108+ Auction Jokes & Puns: Going, Going, Gone Funny!
Get ready to bid farewell to boredom ππ! This isn’t your grandma’s dusty attic auction – we’ve got a list of auction jokes and puns so funny, they’ll have you howling with laughter π€£ (or at least snickering into your bidding paddle). Whether you’re a seasoned auction aficionado or a newbie just dipping your toes in, these clever quips and puns are guaranteed to amuse. Get ready for the best list of auction humor, perfect for kids and adults alike! Let the bidding on big laughs begin! π€π
Top Auction Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the auctioneer bring a ladder to work? Because he heard the bids were going through the roof!
- What’s an auctioneer’s favorite dinosaur? A bid-asaurus Rex!
- What’s the most confusing sale event? An auction for camouflage suits. No one knows where to bid!
- Someone stole my antique auction hammer! The police said they’re looking into it…and also under it.
- Did you hear about the auctioneer who sold a haunted grandfather clock? It went for a scary price!
- Why did the auctioneer quit his job? Because he felt he was always being outbid!
- I used to think auctions were only for rich people… Then I went to one and realized they were also for people who like to make bad bids-isions.
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo at an auction? A pouch potato! And he’s always outbid because he keeps his wallet in his pocket!
- I bought a sword at an auction last week… turned out to be a double-edged sword. On one hand, I got a great deal. On the other hand, I have no idea how to use it!
- What did the auctioneer say to the ghost bidding on the antique sheet music? “Going once, going twice… SOLD! To the invisible choir!”
- Never start a bidding war with a mime at an auction… They’ve got all the silent money!
- Why are fish terrible at auctions? They’re always getting schooled!
- An auctioneer walks into a library looking for a book about hammers… The librarian whispers, “They’re all in the non-friction section!”
- Did you hear about the auction that only sold broken items? It was a smashing success!

Clever Auction Puns – Best Picks
- Why was the auctioneer always calm and collected? He knew how to manage bid-ness.
- Never start a bidding war with an auctioneer. They’ve got gavel-to-gavel experience.
- The auction for camouflage was a disaster… no one could see what was going on!
- What did the auctioneer say after selling the rubber chicken? “That’s poultry in motion!”
- The auction featured rare artifacts from ancient Greece. It was a real bid deal.
- They’re auctioning off a collection of broken clocks. Even if you win, what’s the point? Time’s up!
- A baker tried to sell sourdough at an auction, but nobody wanted a slice of the action.
- The auction for antique furniture was going really well until… it suddenly went out of bid!
- What website do ghosts use to bid on haunted houses? Scarebnb Auctions.
- Did you hear about the auctioneer who was arrested? He got caught taking bids!
- An auctioneer’s job is no sweat. They get paid to say “sold” and “lot-sa money!”
- I won a lifetime supply of bubblegum at an auction. I’m all set for a chewy future!
- The auction had a strict “no-clowning around” policy, which was a real bummer for Bozo.
- Going to an auction is always an emotional rollercoaster. One minute you’re feeling high-bid, the next you’re down in the dumps.
Funny Auction One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Auction Jokes
- I went to an auction last night and got a great deal on camouflage paint. Good luck finding me to collect!
- I tried to explain to my wife that going to auctions is a hobby, not an addiction… she wasn’t buying it.
- The auctioneer was so fast, he could sell a seashell by the seashore before the tide came in!
- They say you can find anything at an auction, but I still haven’t found my lost car keys.
- Went to an auction specializing in celebrity hair… turns out it was a wigged affair.
- The auctioneer was selling a pair of parrots. He said, “These birds are trained to speak multiple languages. In fact, they’ll repeat every word you say!” A man in the back yelled, “Sold!”
- An auctioneer’s biggest fear? Losing their voice before selling a Van Gogh for millions. Talk about a silent art-tack!
- The auction was going terribly until they brought out the antique clock. Suddenly, everyone wanted a piece of time.
