104+ Amish Puns & Jokes: You’re In For a Buggy Ride!
Giddy-up for a good time because you’re in for a real treat! 😂 This isn’t your average list of jokes – we’ve churned the butter and sifted the flour to bring you only the best Amish jokes and puns. This hilarious collection is funny for kids and adults alike, with enough clever wordplay to make you say, “Well, shucks, that’s a good one!” 😉 Get ready to laugh your bonnet off because this list of puns and humor is about to get seriously Amishing! 😄
Top Amish Jokes – Best Picks
Why don’t Amish people water ski? They only hit the wake once.
An Amish boy asks his father, “Dad, how do online relationships even work?” The father replies, “They’re frowned upon, son. We believe in courtship, not court-ship.”
What’s an Amish kid’s favorite thing to do on a swingset? Contemplate the simple pendulum.
What’s an Amish kid’s SECOND favorite thing to do on a swing set? I don’t know, they haven’t told me yet.
Did you hear about the Amish man who went to the airport for the first time? He was completely bewildered by the terminal velocity.
Why did the Amish man get lost in the forest? He refused to ask for directions from the tree-huggers.
How are Amish families like their quilts? Closely knit.
An Amish man walks into a bank with a black eye. The teller is concerned and asks, “Sir, what happened?!” The Amish man replies, “Buggy rage.”
Why did the Amish man get kicked out of the library? He kept asking for books about power tools.
Two Amish women were arguing about whose husband was more old-fashioned. One says, “My husband still uses an axe to chop firewood!” The other scoffs, “That’s nothing. My husband still uses a chisel to check his email!”
How do Amish teenagers rebel? They secretly listen to The Village People.
Clever Amish Puns – Best Picks
“You’re looking quite Amish-ing today!” (Amazing)
“Heard you went to an Amish buffet… How was the churn-over?” (Turnover)
“They call me the Amish Flash. I’m horse-powered.” (Superhero speed)
“That buggy ride was rough! Definitely need an Amish-ssage.” (Massage)
“Amish you were here right now! I need help churning butter.” (Wish)
“I wanted to start an Amish metal band, but we couldn’t find any power chords.” (Musical chords)
“My Amish friend is starting a web design company… He’s calling it ‘World Wide Webbing’.” (Wordplay on weaving)
“What’s an Amish kid’s favorite subject? Barn-ing about the world.” (Learning)
“The Amish community has excellent healthcare… They believe in barn-none prevention.” (Bar none/Preventive)
“Life in the Amish community is so peaceful… No pressure to keep up with the Joneses.” (Common saying/Lack of electricity)
“An Amish man walks into a bank and asks for a loan. The banker says, ‘What’s your col-latte-ral?'” (Collateral/Amish coffee reference)
“Don’t underestimate the Amish community’s innovation. They always find a way to churn out new ideas.” (Churn butter/New ideas)
“What’s an Amish ghost’s favorite type of music? Soul music!” (Play on words with no electricity)
Funny Amish One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Amish Jokes
I tried to borrow a pencil from my Amish friend, but he said he couldn’t spare a byte.
I saw an Amish drive-thru the other day. I guess they’re not as horse-and-buggy as they used to be.
Heard the Amish are getting into online dating. They’re calling it Mennonite Matchmaker.
My Amish neighbor just bought 200 rabbits. Looks like he’s starting a hare-raising business.
What does an Amish kid get for being good? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Why don’t Amish people play hide and seek? Because good luck finding a place to plug in the lights.
I asked my Amish friend what he got for Christmas. He said, “The same thing as everyone else: one day closer to spring planting.”
Why don’t Amish people ever get lost? Something about always knowing the whey.
Never tell an Amish man a secret… His friends will hear about it.
Met an Amish electrician who was super talented. He could really conduct himself.
Met an Amish guy with a handlebar mustache. He told me it was all natural, no watt required.
Why are Amish barns so easy to build? They come with instructions. They’re barn manuals.
What do you call it when an Amish person is being too loud? Battery-powered blasphemy.
Amish QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Amish
Q: What do you call an Amish guy who’s really strong? A: A horse-powerlifter.
Q: Why don’t Amish kids play hide and seek? A: It’s too easy. Where else are they gonna go?
Q: What’s an Amish kid’s favorite thing to play on a rainy day? A: Bored games.
Q: Why did the Amish man get lost in the corn maze? A: He refused to take the shuck-cut.
Q: What’s an Amish kid’s favorite subject in school? A: Recess… it’s the only class that doesn’t involve churning butter.
Q: How do you get an Amish man to smile for a photo? A: Say “hay” instead of “cheese.”
Q: Why did the Amish man bring a ladder to the bank? A: He wanted to check his high yield savings account.
Q: What’s an Amish teenager’s least favorite chore? A: Instagraming… because they can’t use filters.
Q: What do you get when an Amish boy joins the breakdancing club? A: A churner and shaker!
Q: How do you know if an Amish man is having a mid-life crisis? A: He trades in his horse and buggy for a team of rollerblades.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with only two friends? A: A social butterfly.
Q: Why did the Amish boy get sent to his room? A: He kept saying “Watt?!” when he didn’t understand something.
Q: What’s an Amish person’s favorite type of music? A: Anything unplugged.
Q: Why didn’t the Amish girl win the beauty pageant? A: She refused to wear makeup… or electricity.
Q: What did the Amish man say after winning the lottery? A: “Guess I can finally afford that solar panel.”
Dad Jokes About Amish: Pun-Filled Quips
I wanted to buy an Amish cookbook, but all the recipes were handwritten. Guess you could say they were a-manuscript.
