caesar, of course!
Why did the Roman kid get sent to his room? He kept saying βVeni, vidi, vine-garβ instead of βVeni, vidi, viciβ!
Whatβs Caesarβs favorite board game? Risk, because he loves to conquer!
Why couldnβt Caesar find his throne? Someone stole his Roman furniture!
What did Caesar say to the fortune teller? βTell me my future, see-zah!β
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato Caesar!
Teacher: What did Caesar say when he crossed the Rubicon? Student: βI came, I saw, I slipped on a banana peel!β
Why was Caesar such a good emperor? He always listened to the senateβ¦or at least he pretended to!
Caesar Jokes and Puns for Elders
Why did Caesar always travel with a spare toga? In case he had a run-in with the Gauls. (Like, a run in his stockings!)
Caesar walks into a Roman doctorβs office. He says, βDoc, it hurts when I do thisβ¦β and makes a grand gesture. The doctor replies, βThen donβt do that, youβre not a young man anymore!β
My doctor told me to eat more Caesar saladsβ¦ He said itβs time to romaine calm about my health.
Heard they found Caesarβs shopping listβ¦ Turns out he really did want it all.
You know, Caesar had terrible stage frightβ¦ He always said, βThe Ides of March are the worst!β
Caesarβs biggest pet peeve? People who used his salad dressing on Greek salads. He called it a culinary Rubicon β a line you just donβt cross.
Whatβs the difference between Julius Caesar and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
Back in Caesarβs day, did they have crosswords? I bet they were all Roman numerals.
Caesar was known for his ambitious building projects. Someone once asked, βHow do you find these architects?β Caesar simply shrugged, βI Roman around.β
Why did Caesar refuse to eat at the Forum food stalls? Too many emperors. He preferred a quiet wine and cheese plate.
You know, in this economy, even Caesarβs looking for side work. Last I heard heβs selling insuranceβ¦ βVeni, Vidi, Vici (your insurance claim)!β
Calpurnia tried to warn Caesar about the Ides of Marchβ¦ He just told her to βChill out, itβs just another day in paradise.β Famous last words.
Ever notice how history repeats itself? Itβs like Caesar always said, βTo err is human, to forgive is divine, but to trip on the same rock twice? Thatβs just embarrassing.β
Whatβs the difference between Julius Caesar and a Roman salad? One is covered in dressing, the other was dressed to kill.
Caesar Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
Just finished a puzzle that took me 44 BC to complete. Turns out it was a Roman Caesar puzzle.
Caesar walks into a bar. Orders a martini. Barkeep says, βOlive or twist?β Caesar replies, βVeni, vidi, vodka!β
Why donβt they let Caesar play cards in the Colosseum anymore? Because he always brings his Royal Flush! π
Why was Caesar such a bad gambler? He always bet on the wrong horseβ¦man. π
My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. Guess Iβll go hang out with Caesar. π
I tried to make a Caesar salad, but I forgot the dressing. It was a complete Roman disaster. π₯π
Caesar walks into a bar and says, βIβll have a glass of wineβ¦et tu, Brute?βπ·
My friend said he wanted to live like Caesar for a day. I told him, βDonβt get too ambitious. Just try for an hour.β
Why did the Roman Empire fall? Too many Caesars, not enough salad. π₯π
Caesar salad is so romaine-tic. Itβs the perfect meal for two. β€οΈπ₯
Whatβs Caesarβs favorite type of music? Anything but a stab-bing track! πΆπͺ
Just learned that Caesar was a big fan of charades. His favorite phrase to act out? βEt tu, Brute?β π
Why did Caesar fail his history test? He thought the Ides of March were a boy band. π€ποΈ
Ave Caesar! These Puns Conquered Your Funny Bone.
We hope these Caesar jokes and puns had you saying βVeni, vidi, vici!β Laughter is the best medicine, after all, and weβve got a whole empire of puns and jokes just waiting to be explored. So donβt be a Brutus about it β head over to our website for more hilarious wordplay!
