97+ Mistletoe Puns & Jokes: Youβll Be Mistle-toadally Amused!
Get ready to deck the halls with boughs of laughter π because weβve got the best list of mistletoe jokes this side of the North Pole! π This funny collection of puns and giggles is perfect for kids and adults alike. From clever wordplay to side-splitting punchlines, get ready to spread some holiday cheer with these mistletoe-themed jokes. Youβll be jingling all the way! π
Top Mistletoe Jokes β Best Picks
Why did the mistletoe get lost? Because it took the wrong bough!
What do you call an annoying person standing under the mistletoe? A holiday hoarder!
I saw a guy holding mistletoe over his head, desperately trying to get kisses. Turns out, he was just feeling holly-lonely.
Dating tip: Stand under the mistletoe with a sprig of mistletoe in your pocket. That way, youβve got all the angles covered. Unless, of course, youβre angling for someone your own height.
Heard about the mistletoe that was feeling under the weather? Turns out, it had mistle-tosis.
I tried to make a mistletoe smoothie this morningβ¦ Turns out, I used the wrong type of βkissingβ ingredient.
You know, mistletoe really grows on you. Literally. Especially if you stand under it for too long.
My friend told me she got a mistletoe tattoo⦠Turns out she just had a sprig stuck to her forehead. I guess you could say she was⦠mis-led.
Why was the mistletoe always excluded from plant parties? Because it was known to be a bit⦠clingy.
I tried selling mistletoe online, but it wasnβt very lucrative. Turns out, romance is a tough market, even during the holidays. Guess I should stick to my day job.
Clever Mistletoe Puns β Best Picks
I was going to write a song about mistletoe, but it got bough-gged down in the details. πΆ
This mistletoe isnβt working! I think I need to see a holly-stic healer. β¨
Feeling a little under the weather? Maybe you need some mistle-tonic! π€
What do you call a lawsuit between two Christmas plants? A mistle-trial! π§ββοΈ
Donβt worry about the mistletoe, Iβm happy to kiss you under any condi-mint! π
This year, Iβm taking a stand against mistletoe! Itβs time to branch out and try something new. πͺπ
I wanted to buy you mistletoe, but all they had was mistle-faux. Itβs the thought that counts, right? π
Donβt be a scrooge, pucker up! This mistletoe is berry important to me. π
Feeling holly-jovial! This mistletoe is really spreading the Christmas cheer (and smooches)! π₯°
Mistletoe is like the ultimate wingman. Itβs always leavinβ you in good branches. π
Just saw a dog try to walk under the mistletoe. Guess you could say heβs hoping for some puppy love! πΆβ€οΈ
I tried to make a mistletoe dating app, but it turned out to be a bit of a mis-swipe-tletoe. π±π
You must be mistletoe because Iβm feeling drawn to you from a bough! π
Whatβs the worst thing about kissing someone under the mistletoe? You might just get stuck with them for the holly-days! π³π
Funny Mistletoe One-Liner Jokes β Short & Funny Mistletoe Jokes
I tried to explain to my dog that mistletoe was for romantic kissing onlyβ¦he looked very disappointed with his bone.
That awkward moment you realize youβve been standing under poisonous mistletoeβ¦and your date brought an apple.
What do you call a mistletoe thatβs really bad at its job? A missed-letoe.
Is it still considered stealing a kiss under the mistletoe if you paid for the mistletoe? Asking for a friend.
My dating app is like mistletoeβ¦if you stand under it long enough, you might get lucky.
I hung mistletoe in my kitchenβ¦now whenever I open the fridge, the light wants a smooch.
The mistletoe really adds to my holiday dΓ©corβ¦said no minimalist ever.
I used to think mistletoe was a type of lettuceβ¦turns out, you donβt put that kind on a sandwich.
This year, Iβm hanging a picture of bacon next to my mistletoeβ¦gotta set priorities.
