103+ Montreal Puns & Jokes: You’ll “Oui” -f Course!

Get ready to laugh your bagels off, because we’re about to 🥖 dive into the best Montreal jokes and puns this side of the St. Lawrence River! 😂 This list of clever humor is perfect for kids and adults alike, so get ready for some seriously funny Montreal moments. 🇨🇦 From puns about poutine to jokes about hockey, we’ve got all the bases covered. Get ready to unleash your inner comedian with these hilarious Montreal gems! ✨

Top Montreal Jokes – Best Picks

1. Why don’t they play poker in Montreal? Because the streets are full of bluffs! (Get it? Montreal is known for its steep hills!)
2. I went to a Montreal bakery to get some poutine bread. The baker said, “Mon dieu, you want it sliced or whole?”
3. How do they divide Montreal in half? With a Mont-REALly big saw!
4. What’s the most popular dating app in Montreal? It’s called “Ceci n’est pas une app de rencontre” (This is not a dating app).
5. I tried to learn French before visiting Montreal. Turns out, “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?” doesn’t actually mean “Would you like to try this delicious poutine?”
6. My friend from Toronto visited Montreal and said, “I can’t believe how many people speak French here!” I said, “Bienvenue to Montreal!”
7. Why did the Habs fan bring a ladder to the Bell Centre? He heard the Canadiens were playing above the rim this season!
8. I told my friend I was going on vacation to Montreal. He said, “Don’t forget to pack your joie de vivre!” I said, “Don’t worry, I’m bringing my appetite for poutine!”
9. Someone told me Montreal bagels are out of this world. I guess that explains why they’re shaped like flying saucers!
10. What do you call a lazy kangaroo in Montreal? A pouch potato!
11. What’s the difference between a Montreal pothole and a Montreal bagel? You can’t drive over a Montreal bagel!
12. I asked a Montrealer for directions and they said, “Go down the street, turn left at the depanneur, and then right at the boulangerie.” I guess I should have brought my French-English dictionary!
13. What’s the official sport of Montreal? Construction! (Get it? Because there’s always construction happening in Montreal?)

Clever Montreal Puns – Best Picks

1. “Having a ‘mont-real’ good time in Montreal!” (Simple, classic, and effective)
2. “I’m ‘mtl’ about Montreal. It’s amazing!” (Using Montreal’s airport code YUL creatively)
3. “This bagel is so good, it should be ‘mont-real’!” (Playing on Montreal’s famous bagels)
4. “Montreal: It’s not just a city, it’s a ‘mont-real’ experience!” (Emphasizing the uniqueness of Montreal)
5. “Tried to find a bad poutine in Montreal. ‘Montreal’ impossible!” (Highlighting the city’s delicious poutine)
6. “I love Montreal in the winter. It’s ‘snow’ much fun!” (A play on words with “snow” and “so”)
7. “Montreal is so cool, even the buildings speak ‘French’!” (A lighthearted jab at the city’s bilingualism)
8. “Montreal: Where the food is delicious and the accents are even more ‘délicieux’!” (Blending English and French playfully)
9. “I came, I saw, I ‘mont-real’ly enjoyed myself in Montreal!” (A punny twist on the famous Caesar quote)
10. “Don’t be a ‘mont-real’istic, book that trip to Montreal already!” (Playing on “realistic” and encouraging travel)
11. “Montreal: Come for the bagels, stay for the ‘je ne sais quoi’!” (Acknowledging the city’s inexplicable charm)
12. “I’m so ‘fondue’ Montreal. It’s grate!” (Combining a food pun with Montreal’s love for cheese)
13. “Montreal is ‘tres bien’. Actually, it’s ‘mont-real’ good!” (More French wordplay for added fun)
14. “Montreal: You’ll ‘mont-real’ly love it here!” (A final, confident declaration of Montreal’s appeal)

Funny Montreal One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Montreal Jokes

