145+ Ham Puns & Jokes: You’ll Hog These!
Get ready to pig out on laughter, because we’re serving up the best ham puns and jokes this side of the smokehouse! 😂 Whether you’re a seasoned comedian or just looking for some funny jokes for kids, this list of clever and positive humor is sure to tickle your funny bone. 🍖 We’ve got ham puns so good, they’re practically illegal. (Don’t worry, we promise no hogs were harmed in the making of this post.) 😉 So grab a bib, because things are about to get ham-azing! ✨
Top ‘Ham Jokes’ – Best Picks
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. What did they play instead? Strip ham poker!
- Did you hear about the pig that went to the beach on a hot summer day? He was bacon in the sun! Then what happened? He got HAMmered!
- Why did the ham cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of ham? Sea-Ham!
- What do you call a pig that’s a karate master? A pork chop! And what about his less skilled brother? Just ham-fisted.
- Why was the ham always invited to parties? Because he was always the life of the par-tay!
- What do you call a pig that’s always hogging the conversation? A real ham-ateur!
- What do you get when you cross a ham with a comedian? I don’t know, but their act is sure to bring home the bacon!
- Why did the ham blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
- What does a vegetarian zombie eat? “Graaaaaaaains!” And what about his pickier friend? Only “Braaaaaaaains and Ham!”
- My friend told me he was going on a “ham only” diet… I told him, “That’s hogwash!”
- Did you hear about the pig who ran away to join the circus? He wanted to be the ring-ham master!
- Why did the cannibals capture a pig, a chicken, and a cow? To have a ham-burger with a side of coleslaw!
- What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur? Jurassic Pork!
- Why don’t they serve ham in prison? Because it’s too easy for the inmates to make a shank-wich!
- My friend said he wanted his birthday party to be ham-themed… I told him, “Don’t go bacon my heart!”
- What’s a ham’s favorite Christmas carol? “Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly!” …and Ham!
Clever ‘Ham Puns’ – Best Picks
- What’s a ham’s favorite ballet? Swan Lake Meats!
- This ham sandwich is absolutely divine! I think I’ve died and gone to ham-ven.
- Why don’t they allow pigs on cruise ships? They heard the food was free and might go ham-wild!
- Did you hear about the ham that went to art school? It loved to draw still-hams.
- What do you call a ham that’s always getting into trouble? A real ham-ateur!
- I went to a psychic who said I was destined for ham-azing things! I think she meant I should open a deli.
- What’s a ham’s favorite Christmas carol? Deck the Halls with Boughs of Ham!
- Why did the ham cross the road? It was tired of being ham-strung by its diet!
- What do you call a group of hams singing together? A pork-appella group!
- The ham went on a diet and lost so much weight! Now it’s just a shell of its former ham.
- What did the ham say to the cheese on their anniversary? “I’m so grate-ful we met!”
- Why did the ham blush? It saw the salad dressing!
- My friend’s a ham enthusiast. He’s such a ham-bassador for cured meats. He even has a ham radio!
- This ham is so salty, it must have been to the Dead Sea! It’s got a real salty ham-itude.
- What’s a ham’s favorite game show? Wheel of Fortune… cookie or ham sandwich!
- I tried to make a ham sculpture, but it fell apart. It was a real ham-fisted attempt.
- This ham is too lean. It needs more ham-ateur fat.
- Why are hams such good actors? They’re always hamming it up for the camera!
- You’re looking very ham-dsome today! Have you been working out?
Funny ‘Ham One-Liner Jokes’ – Short & Funny Ham Jokes
- I tried to make a sculpture out of ham once. It was completely amateur.
- Why don’t they allow pigs on cruise ships? They tend to hog the buffet and ham it up on deck.
- That actor is such a ham, his performances should come with a side of potatoes and gravy.
- My friend said he wanted to be paid in ham, I told him to bring home the bacon.
- I went to a vegan restaurant called “No Ham Allowed.” Turns out it was just a salad bar.
- My vegetarian friend tried ham for the first time and said, “Hey, this bacon tastes different!”
- You know what they say about actors… break a leg, and they’ll ham it up for sympathy.
- Why are comedians like deli meat? They both rely on good timing and slicing their material thin.
- A ham walks into a bar and says, “Hey, I’ll take a whiskey neat… and hold the mayo!”
- What do you call a pig that’s a bad actor? A total hamateur!
- The ham radio operator had a unique call sign: “Porkchop One, this is Sizzling Bacon.”
- My grandpa’s so old, he remembers when “Netflix and chill” meant having ham sandwiches in front of the TV.
