103+ Heart Attack Jokes & Puns: You’ll ❤️ These!
Hold onto your hearts, folks, because we’re about to dive into a world of hilarious heart attack humor! 😂 Get ready for the best list of puns and jokes about heart attacks that are sure to tickle your funny bone. 😄
This is the ultimate collection of clever wordplay and side-splitting humor, perfect for kids and adults who appreciate a good (but gentle!) ribbing of the ticker. ❤️ Get ready to laugh!
Top Heart Attack Jokes – Best Picks
- I told my doctor I was worried about having a heart attack. He said, “Don’t worry, be happy!” I said, “Easy for you to say, you’re not the one with the arteries.”
- My heart is like a teenager. It rebels when I tell it to eat healthy.
- I’m not saying I’m out of shape, but my heart gets winded just watching me climb the stairs.
- I asked my doctor if laughter was good for the heart. He said, “It is, but don’t overdo it. We don’t want you having a laughing attack.”
- My heart and I have a complicated relationship. It’s a love-hate thing. Mostly hate when I eat a whole pizza.
- I’m at the age where “getting lucky” means a normal EKG.
- I tried to explain a heart attack to my dog. He just wagged his tail and licked my face.
- My doctor told me to reduce stress. I said, “Sure, as soon as I figure out how to pay my bills with meditation.”
- I’m not saying I’m a hypochondriac, but I do check my pulse every time I hear a siren.
- My heart is like a vintage car. It needs a lot of maintenance and makes strange noises.
- I told my wife I was going to the cardiologist. She said, “Tell him I said ‘Hi’ and ask if he can give me a discount on a new pair of shoes.”
- I’m not saying I’m competitive, but I do try to beat my previous cholesterol score.
- My heart is like a rebellious teenager. It stays up late, eats junk food, and skips gym class.
- I’m so used to taking my blood pressure, I could probably do it in my sleep.
- I’m not sure what’s more unpredictable, the stock market or my heart rate.

Clever Heart Attack Puns – Best Picks
- I’ve got a “heart” of gold… and maybe a little plaque.
- Don’t “bypass” the importance of heart health.
- I’m “pumped” about these heart attack puns!
- My heart is “fluttering” with excitement! (Or maybe that’s just arrhythmia.)
- “In-vest” in your heart health.
- I’m “a-flutter” these puns are so good.
- “Cardiac” arrest my laughter, these are funny!
- “EKG”-cellent puns!
- I “heart” these puns!
- Don’t have a “coronary,” but these puns are great.
- I’m “atrium”-pted to make another pun.
- These puns are “vein”-ly amusing.
- “Aorta” tell you another pun?
- Don’t “artery” yourself up, just enjoy the puns.
- These puns are “defibrillator”-ious! (Okay, that one might be a stretch.)
Funny Heart Attack One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Heart Attack Jokes
- I saw a sign that said “Caution: Heart Attack Zone.” I thought, “Well, that’s a bit dramatic, isn’t it?” Then I saw the all-you-can-eat cheese display.
- My doctor told me to avoid anything that raises my heart rate… Guess I’m saying goodbye to paying my bills.
- Why did the cardiologist break up with the comedian? He said she was always joking about serious heart conditions! 😜
- My grandpa is so cheap, he had a heart attack at the hospital gift shop to avoid paying retail.
- I told my wife I was having a heart attack, and all she said was, “Wait, let me grab my phone!” I knew I should have posted on Facebook first.
- My doctor said I needed to take better care of my heart. I told him, “Don’t worry, I have a spare rib.”
- You know you’re getting old when your idea of a wild Friday night is a glass of prune juice and a hot water bottle to prevent a heart attack.
- My doctor told me to reduce the stress in my life to avoid a heart attack. So I quit my job, left my wife, and moved to Bali. Turns out, I’m allergic to paradise.
- Love is like a heart attack – one minute you’re fine, the next you’re in excruciating pain and reaching for your wallet.
- A guy walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, every time I drink coffee, I get this stabbing pain in my eye.” The doctor replies, “Take the spoon out of the mug first.” Just be careful of heart attacks from the coffee itself!