Relationship status: Hanging with the mistletoe this yearβ¦weβre both hanging there looking hopeful.
What do you get when you cross mistletoe with a cat? I donβt know, but I bet it involves a lot of hissing and scratching.
You know youβre desperate for love when you start strategically standing under poinsettias, pretending theyβre mistletoe.
Just saw someone hanging mistletoe on their car antennaβ¦I guess theyβre really hoping for a fender smooch.
Mistletoe QnA Quip β QnA Jokes & Puns about Mistletoe
Q: Why did the mistletoe get a job at the jewelry store? A: It had a knack for spotting carats!
Q: What did the romantic mushroom say to the mistletoe? A: βHey there, mistle-toadie!β
Q: Whatβs a mistletoeβs favorite genre of music? A: Anything with a good beatβ¦ and plenty of smooch!
Q: What do you get if you cross a detective with some mistletoe? A: A plant that helps you catch someone under the sprigs!
Q: Why did the mistletoe get sent to the principalβs office? A: For causing too much mistle-toe-ing around!
Q: What did one sprig of mistletoe say to the other on a hot day? A: βThis heat is mistle-killing me!β
Q: How does mistletoe travel? A: It takes the holly-copter.
Q: Why did the mistletoe blush? A: It saw the Christmas lights were dimmed, and things were getting a little steamy!
Q: Where do you find a one-legged mistletoe? A: Where the mistle-toe-holds arenβt strong enough!
Q: Whatβs a mistletoeβs favorite game show? A: βKiss Your Heart Out!β
Q: Why was the mistletoe feeling lonely? A: It was hanging around the wrong crowd β a bunch of party poopers!
Q: What do you call a mistletoe thatβs not very good at its job? A: A mistle-donβt!
Q: Why donβt they allow mistletoe in banks? A: Theyβre worried about people taking out a loan on love!
Q: What do you get if you cross mistletoe with a cat? A: I donβt know, but I wouldnβt stand under it β it might just hiss-tletoe you away!
Q: Why is mistletoe such a good negotiator? A: It knows how to bring people togetherβ¦under its terms!
Dad Jokes About Mistletoe: Pun-Filled Quips
Why did the mistletoe get sent to the principalβs office? Because it was caught hanging out in the hallway.
I saw a guy selling mistletoe on the street corner⦠Seemed like a shady business to me.
What did the mistletoe say to the Christmas tree after they started dating? Iβm falling for you.
I tried to make a mistletoe smoothie this morningβ¦ β¦but I think I used too much branch.
I used to hate mistletoe, but then I had a change of heart⦠Now I find it quite appealing.
Why didnβt the Christmas lights like the mistletoe? They thought it was always trying to steal the show.
This year, I decorated my house with digital mistletoe⦠Now I just need to figure out how to connect it to the Wi-Fi.
What do you call a mistletoe with a bad sense of humor? A mistel-donβt.
I tried to write a song about mistletoe, but I couldnβt find the right chordβ¦ Turns out it was right above my head the whole time!
You know mistletoe must be pretty confident⦠It has nothing to hang onto but still gets all the action.
Whatβs the most romantic type of mistletoe? I mistle-you a lot.
My wife wanted to buy designer mistletoe this year⦠I told her to get a grip!
My attempt to make a mistletoe wreath was a bit of a mistle-faux pasβ¦ It fell apart faster than you can say βHappy Holidays!β
Donβt tell anyone, but I think the mistletoe is starting to get a bit big for its britchesβ¦ Itβs been hanging around with the ornaments too much.
Mistletoe Jokes and Puns for Kids
Why was the little mistletoe afraid of heights? Because it was scared of falling for someone!
What did one mistletoe say to the other on a chilly Christmas Eve? βLetβs stick together; itβs cold out here!β
Whatβs a mistletoeβs favorite dance? The slow branch-and-sway!
Did you hear about the mistletoe that was a bully? It kept dropping in on everyone!
