103+ Heart Attack Jokes & Puns: You’ll ❤️ These!

Hold onto your hearts, folks, because we’re about to dive into a world of hilarious heart attack humor! 😂 Get ready for the best list of puns and jokes about heart attacks that are sure to tickle your funny bone. 😄

This is the ultimate collection of clever wordplay and side-splitting humor, perfect for kids and adults who appreciate a good (but gentle!) ribbing of the ticker. ❤️ Get ready to laugh!

Top Heart Attack Jokes – Best Picks

  1. I told my doctor I was worried about having a heart attack. He said, “Don’t worry, be happy!” I said, “Easy for you to say, you’re not the one with the arteries.”
  2. My heart is like a teenager. It rebels when I tell it to eat healthy.
  3. I’m not saying I’m out of shape, but my heart gets winded just watching me climb the stairs.
  4. I asked my doctor if laughter was good for the heart. He said, “It is, but don’t overdo it. We don’t want you having a laughing attack.”
  5. My heart and I have a complicated relationship. It’s a love-hate thing. Mostly hate when I eat a whole pizza.
  6. I’m at the age where “getting lucky” means a normal EKG.
  7. I tried to explain a heart attack to my dog. He just wagged his tail and licked my face.
  8. My doctor told me to reduce stress. I said, “Sure, as soon as I figure out how to pay my bills with meditation.”
  9. I’m not saying I’m a hypochondriac, but I do check my pulse every time I hear a siren.
  10. My heart is like a vintage car. It needs a lot of maintenance and makes strange noises.
  11. I told my wife I was going to the cardiologist. She said, “Tell him I said ‘Hi’ and ask if he can give me a discount on a new pair of shoes.”
  12. I’m not saying I’m competitive, but I do try to beat my previous cholesterol score.
  13. My heart is like a rebellious teenager. It stays up late, eats junk food, and skips gym class.
  14. I’m so used to taking my blood pressure, I could probably do it in my sleep.
  15. I’m not sure what’s more unpredictable, the stock market or my heart rate.
Ultimate collection of Best Heart Attack Jokes and Puns, One-liners, Dad Jokes, Funny Quotes, and Captions - Discover engaging and humorous content at PunnyHub.com

Clever Heart Attack Puns – Best Picks

  1. I’ve got a “heart” of gold… and maybe a little plaque.
  2. Don’t “bypass” the importance of heart health.
  3. I’m “pumped” about these heart attack puns!
  4. My heart is “fluttering” with excitement! (Or maybe that’s just arrhythmia.)
  5. “In-vest” in your heart health.
  6. I’m “a-flutter” these puns are so good.
  7. “Cardiac” arrest my laughter, these are funny!
  8. “EKG”-cellent puns!
  9. I “heart” these puns!
  10. Don’t have a “coronary,” but these puns are great.
  11. I’m “atrium”-pted to make another pun.
  12. These puns are “vein”-ly amusing.
  13. “Aorta” tell you another pun?
  14. Don’t “artery” yourself up, just enjoy the puns.
  15. These puns are “defibrillator”-ious! (Okay, that one might be a stretch.)

Funny Heart Attack One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Heart Attack Jokes

  1. I saw a sign that said “Caution: Heart Attack Zone.” I thought, “Well, that’s a bit dramatic, isn’t it?” Then I saw the all-you-can-eat cheese display.
  2. My doctor told me to avoid anything that raises my heart rate… Guess I’m saying goodbye to paying my bills.
  3. Why did the cardiologist break up with the comedian? He said she was always joking about serious heart conditions! 😜
  4. My grandpa is so cheap, he had a heart attack at the hospital gift shop to avoid paying retail.
  5. I told my wife I was having a heart attack, and all she said was, “Wait, let me grab my phone!” I knew I should have posted on Facebook first.
  6. My doctor said I needed to take better care of my heart. I told him, “Don’t worry, I have a spare rib.”
  7. You know you’re getting old when your idea of a wild Friday night is a glass of prune juice and a hot water bottle to prevent a heart attack.
  8. My doctor told me to reduce the stress in my life to avoid a heart attack. So I quit my job, left my wife, and moved to Bali. Turns out, I’m allergic to paradise.
  9. Love is like a heart attack – one minute you’re fine, the next you’re in excruciating pain and reaching for your wallet.
  10. A guy walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, every time I drink coffee, I get this stabbing pain in my eye.” The doctor replies, “Take the spoon out of the mug first.” Just be careful of heart attacks from the coffee itself!
  11. My doctor said I need to be more active. So now I have a panic attack every time I see the treadmill.
  12. My wife is convinced I’m going to give myself a heart attack yelling at the TV during football games. I told her, “Honey, it’s the only way I get any exercise!”
  13. What do you get if you cross a sheep and a heart attack? A cardiac arrest-ed development! 🐑
  14. My love life is like a heart attack waiting to happen…dead on arrival. 💔
  15. I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She said, “Think of your heart!” I told her, “It’ll be ashes by then.”
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Heart Attack QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Heart Attack

