97+ Mistletoe Puns & Jokes: You’ll Be Mistle-toadally Amused!
Get ready to deck the halls with boughs of laughter π because we’ve got the best list of mistletoe jokes this side of the North Pole! π This funny collection of puns and giggles is perfect for kids and adults alike. From clever wordplay to side-splitting punchlines, get ready to spread some holiday cheer with these mistletoe-themed jokes. You’ll be jingling all the way! π
Top Mistletoe Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the mistletoe get lost? Because it took the wrong bough!
- What do you call an annoying person standing under the mistletoe? A holiday hoarder!
- I saw a guy holding mistletoe over his head, desperately trying to get kisses. Turns out, he was just feeling holly-lonely.
- Dating tip: Stand under the mistletoe with a sprig of mistletoe in your pocket. That way, you’ve got all the angles covered. Unless, of course, you’re angling for someone your own height.
- What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with a blueberry bush? A mistle-blueberry! It’s the only plant that makes you pucker up AND light up the room!
- Heard about the mistletoe that was feeling under the weather? Turns out, it had mistle-tosis.
- I tried to make a mistletoe smoothie this morning… Turns out, I used the wrong type of “kissing” ingredient.
- You know, mistletoe really grows on you. Literally. Especially if you stand under it for too long.
- What’s the difference between mistletoe and a bad date? One leads to an unwanted kiss, and the other one is green and hangs from the ceiling.
- My friend told me she got a mistletoe tattoo… Turns out she just had a sprig stuck to her forehead. I guess you could say she was… mis-led.
- Why was the mistletoe always excluded from plant parties? Because it was known to be a bit… clingy.
- I tried selling mistletoe online, but it wasn’t very lucrative. Turns out, romance is a tough market, even during the holidays. Guess I should stick to my day job.
Clever Mistletoe Puns – Best Picks
- I was going to write a song about mistletoe, but it got bough-gged down in the details. πΆ
- This mistletoe isn’t working! I think I need to see a holly-stic healer. β¨
- Feeling a little under the weather? Maybe you need some mistle-tonic! π€
- What do you call a lawsuit between two Christmas plants? A mistle-trial! π§ββοΈ
- Don’t worry about the mistletoe, I’m happy to kiss you under any condi-mint! π
- This year, I’m taking a stand against mistletoe! It’s time to branch out and try something new. πͺπ
- I wanted to buy you mistletoe, but all they had was mistle-faux. It’s the thought that counts, right? π
- Don’t be a scrooge, pucker up! This mistletoe is berry important to me. π
- Feeling holly-jovial! This mistletoe is really spreading the Christmas cheer (and smooches)! π₯°
- Mistletoe is like the ultimate wingman. It’s always leavin’ you in good branches. π
- Just saw a dog try to walk under the mistletoe. Guess you could say he’s hoping for some puppy love! πΆβ€οΈ
- I tried to make a mistletoe dating app, but it turned out to be a bit of a mis-swipe-tletoe. π±π
- You must be mistletoe because I’m feeling drawn to you from a bough! π
- My resolution for the new year? Kiss more people under the mistletoe. Strictly for research purposes, of course. π€π
- What’s the worst thing about kissing someone under the mistletoe? You might just get stuck with them for the holly-days! π³π
Funny Mistletoe One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Mistletoe Jokes
- I tried to explain to my dog that mistletoe was for romantic kissing only…he looked very disappointed with his bone.
- That awkward moment you realize you’ve been standing under poisonous mistletoe…and your date brought an apple.
- What do you call a mistletoe that’s really bad at its job? A missed-letoe.
- Is it still considered stealing a kiss under the mistletoe if you paid for the mistletoe? Asking for a friend.
- My dating app is like mistletoe…if you stand under it long enough, you might get lucky.
- I hung mistletoe in my kitchen…now whenever I open the fridge, the light wants a smooch.
- The mistletoe really adds to my holiday dΓ©cor…said no minimalist ever.
- I used to think mistletoe was a type of lettuce…turns out, you don’t put that kind on a sandwich.
- This year, I’m hanging a picture of bacon next to my mistletoe…gotta set priorities.
