91+ Celery Jokes & Puns: Stalking You With Laughter!

Get ready to romaine calm, folks, because you’re about to dive into the best, most stalk-tacular list of celery jokes this side of the salad bowl! 😂 We’ve got puns for days, humor so fresh it’s still got its leaves on, and enough funny celery jokes to entertain kids and adults alike. So grab a stalk (of celery, of course!), get comfy, and prepare to laugh your head off at these clever quips! 🤣

Top Celery Jokes – Best Picks

1. Why did the celery get arrested? It was caught stalking the produce aisle. 😎
2. What’s green and goes crunch, crunch, crunch? A very loud stalk of celery! 🔊
3. What’s a celery’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beet! 🎶
4. You know you’ve had too much celery when… you start having stalkholm syndrome. 😳
5. I saw a sign that said “Celery for Sale – $1 a Stalk.” I thought, “Well, that’s a fair price celery-bration!” 🎉
6. Why did the celery cross the road? It ran away from the salad spinner – it was a very emotional celery! 😭
7. Why did the celery lose the race? It ran out of juice! 🏃‍♂️
8. Why is celery so good at keeping secrets? It’s one smooth operator. 😎
9. My friend said he wanted to introduce me to this amazing superfood, crunchy and green… Turns out it was just celery. I was like, “Celery-ously?” 🙄
10. Why don’t they play poker in the vegetable garden? Too much celery-bration when someone wins! 🎉
11. A celery stick walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a Bloody Mary.” The bartender says, “Get out! We don’t serve food here!” 🍅
12. What’s green, crunchy, and lives in the ocean? Celery-fish! (…Okay, that one was a stretch! 🤪).
13. I told my friend my new diet was 90% celery. He said, “Wow, that sounds rough!”
14. You know you’re obsessed with celery when… You start dreaming in green and crunchy! 🛌💚

Clever Celery Puns – Top Picks

1. Why did the celery win an award? Because it was outstanding in its field!
2. What’s green and goes crunch, crunch, crunch? A celery on a conference call!
3. I tried to write a song about celery, but it needed more thyme.
4. Did you hear about the celery detective? He really knew his stalks.
5. Celery walks into a library… Librarian whispers: “Silence is golden.” Celery whispers back: “But, I’m green with envy!”
6. What does a stalk of celery use to surf the internet? A fiber optic cable-ry!
7. My friend thinks he’s a celery farmer, but I’m not buying it. He’s just stringing me along.
8. You know, money really does grow on trees! Well, at least celery does, and that’s basically green paper.
9. Don’t be sad it’s Monday, be glad you’re not a celery… stuck in a veggie platter.
10. My therapist told me to do something that takes me out of my comfort zone. So, I put my celery sticks in the cookie jar.
11. Why did the celery get lost in the woods? Because it took the path of least re-stalk-tance!
12. Celery dating apps are the worst. Everyone knows they’re just looking for someone to “stalk” their Instagram.
13. I put all my celery in alphabetical order. Turns out, they were all “stalk-home” already.

Funny Celery One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Celery Jokes

1. I tried to explain to my celery stick why it shouldn’t be afraid of the dark… but I think it was too stalk-shocked.
2. Celery is like the introvert of vegetables; it’s always happiest when it’s kept in the dark.
3. What’s green, crunchy, and lives on the riverbank? Celery with a water log cabin!
4. Why did the celery get lost on its walk? It took a right turn at the stalk market.
5. My therapist told me to eat celery when I’m feeling stressed. Now, I’m calm and have a weird obsession with ranch dressing.
6. What do you call a celery stalker? A celery-brity chef!
7. I’m on a celery diet… I’ve already lost three days!
8. You know, celery has negative calories… It takes more energy to chew it than it does to digest it. It’s basically the bubble wrap of the food pyramid.
9. What did the celery say to the carrot? Lettuce be friends!
10. Life is like a bunch of celery – you never know what you’re gonna get.
11. Why don’t they play poker in the vegetable garden? Too many cheaters… especially the celery!
12. Celery always gets invited to parties. It’s such a popular stalk.
13. I met a celery stalk that was a stand-up comedian. Turns out, he was always the punchline.
14. Never tell a secret in a vegetable patch… those celery stalks have big ears!