- I went to a butcher shop that sold only ham. It was a real pork chop shop.
- You can’t trust atoms, they make up everything, especially a good ham sandwich.
- I used to date a vegetarian who worked at a ham factory. Talk about bringing home the bacon you don’t eat.
- The ham sandwich complained to the chef, “I’m feeling a little flat, could you give me some character?”
- I saw a sign that said “Free Ham!” It was a ham radio convention, talk about misleading advertising.
- The pig escaped from the butcher shop, yelling “I’m too young to be ham!”
- My vegan friend tried to order a ham sandwich. I guess you could say he was really pushing the lettuce.
- If you’re feeling stressed, just remember: You’re not a piece of ham at Christmas dinner. You can relax.
Ham QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Ham
- Q: Why did the ham get sent to his room? A: He was acting too hammy!
- Q: What’s a ham’s favorite musical? A: “Oliver!” (asking for “more”)
- Q: What do you call a pig that’s a sore loser? A: A poor ham in defeat!
- Q: Why did the ham cross the road? A: He was tired of being bacon in the sun.
- Q: What do you call a ham that’s always getting into trouble? A: A real ham-burglar!
- Q: What’s a ham’s favorite type of car? A: A Porsche… that’s ham-mer time!
- Q: Why did the ham blush? A: He saw the salad dressing!
- Q: What’s a ham’s least favorite game? A: Anything with “piggy” in the rules!
- Q: Why don’t they serve ham at parties? A: Because it’s always hogging the attention!
- Q: Where does a ham sleep? A: On a ham-mock, of course!
- Q: What do you call a group of singing hams? A: A pork-estra!
- Q: Why did the ham get fired from the theater? A: He kept overacting and going off script!
- Q: What’s a ham’s favorite Shakespeare play? A: “Hamlet,” naturally!
- Q: What does a vegetarian zombie say? A: “Graaaaaains!” (instead of “braaaaains!”) …that’s ham-azingly clever!
- Q: What’s a ham’s favorite holiday? A: Valen-ham’s Day!
- Q: What’s a ham’s favorite movie? A: “Lord of the Rinds: The Return of the Ham”
- Q: Why is ham always invited to parties? A: He’s the life of the pork-y!
- Q: Why are hams so optimistic? A: They always see the glass half-full… of glaze!
- Q: What did the ham say to the cheese at the party? A: “Looking sharp!”
Dad Jokes About Ham: Pun-Filled Quips
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs… and they always bring the hamburgers.
- Heard about the pig who went to the theatre? He bought the hamateur performance tickets.
- What do you call a pig that’s a sore loser? A hamful sport.
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it to the movies. It loved the new Hamilton musical.
- What do you call a fake stone made of ham? A sham rock!
- Why did the pig get sent off the football field? It was caught hamfistedly holding!
- What do you get when you cross a cow and a hamster? I don’t know, but I wouldn’t try milking it.
- I went to a fancy restaurant last night and ordered the ham. The waiter looked surprised. “Sir, this is a seafood restaurant.” I said, “I know, I’m feeling adventurous.”
- What’s a pig’s favorite Shakespeare play? Hamlet, of course!
- What did the pig say when it hurt its foot? “I think I pulled a hamstring!”
- My son wants to be a comedian when he grows up. I told him, “Don’t quit your day job, you’re just a little ham.”
- What’s a pig’s favorite ballet? Swine Lake… with extra ham, of course.
- I tried to make a belt out of bacon and ham once. It was a waist of time.
- My wife said I was being too ham-fisted with the potato salad. I told her to chill, it’s not like I was performing open-heart surgery.
- I tried to make furniture out of ham. Turns out, it’s not very stable. It just kept collapsing.
- A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
- Why did the pig cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken, he was all ham!
- Did you hear about the pig who won an award? He was hamazing!
- What do you call a pig that’s always in trouble? A real hamful character!
- Why don’t they serve hamburgers at the beach? You can’t have your burger and eat it too!
Ham Jokes and Puns for Kids
- What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop!
- What musical instrument do pigs play? The hog-monica!
- Why did the pig get hired for the construction job? He was really good at hammering!
- What do you call a pig that’s really good at singing? A ham-azing vocalist!
- Where do pigs park their cars? At the porking lot!
- What do you call a pig that’s always getting into trouble? A real ham-dinger!
- What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus? I don’t know, but it’s sure to be prickly!
- Why don’t pigs wear watches? Because they live in the present!
- What did the mama pig say to her messy piglet? “Oh, you’re such a ham!”
