97+ Kiss Jokes & Puns: You’ll Want to Smooch Over!
💋 Pucker up, buttercup! Get ready for a list of kiss jokes and puns so funny, they’ll make you blush! 😂 We’ve got the best selection of humor for kids and grown-ups alike. From clever wordplay to downright silly jokes, this list is bursting with puns about kisses that are guaranteed to tickle your funny bone! 🤣 Get ready to laugh your lips off!
Top Kiss Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the frog win the kissing contest? He had a magic tongue! 🐸🏆
- What’s the most important ingredient in a kiss? Two lips that like each other! 💋💋
- Why did the golfer kiss his club after a great shot? He was hoping for a bogey-free round! ⛳️🏌️♂️
- You know, kissing burns six calories a minute… Wanna go for a workout? 😏🔥
- My ex said she’d kiss me on one condition… I had to start dating her first. Talk about high expectations! 🙄
- What do you call a kiss that’s electric? A shock and awe-dorable moment! ⚡️🥰
- Why is kissing like playing cards? If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand! 😉🃏
- How can you tell if someone is a bad kisser? They put their name on their work. 🙈🤫
- Why was the computer so bad at kissing? It had a hardware problem! 💻💋
- Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says… “Hey, you know how to drive this thing?” 🐠🚗
- I once witnessed a French snail kiss a normal snail… He said it was love at first slime! 🐌🇫🇷
- They say “kissing is the language of love”… So does that mean a bad kisser is just grammatically challenged? 🤔📚
- Why are fish so easy to kiss? They have soft lips and they’re always in the mood for a little “fin”! 🐠💋
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved… and then they kissed! They have a pretty good tide going on. 🌊🏖️
Clever Kiss Puns – Best Picks
- You must be mistletoe, because I’m feeling drawn to you for a holiday smooch.
- Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see…and the only one I want to kiss.
- Is your name Hershey? Because you’re really giving me a craving for a Kiss.
- This may sound cheesy, but I think you’re really grate…and I’d love to steal a parmesan-ent kiss.
- Are you a parking ticket? Because you’ve got fine written all over you…and I wouldn’t mind getting written up for a kiss.
- Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I try walking by again… and this time, I’ll throw in a kiss for good measure?
- Forget the fireworks, baby! You’re the only sparkler I see tonight…and I wouldn’t mind getting burned for a kiss.
- Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
- Is your dad a thief? Because he must have stolen the stars and put them in your eyes… which I wouldn’t mind getting lost in after a kiss.
- I’m not a hoarder, but I really want to keep you forever… especially after that kiss.
- Are you from Jamaica? Because Jamaican me crazy with those lips…and I just want to kiss you!
- Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I scraped my knee falling for you…and I think a kiss would make it all better.
- I hope you know CPR, because you just took my breath away with that smile! Now how about you bring it back with a kiss?
Funny Kiss One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Kiss Jokes
- My girlfriend told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it to the movies for a kiss and a flick.
- I tripped and fell in front of my crush… luckily, I think he might have mistletoe it.
- I got kicked out of the kissing booth for charging by the gallon. They said my prices were too steep.
- Never kiss a man in camouflage. You never know what you’re gonna get.
- Did you hear about the calendar factory that burned down? It’s okay, they’re taking it one day at a time. And the kissing booth next door? Totally destroyed, all that was left was ashes and smolders!
- My ex-girlfriend wanted me to meet her new boyfriend. So I did – with my lips!
- Why is it so hard for vampires to find long-lasting love? They always think it’s love at first bite.
- I used to be addicted to kissing, but I’m recovering now. One smooch at a time.
- Apparently, you can’t use “kisses” as currency. But I’ll be happy to donate my two cents worth.
- Someone told me they wanted a kiss that would rock my world. So I pushed them off a cliff.
- I asked my wife what her favorite Spice Girl was. Apparently, it’s Old Spice. I should’ve seen that kiss goodbye coming.
- My dog is a terrible kisser. All bark and no bite.
- Did you hear about the couple that broke up at the bank? They had too many issues with their joint account. He’s totally whipped though, I saw him trying to win her back with a $100 bouquet of flowers… talk about tulip the scales!
