94+ Constipation Jokes & Puns: Gettin’ Backed Up with Laughter!
💩 Think your jokes are backed up? Well, get ready to loosen up and let out a giggle with the best constipation humor this side of the colon! We’ve got a list of puns and jokes so funny, they’ll have you rolling on the floor… 😂 Whether you’re a kid or just young at heart, this clever collection is sure to tickle your funny bone (but hopefully not your bowels). So, prepare for gut-busting laughs with these hilarious puns about everyone’s least favorite bathroom break!
Top Constipation Jokes – Best Picks
- Why don’t they have plumbing in Hogwarts? Because Harry Potter always clogs the “Chamber of Secrets.”
- What’s the definition of “split second” decision making? A constipated person with diarrhea and a trampoline.
- Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
- My friend said his new job is really “moving.” Turns out, he’s a laxative salesman.
- I just wrote a book about constipation. I haven’t finished it yet though, it’s still in the drafts.
- I told my doctor I thought I was a kleptomaniac and a little backed up. He said, “Take these and if you don’t feel better in a week, pay me what you owe me.”
- My friend said his therapist diagnosed him as an empath… …But I think he’s just full of it.
- What do you call a superhero who fights constipation? Captain Fiber!
- Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom of things.
- You know you’ve eaten too much fiber when… …you have to break wind in Morse code.
- What do you call a bear with digestive problems? A consti-poo-lated bear!
- Why is it so hard for ghosts to use the toilet? They’re always getting lost in the ethereal plane… and the plumbing.
- I used to be addicted to laxatives… but I’m finally ready to move on… in a healthy and natural way.
Clever Constipation Puns – Best Picks
- I’m feeling really backed up with work. I guess you could say I’ve got a serious case of job constipation.
- Heard about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil.
- I told my therapist about my constant fear of portable toilets. He said, “You need to come out of your comfort zone.” I replied, “That’s the problem, doc.”
- They say constipation is hereditary. That’s crap, if you ask me.
- What do you call a fiber supplement that’s always in a rush? Consti-pation!
- I tried to write a song about constipation. Turns out, it was a real struggle to get out.
- My doctor told me to avoid constipating foods. So, I gave him a blank stare.
- I saw a sign that said “Beware: Constipated Dogs.” Seemed like a lot of pressure.
- My stomach’s been feeling a bit “off-key” lately. Guess you could say it’s suffering from a bad case of… consti-nation.
- Why don’t they have plumbing in the jungle? Because it’s all water closets!
- You know what they say: “If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never get it.” Unless, of course, it’s constipation.
- What’s the opposite of a “lax” security guard? One who takes their job very… regularly.
- I used to be a plumber for the Queen. I was the master of the royal flush!
- People always ask, “What’s brown and sounds like a bell?” I say, “Dung!”
Funny Constipation One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Constipation Jokes
- My friend told me he was writing a book on constipation. He said it was really coming along slowly.
- Constipation is a real pain in the… well, you know.
- I tried to have a philosophical debate about the nature of constipation, but it went nowhere fast.
- My doctor gave me good news and bad news about my constipation. The good news is, it’s not cancerous. The bad news is, it’s immortal.
- My resolution this year was to be less backed up on my work…and then I got constipation. Irony is cruel.
- Constipation: Proof that you can be full of it and still feel empty inside.
- Tried to pay for my coffee with prunes. Apparently, they don’t accept “fiber currency.”
- Just saw a sign that said, “Restroom for Customers Only.” Guess I’ll have to buy this constipation from someone else.
- Heard scientists are developing a teleportation device for people with constipation. They’re just having trouble getting the kinks worked out.
- My gastrointestinal tract is like a motivational speaker right now… all talk, no action.
- Constipation is like writer’s block, but instead of a story, it’s…well, you get the idea.
- Never trust a fart when you’re constipated. It’s probably a bluff.
Constipation QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Constipation
- Q: What do you call a superhero who battles constipation? A: Fiber Man!
- Q: Why did the constipated mathematician struggle with fractions? A: He couldn’t divide and conquer!
- Q: What’s the opposite of a casual acquaintance? A: A constipated acquaintance – they take a long time to pass!
- Q: What do you call a motivational speaker who specializes in digestive health? A: A stool-inspiring figure!
- Q: What does a constipated ghost say? A: “Boo hoo… boo hoo… ooooh, that’s better.”
- Q: Why don’t they have plumbing in Transylvania? A: Because Dracula keeps “staking” all the toilets!
- Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: To get to the bottom of things!
- Q: My doctor told me to add more fiber to my diet. So, I bought a sweater made of burlap. Is that right? A: You might want to start with a salad first.
- Q: I’ve been constipated for a week. My friend said I should try skydiving. Thoughts? A: Well, it’s guaranteed to make you go at least once.
- Q: What do you call a constipated composer? A: A slow-movement musician!
- Q: How do you fix a broken toilet? A: With a plumber’s crack!
- Q: Heard about the constipated novelist? A: He couldn’t finish his “poo”-lizer prize-winning book!
- Q: Why did the toilet flush? A: Because it saw the salad dressing!
- Q: What do you get if you cross a laxative and a sleeping pill? A: A good night’s sleep and no need for an alarm clock!
Dad Jokes About Constipation: Pun-Filled Quips
- I tried to write a song about constipation… But it just wouldn’t flow.
- My friend told me he was writing a book about his struggles with constipation… Turns out, he couldn’t finish it.
- Constipation is a real pain… In the behind.
- Heard they’re making a movie about constipation… But it got stalled in pre-production.
