91+ Sober Jokes & Puns: I’m Not Wasted, Just… 😉
👋 Hey there, humor enthusiasts! 🎉 Get ready to laugh your socks off because we’ve compiled the best list of sober jokes and puns that are sure to tickle your funny bone! 😂 This collection of clever and funny quips is perfect for kids and adults alike. So, buckle up and prepare for a hilarious ride through the world of sober humor! 🤣
Top Sober Jokes – Best Picks
- Why don’t they serve alcohol at AA meetings? It’s a slippery slope!
- You know you’re sober when… You can remember all the embarrassing things you did last night. 😬
- Heard about the guy who stayed sober all year? They gave him a medal… and a free drink. 😅
- What do you call a bear that’s given up drinking? A Tee-totaler Bear!
- My friend said he wanted to introduce me to this amazing new drink, totally sober… Turns out it was just water. I felt so misled.
- I used to think sobriety was the key to happiness… Then I realized I lost my bottle opener.
- My doctor told me to avoid alcohol for a month… Worst 30 days of my life! (Just kidding, doc!)
- How can you tell if someone is a recovering bartender? They always stir their drinks with their finger.
- My New Year’s resolution was to be more sober… But then I realized, “Sober” spelled backwards is “rebos”… which is close enough to “rebooze”.
- My therapist told me to hold a glass of water every time I craved a beer… Now I just really need to pee.
- Why did the sober guy cross the road? To prove he wasn’t seeing double!
- I’m not saying I was wasted last night… But I am currently wearing someone else’s shoes.
Clever Sober Puns – Best Picks
- What do you call a fake alcoholic beverage designed to help people moderate their drinking? Sober-teur.
- I told my friend I was thinking about joining a monastery and dedicating my life to sobriety. He said, “Are you sure that’s what you want to be known for…monk-ing around?”
- My therapist told me to embrace sobriety. I’m still holding out for a hug.
- I was going to join a sobriety support group, but I heard they were full of…wine-os. (This one’s a bit edgy, use with caution!)
- You know you’re committed to sobriety when you start finding fruit juice aisle more exciting than the liquor store.
- My New Year’s resolution was to be more sober…but then I realized how much fun “resolution” rhymes with “beer solution.”
- Dating apps are tricky when you’re sober. All the interesting people list “wine enthusiast” as a hobby.
- My doctor told me to cut back on the booze. I told him, “Hey, I’m a rebel…I’m going cold-turkey sandwich.”
- I’m so committed to my sobriety, I won’t even eat food with “spirits” in them. Farewell, pepper steak!
- Sober October is tough…especially when you find out your friends have been training all year.
- Life is too short to be anything but happy…or sober. Wait, maybe it’s the other way around?
- I once knew a bartender who was so good at making mocktails, he could convince you that sober was the new drunk.
Funny Sober One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Sober Jokes
- I tried to explain to my friends that I’m newly sober…they didn’t seem to get it. Guess I’ll have to tell them again tomorrow.
- I’m so broke being sober, I can’t even afford to pay attention.
- My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. Guess I’ll drink to that… oh wait.
- Being sober is like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire, you’re on fire, and everything is on fire. But at least I’m not hungover!
- I used to think my spirit animal was a party parrot. Turns out, it’s just a very sedentary pigeon now that I’m sober.
- I’m at that age where “getting lucky” means finding my car in the parking lot on the first try. Being sober is basically one big game of spot the difference.
- My friends keep asking me what I do to celebrate being sober. I just tell them, “Remember everything I did last weekend? Yeah, me neither.”
- I saw a sign that said “Watch for Children.” How can I watch all of them and stay sober? Seems like a lot of pressure.
- You know you’ve been sober too long when you can taste the difference between tap water and…other tap water.
- I told my doctor I think I’m addicted to Twitter. He said, “Sir this is rehab.” I said, “Oh, sorry. I’ll log off now.”
- My life is an open book now that I’m sober. Too bad it’s a boring self-help book that nobody wants to read.
- Used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but thankfully I turned myself around. Sobriety is a trip.
- Being sober is all about finding new ways to have fun. Like trying to differentiate between my 5 different grey t-shirts. Thrilling!
- I’m not saying I’m good at being sober, but I did win first place at a staring contest…with a glass of water.
- I thought sober October would be hard, but it turns out November is way more unforgiving.
Sober QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Sober
- Q: What did the bartender say to the group of designated drivers? A: “You guys are my sober-heroes!”
- Q: Why don’t they serve alcohol at math conferences? A: Because you shouldn’t drink and derive! (Or you might end up with a seedy proof.)
- Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite non-alcoholic drink? A: “I’ll take a Sobert-cola!”
- Q: What do you call a very serious yoga instructor? A: A sober-poser.
- Q: Why was the bee’s dating profile considered boring? A: It was just all buzz, no sober-stance.
- Q: What’s the difference between a drunk person trying to whisper a secret and a sober person? A: The drunk person will actually keep it a secret.
- Q: Did you hear about the new reality show about competitive meditating? A: It got cancelled after the first episode – turns out, finding inner peace is really sobering TV.
- Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award? A: Because he was outstanding in his field… and probably never touched a drop of ale in his life.
- Q: I went to a party for battery enthusiasts last night. I left early. A: Even without alcohol, those people are positively wild!
- Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? A: He woke up!
- Q: How do trees get on the internet? A: They log in!
- Q: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? A: I heard the food was good, but it had no atmosphere.
- Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: A pouch potato!
- Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A: A tuba toothpaste!
Dad Jokes About Sober: Pun-Filled Quips
- You know what I call my non-alcoholic ginger ale? Sober-ly delicious!
- Why don’t they serve alcohol at math conferences? Because you should never drink and derive!
