107+ Secretary Jokes & Puns: You Can’t File These Away!
Get ready to chuckle, because we’ve got the best secretary jokes this side of the filing cabinet! 🗄️ This isn’t just a list of puns, it’s a collection of clever and funny quips that are perfect for kids and adults alike. So buckle up for some seriously side-splitting humor about the masters of organization and the keepers of the schedule! 😂
Top Secretary Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the secretary bring a ladder to work? Because she heard the job was high-stress and she wanted to be prepared to reach new heights! 🪜
- What’s the difference between a good secretary and a bad secretary? A bad secretary lets things pile up on her desk. A good secretary knows how to file under “D” for “Don’t Tell the Boss.” 🗄️
- My secretary just told me she is getting a new job… I didn’t even know we were hiring! 😂
- How do you know your new secretary is really organized? She color-codes her sticky notes based on the level of passive-aggression. 🌈
- A new secretary walks into her boss’s office and says, “I think I have a drinking problem.” The boss replies, “I don’t care about your personal life, just make sure it doesn’t affect your work.” The secretary smiles, “Oh good, because I can’t afford to buy any today!” 🍸
- Why was the secretary always exhausted? Because she was always running out of thyme! ⏰ 😅
- What does a secretary do when she’s cold? She pulls out her electric blanket – it’s a space heater! 😉
- A boss asks his new secretary, “Do you know shorthand?” She replies confidently, “I do, but I try to be discreet.” 😳
- What did the calendar say to the secretary? “Look, I know you’re busy, but can we just have a moment? I think we need to talk about our relationship.” 🗓️
- Why did the boss fire his dyslexic secretary? Because she kept scheduling his meetings for “Tuesday” instead of “Twoday!” 🤪
- How do you tell if your secretary is overworked? Her caffeine drip is connected directly to the company’s mainframe. ☕🖥️
- My secretary is so efficient, she can finish a crossword puzzle in ink… …and in someone else’s handwriting. ✍️
- What’s a secretary’s favorite font? Arial, because it’s always professional, but sometimes comes in bold! 😉
Clever Secretary Puns – Best Picks
- Why did the secretary bring a ladder to work? Because she wanted to climb the corporate ladder, one typo at a time!
- What do you call a secretary who’s always winning awards? An exec-utive assistant!
- How does a secretary make a tea? She gives it a minute-ing!
- I met a secretary who could finish any task before it was even assigned. Turns out, she was just really good at pre-emptive striking.
- My secretary is so organized, her filing system is classified. Literally, the government won’t let anyone see it.
- A secretary walks into a bar and orders a million drinks. The bartender raises an eyebrow and she replies, “One for me, and the rest are just cc’d to the table.”
- Being a secretary is a demanding job. You’re always expected to be memo-tivated!
- Never underestimate a secretary’s organizational skills. They can turn chaos into minutes… meeting minutes, that is!
- My friend tried to become a calendar year secretary, but it didn’t work out. Turns out, she was only qualified for April-May-June!
- Why did the computer go to the secretary? To get re-booted!
- My secretary claims she can speak fluent office. I asked for a demonstration, and she stapled some papers together and said, “That was easy-peasy, Japanesey.”
- I told my secretary I needed help with my time management. She said, “Sure thing, boss, what time do you want to start procrastinating tomorrow?”
- My secretary is a real font of knowledge. She knows Arial, Times New Roman, even Wingdings!
- I used to think my secretary was psychic, she knew exactly what I was thinking. Turns out, she was just reading my emails… again.
Funny Secretary One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Secretary Jokes
- I told the new secretary she was hired for her organizational skills… turns out, she just collects tiny wicker baskets.
- Being a secretary is a demanding job… mostly from the stapler.
- My secretary is fluent in sarcasm… I consider it her secretarial superpower.
- My secretary can type so fast, she could write a novel before the coffee gets cold… a very short novel.
- I asked my secretary what her greatest strength was, she said “I’m a very good listener.” Turns out, she meant for gossip.
- My secretary said she needed a raise because she was doing the work of three people… turns out, she was right. She was also the office plant and the coffee machine.
- My secretary is always complaining about being overworked… meanwhile, I caught her filing her nails with a Post-it note.
- I asked my secretary to take notes during the meeting, she said, “Don’t worry, I’ve got this memorized.” Turns out, she meant the entire script of “The Office.”
- You know you’re a secretary when “reply all” strikes fear into your very soul.