Where do shy mistletoes go? To kissing booths! They like to be asked!
Why donβt they play hide-and-seek in the winter woods? Because the mistletoe always winks at you!
What did the mama mistletoe say to her baby? βDonβt worry, be sprig-hty!β
Knock,knock! Whoβs there? Mistletoe. Mistletoe who? Mistletoe you later, gotta run and spread some Christmas cheer!
What happens when two mistletoes fall in love? They get berry happy!
Why did the mistletoe get sent to the principalβs office? For causing too much mistle-βtoeβ-ing around!
Whatβs green, hangs out in trees, and likes to play tricks on people? A mistle-toe! (Get it, mischievous toe?)
How do you make a mistletoe milkshake? You give it a big Christmas kiss and then shake it all about!
Whatβs a mistletoeβs favorite type of mail? Anything with a sprig on it!
Remember, if you stand under the mistletoe too long, you might just grow roots! π
Mistletoe Jokes and Puns for Elders
Mistletoe Mischief for Mature Merrymakers:
Why did the senior citizen bring a ladder to the holiday party? He heard the mistletoe was hanging a little low this year.
I saw a bunch of seniors fighting over some mistletoe. They must have been in the mood for a little holiday brawl.
I tried to explain mistletoe to my grandkids, but they got bored. I guess they prefer their holiday traditions with less history and more TikTok.
My wife asked me to find the mistletoe at the party. I told her Iβd rather find the bar.
Iβm allergic to mistletoe. Every time I stand under it, I break out in a rash of holiday cheer.
Why donβt they have mistletoe in retirement homes? Because the residents keep tripping over it.
Back in my day, we didnβt need mistletoe to steal a kiss. We had charm, wit, and a good set of dentures!
I used to think mistletoe was romantic. Now I realize itβs just natureβs way of saying βduck!β
Mistletoe is a parasite. Kind of like that one friend who always invites himself over for the holidays.
Iβm not saying Iβm old, but the last time I stood under the mistletoe, it was attached to a dinosaur.
My wife loves the tradition of mistletoe. Mainly because itβs the only time Iβm shorter than her.
This year, Iβm hanging the mistletoe over the buffet table. Maybe Iβll finally get some of that fruitcake.
Mistletoe is proof that even in the winter, some things are evergreenβ¦like my love for a good nap.
Mistletoe Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
I saw a guy holding mistletoe, but he wouldnβt kiss me! What a mistle-tease! π
Just saw a dog dressed as a Christmas tree run into a bunch of puppies under the mistletoe. Guess you could say it was puppy love at first bite. πΆπ
My dating app bio for December? βLooking for someone to get caught under the mistletoe withβ¦ or, you know, within a 10-mile radius.β π±π
Relationship Status: Single and ready to mistle-toddle my way into your DMs. μ
Whoever said βkissing a smoker is like licking an ashtrayβ clearly never kissed anyone under the mistletoe. Talk about a fire hazard! π₯π
My ex just texted me saying, βIs it too late to meet under the mistletoe?β My reply? βIt was too late in 2019, bud.β π
Tried to explain mistletoe to my cat. Now he just sits on my head every time someone walks in. πΉ
You know youβve spent too much time online when you start seeing mistletoe memes in July. π»π€ͺ
βMistletoe is my love language,β β said no one with allergies, ever.π€§
Santaβs elves use mistletoe drones to spread Christmas cheer. Itβs all fun and games until one crashes into your eggnog. π
π₯
Whatβs the difference between snowmen and snow-women? Snowballs. And whether or not they hang mistletoe. πβ
Iβm not saying Iβm desperate, but I did consider taping a sprig of mistletoe to my forehead just now. π₯Ί
Thatβs a (Mistle)wrap! Hope these puns SLEIGHED you.
We hope these mistletoe puns and jokes got you feeling all holly and jolly! If youβre ready for more laughs, donβt be a scaredy-catβbranch out and explore the rest of our pun-derful website!