- My doctor said I need to be more active. So now I have a panic attack every time I see the treadmill.
- My wife is convinced I’m going to give myself a heart attack yelling at the TV during football games. I told her, “Honey, it’s the only way I get any exercise!”
- What do you get if you cross a sheep and a heart attack? A cardiac arrest-ed development! 🐑
- My love life is like a heart attack waiting to happen…dead on arrival. 💔
- I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She said, “Think of your heart!” I told her, “It’ll be ashes by then.”
Heart Attack QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Heart Attack
- Q: What do you call a heart attack at a fish market? A: A cardiac arrest-urgeon!
- Q: What’s red and bad for your cholesterol? A: A heart attack on Valentine’s Day!
- Q: Why did the heart attack patient refuse to go to the hospital in a taxi? A: He’d heard the fare was through the roof!
- Q: What kind of music do cardiologists listen to? A: Anything but heavy metal!
- Q: Why did the artery break up with the heart? A: It said the relationship was too one-sided!
- Q: Why was the heart attack victim so calm? A: He was told to stay composed!
- Q: What’s the worst vegetable for your heart? A: A heart of palm!
- Q: What’s a cardiologist’s favorite dance move? A: The bypass!
- Q: Why didn’t the heart attack survivor win any races? A: He had a pre-existing condition!
- Q: What happened to the comedian who made light of his heart attack? A: He went viral! (But seriously, take care of your health!)
- Q: How did the heart attack patient describe his experience on social media? A: #NearDeathExperience #CouldHaveUsedMoreCardio #GetWellSoon
- Q: What do you call a support group for heart attack survivors? A: A heart-to-heart!
Dad Jokes About Heart Attack: Pun-Filled Quips
- I was worried I was having a heart attack, but then I remembered my wife said she needed to talk to me about my behavior. Turns out, it was just a scare tactic.
- My doctor said I needed to get a grip on my heart health. I told him, “Don’t worry, I’ve got a good handle on it!”
- You know, I’m getting a bit concerned about all these heart attack symptoms I’ve been reading about. Guess I’ll just have to take it one palpit-ation at a time!
- I went to the doctor for a check-up, and he said, “Your heart is in great shape!” I said, “Thanks, Doc! I’ve been taking it easy.” He said, “I meant the cardiology report, but your enthusiasm is appreciated!”
- I told my wife I wanted to write a cookbook called “Meals to Prevent Heart Attacks.” She said, “Honey, that’s sweet, but isn’t that a bit morbid?”
- My doctor said, “Your cholesterol is high enough to clog a drain!” I told him, “That explains why the bathtub’s been backing up! I knew I shouldn’t have flushed those bacon grease drippings!”
- My friend asked if I knew CPR. I said, “Of course I do! Cardio – Pulmonary – Resuscitation… duh!” He said, “No, I meant can you perform CPR?” I said, “Oh, right. I’m much better at the acronym.”
- What do you call a cardiologist who loves their job? Committed! To the heart! Get it?
- I saw a sign that said, “Beware of Falling Coconuts – Risk of Heart Attack!” I thought, “Man, those coconuts are ruthless!”
- I was going to join a cardiac support group, but then I got cold feet.
- My wife told me to eat more fish for my heart. Now I’m hooked!
- I asked my doctor how he relieves stress. He said, “Don’t be silly, I’m a cardiologist! I give it to people!”
- My cardiologist is so good, he can predict what you’re going to eat next. He has a real knack for cardiac arrest-aurants.
Heart Attack Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was twoTIRED!
- What did the doctor say to the heart that wasn’t feeling well? “Don’t worry, be happy!”
- I’m not lion! My heart ROARS with laughter when I hear a good joke.
- What did the heart say to the brain? “You think, I’ll beat you to it!”
- Why did the blood cells go to the amusement park? They wanted to go on a roller-coaster ride!
- My heart skips a beat every time I see a puppy!
- What’s the best way to make your heart happy? Do some jumping jacks!
- I love you with all my heart… and my lungs, and my kidneys, and my spleen!
- Why did the heart go to art school? To learn how to draw blood vessels!