- My friend is an auctioneer, but he’s thinking about switching careers to motivational speaking. Seems he’s really good at getting people to raise the stakes.
- I saw a sign that said “Auction for Used Cars.” I thought, “Shouldn’t that be a ‘Car-nival’?”
- Auctioneers must be great at relationships. They always know how to keep the bids coming.
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo at an auction? A pouch potato.
- The auctioneer was struggling to sell a box full of broken mirrors. He said it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to buy bad luck in bulk!
- My wallet always feels lighter after an auction, but hey, at least my house gets more interesting!
Auction QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Auction
- Q: What did the auctioneer say to the unruly crowd? A: “Listen up, or I’ll have to ‘lot’ you out!”
- Q: Why was the auctioneer always calm and collected? A: He knew how to ‘bid’ his time.
- Q: What did the auctioneer say when he sold the antique rubber chicken? A: “Sold! To the man with the highest bid…ding problem!”
- Q: What happens when you bring a kangaroo to an auction? A: The bidding gets out of hand!
- Q: Why did the ghost get kicked out of the auction? A: He kept trying to bid on the “spirit” of the occasion.
- Q: What did the auctioneer say to the fidgety bidder? A: “Please, try to contain your excite-mint!”
- Q: Why did the art thief go to the auction? A: He heard they were selling stolen goods at a “steal” of a price.
- Q: How can you tell if someone is lying about their bid? A: Their story doesn’t add up to the hammer price.
- Q: Why was the math textbook nervous at the auction? A: It knew it was going to be divided by the highest bidder.
- Q: What did the sheep say when it won the auction? A: “Ewe wouldn’t believe how much I paid!”
- Q: Why did the baker bring yeast to the auction? A: He wanted to raise the bids.
- Q: What did the auctioneer say to the indecisive bidder? A: “It’s now or never! Don’t let this opportunity slip away… like a greased pig at an auction.”
Dad Jokes About Auction: Pun-Filled Quips
- I tried starting a website about auctioning off livestock. Turns out e-bay won’t cattle-log it.
- Did you hear about the auctioneer who was arrested? He got caught bidding his time.
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of auctioning it. I told her I was trying to get the highest bid-der.
- Went to an auction for celebrity belongings, and I swear I saw Elvis’s air guitar. I couldn’t believe it was up for bids.
- They’re auctioning off Captain Hookβs treasure chest next weekβ¦ Sea you there?
- This auctioneer is really milking this sale for all it’s worth… I’ve heard that’s his cash cow.
- What’s an auctioneer’s favorite board game? Bid-o-poly!
- Never start a bidding war with an auctioneer. They literally have all the time in the world.
- What’s an auctioneer’s least favorite type of candy? Anything but the highest bid.
- My wife loves going to art auctions, but hates it when I come along. She says I have a bad habit of Monet-ing everything.
- I went to an auction of clocks⦠it was really tense and exciting right at the final tick.
- An auctioneer tried to sell me the Liberty Bell. I told him, “No, I’ll give you one better, I’ll take your word for it.”
- Heard a rumor about a gladiator-themed auction going around. Apparently, they’re selling weapons and armor to the highest bidder. Sounds like my kind of sale-dius.
- Just learned how to make origami in an auction. I guess you could say I got it fold-ly assembled.
- Just bid farewell to my son whoβs off to auctioneer school. I told him to make us proud, and bring home the bacon, or at least the gavel!
Auction Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why didn’t the teddy bear want to be in the auction? Because it was already stuffed!
- What did the lost auction paddle say? “Help! I’m lot in the crowd!”
- Why was the auctioneer always happy? Because they always had a sale-abration!
- What happens when you raise your hand too many times at an auction? You get a hand-y bill!
- Where do pirates go to bid on ships? A buc-tion!
- Why didn’t the bicycle sell at the auction? It was two tired!
- What do you call a bird that loves auctions? A bid-eon!
- What did the auctioneer say about the antique mirror? It’s a re-flection of its time!
