97+ Security Jokes & Puns: You’re Secured To Laugh!
🚨 Attention all lovers of puns and protectors of laughter! 😂 Get ready to unlock your funny bone with the best list of security jokes and puns this side of the internet. 🔐 We’ve got humor for kids, clever quips for adults, and enough knee-slapping wordplay to make you feel safe and sound. 🤣 So buckle up, get comfy, and prepare to enter a world where security is always a laughing matter. 🌎➡️😂
Top Security Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field… of security!
- You know, I’m not feeling very secure. Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered… in duct tape! (Just kidding!)
- Breaking news: Local kleptomaniac arrested for trying to steal a security camera. I guess he wanted to give them a sneak peek of his work.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite type of security? A boo-by trap!
- Why was the security guard so good at poker? Because he could spot a bluff a mile away!
- What’s the difference between a security guard and a toddler? One throws tantrums when you take their toys away, the other… well, let’s just say they both take their jobs very seriously.
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was twoTIRED! And it couldn’t reach the security chain.
- Heard about the new “invisible” security system? Yeah, people keep tripping over it.
- How do you make a password that’s impossible to guess? Use the entire script of Hamlet! No one will ever get past your “To be or not to be” security question.
- My therapist suggested I invest in a home security system. Now I feel much safer knowing my problems are locked inside with me.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Control. Control who? Control yourself! Security’s on its way!
Clever Security Puns – Best Picks
- What did the lock say after a hard day at work? “Secur- whew -ity!”
- I used to be a security guard at a Samsung store, but I kept getting fired. Turns out, I took my job a little too Galaxy-ly.
- Feeling insecure about your password? Just be sure to add a little ~spice~ (and by spice, I mean special characters).
- Why did the security guard get promoted? He was outstanding in his field!
- I met a security guard who was also a historian. He was a real Keeper of the Dates.
- You know, being a locksmith must be a pretty secure job. After all, they’ve got deadbolt all the competition!
- Why don’t they have security guards in the donut shop? They have sprinkle systems!
- Just saw a security guard chasing a masked robber yelling, “Hey! You’ve got this all wrong! I’M supposed to be the one wearing a mask! “
- Heard about the security guard who fell asleep on the job? He was fired… up about it!
- Dating a security guard is great. They always know how to handle a situation.
- I’m starting to think my password isn’t strong enough… but hey, at least it’s secure in its mediocrity.
Funny Security One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Security Jokes
- Security at the bank is great. They even have decoy safes…which are also guarded!
- My new job in cybersecurity sounds promising, but I’m not sure I can hack it.
- A good security guard is always on the watch… unless it’s their lunch break.
- The password at my old apartment was “Security” … Ironically, it didn’t work.
- I’m starting to doubt the effectiveness of airport security. I saw a guy casually walk through with a carry-on bag labeled “Emotional Baggage.”
- I told my friend I installed a high-tech security system in my house. Now he wants the name of my therapist.
- You know you have trust issues when you use “password” as your password but still don’t feel secure.
- My friend told me he feels safe walking the streets at night because he knows all the shortcuts. I told him that’s not security, that’s just knowing the city well.
- Just saw a security guard sleeping on the job. I guess he takes the “rest assured” part of his job very seriously.
- Feeling secure isn’t about having all the answers. It’s about having a strong enough lock on the door while you figure things out.
- Installing a security system is a lot like creating a budget: You always forget about some of the hidden costs.
- The only problem with having an invisible fence for security is that you can’t find it when you need to mow the lawn.
- I wanted a job in cybersecurity, but I failed the background check. Turns out, I have too much of a future.
- Security cameras: They never catch you doing good, just eating all the leftovers.
Security QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Security
- Q: What’s a security guard’s favorite snack? A: Chip and PIN code!
- Q: Why did the security guard get fired from the bank? A: He kept telling customers their money was “loanly” and needed “company.”
- Q: What’s the difference between a insecure pickle and a secure pickle? A: One’s dill-usional, the other’s in a jar-dian state!
- Q: What do you call a knight who moonlights as a security guard? A: Sir Vey-lance!
- Q: Why did the ghost become a security guard? A: He could see right through people’s lies!
- Q: What kind of music do security cameras listen to? A: Anything they can catch!
- Q: Why was the security guard at the art museum so tired? A: He spent all night framing people!
- Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye? A: Between you and me, something smells… secure!
- Q: What’s a hacker’s favorite type of bread? A: Multi-firewall rye!
- Q: Why don’t they have security at the chess tournament? A: Because the pawns can handle it!
- Q: Why was the computer cold? A: Because it left its Windows open!