  1. Q: What do you call a heart attack at a fish market? A: A cardiac arrest-urgeon!
  2. Q: What’s red and bad for your cholesterol? A: A heart attack on Valentine’s Day!
  3. Q: Why did the heart attack patient refuse to go to the hospital in a taxi? A: He’d heard the fare was through the roof!
  4. Q: What kind of music do cardiologists listen to? A: Anything but heavy metal!
  5. Q: Why did the artery break up with the heart? A: It said the relationship was too one-sided!
  6. Q: Why was the heart attack victim so calm? A: He was told to stay composed!
  7. Q: What’s the worst vegetable for your heart? A: A heart of palm!
  8. Q: What’s a cardiologist’s favorite dance move? A: The bypass!
  9. Q: Why didn’t the heart attack survivor win any races? A: He had a pre-existing condition!
  10. Q: What happened to the comedian who made light of his heart attack? A: He went viral! (But seriously, take care of your health!)
  11. Q: How did the heart attack patient describe his experience on social media? A: #NearDeathExperience #CouldHaveUsedMoreCardio #GetWellSoon
  12. Q: What do you call a support group for heart attack survivors? A: A heart-to-heart!

Dad Jokes About Heart Attack: Pun-Filled Quips

  1. I was worried I was having a heart attack, but then I remembered my wife said she needed to talk to me about my behavior. Turns out, it was just a scare tactic.
  2. My doctor said I needed to get a grip on my heart health. I told him, “Don’t worry, I’ve got a good handle on it!”
  3. You know, I’m getting a bit concerned about all these heart attack symptoms I’ve been reading about. Guess I’ll just have to take it one palpit-ation at a time!
  4. I went to the doctor for a check-up, and he said, “Your heart is in great shape!” I said, “Thanks, Doc! I’ve been taking it easy.” He said, “I meant the cardiology report, but your enthusiasm is appreciated!”
  5. I told my wife I wanted to write a cookbook called “Meals to Prevent Heart Attacks.” She said, “Honey, that’s sweet, but isn’t that a bit morbid?”
  6. My doctor said, “Your cholesterol is high enough to clog a drain!” I told him, “That explains why the bathtub’s been backing up! I knew I shouldn’t have flushed those bacon grease drippings!”
  7. My friend asked if I knew CPR. I said, “Of course I do! Cardio – Pulmonary – Resuscitation… duh!” He said, “No, I meant can you perform CPR?” I said, “Oh, right. I’m much better at the acronym.”
  8. What do you call a cardiologist who loves their job? Committed! To the heart! Get it?
  9. I saw a sign that said, “Beware of Falling Coconuts – Risk of Heart Attack!” I thought, “Man, those coconuts are ruthless!”
  10. I was going to join a cardiac support group, but then I got cold feet.
  11. My wife told me to eat more fish for my heart. Now I’m hooked!
  12. I asked my doctor how he relieves stress. He said, “Don’t be silly, I’m a cardiologist! I give it to people!”
  13. My cardiologist is so good, he can predict what you’re going to eat next. He has a real knack for cardiac arrest-aurants.
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Heart Attack Jokes and Puns for Kids

  1. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was twoTIRED!
  2. What did the doctor say to the heart that wasn’t feeling well? “Don’t worry, be happy!”
  3. I’m not lion! My heart ROARS with laughter when I hear a good joke.
  4. What did the heart say to the brain? “You think, I’ll beat you to it!”
  5. Why did the blood cells go to the amusement park? They wanted to go on a roller-coaster ride!
  6. My heart skips a beat every time I see a puppy!
  7. What’s the best way to make your heart happy? Do some jumping jacks!
  8. I love you with all my heart… and my lungs, and my kidneys, and my spleen!
  9. Why did the heart go to art school? To learn how to draw blood vessels!
  10. What do you call a heart that loves to sing? A cardi-oke star!
  11. I’m not saying I’m strong, but I can lift my own heart with my hands! (Just kidding, don’t try that at home.)
  12. Why did the heart go to the library? To check out a book on anatomy!
  13. What’s a heart’s favorite type of music? Hip-hop!
  14. I’m so happy, my heart is doing a little dance!
  15. My heart is like a drum, it beats to its own rhythm!