- Why are pigs bad dancers? Because they have two left hooves!
- What do you get if you cross a pig and a centipede? I don’t know, but it has a lot of bacon!
- Why did the pig cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
- Why did the pig go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw ham-sters!
- What did the pig say when it rained on his birthday? “Oh, hogwash!”
- How do pigs talk to each other? They use hog-mail!
- What kind of car does a pig drive? A ham-borghini!
- Where do sick pigs go? To the hog-spital!
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! (Okay, this one’s a bonus and not about pigs… but still funny!)
Ham Jokes and Puns for Adults
- Why did the ham break up with the drama student? Because she kept overacting and he was tired of the hamateur dramatics.
- A new ham restaurant opened up in town, but it went out of business quickly. Turns out their business model was unsustainable.
- What do you call a pig that’s a sore loser? A hamateur sport.
- Heard about the actor who got fired from the Shakespearean play for eating on stage? Apparently, he took “Hamlet” a little too literally.
- My vegetarian friend tried to convince me that ham wasn’t meat. I said, “Don’t be ridiculous, that’s just hogwash!”
- Why don’t they play poker in the barn? Too many pigs trying to ham it up.
- What’s a ham’s favorite musical genre? Anything but pork rock.
- I tried to make a sculpture out of ham once… It was completely unworkable.
- My friend said his new girlfriend was a real catch, until he found out she was obsessed with salt-cured meats. Turns out she was only after his ham.
- What do you call a pig that can predict the future? A hamsayer.
- I went to a vegan restaurant that served “mock ham.” I asked the waiter, “Is this really made from plants?” He said, “Don’t worry, it’s just ham-acting.”
- Why are pigs such bad drivers? They keep hogging the road and making ham-fisted turns.
- A ham walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he’s paying, he pulls out a wad of cash. The bartender raises an eyebrow and says, “Looks like you’ve got a lot of bacon.”
- My therapist told me to confront my inner demons. Turns out, one of them is a butcher with a ham-mer.
- What’s the difference between a bad actor and a delicious Christmas dinner? One’s a ham, the other’s a yum!
- Dating profile headline: “Single and ready to mingle. Must love cured meats.” Ham connoisseurs only, please.
- Why are pigs such good negotiators? Because they know how to bring home the bacon!
- Tried to explain to my friend that you can’t milk a pig. He looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language. Guess you could say he was ham-fuddled.
- Life is like a ham. You can either enjoy it or let it go to waste.
Ham Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Other Social Media
- My friend told me he was starting a ham-themed escape room… I said, “That sounds like a real… hamfisted attempt at a business.”
- What’s a ham’s favorite musical? Anything by Hamilton! 🎶
- I used to work at a deli that sold only the finest cured meats… but I quit. The work was too ham-drum for me. 😴
- You know you’ve gone too far with the holiday decorations when… you’ve got a Ham-mas tree in the living room. 🎄
- What do you get when you cross a ham with a comedian? Hamateur hour! 😂
- I accidentally dropped a whole ham on the floor earlier. I guess you could say it was a real ham-ateur move. 🤦♀️
- What did the ham say after winning the race? “I’m feeling ham-azing!” 🏆
- Why don’t they allow ham in online games? Too much spam! 💻
- Just saw a ham trying to sneak onto the subway… Guess he didn’t want to pay the ham-fare. 🚇
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of ham? Sea-ham! 🏴☠️
- My vegetarian friend tried ham for the first time and said it was okay… I guess you could say she’s on the fence about it. 🤔
- Why did the ham get a job at the bank? Because he was good with ham-dling money! 💰
- You can’t trust atoms… they make up everything, even ham! ⚛️
- My New Year’s resolution? To become a ham-bassador for world peace… one delicious slice at a time. 🌎🕊️
- What’s a ham’s favorite type of cheese? Pro-ham-sone! 🧀
- Just saw a dog dressed like a slice of ham… It was the most a-dog-able thing I’ve ever seen! 🐶
- Why did the ham cross the road? Nobody’s bacon him! 🥓
- I tried to make a sculpture out of ham once… it was a total bust. 🗿
- My love for ham is no yolk!🍳
- What do you call a ham that’s always getting into trouble? A real hamful influence! 😈
Ham-azing Puns: You’re Officially Cured!
We’re ham-azed you made it to the end of these ham-believable puns and jokes! We hope we didn’t ham it up too much. For more rib-tickling wordplay and side-splitting humor, be sure to explore the rest of our punny website. Don’t be a boar, there’s plenty more laughter to go around!