Celery QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Celery

1. Q: Why did the celery win an award? A: For being out-standing in its field! 🏆
2. Q: What’s the coolest part of a celery stalk? A: The cel-er-y core! 😎
3. Q: What’s green, crunchy, and hangs out with owls? A: A celery celebrat-HOOT-ing its birthday!🦉 🎉
4. Q: Did you hear about the celery detective? A: He always got to the root of the problem! 🕵️‍♀️
5. Q: What does a celery superhero say to doubters? A: “Don’t underestimate my stalk-ular strength!” 💪
6. Q: Why did the celery get lost in the library? A: It got stuck in the non-fiction stalks! 📚
7. Q: What do you call a celery with a good singing voice? A: Cel-ear-y Dion! 🎤
8. Q: Why did the celery cross the road? A: It was stalked by a rabbit! 🐇
9. Q: What do you get if you cross a snake and a celery stalk? A: A dangerous salad! 🐍🥗
10. Q: Why is celery so good at poker? A: They always keep a straight face! 🃏
11. Q: What’s green and goes “crunch, crunch, boom?” A: A celery stick walking on bubble wrap! 💥
12. Q: What did the celery say to its sweetheart on Valentine’s Day? A: “You’ve really grown on me!” 💚
13. Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: A pouch potato… that loves celery! 🥔
14. Q: How does a celery stick answer the phone? A: “Celery speaking, what’s up, doc?” 📞🐰

Dad Jokes About Celery: Pun-Filled Quips

1. Why don’t they play poker in the vegetable patch? Too much stalk-ing involved, especially near the celery!
2. What’s green and crunchy, but can’t be used to build a house? Cele-wrong, it’s celery!
3. Did you hear about the celery that won an award? It was outstanding in its field!
4. My wife told me to take the celery to the bank. I think she wants me to ‘stalk’ up our savings!
5. Someone left a bunch of celery on my doorstep. Must have been a prank. I guess you could say I got…stalked!
6. Why did the celery get lost? Because it lost its stalk-eo system!
7. My doctor told me to eat more celery. He said, “It’s a stalk-tastic way to stay healthy!”
8. What do you call a sad stalk of celery? A celery-brating its own pity party.
9. You know how to make a celery cry? Give it some bad news. It’s a real cry-lant vegetable!
10. What’s green, crunchy, and good for your eyesight? Cele-vision… wait, no, still just celery.
11. Feeling celery-ous? Have some celery! It’s the most a-peel-ing snack around.
12. Heard about the celery marathon? It ended in a tie… because they were all stalks!
13. Never argue with celery. They always have a point…a very sharp pointy one.

Celery Jokes and Puns for Kids

1. Why did the celery get lost in the maze? Because it took the wrong stalk!
2. What does a detective celery use to solve mysteries? His ele-men-tary skills!
3. What did the celery say to cheer up his friend? “Lettuce be friends forever!”
4. Why is celery such a good friend? Because it’s always there to stalk you on social media! (Just kidding!)
5. What’s green and goes crunch, crunch, crunch? A celery monster learning to eat quietly!
6. What’s a celery’s favorite dance move? The Dip! (Get it? Like celery with dip!)
7. Why did the celery cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken!
8. What do you call a sleepy celery? A Zzz-elery!
9. What kind of car does a celery drive? A Celery-ca!
10. What does a celery wear to a fancy party? A green tie and socks!
11. Why did the celery get sent to the principal’s office? For being stalk-tive in class!
12. Why did the celery bring a ladder to the party? Because it heard the drinks were on the house!
13. What’s a celery’s favorite song? “Anything by Green Day!”