- My secretary is addicted to stationery… she even has a favorite stapler.
- I asked my secretary to take down a message. She wrote, “He said something about a meeting and then rambled about his cat for 20 minutes.” I think she nailed it.
- I’m pretty sure my secretary is secretly a superhero… she can handle anything I throw at her, from scheduling nightmares to printer meltdowns.
- My secretary is the most organized person I know… she even color-codes her sticky notes by mood.
- Apparently “knowing Excel like the back of your hand” doesn’t mean what I thought it did when I hired my secretary.
- Being a secretary is all about multitasking… answering the phone, typing emails, and discreetly hiding the boss’s online shopping from his wife.
Secretary QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Secretary
- Q: Why was the secretary always so organized? A: She had a filing cabinet for a heart and a Rolodex for a brain!
- Q: How can you tell a secretary wrote a Shakespearean play? A: All the sentences end with “as you like it.”
- Q: What’s a secretary’s favorite font? A: Times New Romaine. 😂
- Q: Why did the secretary bring a ladder to work? A: She wanted to climb the corporate ladder, one step at a time!
- Q: What did the stamp say to the secretary? A: “Stick with me, kid, and we’ll go places!”
- Q: Why did the secretary get fired from the calendar factory? A: She took too many days off!
- Q: Did you hear about the secretary who was also a psychic? A: She could take dictation before you even said it. 🔮
- Q: Where does a legal secretary go on vacation? A: The Bahama’s – that’s where the case files are kept! 😎
- Q: What do you call a secretary who works at a butcher shop? A: A cut above the rest!
- Q: Why did the secretary bring a toothbrush to the office? A: In case she needed to brush up on her skills!
- Q: What did the coffee say to the secretary? A: “Looking like you need a strong one today!”
- Q: What’s a secretary’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a good beat…for typing to! 🎧
- Q: Why do bosses like their coffee like they like their secretaries? A: Hot, strong, and always right there when they need them. ☕
- Q: What’s the difference between a secretary and a bullfighter? A: One takes notes, the other takes horns!
- Q: Why did the secretary quit her job at the bank? A: Frankly, she lost interest. 💰
Dad Jokes About Secretary: Pun-Filled Quips
- I told my son his new job as a secretary would be quite administrative… He said, “Dad, you’re so officious!”
- Why did the secretary bring a ladder to work? To reach the high filing cabinet!
- A secretary walks into a stationery store and asks for paper with watermarks…The clerk whispers, “That’s our little secretary.”
- My wife got a job as a school secretary. Now she’s got her own little ring of principals!
- You hear about the secretary who was constantly making mistakes? Turns out, her typing was error-ratic!
- Why did the secretary win an award? Because she was outstanding in her field!
- Why was the secretary always getting lost? She had no direction! Get it? Like her boss never gave her any?
- Being a secretary is a demanding job… They really make you work for every minute!
- My friend said being a secretary was a dead-end job… I told him that was a grave misconception!
- What do you call a secretary who can read minds? A secret weapon!
- Why don’t secretaries ever go hungry at work? Because they always keep a snackretary drawer!
- The secretary quit her job at the bank on her first day. Said it was too much interest for her!
- I used to date a legal secretary, but she filed a restraining order.
- How does a secretary make a tea? She lets it steep! Get it? Like a secretary… never mind.
Secretary Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the secretary bring a ladder to work? Because she heard the job was high-paying!
- What do you call a secretary who works for a beekeeper? A buzz-y body!
- Why did the computer get glasses? Because it took too long staring at the secretary’s screen!
- My dad said being a secretary is a piece of cake! Is that why he brings her donuts every day?
- What’s a secretary’s favorite game? Hide and seek-retary!
- What does a secretary do when a dinosaur enters the office? She types up a dino-mite memo!
- How does a secretary make a milkshake? With lots of secret ingredients!
- Why was the secretary so good at her job? Because she always kept things in order…alphabeti-cally!
- My little sister wants to be a secretary when she grows up. I told her to start practicing her “hold on a sec” voice now.
- Why did the secret agent go undercover as a secretary? He was trying to decode the office gossip!
- What’s a secretary’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat… to type to!
- Never tell a secretary a secret… they have a way of spreading the news bulletin-ly fast!
- What do you get if you cross a secretary and a potato? I don’t know, but it would be a great way to organize your spuds!
- Why don’t vampires like secretaries? They’re always trying to make them take blood tests!
