92+ Cigar Jokes & Puns: You’ll Puff-itively Laugh!
Get ready to laugh your ashes off because this post is devoted to the best cigar jokes and puns! 😂 We’ve got a whole list of cigar humor so clever, it’s almost criminal. Don’t worry, these jokes are totally PG – perfect for kids and adults who want to enjoy some good, clean fun. So sit back, light up a good chuckle (not a real cigar, kids!), and get ready for some pun-derful entertainment. 😉 💨
Top Cigar Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the cigar quit his job? Because he was always getting burned out!
- I tried to light up a cigar underwater yesterday… I just couldn’t get the buoy-ant!
- What do you get if you cross a cigar and a clock? A time to smoke!
- Why don’t they allow cigars at the bank? They’re afraid someone will roll up a joint account!
- You know a cigar is high quality when… it tells you its life story before going up in smoke.
- I only smoke expensive cigars. My therapist says it’s a coping mechanism… an ex-pensive one at that!
- My doctor told me to choose between my wife and cigars. Tough choice, but someone had to take out the trash.
- What’s a cigar’s favorite genre of music? Anything with a good beat… and ash!
- A guy walks into a store and asks for a cigar with a really long ash. The clerk says, “Sounds like you want a ‘wait for it’ cigar, sir!”
- Why did the cigar get invited to all the parties? He was known to be quite the light-up!
- I used to think all cigars tasted the same… Then I found my ash-tonishing palate!
- What’s a cigar’s favorite movie? “Gone with the Wind”! (But only the lighter scenes).
- I wanted to open a cigar shop called “The Smokin’ Gun,” but my lawyer advised me it might send the wrong message.
- Never ask a cigar for advice. They’re usually short, blunt, and end up in ashes.
Clever Cigar Puns – Best Picks
- Looking for a cigar with a real kick? Ask for the “Nicotine Nine-millimeter.” 💨
- I tried writing a song about a cigar…turned out to be a real slow jam. 🎶
- Cigars are like fine wine; they get better with age. Too bad they don’t have the shelf life for it. 🍷
- My friend said his therapist recommended cigars for stress relief. Seems like unsound advice. 🩺
- Why did the cigar break up with the cigarette? Because she was always trying to “butt” in! 💔
- Don’t ask me why, but I just saw a cigar trying to join a yoga class. Guess it wanted to improve its ash-tra flexibility!🧘♀️
- My grandpa says a good cigar is like a good story: full of rich characters, a captivating aroma, and an ending that leaves you wanting more…or less coughing. 👴
- Heard a rumor about a cigar factory opening on the moon. They’re calling it “Space-Stogies!” 🚀
- You know you’re a true cigar aficionado when you can identify a vintage just by its ash. 😎
- What do you call a cigar that’s always getting into trouble? A stogie-al character! 😈
- Never ask a cigar for advice. It’ll always be biased toward ashing over thinking. 🤔
- My friend named his pet parrot “Cigar.” Now, every time someone lights up, he yells, “Polly want a puff!” 🦜
- Used to be addicted to cigars, but I quit cold turkey. Well, cold tobacco anyway. 🦃
- I told my doctor I only smoke one cigar a day. He said, “That’s like saying you only rob one bank a day!” I think he might be exaggerating…slightly. 🏦
- They say cigars are bad for your health. But hey, at least you look cool holding onto something that’s slowly killing you. 😎💀 (Disclaimer: Please don’t actually think this!)
Funny Cigar One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Cigar Jokes
- My friend said his New Year’s resolution was to quit smoking cigars cold turkey. I told him to start with the wings.
- What’s a cigar’s favorite dance? The tango.
- Cigars are like bad habits, they’re hard to stub out.
- I’m writing a children’s book about cigars. It’s called “Goodnight, Stogie.”
- Why did the cigar get kicked out of the bar? He kept asking for a light.
- I tried to explain to my dog why I love cigars so much. He just sat there looking at me with a lit-up tail.
- You know you’ve been smoking too many cigars when your wife leaves a humidor on the porch.
- My therapist told me to find something relaxing to do. Now I spend my days in a smoke-filled room with a stogie in my mouth. Thanks, Doc!
- Life is like a cigar, if you don’t inhale, you’re just holding onto the ashes.
- What do you get when you cross a cigar and a clock? Time to light another one.
- A cigar is just a collection of fine tobacco rolled in its finest hour.
- I’m on a seafood diet. Whenever I see food, I light up a cigar.
- My wife hates it when I smoke indoors, so I have to go outside to “mow the lawn” pretty often.
Cigar QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Cigar
- Q: What did the cigar say to the lighter after a long day? A: “Hey, wanna spark something up?”
- Q: Why did the cigar get sent to his room? A: He was being too blunt.
- Q: What do you call a cigar that thinks it’s better than everyone else? A: A puff-erior cigar.
- Q: What’s a cigar’s favorite genre of music? A: Anything but the blues.
- Q: How do you find a missing cigar? A: Follow your nose… or the trail of smoke signals.
- Q: Why did the cigar cross the road? A: It was tired of being lit up.
- Q: What do you call a cigar that’s always getting into trouble? A: A real firecracker.
- Q: What’s a cigar’s favorite type of car? A: A convertible… for obvious reasons.
- Q: Where do cigars go to relax? A: The ash-pram.
- Q: Why are cigars such good listeners? A: They’re always willing to lend an ear.
- Q: What’s the most expensive kind of cigar? A: A confiscated one – you could get fined!
- Q: Did you hear about the cigar who became a comedian? A: He was always burning the house down!
- Q: Why don’t they allow cigars at poker games anymore? A: Too many players were raising the stakes.
- Q: What happens when a cigar gets stressed? A: It goes up in smoke.
