91+ Rum Puns & Jokes: You’ll Be Glad You Asked!
Ahoy, mateys! πͺ Get ready to embark on a hilarious journey through the world of rum puns! π We’ve plundered the seven seas (and raided our dad’s joke books) to bring you the best list of rum jokes and puns. This treasure trove of humor is perfect for kids and adults who appreciate a good dose of clever wordplay. Get ready to laugh your buoys off β these puns are truly rum-arkable! πΎ
Top Rum Jokes – Best Picks
- Why don’t they serve rum in prison? Because it’s meant to be enjoyed, not endured!
- I told my wife she was drinking too much rum. She said, “That’s rich, coming from you!” I said, “No, honey, thatβs rum.”
- I used to be addicted to rum, but I’m sober nowβ¦ Just kidding, it’s rum o’clock somewhere!
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Rum-ba!
- What happens when a pirate gets lost at sea? He ends up on a deserted island with nothing but rum…poor guy.
- Why did the rum go to the doctor? It wasn’t feeling very well-aged.
- My doctor told me to cut back on the rum. So I switched to tequila. Problem solved?
- You know you’ve had too much rum when… You start singing sea shanties in public…and you don’t know any.
- My friend said, “I only drink rum on two occasions.” I asked, “Oh yeah, when are those?” He said, “When I’m thirsty and when I’m not.”
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s R, but it’s the C.
- Why did the bartender cut the pirate off? Because he was already half-cut!
- Someone stole my bottle of rum! I guess you could say it’s…gone with the wind.
- Parallel universes are rum. I mean, what are the odds?
- Why is rum always getting into trouble? Because it’s always getting into fights with whiskey!
- I tried to explain to my friend the difference between rum and molasses⦠It was like pulling teeth!

Clever Rum Puns – Best Picks
- Feeling adventurous? Take a gamble with our new rum. Itβs a real rumble in a bottle!
- Did you hear about the pirate who quit drinking? Yeah, he just wanted to rum a tight ship.
- I started a band called “The Spiced Rums.” We’re always heating things up!
- My friend started a rum distillery using only potatoes. Itβs pretty spudtacular!
- That pirate captain is a real charmerβ¦ when he’s got enough rum to go around.
- I told my friend his new rum cocktail was amazing. He said, “Don’t worry, it gets rum in the family.”
- Iβm writing a song about rum, but I canβt seem to find the right spirit.
- This rum is so smooth, it’s practically criminal. I think I’ll call it “The Rum-Runner.”
- Just tried a rum-infused coffee for the first time. Now thatβs what I call a rum awakening!
- Trying to cut back on rum, but itβs been rumored to be impossible!
- Whatβs a pirateβs favorite type of music? Why, rum-ba, of course!
- Having a rough day? Donβt worry, itβs nothing a little rum canβt smooth over.
- That pirate got thrown in jail for bootlegging rum. Seems he was caught red-handed.
Funny Rum One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Rum Jokes
- My doctor told me to avoid rum. Guess it was bad medical advisement.
- That pirate captain sure loves telling stories. You could say he’s rum-inating on the past.
- I tried to explain to my dog why he can’t drink rum. He just looked at me like I was barking mad.
- My friend started a rum distillery in his attic. It’s a high-proof operation.
- The bartender lost his voice, so he asked me to order a rum and coke for the guy next to me. I said, “Sure, and one for the rum.”
- I’m starting a dating app for rum enthusiasts. It’s called Plenty of Fish, and Even More Rum.
- My favorite music genre? Tropic hop. Gotta get that island rum vibe.
- Someone stole my bottle of rum. Now thatβs what I call spirited away!
- My friend said he quit drinking rum cold turkey. I told him that’s fowl play!
- You know, pirates weren’t all bad. They invented the planktonic diet, heavy on the rum and lime.
- I got a job writing slogans for rum brands. My first idea? βIt’s always five o’clock somewhereβ¦ish.β
- Do you know what’s odd? Ordering a rum and coke, and getting a confused cola.