Kiss QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Kiss
- Q: What did the ocean say to the beach? A: Nothing, it just waved…and gave it a little kiss (get it, mist?).
- Q: Why did the frog kiss the princess? A: He heard she was a lip-smacking good time!
- Q: What’s the most dangerous candy for a pirate? A: A Hershey’s Kiss… might be filled with rum!
- Q: Why is being a bad kisser like riding a bike with no handlebars? A: It’s all fun and games until someone gets a face full of pavement!
- Q: How do you tell if you’re a good kisser? A: Ask your dog…they never pull away!
- Q: Why was the math book sad after being kissed by the dictionary? A: It thought they were just synonyms, but the dictionary had ulterior motives.
- Q: How was the chocolate factory romantic? A: They made every day a Kiss-es holiday!
- Q: Why did the stamp get grounded? A: It kept trying to kiss the envelope without permission.
- Q: Why don’t they serve chocolate kisses at M&M weddings? A: They don’t want any Hershey’s Kisses at an M&M ceremony – talk about awkward!
- Q: How can you tell if someone is from Tennessee? A: They try to get to second base on the first kiss.
- Q: Why did the lipstick break up with the lip gloss? A: It said the relationship was too “glossy” and lacked depth.
- Q: What do you get when you cross a kissing booth with a toll booth? A: You still probably won’t get a kiss, but hey, at least you’ll have exact change.
- Q: Why are computers bad kissers? A: Too much hardware, not enough software.
- Q: What did the artist say to his muse when he kissed her? A: “I can’t paint you a picture of how much you inspire me, so this will have to do.”
Dad Jokes About Kiss: Pun-Filled Quips
- I told my son to try and make a wish at 11:11. Apparently, it worked! His teacher said she caught him trying to kiss his elbow!
- Ever heard of a kissing booth made of chocolate? Let’s just say you get a treat whether you hit or miss.
- What did the mom say to her son when he asked for help finding kisses on Valentine’s Day? “Son, you’re already a kissing expert – I’ve seen you play pin the tail on the donkey!”
- You know, they say a kiss is the language of love… but have you ever tried having a serious relationship over text? Talk about miscommunication!
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of kissing it… I think she’s misunderstanding my connection to nature!
- What’s a pirate’s least favorite chocolate? Kisses! They’re always after the X they’re marked with!
- My friend tried to start a dating service in the rainforest, but he struggled so much with the marketing. He just couldn’t decide between “Amazon Kisses” or “Prime Dating!”
- Why did the frog go on a diet before Valentine’s Day? He wanted to be a kissing machine, not a chubby amphibian!
- I took my dog to obedience school, but he failed the kissing booth test. The instructor said he was barking up the wrong tree.
- Why don’t they ever show kissing scenes in Narnia? Because Aslan frowns on inter-species relationships!
- Why don’t they have kissing booths in haunted houses? Because all the ghosts have boo-tiful relationships already!
- You know what’s better than one kiss on Valentine’s Day? Two…unless we’re talking about mosquitos, then it’s always a bad time.
- How did the scientist know the volcano was about to erupt? Because it was giving off some serious lava kisses!
- What happened when I took my girlfriend to a restaurant that specializes in snails? Turns out kissing someone with a food allergy is a terrible, terrible idea.
- I tried to start a band called “The Kisses” …but we couldn’t find enough band members who were actually related! We barely even had enough for a three-piece!
Kiss Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the mama volcano tell her baby volcano to pucker up? Because she lava-ed him!
- What did the stamp say to the envelope before the wedding? It’s time to get this show on the road!
- How do you cut the sea in half? With a sea-ssors!
- Why didn’t the ocean want to kiss the beach? It was too salty!
- Where do frogs keep their money? In a riverbank!
- What did the ocean say to the pirate? “Take all my love and my booty!”
- Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
- What did the boy seahorse say to the girl seahorse? “I’m hooked on you!”
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in! It’s cold out here!
- Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed!
- What musical instrument do vampires hate? The tuba-thump!