- Q: What did the hacker say when he got caught? A: “I swear, I was just looking for the Wi-Find My Way Out button!”
- Q: How did the detectives know the online dating profile was fake? A: The security questions were way too easy to answer!
Dad Jokes About Security: Pun-Filled Quips
- I used to work in a security guard factory, but I got fired. Apparently, my standards were too low.
- Why did the security guard get a job at the bank? Because he was great with secure-ities.
- I saw a security guard chasing a magician. I guess he was trying to disappear him!
- What’s a security guard’s favorite type of tea? Safe-tea!
- I met a security guard who was also a history buff. He’s a real knight watchman!
- Never try to explain to a security guard why you’re late. They’ve heard every excuse in the book.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field of security!
- I tripped over a security guard’s foot once. Turns out, it was a major breach of protocol.
- Some people say I’m obsessed with security. But hey, at least I’m safe about it.
- Why don’t they have security at the chess tournament? Because the pawns can handle it themselves!
- Heard about the security guard who fell asleep on the job? He woke up to a rude awakening!
- My son wants to be a security guard when he grows up. I told him, “Just don’t let your dreams be burglarized!”
- You know you’ve been working in security too long when you start asking your family for their I.D.
- I thought about becoming a security guard at a Samsung factory, but I heard it was a pretty Galaxy opportunity.
Security Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the teddy bear say no to the security job at the toy store? Because he was already stuffed!
- What’s a lock’s favorite type of music? Key-Pop!
- Where do knights learn online safety? In the Knight-ernet Security class!
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was twoTIRED!
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo who works in security? A pouch potato!
- Knock, knock? Who’s there? Cereal. Cereal who? Cereal-sly, we need to talk about your password security!
- Why don’t they have windows in chicken coops? Because they like their privacy!
- What did the computer say to the hacker? You can’t touch this! I’ve got virus protection!
- What’s a ghost’s favorite type of door? A scare-curity door!
- Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey-combs!
- Where do crayons go to feel safe? In a coloring book! They feel very secure in there.
- What do you call a funny password? A securi-tee-hee!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the suitcase, you load up the car! We’re going on an adventure!
- What kind of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers!
- Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!
Security Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the retirement home hire a psychic as their security guard? They wanted someone who could see who was stealing their dentures before it happened.
- Retirement home security is getting ridiculous. Last week, I was tackled by a guard who mistook my walker for a battering ram.
- My financial advisor told me my retirement funds are as safe as houses right now. I guess that explains why I’m living in a cardboard box.
- I invested in a home security system with motion sensors and facial recognition. Now, if anyone breaks in, I’ll know exactly which grandchild to blame.
- My doctor told me to get more exercise for my health and security. Now I run away from telemarketers daily.
- Why did the senior citizen install a revolving door on his house? He wanted to see who was sneaking in and out at the same time!
- They say with age comes wisdom and security. Mostly, it’s just the wisdom to stay home where it’s safe.
- My friend said his new password manager was unbreakable. That’s what he said about his hips, before the surgery.
- I bought one of those “Life Alert” bracelets for my peace of mind. Now, if I fall, at least I can order a pizza while I wait for help.
- I thought I saw someone lurking in my bushes last night. Turns out it was just my reflection. We were both terrified.
- What’s a hacker’s favorite retirement activity? Phishing for compliments on their grandkids.
Security Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just hired a new security guard. He’s really quiet…turns out he’s a mime of security.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field…of security.
- I’m not saying the security at the airport is tight, but I just saw a TSA agent frisk a shadow.
- My password is “security”. They say it’s unbreakable. (Because you’d never tell anyone that!)
- Heard about the psychic who got fired from the casino? Apparently, he lacked job security.
- What did the hacker say when he got out of prison? “Well, that’s my parole secured.”
- My friend said he wanted a job with high security. So I got him a job guarding a pile of sand… It’s a sand fort, get it?
- What’s the most secure place to keep your valuables? In your vacuum cleaner… it sucks to be a thief.
- Breaking news: Local kleptomaniac cured after accidentally shoplifting a self-help book titled “Overcoming Insecurity”.
- My anxiety is like airport security: always overreacting and looking for things that will never make me happy.
- Why did the teddy bear say no to the job interview? He was over-qualified in bear security.
- Just bought a new security system… it’s so advanced, it can detect suspicious activity even before I do. Now that’s what I call proactive procrastination! 😉
Locking Up the Laughter: Stay Secure!
We’ve reached the end of our security checkup, and it seems like we’ve had a very secure amount of laughs! But the fun doesn’t have to stop here. Lock, stock, and barrel your way over to our website for even more hilarious puns and jokes that are guaranteed to keep you in stitches.