Celery Jokes and Puns for Elders

1. Why did the celery refuse to pay for its drink at the bar? Because it was always getting carded.
2. You know, I used to hate celery as a kid… But then I realized, it’s all about how you frame it.
3. My doctor told me to incorporate more celery into my diet. I think he’s stalking me – he knows I love a good Bloody Mary.
4. What’s green and crunchy, and good for your love life? Celery… just kidding! It’s Viagra, but I wasn’t going to say that.
5. Celery is like that friend who always tags along… You don’t really want them there, but they came with the veggie platter.
6. I met a guy at the farmer’s market who claimed his celery could reduce my anxiety… Turns out, he was just stringing me along.
7. My retirement plan is looking a lot like a celery stalk these days… Mostly green, a little stringy, and hoping someone remembers to eat it before it goes bad.
8. I saw a guy walking a stalk of celery on a leash today. I asked him, “Is it a purebred?” He said, “No, it’s a mixed breed – half celery, half stalk-er.”
9. They say celery has negative calories… But I ate a whole bunch and still didn’t lose any weight. False advertising!
10. My wife told me to take the celery out of the fridge an hour before dinner to let it come to room temperature. You know you’ve been married a long time when…
11. I tried to write a song about celery, but I couldn’t find the right key. It was stuck in the crisper drawer.
12. Why did the celery get voted “Most Likely to Succeed”? Because it was always the most stalk-worthy vegetable.
13. I read that celery can help you live longer… But honestly, I think it just feels longer.
14. Why don’t they ever serve celery at funerals? Because nobody wants to be reminded of what they’re going to look like in a week!

Celery Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

1. Just saw a guy carrying a stalk of celery on the subway. I thought, “Man, that’s a weird way to celery-brate.” 🎉
2. What’s green, crunchy, and lives in the sea? Celery-fish! 🐠 (Pair with a funny GIF of a celery stick with googly eyes in water)
3. My friend said he wanted to incorporate more celery into his diet. I suggested a “stalk” market investment plan. 📈
4. You know you’ve hit peak adulthood when you get genuinely excited about finding your celery in the crisper drawer still crisp. 👵👴 (Relatable content is king!)
5. What’s long, green, and has bad breath? Celery breath! 🤢 (Use a funny face emoji)
6. I told my friend celery is a negative calorie food. He said, “That’s im-parsley-ble!” 😂
7. Don’t tell anyone, but I’m starting a celery underground fight club. The password is “stalk”. 🤫 (Add a cool, edgy image)
8. Tried to make celery juice this morning. Turns out my blender just isn’t cut out for that kind of stalk-ing. 💪 (Combine with a “Nailed It” meme)
9. My therapist told me to do something that relaxes me. Guess I’ll go hang out with my celery. We’re kind of stalk-ing each other on Instagram anyway.📱 (Hashtag it #celerystalking)
10. If celery could talk, I bet it would have a very boring stalk-eo-type. 😴 (Use a bored-looking celery image)
11. Ran out of celery for my Bloody Mary. Guess I’ll have to make do with a Sad Mary. Or maybe a Mary in Celery-bration of Finding a Substitute Garnish. 😅 (Cocktail photo op!)
12. My resolution was to eat healthier, so I bought a bunch of celery. I guess you could say I’m really stalk-ing up! 💪😄 (Gymshark who?)
13. Just tried celery juice for the first time. Can’t tell if I love it or hate it. It’s such a stalk contrast of flavors. 🤔 (Engage that comment section debate!)

That’s All, Folks! Don’t Get Stalking Celery for More.

Well, there you have it! We’ve stalked the crispiest celery puns and jokes just for you. We hope these groan-worthy gags have left you feeling anything but blue. Don’t let the fun stop here! Explore our website for even more hilarious puns and jokes that are guaranteed to entertain. You’ll be saying, “Lettuce romaine friends, because they appreciate good humor!”

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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