- Where do ghosts go on vacation? Mali-boo!
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
- What does oblivious mean because I have no idea!
- Why can’t Monday lift Saturday? It’s a weak day!
Kiss Jokes and Puns for Elders
- My doctor told me I need to get more “kisses” in my life… Apparently, “potassium” is what he actually wrote down.
- You know you’re old when a “hot date” involves two bowls of soup and making it to the early-bird special on time. Kissing optional, but we’ll probably bump dentures just in case.
- My grandkids gave me a book of “101 Kisses” for my birthday. The illustrations were adorable, but I think they missed a trick by not using puppies.
- I tried to explain to my grandson the concept of “kissing on the first date.” He looked horrified. Apparently, “swiping right” doesn’t leave much room for mystery.
- Heard a rumor that kissing burns calories… Guess I’ll take my chances with the cake.
- Back in my day, a goodnight kiss could lead to a lifetime of happiness. These days, it’s more likely to lead to a restraining order.
- Remember when we used to steal kisses behind the bleachers? Now, I can barely remember where I left my teeth.
- My husband surprised me with a romantic dinner and said, “I only have eyes for you.” I told him, “Honey, at this point, you need bifocals for everything.”
- I used to think “French kissing” was scandalous. Now? It’s just a good workout for the gums.
- My wife asked me if I remembered the first time we kissed. I told her, “Of course, dear! Just remind me again, which retirement home are we at?”
- I miss the days when a “kiss and tell” involved actual kissing. Now it just seems to involve lawyers and a whole lot of drama.
- I asked my wife if she wanted to try a “Spiderman kiss.” She said, “As long as it doesn’t involve hanging upside down or any spandex.”
- My physical therapist told me I need to work on my “range of motion.” I told him about my dating life – apparently, reaching for the remote doesn’t count.
- They say a kiss is the universal language of love. They also say duct tape fixes everything. Coincidence? Maybe.
- My secret to a long and happy marriage? Short-term memory loss and a whole lot of forgiving. And maybe a little lip balm now and then.
Kiss Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- My dating life is like trying to master parallel parking. One kiss and suddenly everyone’s a critic.
- You know that feeling when you get a text from your crush? Me neither. Someone get this man a kissing booth, stat.
- Just saw two iPhones kissing. I guess you could say it was a… close call. 😉
- Went to a kissing booth earlier. Pretty disappointing. Turns out they only take contactless payment. 😔
- Relationship Status: Currently accepting applications for the position of “Designated Kisser.” Must have own lips and a pulse (bonus points for a sense of humor).
- I’m writing a horror movie about things that are surprisingly bad at kissing. Working title: “Attack of the Tongue-Tied Zombies.”
- Just got dumped. Apparently, my partner wasn’t a fan of my signature move: the “Velociraptor Kiss” (involves a lot of nibbling and hisses). 🦖
- People say true love’s kiss is magical. But have you ever tried kissing someone after they’ve eaten a bag of Funyuns? Asking for a friend.
- My friends keep telling me to “pucker up” for my future soulmate. I told them to mind their own beeswax… unless they’re offering to help me find this mystery kisser.
- Why was the computer blushing? Because it got a little RAM-antic. 😜
- Just tried to make a smoothie with my boyfriend. Things got heated… Turns out passion fruit and jealousy don’t blend well.
- Wrote a poem about a kiss that lasted way too long. It goes on and on and on… and on…
- Tired of people saying money can’t buy happiness. Have you ever heard of a “Kiss Cam” at a sporting event? Because those bribes work every time.
- Single and ready to mingle? Same. Let’s skip the small talk and go straight for a mistletoe malfunction.
- To the person who keeps stealing my chapstick: I’m onto you… and I’m strangely flattered. 😘
Sealed With a Pun (and a Wink) 😉
We hope these kiss-terical puns and jokes have left you feeling all warm and fuzzy, or at least chuckling a little! Don’t let the laughter end here. Pucker up and head over to our website for more pun-derful jokes that will have you rolling on the floor laughing. You won’t be-grudge the extra dose of humor, we promise!