- How did the sleepy boy do at the toy auction? He kept bidding goodnight!
- What do you call a cow that works at an auction? An auc-tioneer!
- Why was the clock embarrassed at the auction? Because it was always getting ticked off!
- What did the lost puppy say at the auction? “Can anyone tell me where my litter went?”
- Why did the math book win at the auction? It had the highest bid!
- What kind of dance do they do at an auction? The bid-dy bug!
- What did the playful hammer say at the auction? “Going once, going twice, sold! Let’s play again!”
Auction Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the antique spoon retire from auctions? It was tired of being silver-surfed.
- I tried to impress my date at the art auction by whispering, “I think that Van Gogh is a fake.” She replied, “I know, and the Monet next to it is trying too hard.”
- My retirement plan involves selling all my possessions at an auction. Call it an “everything-must-go-because-I’m-old” sale.
- At my age, going to an antique auction is like a high school reunion. I recognize all the faces, but I can’t place where I know them from.
- My wife got angry when I bid on a vintage rotary phone at the auction. She said, “What are you going to do with that? You can barely hear anything on the ones they have at the pharmacy!”
- What’s the difference between a used car salesman and an auctioneer? The auctioneer can make old junk sound valuable.
- They say youth is wasted on the young, but apparently, good taste is wasted on auction houses. Heard someone just bought a banana duct-taped to a wall for $120,000.
- My doctor told me I need to slow down and avoid stressful situations. Guess I’ll have to skip the antique auction and its bidding wars this week.
- Went to an auction specializing in “pre-owned” items. Turns out, it was just someone’s garage sale with a fancy name.
- The auctioneer raised his gavel and said, “This next item is perfect for someone who appreciates the finer things in life.” I leaned over to my friend and whispered, “He’s talking about you… if you could afford this place.”
- I used to think auctions were exciting, but then I realized they’re just organized hoarding with more competition. And higher prices.
- I saw a sign for an “all-night antique auction.” Seemed a bit excessive, but then I remembered how long it takes me to decide on a greeting card these days.
- My grandpa says the key to winning at an auction is to never show any emotion. Then he saw they were auctioning off his favorite armchair and his face lit up like a Christmas tree.
Auction Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Someone stole my antique gavel right before a big auction. I guess you could say…justice was hammered. π¨
- Just bid on a vintage rubber band collection at an online auction. Got it for a steal! π°
- Why did the auctioneer bring a ladder to work? Because he heard the bids were going through the roof! πͺ
- What’s an auctioneer’s favorite genre of music? Bid-pop, of course! π§
- Found an auction selling pre-owned boomerangs. Iβm wondering if thatβs how they got them back… π€
- My wallet always feels lighter after leaving an auction. Must be all the bids I’m throwing around. πΈ
- Tried starting an auction for invisible paintings. The bids were unreal. π
- Always be careful bidding on swords at online auctions. The shipping costs can be killer. βοΈπ¦
- I went to an auction for broken clocks the other day. It was about time! β°
- An auctioneer walks into a library and shouts, “Any books going for a dollar? A dollar? Going once, going twice…” The librarian whispers, “Sir, this is a library!” The auctioneer replies, “Oh, my apologies. A dollar, very quietly then…”π€«π
- What do you call an auction for camouflage clothing? Well, you don’t see that very often. π΅οΈββοΈ
- I accidentally wore a tracksuit to a high-end art auction. I really stuck out like a sore thumb! πΌοΈ
- My friend named his pet parrot after a famous auctioneer. Now, he just repeats everything I say…twice! π¦
- I’m opening a seafood restaurant right next door to an auction house. I’m calling it “Sold & Seafood.” π¦π€π°
Going, Going, Gone… These Puns Are Sold!
We hope these auction jokes and puns really bid you farewell with a smile. But don’t let the laughter stop here! Head over to our website for even more hilarious puns and jokes that are sure to keep you entertained. Who knows, you might even find yourself bidding adieu to boredom forever!