101+ Stab Jokes & Puns: You’ll Get the Point!

Get ready to laugh your guts out (figuratively, of course 😜) with this hilarious list of stab jokes and puns! We’ve got the best, most clever jokes about “stab” and “stabbing” that are sure to tickle your funny bone. This kid-friendly 😄 list is perfect for anyone who loves a good pun or a clever play on words. Get ready for some side-splitting humor! 😂

Top Stab Jokes – Best Picks

1. Why don’t they allow knives on sword fights anymore? Someone always ends up getting stabbed in the back.
2. I went to an art auction and saw a painting of a knife fight. It was truly a stabbing portrayal of the event.
3. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe. Or, if it carries a weapon, a may-bee stab.
4. What’s the most dangerous vegetable? A stab-aragus.
5. You know what they say about assumptions… They can really stab you in the back, especially if you’re holding a knife wrong!
6. What’s a vampire’s least favorite type of bread? Anything with a good crust, they only like their food stabable.
7. I used to be a blacksmith, but I quit. It was too stab-ile a job. Get it? Sta-ble? Ah, forgetaboutit.
8. What did the judge say to the mime who murdered someone? You’re accused of assault and… silent, but deadly stabbery?
9. I’m writing a mystery novel about a killer who uses everyday objects. It’s a real stab in the dark.
10. How do you make a salad more exciting? Stab it with a fork. Don’t worry, it’s not as violent as it sounds.
11. My friend said his therapist recommended art therapy to deal with his anger issues. Apparently, finger painting wasn’t as therapeutic as stabbing the canvas.

Clever Stab Puns – Best Picks

1. I tried writing a pun about stabbing, but I couldn’t quite get the point.
2. What did the knife say to the backstabber? I saw right through you.
3. My friend tried to make a salad with a sword… I told him to romaine calm and use a knife, it was a very dicey situation.
4. Never ask a knife thrower about their career goals. They’re always stabbing for something more.
5. My friend quit his job at the acupuncture clinic. He says it was just too stab-ile.
6. I went to a restaurant that served food on tiny swords. It was skewer-ly delicious!
7. What do you call a group of assassins who only use pencils? A stab-ilizing force.
8. I started a fencing club, but nobody joined. Guess it was a stab in the dark.
9. My friend said he was going to try knife juggling. I told him to be careful, it’s a risky stab at fame.
10. I’m writing a play about Julius Caesar. It’s really coming along, but I’m stuck on the climax.
11. How does a ghost pay for a back massage? With ethereal funds.
12. What’s the sharpest cheese in the world? A stab-by cheddar.
13. Dating a cactus is tricky. You have to really watch where you stab your heart out.
14. A vampire walked into a blood drive and said, “Hey, is this where I can donate to a stab-worthy cause?”

Funny Stab One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Stab Jokes

1. Did you hear about the psychic arrested for stabbing someone? Apparently, it was a pre-meditated murder.
2. I saw a sign that said, “Knife throwing competition – Beginners welcome!” I thought, “That’s promising.”
3. I’m not saying the chef hates vegetables, but I saw him stab a carrot with a particularly menacing glare.
4. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… even with all those stab wounds.
5. Never bring a knife to a gunfight. Unless it’s cake time – then you’re the guest of honor!
6. My friend tried to stab me with a baguette. I was like, “What are you doing?!” He goes, “My bad, thought we were having a bread fight.”
7. For my birthday, I got a self-sealing jacket. It’s perfect – now when I get stabbed in the back, at least I won’t need stitches!
8. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Pouch potato… who probably got stabbed by all the other kangaroos tired of carrying its weight.
9. Two cannibals were eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
10. Did you hear about the guy who got stabbed with a calendar? The doctor said he was in a month-to-month condition.
11. A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.” A beat passes … then a zombie walks in and stabs the bartender in the back, yelling, “He said he wanted a SPIRIT!”
12. My friend says he’s a master of disguise, but I stabbed him with a pin the other day and he screamed in pain. Guess he wasn’t as sharp as he thought.
13. I went to a restaurant last night where the steak came with a free stabbing. Turns out the “free stabbing” was just a very aggressive waiter.

Stab QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Stab

1. Q: What do you call a backstabbing psychic? A: A pre-emptive pain. They saw it coming!
2. Q: Why did the sword apologize to the pin? A: Because it felt like it was being too “stabby”.
3. Q: What do you say to a cactus that tries to stab you? A: “Hey, prickly situation we have here!”
4. Q: Did you hear about the Olympic fencer who went into cooking? A: He makes a mean “stab” at a soufflé.
5. Q: What’s the most dangerous job at the cutlery factory? A: Quality control for the knives. You’re constantly taking your life in your hands with every “stab”.
6. Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award for bravery? A: He took a “stab” at protecting the fields, even though he was stuffed full of straw!
7. Q: What’s a knight’s favorite dance move? A: The “Sword Stab” – it’s a real crowd-pleaser!
8. Q: Why are porcupines such bad roommates? A: They keep trying to “stab” you with the rent money!
9. Q: What do you call a group of bees that form a weapon? A: A “Bee-Stab”! Be careful, they pack a real sting.
10. Q: Why did the sewing needle get promoted? A: It really knew how to “stab”-ilize the fabric.
11. Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: A pouch potato! (Sure, it’s not about stabbing, but it’s still funny!)
12. Q: Did you hear about the acupuncture student who got expelled? A: Turns out, he had a real problem with “stab”-bing people in the back.
13. Q: How do trees defend themselves? A: With their trusty “branch-stab”! Don’t mess with them.

