140+ Hockey Puns & Jokes: You’ll Be Slashing With Laughter!

Get ready to laugh your pucking head off because we’ve got the best hockey puns and jokes this side of the penalty box! πŸ˜‚ Whether you’re a seasoned pro or just a beginner looking for some ice-cold humor, this list of clever and funny jokes about hockey is for you.πŸ’ We’ve got puns for kids, jokes for adults, and everything in between. So, put on your game face (or should we say, “funny bone”?) and get ready for some seriously hilarious hockey humor! πŸ˜„

Top ‘Hockey Jokes’ – Best Picks

  1. Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? Because he heard the fans were looking for a high-scoring game!
  2. What did the hockey player say to the puck? Catch you on the flip side!
  3. Why don’t they allow elephants to play hockey? Because they always get called for a charging penalty!
  4. What position do ghosts play in hockey? Ghoulie.
  5. Why did the hockey stick go to the bank? To get its face-off money!
  6. How do you fix a broken hockey stick? With a slap shot of glue!
  7. What do you call a bear that plays hockey? A score-a-lot bear!
  8. Why did the hockey coach go to the bank? To get his penalties financed!
  9. What’s the difference between a hockey player and a magician? A magician makes disappear, a hockey player makes the puck disappear… and then reappears in the net!
  10. Did you hear about the hockey player who was also a dentist? He’s always looking for a good tooth-pull!
  11. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of tea? Penal-tea!
  12. Why are hockey players such good mathematicians? They’re always working with angles!
  13. Why couldn’t the pirate play hockey? He got caught high-stickin’!
  14. Why did the hockey puck quit its job? Because it was tired of being slapped around!
  15. Did you hear about the hockey game in the jungle? It was a real zoo out there!
  16. What do you call a lazy kangaroo on a hockey team? A pouch potato!
  17. What kind of music do hockey players listen to before a game? Face-off music!
  18. What did one hockey net say to the other hockey net? See you next period!
Ultimate list and collection of Best Hockey Jokes and Puns, One-liners, Dad Jokes, Funny Quotes, and Captions - Discover engaging and humorous content at PunnyHub.com

Clever ‘Hockey Puns’ – Best Picks

  1. “I’m so devoted to hockey, you could say I’ve taken a sacred oath to it. Yeah, you could say I’m hockey-religious.”
  2. “That hockey player is on fire! Someone better get the Zamboni driver, he’s got the hose!”
  3. “That referee is really skating on thin ice with that last call.”
  4. “Did you hear about the hockey player who was also a magician? He was famous for his puck-ups!”
  5. “I tried to tell a hockey pun, but it fell flat. It just wouldn’t click.”
  6. “That player’s slapshot is so fast, it’s like he’s bending the space-time continuum. He’s a real puck-star!”
  7. “I tried to write a song about hockey, but I kept getting the verses puck-ered up.”
  8. “That hockey player is so tough, he eats broken sticks for breakfast. He says they’re a little twiggy.”
  9. “I went to a hockey game and the fans were chanting something in a language I couldn’t understand. Turned out it was Czech-mates.”
  10. “I’m starting a hockey team for hedgehogs. We’re gonna be the Prickly Pears.”
  11. “Hockey is the only place where you can get penalized for tripping, without ever actually falling.”
  12. “My friend said he wanted to be a hockey commentator, but he didn’t have the puck-tion.”
  13. “I’m opening a bakery that caters exclusively to hockey players. I’m gonna call it “The Biscuit Tin.”
  14. “I used to hate hockey, but then it just grew on me. Kind of like a playoff beard.”
  15. “I’m writing a children’s book about a hockey puck who goes on an adventure. It’s a real page-turner.”
  16. “Hockey players are known for their great teeth. Probably because they’re always puck-ering up for the camera.”
  17. “That player is so good, he could score a hat trick with his eyes closed. He’s puck-eyed!”
  18. “That new hockey arena is state-of-the-art. They even have heated seats, which is great, because watching hockey can be a real nail-biter.”
  19. “I’m not saying hockey is my life, but I do check the score puck-et list every day.”
  20. “I wanted to join a hockey league, but they said I was too puck-ish.”
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Funny ‘Hockey One-Liner Jokes’ – Short & Funny Hockey Jokes

