109+ Diarrhea Jokes: Puns So Bad, They’ll Run Right Through You
Hold onto your butts, folks, because you’re about to dive into the best list of diarrhea jokes this side of the internet! π We’ve got puns that’ll make you chuckle, humor that’s so wrong it’s right, and even some funny (and surprisingly clever!) jokes for kids. π© So buckle up and get ready for some toilet humor β this is one list that’s guaranteed to give you the runs! π€£
Top Diarrhea Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the comedian tell a diarrhea joke? Because he wanted to make a splash!
- I’m writing a book about diarrhea. It’s a real page-turner.
- What’s the difference between a bad golfer and a person with diarrhea? The golfer says “I’m going to shank this,” and the person with diarrhea says, “I already shanked this.”
- My friend said his diarrhea was so bad, he was seeing his whole life flash before his eyes. He must have been really straining.
- I told my doctor I had explosive diarrhea. He said, “Well, at least it’s going out with a bang!”
- Why did the toilet paper roll over? Because it saw the diarrhea coming!
- My stomach was making weird noises all night. It was like a toilet symphony.
- What do you call a ghost with diarrhea? A poop-tergeist!
- I tried to hold in my diarrhea, but it was a futile effort. It was like trying to dam a river with a Kleenex.
- I’m so regular, I have diarrhea at the same time every day. It’s like my body has an internal alarm clock.
- My diarrhea was so bad, I thought I was going to die. I guess you could say I was scared sheetless.
- What’s the worst thing about diarrhea? Having to use the bathroom at someone else’s house.
- I’m not sure if I have diarrhea or food poisoning. Either way, it’s coming out of both ends.
- I’m so good at holding in my farts, I can even hold in diarrhea. I’m basically a human dam.
- Why did the diarrhea cross the road? I don’t know, but it probably didn’t make it.
Note: Humor is subjective. What one person finds funny, another may not.

Clever Diarrhea Puns – Top Picks
- I had a crazy dream last night that I was swimming in an ocean of diarrhea. Luckily, it was just a poo-nami.
- My friend’s band has a new song about diarrhea. It’s a number two hit.
- I’m so constipated, I wish I had diarrhea. Said no one ever, but it’s a real crapshoot sometimes.
- My doctor told me to eat more fiber to help with my diarrhea. Now I’m just passing the time.
- I’m reading a book about the history of diarrhea. It’s a real movement.
- Diarrhea is like a bad roommate. It just won’t leave you alone.
- I’m starting a support group for people with diarrhea. It’s called “The Runs.”
- I’m thinking of opening a restaurant that only serves food that causes diarrhea. It’ll be called “The Poop Deck.”
- I’m training for a marathon, but I keep getting diarrhea. I guess you could say I’m running on empty.
- I tried to write a song about diarrhea, but it came out all wrong. It was a real flop.
- I’m so embarrassed about my diarrhea, I could just die. I guess you could say I’m mortified.
- My diarrhea is so bad, I’m afraid to leave the house. I’m basically a prisoner of my own bathroom.
- I’m trying to be positive about my diarrhea. At least I’m not constipated.
- I’m starting to think my diarrhea is a sign from the universe. Maybe I should just go with the flow.
- I’m not sure what’s worse, having diarrhea or listening to someone talk about their diarrhea. It’s a tough one.
Funny Diarrhea One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Diarrhea Jokes
- My stomach is a party animal – it loves to throw up all night.
- I’ve got a gut feeling this date isn’t going well… literally.
- My diarrhea is like a bad boyfriend – it just won’t leave me alone.
- I’m not sure if it’s food poisoning or just my cooking.
- I’ve got the runs… in my family, it’s hereditary.
- My toilet is my new best friend. We spend a lot of time together.
- I’m so used to diarrhea, I can time it to the second.
- I’m pretty sure my intestines are trying to escape.
- My body’s a water park, and the main attraction is the log flume.
- I tried to hold it in, but it was a losing battle.
- You know you’ve got bad diarrhea when you become best friends with the plumber.
- I’m not lactose intolerant, I just enjoy the thrill of the aftermath.
- My stomach’s got more twists and turns than a soap opera.
- I’m pretty sure I left my dignity somewhere in the bathroom.
- Diarrhea: the only time it’s socially acceptable to crop dust in public.
Diarrhea QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Diarrhea
- Q: What’s the difference between a bad comedian and someone with diarrhea? A: One bombs on stage, the other bombs in the bathroom.
- Q: Why did the toilet paper break up with the diarrhea? A: It said, “I can’t handle this kind of commitment!”
- Q: What do you call a superhero with diarrhea? A: Captain Underpants.
- Q: Why did the diarrhea go to the doctor? A: It wasn’t feeling well.
- Q: How do you know when a dragon has diarrhea? A: It’s fire-breathing from both ends.
- Q: What’s the worst part about having diarrhea on a plane? A: The turbulence.
- Q: What’s the opposite of diarrhea? A: Constipiration – it’s a real pain in the butt.
- Q: Why did the diarrhea cross the playground? A: To get to the other slide.
- Q: What’s the difference between diarrhea and a bad date? A: Diarrhea is easier to flush away.
- Q: What did the diarrhea say to the toilet? A: “You look flushed!”
- Q: What’s brown and runny? A: Usain Bolt’s last bowel movement.
- Q: Why did the diarrhea bring a map to the bathroom? A: It didn’t want to get lost on the way out.
- Q: What do you call a skeleton with diarrhea? A: A bone-shaker.