- Q: What did the cigar say to the match? A: “We make a great pair – you strike me as someone special.”
Dad Jokes About Cigar: Pun-Filled Quips
- I tried to buy a camouflage cigar the other day… but I couldn’t find one!
- I told my friend his cigar smoke was really getting on my nerves. He said, “That’s funny, I’m smoking a Cuban!”
- Why did the cigar quit its job? It was too burned out.
- My doctor told me I need to take up cigars for my health. Guess I’m going to Cuba!
- I wanted to open a cigar shop called “The Ash-letica” but people told me it was a terrible business model.
- What do you get when you cross a cigar and a clock? Time to buy another cigar!
- Someone stole my favorite cigar case. Now I’m really feeling the burn.
- You know what they say… a good cigar is like a good friend – hard to find and even harder to put down!
- My wife caught me hiding a cigar in the garden. I tried to play it cool, but she could see right through my smoke screen.
- Bought myself a cigar lighter shaped like a pistol. I guess you could say I’m really armed and dangerous now.
- I tried to explain to my son that cigars are a luxury, not a necessity. He looked at me and said, “Then why is it called a humidor and not a want-idor?”
- Just bought a cigar that cost $50. It was delicious, but now I’m feeling a little bit lighter in the wallet.
- I used to think cigars were addictive, but then I put one down.
- What’s a cigar’s favorite dance move? The “ash” can-can!
Cigar Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the cigar go to the doctor? It was feeling a little burned out!
- What did the baby cigar say to his dad? “Hey Pa, can you light up my life?”
- Why did the cigar get in trouble at school? It kept ash-king for permission to leave!
- What’s a cigar’s favorite dance move? The “ash” and grab!
- What do you get if you cross a cigar with a grumpy cat? A hiss-terical smoke!
- What position do cigars play in baseball? Catcher, because they’re always behind the plate!
- Why don’t cigars ever win races? They’re always too slow-burning!
- My friend said he collects cigars from all over the world. He’s got a whole humidor-full!
- Why did the cigar cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken! (Even though he kind of looks like one!)
- I tried to cut a cigar in half… but I just couldn’t cut it!
- What did the ocean say to the cigar? Nothing, it just waved!
- What musical instrument do cigars play? The tuba-cco!
- Where do sick cigars go? To the ash-pital!
Cigar Jokes and Puns for Elders
- My doctor told me to take up a relaxing hobby… so I started collecting vintage lighters. Turns out, he meant without the cigars.
- Why don’t they allow cigars at antique auctions anymore? Because the bidding gets too “lit”.
- I used to think cigars were a sign of success… then I realized they were just a way to burn money more slowly.
- You know you’re getting old when “lighting up” means something very different than it did in your 20s.
- My wife says I love my cigars more than her. Well, at least someone appreciates a good long ash.
- Retirement is great: You can finally afford a good cigar…and you finally have the time to fully enjoy it…before forgetting why you lit it in the first place.
- They say smoking is bad for your health. But look at Winston Churchill: drank like a fish, smoked like a chimney, and lived to be 90. Then again, imagine how long he’d have lived if he was healthy!
- Someone stole my Cuban cigars! I’m putting up wanted posters – the suspect is smooth-talking, has excellent taste, and probably knows me pretty well.
- My doctor told me I need to quit cold turkey… then he saw the price of my cigars and said, “Let’s start with cutting back.”
- I tried switching to electronic cigars… They just don’t have the same ring to them.
- Used to have a cigar cutter shaped like Freud… Turns out, it was just another oral fixation.
- Never ask a man why he enjoys cigars. The answer is always the same: “Because, sometimes, silence is golden, and smoke makes everything look cooler.”
Cigar Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw a guy light his cigar with a hundred dollar bill. I thought, “Now that’s just burning money.” Then I remembered what I paid for this stogie. 💨💸
- My therapist told me to avoid stressful situations… So I quit my job and now smoke cigars by the beach. It’s called self-care, look it up. 😎🌴
- What does a ghost smoke after dinner? A cigar-ette apparition. 👻💨
- You know you’re a true cigar aficionado when… your “essential oils” collection is actually just cedarwood for humidifying. 🪵👃
- My friend tried to convince me that cigars are good for the environment. He said they’re all-natural and biodegradable. I think he was just blowing smoke. 💨🤨
- What’s a cigar’s favorite genre of music? Blues. 🎶😂
- I tried to pay for my cigar with a poem. The cashier said, “Sorry, cash only.” I guess he wasn’t a fan of spoken word. 🎤🚫
- My doctor told me to cut back on the cigars. So I bought a guillotine cutter. Problem solved! 😎🔪
- What do you call a cigar that’s always getting into trouble? A loose cannon! 💣💥
- Just bought a vintage lighter off eBay for my cigars. Turns out it was previously owned by Freud. Now that’s what I call a Freudian slip! 😂🔥
- Why did the cigar break up with the cigarette? Because they couldn’t see eye to eye! 😏💔
- I’m starting a cigar club. We’ll meet once a week, discuss life, and enjoy a good smoke. Membership fees? We’ll burn that bridge when we get there. 😎🔥
- My wife hates it when I smoke cigars in the house. But I told her, “Honey, it’s just the aroma of my success.” She made me sleep outside anyway. 🤷♂️💨
- They say smoking cigars shortens your life. But let’s be honest, it probably just feels longer because you’re enjoying it. 😄⏳
Smoke That’s All, Folks! 💨😂
We hope these cigar puns and jokes haven’t gone up in smoke! If you’re still looking for a good chuckle, leaf through the rest of our punny website. We’ve got more jokes than you can shake a stick at, and they’re all guaranteed to be absolutely ash-tonishing!