1. I tried to explain to someone that Montreal is in Quebec, not France… but they just couldn’t understand my Québecois accent.
2. What’s the most eco-friendly way to get around Montreal? A “Real” carpool.
3. I wanted to learn French before visiting Montreal, but then I thought, “What the Hélène?”
4. Montreal bagels are so good, they should be called “Mont-delicious.”
5. Someone asked me if I spoke French in Montreal. I said, “Oui, but I prefer to “Parlez” English.
6. Montreal winters are so cold, the potholes have goosebumps.
7. I wanted to open a French fry stand in Montreal, but the competition was too “fritening.”
8. Montrealers are so friendly, they’ll even share their poutine with you… after they’re done dipping their fries in it.
9. My friend told me he’s moving to Montreal for the bagels. I guess you could say he’s “bread-y” to go.
10. Montreal construction season is so bad, they should rename the city “Mont-Closed”.
11. I went to a hockey game in Montreal and the whole city was cheering. It was “Canadiens-ly” amazing!
12. I only spent a day in Montreal, but it felt like much longer. Guess time just flies when you’re having “fun-treal.”
13. Someone stole my heart in Montreal. I guess you could say it was “love at first “bite” of poutine.
14. I thought about starting a band in Montreal called “The Bagel Bites.” We’d be huge, everyone loves a good pun in this city.
15. What do you call a sad strawberry from Montreal? A “blue”-berry!

Montreal QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Montreal

1. Q: What do you call a Montreal Canadiens fan who’s always making up stories? A: A Hab-itual liar.
2. Q: Why did the bagel decide to move to Montreal? A: It heard the city was “on a roll.”
3. Q: What’s the most popular pickup line at a Montreal nightclub? A: “Are you from Montreal? Because I can’t help but be attrac-ted to you.”
4. Q: What’s the difference between a Montreal winter and a Montreal summer? A: In winter, your teeth chatter. In summer, your potholes chatter.
5. Q: Why did the tourist bring a ladder to Montreal’s Underground City? A: They heard it was an under-rated experience.
6. Q: What’s a Montrealer’s favorite French pastry? A: A pain au chocolat… after a Canadiens victory, of course!
7. Q: Why did the musician get lost trying to find his gig in Montreal? A: He took the phrase “underground music scene” a little too literally.
8. Q: How can you tell if someone’s from Montreal? A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you – in both languages!
9. Q: Why don’t they allow maps in Old Montreal? A: They want you to get lost in its charm.
10. Q: What do you call a squirrel from Montreal that’s always getting into trouble? A: A Mont-real troublemaker!
11. Q: Why did the poutine cross the street in Montreal? A: To get to the other side… of gravy, obviously!
12. Q: What do you call a Montreal Canadiens fan who’s also a grammar enthusiast? A: A puck-tuation expert.
13. Q: How does a Montrealer order a coffee? A: “Un café, s’il vous plaît… eh?”
14. Q: Why is Montreal considered bilingual? A: Because even the potholes speak French and English fluently!

Dad Jokes About Montreal: Pun-Filled Quips

1. I wanted to learn how to speak French, but then I realized it would be Mont-real challenge.
2. Why don’t they play poker in Montreal? Too many Mont-Royal flushes!
3. Someone stole my Montreal Canadiens jersey. Now I’m feeling Mont-real blue.
4. My friend from Montreal is always losing his keys. I guess you could say he’s a little Mont-reallowNullminded.
5. My wife asked me to pick up some smoked meat in Montreal, but I think I got the Mont-wrong kind!
6. That bagel shop in Montreal was so successful, they decided to open a Mont-real estate office next door.
7. I told my friend Montreal was bigger than Toronto, she said “Prove it!” Guess I Mont-really showed her.
8. My son wanted a pet beaver after our trip to Montreal. I said “Those are Mont-real animals, son!”
9. I tried to pay with Euros in Montreal but they wouldn’t take them. Turns out they’re Mont-really strict about using Canadian dollars!
10. They should rename Montreal’s metro system the “Mont-rail”. Get it? No? Okay…
11. I tried to order poutine in French, but the waiter just looked at me funny. I guess my accent was a little too Mont-realistic.
12. What kind of music do they play at Montreal nightclubs? Mont-real good music!
13. I wanted to climb Mount Royal, but got tired halfway up. I guess I just wasn’t feeling Mont-realistic that day.
14. I told my friend I was going to Montreal for a hockey game. He said “Be sure to bring your ‘A’ game!” I said, “Don’t worry, I’m bringing my ‘Mont-real’ game!”.