Dad Jokes About Stab: Pun-Filled Quips

1. What do you call it when a knight stabs a dragon? Skewering the moment!
2. I went to an art exhibit on medieval weaponry. It was pretty stabby, but I gave it a knight out of ten.
3. I tried writing a play about backstabbing friends, but I couldn’t get the point across.
4. My friend tried to sell me a self-stirring knife, but I told him, “That’s a stab in the dark!”
5. What’s a vampire’s least favorite fruit? A stake-ato pear!
6. Just saw a documentary about knives. I thought it was pretty well-rounded… until the end.
7. Did you hear about the psychic arrested for stabbing someone? Apparently, he couldn’t handle the sharp criticism.
8. Why don’t mimes ever win knife fights? They always put up too much silent resistance.
9. Never get into a knife fight with a seamstress. They’re always packing heat.
10. How do trees get on the internet? They log in! (Okay, this one’s a bit of a stab in the dark…)
11. What’s sharper, a wit or a knife? A wit, it can stab you from a distance!
12. I used to be a blacksmith, specializing in fencing swords. I had to quit, the stress was unforgetable.
13. I saw a guy juggling knives while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. I thought to myself, “This is getting out of hand.”
14. Heard a rumor about butter… Apparently, it’s got a criminal record. Apparently, it’s been implicated in several stabbing cases!
15. Never argue with a knife thrower. They always have a point.

Stab Jokes and Puns for Kids

1. Why did the cactus get in trouble at school? Because it kept stabbing people with its point!
2. What do you call a knight who’s really good at guessing games? Sir Stab-a-lot!
3. What’s a bee’s least favorite weapon? A honey-stabber!
4. Why did the pencil fail art class? It couldn’t get the hang of shading, just stabbing!
5. What do you call a porcupine having a bad hair day? A stabby mess!
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Barbie. Barbie who? Barbie Q chicken, but don’t stab it with the fork!
7. What does a vampire use to sew with? A needle and stab!
8. Why don’t they play tag in the jungle? Because if you tag someone, it’s more like a stab!
9. What did one pin say to the other when they were hugging? “I’m so glad we’re not stabby friends anymore!”
10. Why did the circle get in trouble at school? Because it kept going off on tangents and stabbing everyone with its points!
11. What’s a pirate’s favorite board game? Stab-tionary!
12. How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern? With a pumpkin stab!
13. What do you get when you cross a bee and a sword? I don’t know, but I wouldn’t want to be its stab-ject!
14. Why did the artist get arrested? Because he framed someone with a stab-ile easel!
15. What’s a gardener’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beet…I mean, beat! Just don’t stab the speakers!

Stab Jokes and Puns for Elders

1. Why did the senior citizen refuse to go to the knife-throwing act? He said, “At my age, I’ve seen enough stabbing pains for one lifetime.”
2. My doctor asked if I’d experienced any sharp pains recently. I told him, “Only when I’m with my ex-wife!”
3. What do you call a backstabbing acupuncturist? A real pain in the neck.
4. Two old friends are reminiscing about their favorite meals. One sighs, “Remember fondue? Good times…” The other replies, “Yeah, but it was a real stab in the dark trying to guess what you were eating.”
5. Why don’t they allow sharp knives in the retirement home? They’re afraid someone will cut to the chase.
6. Did you hear about the playwright who kept getting stabbed in the back by his rivals? Turns out, it was all part of his latest work – a three-act tragedy.
7. I tried writing a song about betrayal… But every time I got to the chorus, I got stabbed in the back.
8. What’s the difference between betrayal and taxes? Taxes don’t get any less painful the older you get.
9. Why did the retired detective bring a spoon to the dinner party? He heard it was a potluck, and he wanted to take a stab at figuring out what everyone brought.
10. Retirement is great! I finally have time for all the backstabbing I missed out on during my career.
11. They say with age comes wisdom… But in my experience, it mostly just means you’ve gotten better at hiding the knives.
12. My grandkids are learning about ancient history in school. Sounds brutal. All that backstabbing and conquering… just like my bridge club!
13. What do you call a really sharp retirement community? A cutting edge assisted living facility.

Stab Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

1. What do you call a really bad attempt at stabbing someone? A stab in the… dark!
2. I’m writing a play about a stabbing at a knife factory. It’s a real… stab-fest!
3. I saw a sign outside a cutlery shop that said “Knives: Buy one, get one stab-free!”
4. The other day, I accidentally stabbed myself with a Q-tip. It was the worst case of ear-piercing I’ve ever had.
5. My friend tried to make a salad with a knife he found in the woods. Turns out, it was a really bad salad dressing.
6. I’m not saying the restaurant was overpriced, but the steak knives came with a mortgage application.
7. I’m so clumsy, I could trip over a flat surface and somehow stab myself with a baguette. Don’t worry, I’m always bread-y for the hospital.
8. My friend said he wanted to join a fencing club to learn how to stab people. I told him that’s not what they do, it’s a very pointed sport.
9. Breaking News: Local bakery’s sourdough declared a deadly weapon. Police advise against making any sudden moves when slicing.
10. Tried to explain to my friend that stabbing a cake with a fork isn’t “polite” at a fancy restaurant… he just gave me a weird look.
11. How does a ghost stab someone? He uses a spooky knife!
12. I’m convinced my cactus is plotting to kill me. I caught it looking at me with real intent.
13. What’s the most dangerous part of working at a bubble wrap factory? The popping tension.
14. My new hobby is collecting different types of stabbing weapons… I know, I know, I have a pointless obsession.

That’s All Folks! Hope We Didn’t Stab You With Too Much Funny!

We’re sad to say this pun-fest ends here, but hey, at least we didn’t stab you with disappointment! If you’re still hungry for more side-splitting puns and jokes that are sharper than a tack, don’t get stabby! Just explore the rest of our punny website – we promise you’ll have a cutting good time!

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

Facebook Pinterest TikTok Threads X (Twitter) YouTube