Heart Attack Jokes and Puns for Elders

  1. I’m not saying I’m old, but my heart has more miles on it than my car.
  2. My doctor told me to follow my heart. So I took a nap.
  3. I’m at the age where “getting lucky” means finding a comfortable chair.
  4. My heart is like a fine wine. It gets better with age… except for the occasional palpitation.
  5. I used to chase butterflies. Now I’m just happy if my heart doesn’t skip a beat when I bend over.
  6. I’m not saying I’m forgetful, but I sometimes forget why I walked into a room… until I see the remote control.
  7. My grandkids asked me what a heart attack was. I said, “It’s when your heart gets tired of all the excitement and decides to take a break.”
  8. I’m at the age where my idea of a wild Saturday night is staying up past 9 pm.
  9. I’m not saying I’m wise, but I do know that a good nap can fix almost anything.
  10. My heart is like a reliable old friend. It’s always there for me, even when I’m being stubborn.
  11. I told my wife I was going to the cardiologist. She said, “Tell him I said ‘Hi’ and ask if he makes house calls.”
  12. I’m not saying I’m slow, but my heart rate is slower than a snail on a cold day.
  13. My heart is like a well-worn book. It has a lot of stories to tell.
  14. I’m so used to taking it easy, I get tired just thinking about exercising.
  15. I’m not sure what’s more fragile, my bones or my patience.
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Heart Attack Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

  1. I almost had a heart attack when I saw my credit card bill. Then I realized it was just my wife’s online shopping spree. #RelationshipGoals #BrokeButHappy
  2. My doctor told me to avoid anything that raises my heart rate. Guess I’ll have to break up with my WiFi provider then. #BufferingIsLifeOrDeath #FirstWorldProblems
  3. Just saw a sign that said “Caution: Falling Coconuts.” Nearly gave me a heart attack, but then I remembered I’m not a coconut. #DodgedABullet #OrADrupe
  4. My heart skipped a beat when I saw the price of avocado toast these days. Turns out it wasn’t skipping, it was filing for bankruptcy. #MillennialStruggles #AvocatoDreams
  5. You know you’re getting old when “Netflix & Chill” means watching documentaries about heart health. And “going out” means walking to the mailbox. #AgeIsJustANumber #ButHighBloodPressureIsReal
  6. Why did the heart get lost? Because it didn’t have any directions and its GPS was on the fritz! #GetIt? #CardioHumor
  7. What’s worse than a heart attack on Valentine’s Day? Realising it was just your food poisoning acting up again. #RomanceIsDead #LongLiveMyStomach
  8. My New Year’s resolution was to eat healthier. But then I remembered donuts are round and round represents eternity. #LogicChecksOut #DonutJudgeMe
  9. Don’t worry, be happy… Unless your doctor tells you to worry about your cholesterol levels. Then you should probably worry. #HealthIsWealth #ButDonutsAreDelicious
  10. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! And also because a bunch of animals having a heart attack would be a tragedy. #SaveTheAnimals #AndYourOwnHeart
  11. I tried to explain to my friend what a “broken heart” feels like. He just rolled his eyes and said, “try having actual heartburn, buddy.” #ToughLove #ButAccurate
  12. Life is like a box of chocolates… If you eat the whole box in one sitting, you might give yourself a heart attack. #ModerationIsKey #ButChocolateIsLife
  13. My grandpa always said, “The key to a long life is a healthy heart.” Guess that explains why he was such a big fan of cardio. And by cardio, I mean chasing squirrels out of his garden. #FitGrandpas #SquirrelsBeware

Don’t Skip a Beat, Share the Laughter!

We hope these heart attack jokes didn’t stop your heart! But if you’re ready for more side-splitting puns and knee-slapping jokes, don’t go into cardiac arrest just yet! Explore the rest of our punny website for a laughter workout that’s good for the soul (and harmless to the heart, we promise).

Rabia Noreen & Team

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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