110+ Jiu Jitsu Jokes & Puns: You’ll Tap Out from Laughter!
Get ready to grapple with laughter because you’ve tapped into the best source for Jiu Jitsu jokes! 😂 This list is packed with more puns than a black belt has submissions, and each one is guaranteed to tickle your funny bone. 👨👩👧👦 From clever quips for seasoned practitioners to silly jokes for kids, get ready for a laughter-thon. So, loosen up your gi, because these jokes are guaranteed to have you in stitches! 🤣😂
Top Jiu Jitsu Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the jiu-jitsu fighter bring a ladder to the gym? He heard the grappling was on a whole other level today.
- What does a jiu-jitsu fighter use to make a smoothie? A blender… and a rear-naked chokehold.
- Why are jiu-jitsu fighters such good dancers? They’ve mastered the art of the hip escape.
- What did the jiu-jitsu fighter say when he submitted his opponent with a pretzel-like move? “Looks like you’re twisted!”
- Why don’t they play poker at the jiu-jitsu gym? They know everyone’s bluffing when they say, “I’m not tapping!”
- How do you know you’ve trained too much jiu-jitsu? You try to politely “pass” someone’s leg while walking down a crowded street.
- Why did the jiu-jitsu fighter cross the road? Nobody dared to ask.
- How many jiu-jitsu practitioners does it take to change a light bulb? None, they’d rather sit in the dark and talk about how they would have done it.
- What’s a jiu-jitsu fighter’s favorite song? “Anything by The Cranberries – especially Zombie!”
- Why is it so hard to surprise a jiu-jitsu fighter? They’re always expecting the unexpected… and going for the submission.
- My friend tried to tell me jiu-jitsu is easy… I said, “Show me your guard and let’s talk.”
- You know you’re obsessed with jiu-jitsu when… you dream in triangles, armbars, and kimuras.
- My doctor told me I need to get more iron in my diet… So I started training jiu-jitsu. Checkmate, medical bills.
- What do you call a jiu-jitsu fighter with a PhD? Professor Tap-Out.
- What’s the difference between jiu-jitsu and arguing with a significant other? In jiu-jitsu, you eventually tap out.
Clever Jiu Jitsu Puns – Best Picks
- I tried to explain to my friend how addictive Jiu Jitsu is… He just wouldn’t tap out of the conversation.
- What’s the opposite of Jiu Jitsu? Taekwondo we go home!
- You can’t trust atoms… They make up everything, even Jiu Jitsu.
- What do you call a Jiu Jitsu fighter who sells furniture? An ottoman-guard specialist.
- Feeling sad? Just remember… At least your life isn’t falling apart like a bad triangle choke.
- Why was the Jiu Jitsu fighter always asking for snacks? He was a submission grappler!
- Heard about the Jiu Jitsu fighter who opened a bakery? He specializes in kneebars and sourdough.
- I threw a Kimura on a music sheet… Now it’s a submission symphony.
- Me and my training partner? We’re pretty much inseparable. Especially in a triangle choke.
- My doctor told me to do more cardio… Now I sprawl away from my problems.
- Don’t worry, I’m a trained professional… In the art of the gentle nap on the mat after getting submitted.
- Jiu Jitsu: It’s not about how big you are… It’s about how big your opponent thinks you are before you pull guard.
- I only train Jiu Jitsu for the fitness… Okay, and the sweet, sweet submissions.
- Life is like Jiu Jitsu… You never know what chokehold it’ll put you in next.
- I once met a Jiu Jitsu fighter who was also a magician… He made my worries disappear with a wave of his hand. And then put me in an armbar.
Funny Jiu Jitsu One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Jiu Jitsu Jokes
- I told my date I was a black belt in Jiu Jitsu… she didn’t believe me until I choked her up.
- What’s the difference between Jiu Jitsu and arguing with your partner? In Jiu Jitsu, you eventually tap out.
- Jiu Jitsu: Because punching someone in the face is frowned upon in most social situations.
- I’m not saying I’m good at Jiu Jitsu, but I can make you tap out using only three fingers… wanna see my wifi password?
- Life is a lot like Jiu Jitsu – you never know what position you’ll end up in.
- I tried to explain Jiu Jitsu to my grandma, but she just kept asking when I was going to Judo chop someone.
- Did you hear about the Jiu Jitsu fighter who was also a magician? He’d put you in an armbar and make your wallet disappear!
- They say money talks… but mine must be a Jiu Jitsu master because every time I get it in a chokehold, it still finds a way to escape.