- What’s the opposite of a “get out of jail” free card? A “get into the bathroom” card for someone with constipation.
- My doctor gave me some good news and bad news about my constipation… The good news is, it’s not cancerous. The bad news is, it’s impacted.
- A plumber just fixed my toilet… Said it was backed up with some really compelling stool-ry.
- What did the constipated math book say to the toilet paper? “I’m integral to this process!”
- I saw a guy pushing a shopping cart full of prunes down the street… I guess he’s trying to move his bowels.
- My wife told me I needed to work on my digestive health… So I told her, “Woman, you can’t rush perfection!”
- I tried to explain constipation to a mime… But he just didn’t get it… out.
- You know you’re constipated when… You sit on the toilet and the only reading material you need is the shampoo bottle.
- What does a constipated ghost say? “Boo hoo… boo hoo…”
- Why don’t they ever serve beans in space? Because you really don’t want astronauts having a blast-off.
Constipation Jokes and Puns for Kids
- What do you call a very stubborn dinosaur? Consti-saurus Rex!
- Why was the toilet paper roll sad? Because it knew it was about to be ‘relieved’ soon.
- What did the potty say to the poop? “It’s been a while, haven’t seen you in a long time!”
- Why didn’t the poop win the race? Because he got number 2!
- Why did the poop go to the doctor? Because he was feeling backed up!
- Knock, knock! > Who’s there? > Harry. > Harry who? > Harry up, I gotta go!
- What do you get if you cross a toilet and a potato? A commode-o!
- What does a constipated mathematician do? Work it out with a number 2 pencil!
- What did one toilet say to the other? “You look a little flushed!” Silly Riddles:
- I come after you eat, but I’m not dessert. What am I? Poop!
- I’m something you do every day, but I can be a real pain sometimes. What am I? Going potty!
- Where does the king keep his poop? In the royal throne!
- Why did the boy flush the toilet twice? He wanted to be sure his poop went down the drain!
- What happens when you eat too many prunes? Let’s just say, it’s a moving experience!
Constipation Jokes and Puns for Elders
- My doctor told me to add more fiber to my diet. Now I miss the good old days when I could go a whole week without eating a wicker basket.
- I’m writing a tell-all book about my struggles with constipation. So far, the writing process has been… well, let’s just say it’s coming along very slowly.
- Constipation is like a bad houseguest – it just won’t leave!
- My proctologist is a real life-saver. Literally. He pulls things out of me that nobody else can.
- I started eating prunes for my constipation. Now I have to weigh the benefits against the social consequences.
- My grandson asked me what “constipated” meant. I told him it’s like trying to pass a law through Congress.
- A friend told me I should try acupuncture for my constipation. Apparently, it helps you “go with the flow.” I’m not sure how stabbing myself with needles is going to help, but I’m desperate.
- Retirement is great. I can finally relax and take my time in the bathroom. Not that I have a choice, of course.
- At my age, “regular” is a setting on the microwave, not a bodily function.
- My doctor gave me some good news today. He said my constipation is completely natural for my age. He called it “being backed up with experience.”
- Why don’t they have laxatives for ghosts? Because they’d just go through them!
- I recently joined a support group for people with constipation. We mostly just sit around in awkward silence.
- Life is like a roll of toilet paper… the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes. Except when you have constipation. Then it’s like trying to squeeze the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
- You know you’re old when you get more excited about a good bowel movement than a good sale.
Constipation Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just spent 20 minutes on the toilet contemplating life choices. Turns out, Taco Bell on Tuesday WAS a bad decision. #ConstipationStruggles #RegretMeal
- My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. Now I’m afraid to poop. #ConstipationHumor #FearOfLettingGo
- My doctor gave me some good news and some bad news. Good news: I’m not lactose intolerant. Bad news: gestures vaguely at stomach #ConstipationLife #DairyDilemma
- My insides right now are like a game of Tetris…and I can’t for the life of me figure out how to make this brick fit! #ConstipationProbs #GameOfThrones
- My gastrointestinal tract is about as active as a sloth on vacation. #ConstipationBlues #SlowMoLife
- You know your diet needs work when you start sweating just thinking about eating fiber. #ConstipationReality #HelpMeImRegular
- My stomach is sending me mixed signals. On one hand, I’m hungry. On the other hand…well, you know the rest. #ConstipationConfusion #GutFeelingLost
- Just tried to explain “constipation” to a toddler. He said, “Like when you’re playing hide and seek, but your poop wins?” Pretty accurate, actually. #ToddlerWisdom #ConstipationLogic
- What’s the opposite of a food critic? Someone with chronic constipation, they only give positive reviews. #ConstipationHumor #AlwaysFiveStars
- I’m so constipated I could pass a diamond and not even flinch. Well, maybe a little flinch. #ConstipationAgony #InnerDiamonds
- “Live life to the fullest!” they said. Me: sips prune juice nervously #ConstipationGoals #OneStepAtATime
- Dating app bio suggestion: “I’m adventurous, spontaneous, and I haven’t clogged a toilet in weeks.” #ConstipationConfessions #SwipeRightForRegularity
- Don’t worry, be happy! Unless you’re constipated, then worry and push. #ConstipationAdvice #TheStruggleIsReal
- My spirit animal? A rock. An undigested, stubbornly immobile rock. #ConstipationSpirit #RockSolid
Hope These Puns Didn’t Back You Up!
We hope these constipation jokes and puns helped get things moving in the laughter department! If you’re feeling inspired for more potty humor (we won’t judge!), be sure to explore the rest of our punny website. We’ve got jokes about everything from bad backs to bad puns – and everything in-between!