- Relationship status: Hanging with the mistletoe this year…we’re both hanging there looking hopeful.
- What do you get when you cross mistletoe with a cat? I donβt know, but I bet it involves a lot of hissing and scratching.
- You know you’re desperate for love when you start strategically standing under poinsettias, pretending they’re mistletoe.
- Just saw someone hanging mistletoe on their car antenna…I guess they’re really hoping for a fender smooch.
Mistletoe QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Mistletoe
- Q: Why did the mistletoe get a job at the jewelry store? A: It had a knack for spotting carats!
- Q: What did the romantic mushroom say to the mistletoe? A: “Hey there, mistle-toadie!”
- Q: Whatβs a mistletoeβs favorite genre of music? A: Anything with a good beatβ¦ and plenty of smooch!
- Q: What do you get if you cross a detective with some mistletoe? A: A plant that helps you catch someone under the sprigs!
- Q: Why did the mistletoe get sent to the principal’s office? A: For causing too much mistle-toe-ing around!
- Q: What did one sprig of mistletoe say to the other on a hot day? A: “This heat is mistle-killing me!”
- Q: How does mistletoe travel? A: It takes the holly-copter.
- Q: Why did the mistletoe blush? A: It saw the Christmas lights were dimmed, and things were getting a little steamy!
- Q: Where do you find a one-legged mistletoe? A: Where the mistle-toe-holds aren’t strong enough!
- Q: What’s a mistletoe’s favorite game show? A: “Kiss Your Heart Out!”
- Q: Why was the mistletoe feeling lonely? A: It was hanging around the wrong crowd β a bunch of party poopers!
- Q: What do you call a mistletoe that’s not very good at its job? A: A mistle-donβt!
- Q: Why don’t they allow mistletoe in banks? A: They’re worried about people taking out a loan on love!
- Q: What do you get if you cross mistletoe with a cat? A: I don’t know, but I wouldn’t stand under it β it might just hiss-tletoe you away!
- Q: Why is mistletoe such a good negotiator? A: It knows how to bring people together…under its terms!
Dad Jokes About Mistletoe: Pun-Filled Quips
- Why did the mistletoe get sent to the principal’s office? Because it was caught hanging out in the hallway.
- I saw a guy selling mistletoe on the street corner⦠Seemed like a shady business to me.
- What did the mistletoe say to the Christmas tree after they started dating? I’m falling for you.
- I tried to make a mistletoe smoothie this morning… β¦but I think I used too much branch.
- I used to hate mistletoe, but then I had a change of heart⦠Now I find it quite appealing.
- Why didnβt the Christmas lights like the mistletoe? They thought it was always trying to steal the show.
- This year, I decorated my house with digital mistletoe⦠Now I just need to figure out how to connect it to the Wi-Fi.
- What do you call a mistletoe with a bad sense of humor? A mistel-don’t.
- I tried to write a song about mistletoe, but I couldn’t find the right chordβ¦ Turns out it was right above my head the whole time!
- My wife said she wants to be showered with kisses under the mistletoe this yearβ¦ Guess Iβll be cleaning the backyard.
- You know mistletoe must be pretty confident⦠It has nothing to hang onto but still gets all the action.
- What’s the most romantic type of mistletoe? I mistle-you a lot.
- My wife wanted to buy designer mistletoe this year⦠I told her to get a grip!
- My attempt to make a mistletoe wreath was a bit of a mistle-faux pasβ¦ It fell apart faster than you can say βHappy Holidays!β
- Don’t tell anyone, but I think the mistletoe is starting to get a bit big for its britchesβ¦ Itβs been hanging around with the ornaments too much.
Mistletoe Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why was the little mistletoe afraid of heights? Because it was scared of falling for someone!
- What did one mistletoe say to the other on a chilly Christmas Eve? “Let’s stick together; it’s cold out here!”
- What’s a mistletoe’s favorite dance? The slow branch-and-sway!
- Did you hear about the mistletoe that was a bully? It kept dropping in on everyone!
- Where do shy mistletoes go? To kissing booths! They like to be asked!
- Why don’t they play hide-and-seek in the winter woods? Because the mistletoe always winks at you!