Montreal Jokes and Puns for Kids

1. Why did the little mountain visit Montreal? Because it heard it was a mont-real cool place!
2. What’s a bear’s favorite part of Montreal? The grizzly downtown!
3. Where do Montreal’s coolest cats hang out? On the Plateau, of course!
4. What sound does a grumpy Montreal bagel make? “Oy ve-y!”
5. Why don’t they play hide-and-seek in Montreal? Because Mont Royal always gives away the hiding spots!
6. Knock, knock! Who’s there? Montreal. Montreal who? Montreal this time, take the picture!
7. What’s a vampire’s favorite part of Montreal? Old Mont-real, it’s always open late!
8. What’s a cat’s favorite food in Montreal? Meowntreal Smoked Meat!
9. Why did the snowman visit Montreal in the summer? He wanted to see what all the melt was about!
10. What do you call a funny story from Montreal? A Mont-real knee-slapper!
11. Why are Montreal’s trees so friendly? They love to branch out and meet new people!
12. How do you get around Montreal like a pro? Take the metro, it’s treal good!
13. What’s a bird’s favorite place in Montreal? The Biodome, it’s tweet and cozy!
14. What’s a musician’s favorite thing about Montreal? All the jazz mont-real good music!
15. Why did the comedian move to Montreal? He heard the audiences were treal easy to make laugh!

Montreal Jokes and Puns for Elders

1. You know you’re from Montreal when… you find yourself explaining the difference between a dep and a corner store to your confused grandchildren.
2. I went to a great antique shop in Old Montreal yesterday. Found a vintage Expos jersey so old, it still had tears on it.
3. Montreal bagels are like good advice: They’re hard to come by outside the city, and you never realize how much you need them until they’re gone.
4. What do you call a line of cars trying to navigate Montreal construction? A game of bumper-to-bumper chess.
5. My doctor told me I need to get to Montreal faster… I guess I’ll have to take the Metro-boulot-dodo express.
6. Why did the Habs fan cross the road? Apparently, to complain about the other side.
7. Retirement in Montreal is great, except when you forget if you parked your car before or after they changed the street signs to French.
8. My grandson asked me if Montreal was bilingual. I told him, “Well, half the time it is, and the other half, it’s under construction.”
9. What’s the difference between Mount Royal and a teenager’s bedroom? Eventually, the mountain cleans itself up.
10. I told my grandkids I was going to a jazz club in Montreal. They said, “Wow, is it one of those speakeasies from the Roaring Twenties?” I said, “No, but it probably was around back then.”
11. You know winter is here in Montreal when… the only thing moving faster than the traffic is the snow removal budget.
12. Montreal is a city of festivals. We celebrate everything here, including the five minutes between potholes.
13. I took my dentures out for the first time in Montreal. The city looked exactly the same, just a bit blurry.
14. Why is Montreal like a good vintage wine? It just keeps getting better (and more expensive) with age.

Montreal Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

1. Someone asked me what language they speak in Montreal. I told them, “Montréal-ian, duh.”
2. What’s Montreal’s favorite type of bagel? A plain bagel dressed to the “Mont-real” 👌.
3. I tried to make a reservation at that new Montreal restaurant, “Au Pied de Cochon,” but they said they were booked solid. Guess I’ll have to “piggy” back on someone else’s reservation. 😉
4. Montreal is half French, half English… and 100% awesome. C’est vrai! 🇨🇦
5. My friend from Toronto told me Montreal bagels are overrated. I said, “Don’t be ridiculous! That’s “Mon-treal” blasphemy!” 🥯
6. What do you call a really cool person from Montreal? Mont-realistic. 😎
7. I’m so lost in this Montreal bagel shop, I can’t tell if it’s heaven or just a really good “knead-ery.” 🙏
8. Planning a trip to Montreal? Be sure to pack an umbrella… and a dictionary. You’ll be “au courant” in no time. ☔️
9. Just tried poutine for the first time in Montreal. I’m officially in “curd” with this city! 🍟
10. I’m starting a petition to rename Montreal to “Mont-reallyawesome.” Who’s with me? ✍️
11. Montreal is so romantic, even the potholes are filled with love…and probably some leftover poutine gravy. 💕
12. Just spent a week in Montreal and I’m already fluent in French… Canadian French, that is. “Je t’aime” poutine! ❤️
13. Montreal: Where the bagels are always fresh, the accents are charming, and the only thing more impressive than the architecture is the hockey fandom. Go Habs! 🏒

Montreal You Outta Here! Thanks for the Laugh-treal!

We hope these Montreal jokes and puns ‘Montréaled’ a smile to your face! If you’re still craving more laughter, be sure to explore the rest of our punny website – it’s absolutely ‘habi-ta-cool’!

Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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