- My girlfriend says I love Jiu Jitsu more than her. That’s a lie, I love it way MORE than her.
- I used to think Jiu Jitsu was just fancy cuddling… then I got triangle choked.
- Jiu Jitsu is like chess, except the pieces attack back and sometimes smell like feet.
- You know you’ve been doing Jiu Jitsu too long when you see a pretzel and think “sweet escape position!”
- I went to a Jiu Jitsu tournament and won the “Most Supportive” award. Apparently, everyone else brought mats.
- Jiu Jitsu: It’s not about how big you are, it’s about how big the other guy thinks you are… until you get him in a triangle choke.
Jiu Jitsu QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Jiu Jitsu
- Q: What do you call a Jiu Jitsu match between two statues? A: A grappling standstill!
- Q: Why did the Jiu Jitsu fighter bring a ladder to the gym? A: He heard the competition was a step above!
- Q: What’s a Jiu Jitsu artist’s favorite type of car? A: A Subaru! Because they love going 0 to 60 in 2 seconds flat. 😂
- Q: What’s the difference between Jiu Jitsu and arguing with a toddler? A: In Jiu Jitsu, eventually you get to tap out!
- Q: Why did the baker love Jiu Jitsu? A: He was a master of the knead bar!
- Q: Why was the Jiu Jitsu fighter always losing his keys? A: He kept getting caught in keylocks!
- Q: How do you make a Jiu Jitsu smoothie? A: Take a banana, some protein powder, and put them in a blender… then sweep the leg!
- Q: What’s the hardest part about starting Jiu Jitsu? A: Telling your friends you lost to someone who “barely even touched you.”
- Q: What music do Jiu Jitsu fighters listen to while training? A: Anything but country! They can’t stand being submitted to the same four chords over and over.
- Q: How did the Jiu Jitsu fighter win the lottery? A: He had all the right numbers… for a triangle choke!
- Q: What does a Jiu Jitsu fighter use to pay their bills? A: Submission fees!
- Q: Why don’t Jiu Jitsu fighters ever give up? A: They’re always down for one more round!
- Q: How can you tell if someone is a Jiu Jitsu Black Belt just by looking at them? A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you. 😉
- Q: What’s a Jiu Jitsu fighter’s favorite Shakespeare play? A: Measure for Tapout!
- Q: Why did the Jiu Jitsu fighter bring a dictionary to the gym? A: He wanted to improve his vocabulary… one submission hold at a time!
Dad Jokes About Jiu Jitsu: Pun-Filled Quips
- I told my son to try “gentle-jitsu” instead of jiu jitsu. He said, “Dad, that’s just called being polite!”
- What’s the opposite of jiu jitsu? Wu-don’t-hit-su!
- I tried to think of a jiu jitsu vegetable pun… but I just choked-ed.
- My wife asked me why I love jiu jitsu so much. I told her, “Honey, it really throws me for a loop!”
- You know you’re obsessed with jiu jitsu when you start seeing armbars in your sleep… and your breakfast sausages.
- Never argue with a jiu jitsu fighter. They’re always trying to take things to the mat.
- What do you call a jiu jitsu move so good it makes you cry? A tearearmbar.
- My wife asked me how my jiu jitsu class was. I said, “It was pretty intense. We were rolling around all over the mat.” She said, “Sounds like laundry day at our house!”
- I told my son his jiu jitsu skills are really improving. He said, “Thanks, Dad! I’ve been putting in the extra grapples!”
- I tried explaining jiu jitsu to my grandma, but she just kept asking where the juice went.
- What does a jiu jitsu fighter use to make a smoothie? A blendle choke!
- My son asked if he could borrow my jiu jitsu DVD. I told him, “Sure, but don’t grapple with it!”
Jiu Jitsu Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the little tree love jiu jitsu class? Because it was always pine-ing to learn new throws!
- What did the jiu jitsu mat say to the nervous student? Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!
- What jiu jitsu move do baby sharks use? The rear-naked-cuddle!
- What’s a jiu jitsu fighter’s favorite snack? Anything they can grab in a pinch!
- Why did the jiu jitsu student get good grades? They knew how to apply themselves!
- Why don’t they play hide-and-seek at jiu jitsu class? Because they are experts at finding submissions!
- How do you know someone is a jiu jitsu black belt? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!
- What kind of music do jiu jitsu fighters listen to? Anything with a good beat!
- What do you call a jiu jitsu move that always works? A guaranteed tap-out… but those are pretty rare!