- What did the mama mistletoe say to her baby? “Don’t worry, be sprig-hty!”
- Knock,knock! Who’s there? Mistletoe. Mistletoe who? Mistletoe you later, gotta run and spread some Christmas cheer!
- What happens when two mistletoes fall in love? They get berry happy!
- Why did the mistletoe get sent to the principal’s office? For causing too much mistle-“toe”-ing around!
- Whatβs green, hangs out in trees, and likes to play tricks on people? A mistle-toe! (Get it, mischievous toe?)
- How do you make a mistletoe milkshake? You give it a big Christmas kiss and then shake it all about!
- What’s a mistletoe’s favorite type of mail? Anything with a sprig on it!
- Remember, if you stand under the mistletoe too long, you might just grow roots! π
Mistletoe Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Mistletoe Mischief for Mature Merrymakers:
- Why did the senior citizen bring a ladder to the holiday party? He heard the mistletoe was hanging a little low this year.
- My doctor told me to kiss someone under the mistletoe. Guess he’s tired of me complaining about my carpal tunnel.
- I saw a bunch of seniors fighting over some mistletoe. They must have been in the mood for a little holiday brawl.
- I tried to explain mistletoe to my grandkids, but they got bored. I guess they prefer their holiday traditions with less history and more TikTok.
- My wife asked me to find the mistletoe at the party. I told her I’d rather find the bar.
- I’m allergic to mistletoe. Every time I stand under it, I break out in a rash of holiday cheer.
- They say kissing under the mistletoe brings good luck. But at my age, good luck is finding my reading glasses.
- Why don’t they have mistletoe in retirement homes? Because the residents keep tripping over it.
- Back in my day, we didn’t need mistletoe to steal a kiss. We had charm, wit, and a good set of dentures!
- I used to think mistletoe was romantic. Now I realize it’s just nature’s way of saying “duck!”
- Mistletoe is a parasite. Kind of like that one friend who always invites himself over for the holidays.
- I’m not saying I’m old, but the last time I stood under the mistletoe, it was attached to a dinosaur.
- My wife loves the tradition of mistletoe. Mainly because it’s the only time I’m shorter than her.
- This year, I’m hanging the mistletoe over the buffet table. Maybe I’ll finally get some of that fruitcake.
- Mistletoe is proof that even in the winter, some things are evergreen…like my love for a good nap.
Mistletoe Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- I saw a guy holding mistletoe, but he wouldnβt kiss me! What a mistle-tease! π
- Just saw a dog dressed as a Christmas tree run into a bunch of puppies under the mistletoe. Guess you could say it was puppy love at first bite. πΆπ
- My dating app bio for December? “Looking for someone to get caught under the mistletoe with… or, you know, within a 10-mile radius.” π±π
- Relationship Status: Single and ready to mistle-toddle my way into your DMs. μ
- My Grandma is so obsessed with Christmas, she tried to attach mistletoe to her Roomba. π΅π€
- Whoever said “kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray” clearly never kissed anyone under the mistletoe. Talk about a fire hazard! π₯π
- My ex just texted me saying, “Is it too late to meet under the mistletoe?” My reply? “It was too late in 2019, bud.” π
- Tried to explain mistletoe to my cat. Now he just sits on my head every time someone walks in. πΉ
- What do you call an elf who sings under the mistletoe? An Elvis Parsley! π€π
- You know you’ve spent too much time online when you start seeing mistletoe memes in July. π»π€ͺ
- “Mistletoe is my love language,” – said no one with allergies, ever.π€§
- Santa’s elves use mistletoe drones to spread Christmas cheer. It’s all fun and games until one crashes into your eggnog. π π₯
- What’s the difference between snowmen and snow-women? Snowballs. And whether or not they hang mistletoe. πβ
- Iβm not saying Iβm desperate, but I did consider taping a sprig of mistletoe to my forehead just now. π₯Ί
That’s a (Mistle)wrap! Hope these puns SLEIGHED you.
We hope these mistletoe puns and jokes got you feeling all holly and jolly! If you’re ready for more laughs, don’t be a scaredy-catβbranch out and explore the rest of our pun-derful website!