  1. Hockey players are like snowflakes: they’re all unique and beautiful, except when they cross-check you in the face.
  2. Someone stole the Zamboni’s engine and left a note saying, “Sorry, had to take it for a spin!” I guess you could say they made a clean getaway.
  3. Hockey is the only sport where you can literally say, “Nice penalty!” without sounding sarcastic.
  4. I’m not saying hockey is dangerous, but I’ve seen more teeth on the ice than in my dentist’s office.
  5. What’s the difference between a hockey player and a magician? A magician makes disappearances on ice, while a hockey player makes your teeth disappear on ice.
  6. What do you call a hockey player who can’t score? Retired.
  7. My friend said he wanted to play hockey like a professional, so I told him, “First, you’re gonna need a penalty box in your basement.”
  8. Why don’t they allow calculators on the ice? Because they don’t want players calculating the angles for high-sticking.
  9. I tried to explain offside rules to my dog, but he just kept chasing the puck. I guess you could say he’s got a one-track mind.
  10. Why is hockey so cool? Because it’s played on ice, duh!
  11. My girlfriend’s mad at me for watching too much hockey. I told her to put me in the penalty box if I’m bothering her. She said two minutes wasn’t long enough.
  12. What does a hockey player use to fix his car? A puck-up truck.
  13. What’s the hardest part about officiating a hockey game? Getting the players’ autographs before the puck drops.
  14. I’m starting to think my hockey stick is cursed. Every time I try to shoot, the puck just says, “Nope!” and slides in the other direction.
  15. Hockey is like ballet, but with less tutus and more brawls.
  16. Why did the hockey player get a job at the bank? He was great at handling checks!
  17. My friend asked me if I wanted to see a fight with two periods. I told him, “Nah, I’ll just watch a hockey game instead.”

Hockey QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Hockey

  1. Q: What do you call a hockey player who’s always racking up penalties? A: The king of the sin bin-gos!
  2. Q: Why did the hockey puck get sent to the principal’s office? A: It kept getting into high-sticks situations.
  3. Q: What position do ghosts play in hockey? A: Ghoulie.
  4. Q: What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of tea? A: Penal-tea!
  5. Q: What do you call a hockey player with a green thumb? A: A puckin’ good gardener!
  6. Q: Why do hockey players make terrible chefs? A: They always try to deke the oven.
  7. Q: What do you get if you cross a hockey player and a magician? A: Someone who can pull a hat trick out of a hat!
  8. Q: Why do hockey players wear mouthguards? A: To protect their sweet tooth from all the icing violations.
  9. Q: What’s a hockey player’s favorite music genre? A: Anything but blue-lines!
  10. Q: What do you call a fight between two hockey teams that spills into the stands? A: A fan-tastic brawl!
  11. Q: Why did the hockey coach go to the bank? A: To get his line of credit checked!
  12. Q: What’s a hockey player’s favorite dance move? A: The cross-check! (Just kidding… safety first!)
  13. Q: Why did the hockey player bring a flashlight on the ice? A: In case he needed to spot the puck in a power outage!
  14. Q: What do you call a hockey player who’s always late to practice? A: A puck- procrastinator!
  15. Q: What do you get if you cross a hockey player and a kangaroo? A: Huge penalties for high-sticking!
  16. Q: Why don’t they play hockey on the savannah? A: Because the cheetahs keep getting penalties!
  17. Q: What’s the difference between a hockey player and a pizza? A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
  18. Q: Why did the figure skater get a penalty during the hockey game? A: Illegal use of a triple axel in the defensive zone.
  19. Q: What does a hockey player use to organize their digital files? A: A face-off folder!
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Dad Jokes About Hockey: Pun-Filled Quips

  1. I wanted to name my son after Wayne Gretzky, but my wife quickly shot it down. Said it was a slap shot too far.
  2. That hockey player is a real stickler for the rules. He gets called for high-sticking just for holding his coffee wrong!
  3. I tried to make a hockey jersey for my pet goldfish, but it was way too much fin-essing.
  4. My son said he wanted to be a goalie because it sounded relaxing. I told him, “Don’t get your hopes up, son.”
  5. Heard the hockey game was getting heated? Yeah, someone forgot to turn the Zamboni on!
  6. My wife asked me to take out the trash during the hockey game. Apparently, β€œwait for a power play” isn’t an acceptable excuse.
  7. I’m starting a hockey league for ghosts. They’re already experts at cross-checking!
  8. That new hockey player is really skating on thin ice after missing that open net.
  9. I used to hate facial hair, then it grew on me. Just like everyone on a hockey team in the playoffs!
  10. The hockey arena is my second home… at least that’s what I tell my wife so she doesn’t think I actually live there.
  11. That hockey mom is one tough cookie. She brought orange slices and penalty flags to her son’s kindergarten soccer game!
  12. You know you’ve been watching too much hockey when you start saying “Good shift!” to your coworkers after a meeting.
  13. I tried to explain offsides to my dog, but he just looked at me like I was barking mad.
  14. What do you call a hockey player who’s always in trouble? A repeat offender.
  15. The rookie hockey player was feeling a bit cold, so I told him to go sit in the penalty box. They always have fans in there!
  16. Never ask a hockey player to keep a secret. They’re terrible at holding onto things!
  17. I bought a self-help book to improve my hockey skills… Turns out, it was just blank pages. I guess I need to write my own success story.
  18. What’s a hockey player’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good puck-up line!