- What do you call a heart that loves to sing? A cardi-oke star!
- I’m not saying I’m strong, but I can lift my own heart with my hands! (Just kidding, don’t try that at home.)
- Why did the heart go to the library? To check out a book on anatomy!
- What’s a heart’s favorite type of music? Hip-hop!
- I’m so happy, my heart is doing a little dance!
- My heart is like a drum, it beats to its own rhythm!
Heart Attack Jokes and Puns for Elders
- I’m not saying I’m old, but my heart has more miles on it than my car.
- My doctor told me to follow my heart. So I took a nap.
- I’m at the age where “getting lucky” means finding a comfortable chair.
- My heart is like a fine wine. It gets better with age… except for the occasional palpitation.
- I used to chase butterflies. Now I’m just happy if my heart doesn’t skip a beat when I bend over.
- I’m not saying I’m forgetful, but I sometimes forget why I walked into a room… until I see the remote control.
- My grandkids asked me what a heart attack was. I said, “It’s when your heart gets tired of all the excitement and decides to take a break.”
- I’m at the age where my idea of a wild Saturday night is staying up past 9 pm.
- I’m not saying I’m wise, but I do know that a good nap can fix almost anything.
- My heart is like a reliable old friend. It’s always there for me, even when I’m being stubborn.
- I told my wife I was going to the cardiologist. She said, “Tell him I said ‘Hi’ and ask if he makes house calls.”
- I’m not saying I’m slow, but my heart rate is slower than a snail on a cold day.
- My heart is like a well-worn book. It has a lot of stories to tell.
- I’m so used to taking it easy, I get tired just thinking about exercising.
- I’m not sure what’s more fragile, my bones or my patience.
Heart Attack Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- I almost had a heart attack when I saw my credit card bill. Then I realized it was just my wife’s online shopping spree. #RelationshipGoals #BrokeButHappy
- My doctor told me to avoid anything that raises my heart rate. Guess I’ll have to break up with my WiFi provider then. #BufferingIsLifeOrDeath #FirstWorldProblems
- Just saw a sign that said “Caution: Falling Coconuts.” Nearly gave me a heart attack, but then I remembered I’m not a coconut. #DodgedABullet #OrADrupe
- My heart skipped a beat when I saw the price of avocado toast these days. Turns out it wasn’t skipping, it was filing for bankruptcy. #MillennialStruggles #AvocatoDreams
- You know you’re getting old when “Netflix & Chill” means watching documentaries about heart health. And “going out” means walking to the mailbox. #AgeIsJustANumber #ButHighBloodPressureIsReal
- Why did the heart get lost? Because it didn’t have any directions and its GPS was on the fritz! #GetIt? #CardioHumor
- What’s worse than a heart attack on Valentine’s Day? Realising it was just your food poisoning acting up again. #RomanceIsDead #LongLiveMyStomach
- My New Year’s resolution was to eat healthier. But then I remembered donuts are round and round represents eternity. #LogicChecksOut #DonutJudgeMe
- Don’t worry, be happy… Unless your doctor tells you to worry about your cholesterol levels. Then you should probably worry. #HealthIsWealth #ButDonutsAreDelicious
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! And also because a bunch of animals having a heart attack would be a tragedy. #SaveTheAnimals #AndYourOwnHeart
- I tried to explain to my friend what a “broken heart” feels like. He just rolled his eyes and said, “try having actual heartburn, buddy.” #ToughLove #ButAccurate
- Life is like a box of chocolates… If you eat the whole box in one sitting, you might give yourself a heart attack. #ModerationIsKey #ButChocolateIsLife
- My grandpa always said, “The key to a long life is a healthy heart.” Guess that explains why he was such a big fan of cardio. And by cardio, I mean chasing squirrels out of his garden. #FitGrandpas #SquirrelsBeware
Don’t Skip a Beat, Share the Laughter!
We hope these heart attack jokes didn’t stop your heart! But if you’re ready for more side-splitting puns and knee-slapping jokes, don’t go into cardiac arrest just yet! Explore the rest of our punny website for a laughter workout that’s good for the soul (and harmless to the heart, we promise).