- My teacher said a good secretary never leaves work unfinished. So when is bedtime again?
Secretary Jokes and Puns for Elders
- A CEO tells his secretary, “Get me the HR manager…and make it snappy!” She replies, “Dill-ivered.” (Plays on the dual meaning of “snappy” and a classic pickle brand for older audiences)
- Why did the secretary bring a ladder to work? Because she heard the corporate ladder was the only way to get a raise anymore! (A bitingly funny take on corporate stagnation)
- My secretary is like a fine wine… Sharp, a little dry, and knows how to handle an old cork. (A bit suggestive, but playfully so for a mature audience)
- I asked my secretary to throw out all the old files. Next thing you know, I’m being sued for wrongful termination. (Plays on the literal and legal meanings of “files”)
- The secretary walks into the boss’s office and says, “Sir, I have good news and bad news about your coffee.” Boss: “Give me the good news first.” Secretary: “It didn’t stain your shirt.” (Classic setup-punchline structure with a relatable office mishap)
- Retirement? Ha! My secretary retired years ago, she just keeps forgetting to tell me. (Witty observation on aging and work dynamics)
- What’s the difference between a good secretary and a bad secretary? Ten Thousand Dollars and a bottle of aspirin. (Implies headache-inducing bad secretaries)
- They don’t call them “Personal Assistants” anymore, do they? Guess that’s what happens when you ask them to pick up your dry cleaning too often. (Dryly comments on shifting workplace titles and expectations)
- My new secretary is very efficient. She can file paperwork, answer phones, and dodge passive-aggressive comments from my wife… all at the same time. (Relatable humor about spousal dynamics and office life)
- Why did the secretary bring a thesaurus to her performance review? She wanted to find synonyms for “underpaid” and “undervalued.” (Tongue-in-cheek commentary on workplace realities)
- A secretary tells her friend, “I think my boss is a mind reader.” Friend: “Really? How come?” Secretary: “Whenever I think, ‘This job is unbearable…’ he says, ‘You’re getting a raise!'” (Plays on the absurdity of expecting raises with only a thought)
- My doctor said I needed to find a way to reduce my stress levels. So I fired my secretary and hired a mime. Now my problems are exactly the same, but at least they’re entertaining. (Absurdist humor with a twist ending)
- You know you’re getting old when you remember when “cc” on a memo meant “carbon copy” and not “complaining constantly.” (Nostalgic humor about evolving office technology and senior colleagues)
Secretary Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Why did the secretary bring a ladder to work? Because she wanted to climb the corporate ladder! 🪜😂
- My secretary is always tired. I asked her why, she said: “It’s all the minute taking!” ⌚😴
- Just saw a job posting for a secretary who can type 60 words per minute. Sounds a bit slow, my phone can do that with predictive text! 📱🐌
- You know you’ve been a secretary for too long when: You automatically answer the phone with “This is a recorded line.” 🤖📞
- What’s the difference between a good secretary and a bad secretary? A good secretary says, “He’s in a meeting.” A bad secretary whispers, “He’s on another line.” 😉🤫
- I told my boss my secret to being a great secretary. He fired me… guess he didn’t want the competition! 😎🔥
- My therapist suggested I take up a relaxing hobby. So I started shredding. My old job as a secretary really prepped me for this! ✂️🧘♀️
- I wanted to be a secretary, but I couldn’t pass the staple-b-ility test. 🥺📌
- Heard they’re making a movie about the life of a secretary. Rumor has it, it’s going to be filed under “documentary.” 🎬😅
- Never underestimate a secretary. They control the calendar. And thus, the fate of humanity. 🗓️🌎💥
- Why did the secretary go to art school? She wanted to master the art of scheduling! 🎨📅
- My secretary just quit her job to become a drummer. She said she wanted to follow her rhythm… and she couldn’t stand the sound of my typing anymore! 🥁🙉
- Being a secretary is a lot like being a ninja. Except instead of throwing stars, you throw paperclips at your computer when it freezes. 🥷💻📎
- How do you know your secretary likes her job? When she tells you she has a “staple” income! 😌💰
That’s All, Folks! Time to File These Jokes Away.
We hope these secretary jokes and puns left you feeling as organized as a well-maintained filing cabinet. But don’t stop there! Explore the rest of our website for more hilarious puns and jokes that are sure to make you the life of the office…or at least get a chuckle out of your cubicle neighbor.