- What do you get if you combine a jiu jitsu fighter with a baker? Someone who can choke you out with delicious treats!
- Why did the jiu jitsu student bring a ladder to class? They heard it was a high-level session!
- What’s a jiu jitsu fighter’s favorite dance move? The shrimp!
- Where do jiu jitsu fighters keep their training schedules? On their arm-bar calendars!
- Never try to sneak up on a jiu jitsu fighter… They grapple with everything!
Jiu Jitsu Jokes and Puns for Elders
- My doctor said I need to get a grip…so I signed up for Jiu Jitsu. Looks like he underestimated me. Now I’m the one getting the grip.
- I used to think retirement meant taking it easy. Then I discovered Jiu Jitsu. Now I’m submitting people half my age!
- Why did the old man join the Jiu Jitsu gym? He was tired of his joints being the only things locked up tight.
- You know you’re getting old when… “Tapping out” means something completely different than in your Jiu Jitsu class.
- My grandkids asked me what my secret to staying spry is. I whispered, “Jiu Jitsu,” and swept their legs out from under them. Gotta teach ’em young!
- They say Jiu Jitsu is a young person’s sport. They clearly haven’t seen me hip throw someone younger than my orthopedic shoes.
- I’m not saying I’m good at Jiu Jitsu… But I can get out of any conversation I want.
- My doctor told me to take up a low-impact sport. Now I just take down my opponents with low-impact throws. Jiu Jitsu: problem solved.
- Heard they’re starting a senior’s Jiu Jitsu league at the retirement home. Things are about to get real…comfortable.
- I’m writing a book about all the aches and pains I’ve gotten from Jiu Jitsu. It’s going to be a novel-length piece on joint locks gone wrong.
- You’re never too old for Jiu Jitsu. You’re just pre-marinated for the mat.
- My grandkids are starting to get scared when I ask for a hug. They know Grandpa’s been practicing his rear-naked choke.
- What’s the hardest part about doing Jiu Jitsu as a senior? Remembering if the pain is from the training or just from existing.
- Retirement is great… but have you ever armbarred someone while simultaneously receiving your pension? Talk about satisfaction!
Jiu Jitsu Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Why did the Jiu Jitsu fighter win a staring contest against a ghost? Because he had spook-tacular submission skills! 👻🏆
- What’s a Jiu Jitsu fighter’s favorite beverage? Tap water! 💧😂
- My doctor told me to do more cardio, so I started bringing my phone on the mat. Turns out escaping side control while texting really gets the heart rate up. 📱😅
- I finally mastered that new Jiu Jitsu escape I’ve been working on. I call it the “Disappearing Act.” It involves me tapping out and running away. 💨🏃♂️
- Me trying to explain to my non-Jiu Jitsu friends why I’m happy after getting choked unconscious: “It’s a technical thing…you wouldn’t understand.” 🧠🤯
- Just got my black belt in Jiu Jitsu! Now I can finally tie my shoes without using my hands. 🥋😎 (It’s the little victories.)
- My bank account after a BJJ tournament: “Please submit… to the fact that you’re broke.” 💸😭
- Jiu Jitsu is like chess… Except the pieces bruise, bleed, and sometimes ask for mercy. 🤕♟️
- New dating app idea: Jinder. Swipe right on profiles of singles who also love getting choked unconscious in their free time. ❤️💀 (Disclaimer: Please don’t actually choke people you meet online.)
- That awkward moment when you nail a perfect triangle choke in your dream, then wake up and realize you just elbow-dropped your pillow. 😴💥
- Walking into work after a hard Jiu Jitsu class like: 🚶♂️🤕 “I’m not sure what hurts more, my body or my ego.”
- Life is like Jiu Jitsu. Sometimes you’re the hammer, sometimes you’re the nail. And sometimes you’re the dude wondering why people willingly subject themselves to this. 🔨🤔
- Me before Jiu Jitsu: “I’m a pacifist.” Me after Jiu Jitsu: “You wanna go, bro?” ☮️😠 (Just kidding… mostly.)
- Remember, in Jiu Jitsu, the real winner is the one who has the most fun… Or at least the one who walks away without needing surgery. 🏆🤕😂
Tap Out of Laughter? Oss-some!
We hope these jiu jitsu jokes and puns tapped into your funny bone! If you’re ready for more side-splitting humor, don’t just take our word for it – roll on over to our website and explore a treasure trove of puns and jokes that are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud. You’d be grappling with your decision to leave!