What do you call an Amish guy who’s really good at basketball? A-Swish!
Asked my Amish friend if he wanted to go out for ice cream. He said, “Sure, as long as it’s churned the old-fashioned way – Amish I right?”
My son asked if Amish people could join the army. I said, “They could, but they’d probably prefer to be A-mish-siles!”
Went to an Amish restaurant with slow service. Apparently, they were having technical difficulties with the churn. I guess you could say it was… whispers …Amish-ing.
You know, Amish folks are incredibly strong. They build their houses without power tools. Talk about Amish-ing strength!
Why don’t Amish people use cell phones? Because they believe in face-to-face conversation. “Hey,” I told my son, “at least they’re not Amish-ocial!”
My son asked how Amish kids get to school. I said, “By horse and buggy, of course! They even have their own lanes. It’s like the Amish carpool lane… or should I say, puts on sunglasses …the ‘horse-pool’ lane!”
Why are Amish roofs raised without power tools? Because they have a lot of barn raising parties!
What kind of music do Amish teenagers listen to? Anything they can get their hands on… quietly. You could say they prefer music that’s a little more… Amish-bient.
What do you call a group of Amish guys who start a barbershop quartet? “A-men!”
Amish Jokes and Puns for Kids
Why don’t Amish kids ever get to play video games? Because they can only use their imaginations… and power tools!
What did the Amish boy say when he was asked about his hobbies? “Well, I enjoy woodworking, churning butter… you know, the usual horse-and-buggy stuff.”
What’s an Amish kid’s favorite subject in school? Recess… because that’s when they get to “horse” around!
Why are Amish barns so well-built? Because they don’t cut any corners!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amish. Amish who? Amish you a happy birthday!
What do you call a group of singing Amish teenagers? A barn-storming band!
My friend said his Amish uncle is a stand-up comedian. I said, “That’s impossible! They don’t have microphones!”
Why don’t Amish kids ever get lost in the woods? Because they leave a trail of sawdust wherever they go!
How do Amish kids get to school? They “churn” their way there! (Get it? Churn/Turn!)
What do you call an Amish family’s pet bird? A tweetheart!
Why did the Amish boy get in trouble at school? He was caught “battering” his classmates in a food fight!
What did the Amish mother say to her son when he was misbehaving? “Don’t make me come over there!” (Because it would take a while!)
Why are Amish people so good at riddles? They’re excellent at “plain” speaking!
Amish Jokes and Puns for Elders
Why don’t Amish folks play poker? Too much potential for a full house.
An Amish man walks into a bank wearing suspenders and a straw hat. He asks the loan officer for a \$50 loan. The loan officer, taken aback, says, “Sir, we need some form of collateral.” The Amish man calmly replies, “My horse and buggy are outside.” The loan officer scoffs, “This is a bank, sir, not a pawn shop.” Unfazed, the Amish man pulls out a Rolex from his pocket and says, “Well then, perhaps this will do?” The loan officer, flabbergasted, stammers, “Where on earth did you get that?!” The Amish man smiles slyly and says, “Let’s just say…I’m not always so averse to a little ‘time share’.”
You know you’re getting old when going Amish starts to sound appealing, but then you remember you’d miss your Netflix and complaining about the internet being slow.
Why did the Amish man turn down the job offer at the tech startup? He heard it was a very “high-pressure” environment, and he preferred his own pace.
They say the Amish have a very active social life. They’re practically joined at the hip…by those tiny buttons.
What’s the difference between an Amish wedding and an Amish funeral? One less bowl of potato salad.
An Amish man wins the lottery. When asked what he’ll do with the money, he says, “Well, I reckon I’ll finally get that phone line installed…to call and tell everyone I’m not sharing a cent!”
Why don’t the Amish use Zoom? They prefer real-time conversations… even if it takes a horse and buggy to get there.
My retirement plan? Going off the grid, joining an Amish community…and finally having enough Instagram-worthy content to last a lifetime.
Heard there’s a new Amish dating app. It’s all the rage…supposedly.
What’s an Amish kid’s favorite thing about Halloween? Getting to dress up like their everyday clothes!
My attempt at making Amish friendship bread failed. I guess it wasn’t meant to be “shared” online.
You know the world is a strange place when the Amish seem like the most technologically advanced because they’re the only ones who know how to fix anything anymore.
Amish Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
What do you call an Amish man who’s great at fixing things? A handyman-tis.
I tried to start an Amish metal band… But they only used barn instruments.
Why don’t Amish kids play hide and seek? Because they’re always easily spotted.
Heard about the Amish guy who got excommunicated? Seems he was caught using electricity. They brought him up on battery charges.
Two Amish boys were walking home from school… One says to the other, “The cows are out again.” The other replies, “Yeah, heard it on the moo-vine.”
An Amish boy asks his father, “How do they decide how long the horses should be?” Dad ponders for a moment then replies, “Well son, I reckon that’s just something they measure in horsepower.”
Why did the Amish man get lost in the corn maze? Because he refused to take the shortcut.
You know you’re spending too much time with the Amish when… You start thinking a slow connection means your horse is tired.
What do you get when you cross an Amish man and a sheepdog? All your laundry done and nobody to herd you!
An Amish man walks into a library… Two hours later, he walks out with a confused look on his face. The librarian asks, “Can I help you find something, sir?” He says, “I can’t figure out how to charge this thing!” (Holds up a book)
Amish You Were Here For More Puns!
We hope these Amish jokes churned your butter and tickled your fancy! But the fun doesn’t stop here. Hitch your wagon to our website and explore a whole pasture of hilarious puns and jokes. We promise, it’s not a load of barnacles!