- I asked the bartender for something to make me sea-rious about relaxing. He brought me a double rum.
- I tried to pay for my rum with sand dollars. The bartender wasn’t shored.
Rum QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Rum
- Q: Why did the rum go to the bank? A: To check its current balance.
- Q: What do you call a pirate who always spills his rum? A: A pour-ate.
- Q: What kind of music do pirates listen to while they drink rum? A: Sea shanties.
- Q: What’s a pirateβs favorite type of grammar? A: Rum-a-tics (Romantics).
- Q: What do you call it when a pirate buries his treasure but forgets where? A: A rum deal.
- Q: What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter? A: The letter ‘P’ because it turns rum into prum.
- Q: Why don’t they let pirates play cards in the Caribbean anymore? A: Too much rum makes them cheat at gin rummy.
- Q: Why are pirates so bad at poker? A: They always end up rum-bling the game.
- Q: What did the ocean say to the rum bottle? A: Nothing, it just waved.
- Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite school subject? A: Ship-building.
- Q: Do you know how to make a pirate angry? A: Take away the “R” from his rum!
- Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite programming language? A: Pyth-ARRR-n.
- Q: Why did Captain Jack Sparrow love his rum? A: Because it made him feel like he was always on vacation.
- Q: What happens when you drink too much rum? A: You wake up wondering who scuttled your memory.
- Q: What do you call a pirate who gives up drinking rum? A: A reformed pirate… probably.
Dad Jokes About Rum: Pun-Filled Quips
- I went to a pirate-themed bar last night and ordered a rum and coke. The bartender said, “Arr, that’ll be two doubloons.” I said, “For one drink? That’s a bit rum, don’t ye think?”
- Why don’t they sell rum in plastic bottles anymore? Because people kept saying, “Yo ho ho and a bottle ofβ¦ oh, bummer, it’s crushed.”
- You know what’s really rum? Forgetting where you parked your carβ¦ especially when you were drinking rum.
- My wife asked me to pick up some ingredients for a tropical cocktail. I said, “Sure, I’ll get right on that rum.”
- I used to think rum was the answer to all of life’s problems… but then I realized, “Rum?” … “No, YOU’M” the one who needs to figure things out!
- Someone stole my bottle of rum! I’m offering a reward for any information leading to its returnβ¦ no questions askedβ¦ even if it seems a littleβ¦ shady.
- Did you hear about the rum distillery that got shut down? Turns out they were cutting corners⦠literally, they were making triangular bottles!
- Why are pirates so bad at poker? Because they always raise the stakes⦠with their rum!
- I told my friend all about the health benefits of rum. He was skeptical at first, but I think he’s starting to warm up to the idea.
- My therapist suggested journaling to process my emotions. I told her, “That’s rum, I thought writing a log was only for pirates!”
- Why did the rum go to the hospital? It was feeling a little under the weather… under the lime and the mint, too!
- What do you call a sheep that drinks rum? A baaaaad influence.
- You know what they say, “Too much of a good thing…” Nah, just kidding! Have another rum! π
Rum Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the pirate go to the Caribbean? He heard there was a sale on the high seas! (Yo ho ho and a bottle of bargains!)
- What does a pirate use to style their hair? A comb-arr! (They need something to tame those sea-blown beards!)
- How did the pirate get his ship so cheaply? He bought it on sail! (He couldn’t pass up that deal!)
- Why did the pirate get lost on the ship? Because he left his map in the car-ibbean! (He should have used a treasure map!)
- What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Sea shanties! (Get ready to sing along!)
- Why did the young pirate get in trouble at school? He kept throwing paper air-planes! (He needs to learn about proper pirate ship behavior!)
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? “R,” but they also love the “C.” (Because it’s the start of “Can we go on a treasure hunt? Please!”)