- Q: What’s the best thing about diarrhea? A: It’s a weight-loss program that works fast!
- Q: What’s the worst thing about being a plumber? A: Dealing with other people’s crap. (Literally!)
Dad Jokes About Diarrhea: Pun-Filled Quips
- What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.
- What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno business!
- What musical instrument do fish play? A bass guitar.
- What does an owl say when it makes a good point? Owl be darned!
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
- What kind of bird works at a construction site? A crane!
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey-combs! Miscellaneous:
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
- I just got hit by a dictionary. I’m alright, but it could have been worse, it could have been a thesaurus!
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Remember, humor is subjective, and what one person finds funny another might not. The key is to keep it lighthearted and playful!
Diarrhea Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the potty train go “choo choo?” Because it was full of poo-poo!
- What do you call a dinosaur with a tummy ache? A mega-sore-ass!
- What did the baby diaper say to the poop? “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!”
- Why did the poop go to the playground? To have some fun on the slide!
- What’s a toilet’s favorite game? Flush the chips!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Toot. Toot who? Toot late, gotta run!
- Why did the poop cross the road? To get to the potty on the other side! (But he didn’t make it…)
- What do you call a bear with diarrhea in the woods? A bear with a really bad case of the runs!
- What does the poop say when it’s going down the toilet? “See ya later, alligator!”
- Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To catch the poop that was running away!
- What did the mommy potty say to the baby potty? “Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it!”
- What do you get when you cross a toilet and a trampoline? A potty that’s really bouncy!
- Why did the poop go to school? To learn how to be a better poop!
- What’s brown and loves to swim? A poopie in the potty!
- What’s the poop’s favorite dance move? The potty breakdance!
Important Note: While these jokes are meant to be lighthearted, it’s crucial to ensure they’re delivered in a way that doesn’t shame or embarrass children about bodily functions. Always be mindful of the child’s age and maturity level.
Diarrhea Jokes and Puns for Elders
- I used to have a cast-iron stomach. Now, it’s more like cast-iron plumbing. (Plays on the durability of older items)
- My doctor said, “Age is just a number.” But apparently, so are my bathroom breaks. (Refers to increasing health concerns)
- I’ve reached the age where “running” is something I do to the bathroom. (A relatable physical limitation)
- My grandkids asked why I spend so much time in the bathroom. I told them I’m working on my memoirs… one flush at a time. (A literary twist)
- Back in my day, we didn’t have fancy toilet paper. We used Sears catalogs… and sometimes both sides! (References bygone practices)
- I’m not sure what’s worse: my arthritis or this sudden urge to sprint to the toilet. (Combines common ailments)
- I told my doctor I had explosive diarrhea. He said, “At least you’re regular!” I said, “Regular? I’m a geyser!” (Exaggerated for effect)
- Used to be, a night out meant dancing. Now, it means scoping out the nearest restroom. (Shifting priorities with age)
- They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. But my intestines are learning some impressive new rhythms. (Humor in unexpected bodily changes)
- My retirement plan? Investing in toilet paper futures. (A financial pun)
- I’ve got more “movements” in a day than a symphony orchestra. (Plays on the musical term)
- My new hobby? Speed-walking to the bathroom. Gotta stay active somehow! (Finding humor in necessity)
- I’ve reached the age where I consider a solid bowel movement a personal victory. (Appreciation for small wins)
- My colon’s got more stories than a retirement home gossip circle. (A bit cheeky, but relatable to those with a history)
- They say laughter is the best medicine. But for this, I’ll take some Pepto. (Acknowledges the need for practical solutions too)
Important Note: Humor for elders can be sensitive, so it’s best to gauge the individual’s sense of humor first. Avoid anything that might be embarrassing or make light of genuine health concerns.
Diarrhea Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just had a “productive” meeting with my toilet. Minutes are being taken… literally. (Plays on office humor)
- My stomach’s got more plot twists than a Netflix series. (Relatable to binge-watchers)
- BRB, gotta go update my “status.” Currently: liquid. (Social media-savvy)
- My bowel movements are more frequent than my Twitter updates. #TMI #sorrynotsorry (Hashtag humor)
- This diarrhea is giving me trust issues. I can’t even trust a fart anymore. (Relatable to anyone with anxiety)
- My intestines are doing the “cha-cha-cha.” Someone send Pepto, stat! (Dance craze reference)
- Level of confidence: Can’t even hold in a fart, let alone my emotions. (Self-deprecating humor)
- My bathroom breaks are longer than my attention span. #oops (Short attention span jokes are popular)
- If you need me, I’ll be in the bathroom… contemplating life choices. (Existential humor)
- My toilet deserves a raise. It’s been working overtime. (Appreciation for the unsung hero)
- Relationship status: It’s complicated… with my digestive system. (Plays on relationship statuses)
- Currently accepting applications for a new colon. Requirements: Must be able to handle spicy food and life’s curveballs. (Job posting format)
- Diarrhea: Nature’s way of telling you to slow down… or stay near a bathroom. (Wordplay with a hint of wisdom)
- I’m not saying I have a weak stomach, but I cried at a yogurt commercial. (Exaggeration for comedic effect)
- My gut feeling is telling me to stay home today. Like, REALLY telling me. (A relatable excuse)
π© Don’t worry, be crappy! π©
We hope these diarrhea jokes didn’t leave you feeling too flushed! But if you’re ready for more gut-busting humor, don’t stop here! Explore our website for a treasure trove of puns and jokes that will keep you laughing all the way to the bathroom… and back!