- My friend said he wanted to open a bar called “The Sober Bar”. I told him, “Now, that’s an oxymoron I can get behind!”
- Heard about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had a weird sober-ience.
- Why did the designated driver get a trophy? Because he was the most sober-standing member of the group!
- Someone stole my mood ring… I have no idea how I feel about that. I guess you could say I’m feeling sober.
- Why was the bartender’s job so easy on New Year’s Day? Everyone was still sober-ing up!
- My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. I’m still waiting for my hug from the Sober Driver.
- My New Year’s resolution was to be more open-minded… but then I realized I liked my sober thoughts just fine.
- I told my friend I was thinking about going sober. He said, “Hey, I thought we were friends!”
- If you lose one sock, are you left with a sober-sock?
- Someone offered me a magic beer that made you invisible, but I sobered up to the idea. I hate drinking alone.
Sober Jokes and Puns for Kids
- What do you call a bear that doesn’t drink soda? 🐻 > A sober bear! 🎉
- Knock, knock! ✊✊ > Who’s there? > Sober. > Sober who? > Sober excited for the weekend! 😎
- What’s a vampire’s favorite juice box flavor? 🧛♂️🧃 > Anything but…Sober-Grape! 🤭
- Why did the lemon go to school even though it was sick? 🍋🤧 > Because it still wanted to be a…Sober Student! 🤓
- What’s a pirate’s favorite non-alcoholic drink? 🏴☠️ > Sober-Sea! 🌊
- Why did the cookie cry when it saw the milk was gone?🍪 😭 > Because it wanted to have a…Sober Snack! 😔
- What did the tree say to the wind that kept tickling it? 🌳🌬️ > “Please…be a little more…sober!” 🤭
- Why did the bicycle fall over? 🚲 > Because it was twoTIRED…to stay sober! 🤪
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? 🐒🦁🐘 > Too many cheetahs…trying to win sober! 😏
- What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at the amusement park? 👻🎢 > The Sober Spin! 😵💫
- Why don’t astronauts drink soda in space? 🚀 > They like to keep things…sober-gravity! 🌌
- What do you call a funny mountain? 🏔️😂 > Hill-arious…and perfectly sober! 🤣
- Why don’t they allow elephants on airplanes? 🐘✈️ > They might get air-sick…and nobody wants a sober elephant! 🤢
- Remember kids, always drink plenty of water! 💧 > It’s the most…sober-licious drink of all! 😋
Sober Jokes and Puns for Elders
- I told my doctor I wanted to try living a sober lifestyle, but he said it wasn’t for everyone. He suggested I start with Tuesdays instead. Apparently, “Try-days” are a thing now.
- You know you’re getting old when “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot on the first try. And “wild night” means the cat got stuck in the recycling bin.
- Retirement is great. I finally have time for all the hobbies I put on hold… mainly napping and trying to remember what day it is.
- My idea of a wild Friday night is staying up late enough to see what all the fuss is about with Jimmy Fallon.
- Remember when we used to stay up all night partying? Now I stay up all night looking for the reading glasses I swear I was just wearing.
- I tried to explain to my grandkids what a mixtape was. Now I need a nap and a dictionary definition of “cringe.”
- I’m at that age where I can’t remember if I did something or just thought about doing it. Like, did I actually buy milk, or am I just imagining a delicious bowl of cereal for dinner?
- Just got back from a wine tasting event. Turns out, I can still distinguish a good Cabernet from a bad hip replacement.
- My doctor told me I needed to find more ways to relax. So I took up knitting… Turns out, stabbing something repeatedly with sharp needles while muttering under your breath isn’t what he meant.
- You know you’re getting old when “happy hour” is measured in milligrams of blood pressure medication.
- My grandkids got me a fitness tracker for my birthday. The good news is, it says I burn 1,000 calories just by getting out of bed in the morning. The bad news is, it takes 2,000 calories to do it.
- Just saw an ad for “anti-aging” jeans. Apparently, the only thing aging faster than me is my denim.
- I’ve reached that point in life where I can’t tell if my joints are creaking or if my bones are trying to give me Morse code updates about the weather.
- The only thing making me consider taking up jogging is the possibility of outrunning whoever’s trying to steal my parking spot at the grocery store.
Sober Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- My friend said I needed to be more open-minded about trying new drinks. So I had a glass of water. Still sober. 😎💧
- Why don’t they serve alcohol at AA meetings? It’s a slippery slope! 😜
- You know you’re officially old when “staying in” sounds more appealing than “going out.” Getting wiser, not wilder. 😉👵👴
- My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. Guess I’ll have another mocktail. 🍹🙅♀️
- Just saw a sign that said “Drink Coffee, Stay Sharp!” Guess that rules out tequila then? ☕🚫🎉
- I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… but then I turned myself around. 🤪
- What’s the opposite of a “wine down”? A sparkling water “pep talk”?! 🥂➡️💧
- My liver is thanking me for this “dry” spell. It’s the least I could do after all we’ve been through. 🙌
- Turns out “party animal” has a different definition when you’re sober. Now I just binge-watch documentaries about sloths. 🦥🍿
- My bank account is the most excited about my sobriety. 💰🎉
- Sleep: the only thing I’m “passed out” from these days. 😴🛌
- Me: “I’m thinking about cutting back.” My friends: “On what?” Me: “Knives. Knives are dangerous.” 🤪🔪 (Safety first!)
- Remember, you don’t need alcohol to have a good time. You just need good friends… and maybe a really strong mocktail. 😉🍹🎉
Stay Sharp, Not Sloshed: Pun Intended 😉
We hope these sober jokes and puns have given you a chuckle without the hangover! Looking for more laughs? Our website is full of punny content that’s intoxicatingly funny – no designated driver required!