Hockey Jokes and Puns for Kids

  1. Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? Because he wanted to score a high goal!
  2. What do you call a hockey player who’s always forgetting things? A pucking forgetful one!
  3. What’s a hockey player’s favorite dessert? Penal-tea cheesecake!
  4. What did the hockey coach tell the broken vending machine? “Give me my pucking money back!” (Don’t worry, he only said “pucking” because he was frustrated!)
  5. What position do ghosts play in hockey? Ghoulie!
  6. Where do hockey players dance? At a pucking good party!
  7. What kind of car does a hockey player drive? A Zamboni! (Okay, maybe not, but wouldn’t that be cool?)
  8. Why did the hockey puck get sent to the principal’s office? For cross-checking!
  9. What do you call it when a hockey player stays up all night? A penalty box party! (Don’t try this at home, kids!)
  10. What does the puck say when it’s happy? “I’m pucking awesome!”
  11. What music do hockey players listen to? Anything but puck rock! (Get it? It’s a pun!)
  12. Why couldn’t the hockey player score any goals? He was always iced out!
  13. How do you fix a broken hockey stick? With a little stick-to-itiveness!
  14. What did the hockey coach say to the team after they lost the game? “Don’t worry, we’ll get ’em next period!”
  15. What do you get if you cross a hockey player and a magician? A hat puck!
  16. Why did the hockey team go to the bank? To get their penalties checked!
  17. What’s a hockey player’s favorite kind of math? Score-matics!
  18. Why did the hockey player get lost? He took a turn for the worst!
  19. What did one hockey fan say to the other after their team won? “We’re pucking champions!”
  20. What do you call a lazy kangaroo on a hockey team? A pouch potato!

Hockey Jokes and Puns for Adults

  1. Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? He heard the fans were hungry for some high-stick offenses.
  2. I met a hockey player who could shoot the puck at 150 mph. Apparently, that’s how he lost his job at FedEx.
  3. You know you’re watching too much hockey when… you start using “icing” as an excuse to leave a conversation.
  4. My wife left me because she said I loved hockey more than her. I’m still trying to figure out how she found out about my affair with the Zamboni driver.
  5. A hockey coach walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Wow, that’s cool! Where’d you get that?” The parrot replies, “They gave me away for free at the Stanley Cup Finals, they’re giving away loads of them!”
  6. Why did the hockey player refuse to use anesthetic at the dentist’s office? He wanted to feel the puck-ing pain.
  7. A hockey player walks into a library, looking for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
  8. My friend says he’s a real “puck magnet” on the ice. I told him, “That explains why you always attract penalties.”
  9. Dating a hockey player is like being a goalie… you never know when you’re going to get blindsided.
  10. What’s the only thing colder than the ice at a hockey game? The hearts of the losing team’s fans.
  11. Why did the hockey player get a job at the bank? He was great at handling checks.
  12. Heard they’re making a movie about the life of a hockey puck. Sounds riveting.
  13. What do you get when you combine a hockey player and a magician? Someone who can make penalties disappear.
  14. My wife told me to take the spider webs down from the ceiling or she’d leave me. I guess you could say I’m in the penalty box now.
  15. They say hockey is a very spiritual game. Lots of players see their guardian angels after getting checked into the boards.
  16. What do you call a hockey player who’s always in the penalty box? A frequent flyer.
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Hockey Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Other Social Media

  1. What’s the coolest place to keep leftover chili? The penalty box. It’s always ice cold.
  2. I’m starting a dating app for hockey fans only. It’s called “Plenty of Fish…in the penalty box.”
  3. My friend says I take hockey way too seriously… He claims I need to get a life. I told him to hold on, I’m trying to get one right now on this power play.
  4. Hockey is the only sport where you can literally get away with murder. It’s called a “penalty kill.”
  5. Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? Because he heard the steaks were high!
  6. What’s the difference between a hockey player and a ballerina? A hockey player says, “Did you see my butt-end that check?” and a ballerina says, “Did you see my tutu?”
  7. Why are goalies such bad poker players? Their poker face is always hidden behind a mask.
  8. Just got kicked out of a hockey game for throwing a loaf of bread on the ice… The ref said it was a penalty for “too many men on the ice.”
  9. I went to a hockey game and a fight broke out… I guess you could say it was… a real slap shot of a good time.
  10. What did the hockey player say to the puck? Catch you on the flip side!
  11. My friend quit his job at the ice rink because it was too stressful… He just couldn’t handle the puck-ing pressure.
  12. Why are hockey players so good at geometry? They always know how to find the five-hole.
  13. Someone stole the Zamboni driver’s credit card at the game last night… I heard they caught him, but he’s claiming it was an ice-olated incident.
  14. Why don’t they allow elephants to play hockey? Because they always get called for cross-checking with their tusks!
  15. Me trying to explain icing to my friend who doesn’t watch hockey… It’s like offside, but colder.

Puck This: We’re Done! πŸ’πŸ˜‚

We hope these hockey puns didn’t leave you feeling iced out! But if you’re still hungry for more knee-slapping jokes and puns, don’t just take our word for it – check out the rest of our punny website. We’ve got material that’s guaranteed to make you flip your lid (or should we say, your helmet?).

Rabia Noreen & Team

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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