- What does a pirate say when they meet someone new? “Ahoy, matey!” (Always be friendly when you’re sailing the seven seas!)
- Why are pirates so good at solving mysteries? They always follow the clues! (They’re experts at finding treasure!)
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! (And maybe a few parrots squawking about hidden treasures!)
- What do you call a pirate who loves to give gifts? A treasure-giver! (That’s one generous buccaneer!)
- Why is it so hard to understand a pirate? They talk in code! (Time to brush up on your pirate lingo!)
- Why did the pirate cross the road? To get to the other tide! (He’s on a quest for adventure!)
- Why is being a pirate so exciting? Every day is an adventure on the high seas! (Just watch out for krakens and sea monsters!)
Rum Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the retired pirate switch to rum cake? He could only handle the high seas in moderation now.
- Heard about the rum distillery that hired a psychic? They wanted to bottle spirits in high spirits.
- My doctor told me to limit myself to one glass of rum a dayβ¦ So now I use a bigger glass! It’s all about perspective, right?
- I told my therapist about my rum collection. He said, “Sounds like you have a lot bottled up.”
- My retirement plan? A hammock, a good book, and enough rum to make the stock market look stable.
- Remember Prohibition? Those were dark times⦠almost as dark as this delicious barrel-aged rum.
- Retirementβs tough. Every day feels like a Saturdayβ¦ Especially after my third rum and coke.
- They say money can’t buy you happiness. But it can buy you a bottle of aged rum, which is pretty much the same thing.
- My grandkids asked what my favorite music was. I said, “The gentle clinking of ice cubes in a glass of fine rum.”
- Forget the fountain of youth! I found the fountain of perfectly blended rum cocktails.
- Why don’t they serve rum in the retirement home? Theyβre afraid weβd seize the day… and the dance floor!
- The doctor said I need to cut back on sugar. Guess I’ll just have to switch to rum neat. Doctor’s orders!
- I tried to explain Bitcoin to my grandson. He just looked at me, shook his head, and said, “Have another rum, Grandpa.”
Rum Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just had a thought about starting a rum distillery in space… Turns out it’s already been done. They called it “Captain Morgan’s Spiced Lunar Lander.” ππ₯
- What do you call a pirate who’s always making bad decisions? Captain “Shoulda Had Less” Rum. π΄ββ οΈπ€¦ββοΈ
- My tolerance for rum is so high, even my blood type is O-Positive Rum. π‘οΈπ©Έπ€£
- Feeling really confident about this pirate costume. I think I really rum-bled my way to first prize! π₯π
- Dating a bartender is cool and all, but on our anniversary, all she got me was rum and coke. I guess you could say our relationship is getting pretty serious. ππΉ
- You know you’re a true rum aficionado when… you can identify the age of a bottle just by the sound of the cork popping. ππΎ
- What’s a pirate’s favorite yoga pose? Yo-ho-hold my Rum! π§ββοΈπ₯
- Someone stole my bottle of rum and replaced it with water… Those darn pirates are getting crafty with their booty swaps! π π§
- My friends are worried about my rum drinking, but I’m not concerned. I’ve got 99 problems, but a drank ain’t one. ππ΄
- Just saw a ghost pirate drinking rum in my kitchen… Guess it’s true what they say, “Dead men tell no tales, but they sure can hold their liquor!” π»π₯
- Tried to pay for my rum with a treasure map… Cashier wasn’t impressed. Guess they only take X marks the spot on credit cards now. π³πΊοΈ
- What happens when a pirate gets lost at sea? Nobody rum-members him. ππ
- Started a new job at a rum distillery. They put me on the bottling line. I said, “Hey, at least I’m moving up in the world!” πΎπ
Rum Away With These Puns (And Tell No One!)
Well, shiver me timbers! We’ve reached the bottom of our rum barrel of jokes. But don’t despair, there’s a whole ocean of laughs waiting for you! Explore our website for more pun-derful jokes and wordplay that’ll have you feeling like you found buried treasure.