109+ Cigarette Jokes & Puns: You’ll Be Fuming With Laughter

ByRabia Noreen & Team

Ahoy there, fellow pun pirates! 🏴‍☠️ Get ready to plunder a treasure chest overflowing with the best cigarette jokes and puns this side of the smoke signal. 🔥 We’ve got a whole list of clever quips and funny wordplay – don’t worry, they’re clean enough for kids! 😂 So grab your imaginary lighters (because real ones are dangerous, kids! 🔥🚫) and get ready for some humor that’s smokin’! 😉

Top Cigarette Jokes – Best Picks

  1. Why don’t cigarettes ever win in a fight? Because they’re always getting lit up!
  2. What did the lighter say to the cigarette after a bad date? “We clearly don’t have any spark.”
  3. I saw a cigarette smoking a cigarette the other day. I said, “Hey, take it easy! One puff at a time!”
  4. What’s a cigarette’s favorite genre of music? Anything with a good beat… because they always go up in smoke!
  5. Why did the cigarette cross the road? It was trying to quit cold turkey.
  6. My friend tried to tell me cigarettes are good for stress relief. I told him, “Don’t get sucked into that!”
  7. You know you’re a smoker when… …your New Year’s resolution is measured in packs.
  8. Why are cigarettes always broke? They burn through all their money!
  9. My doctor told me to quit smoking. So I switched doctors. Now everyone’s happy!
  10. A guy walks into a library looking for books on quitting smoking. The librarian whispers, “They’re right over there… in the self-help section.”
  11. What do you call a cigarette that’s been working out? A light smoker!
  12. Why was the cigarette always invited to parties? Because it knew how to break the ice!
  13. I used to be addicted to cigarettes, but then I quit. Now, I can’t go a single day without thinking about them… and a pack of gummy bears.
  14. My friend said he finally understands why cigarettes are bad for him. I said, “Oh yeah, why’s that?” He replied, “Because they’re killing me!”
  15. What did the cigarette say to the fire? “We really need to quit seeing each other, it’s getting too heated.”
Ultimate collection of Best Cigarette Jokes and Puns, One-liners, Dad Jokes, Funny Quotes, and Captions - Discover engaging and humorous content at PunnyHub.com

Clever Cigarette Puns – Best Picks

  1. Why did the cigarette go to school? To get a lighter workload.
  2. I’m starting a new band called “Cigarette Break.” Our first single is called “Ash My How I Feel.”
  3. What do you call a cigarette that’s always getting into trouble? A real butt.
  4. You know you’re a smoker when… you find a pack of cigarettes in the laundry and think you hit the jackpot.
  5. My friend tried to tell me smoking is a one-way ticket to the pearly gates. I told him that’s ash-inine.
  6. I used to be addicted to cigarettes. Then I met my soulmate. Now we’re both lighter together.
  7. What’s a smoker’s favorite movie genre? Film Noir.
  8. What’s a cigarette’s favorite dance move? The butt twist.
  9. A cigarette walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a no smoking policy!” The cigarette replies, “Don’t worry, I’m just here for the filter-tation.”
  10. My dad quit smoking cold turkey. Now he’s a quitter and a vegan.
  11. They say cigarettes are bad for your health. That’s why I only smoke the ones with filtered water.
  12. I saw a guy selling discount cigarettes out of his car. I asked him, “What’s the catch?” He said, “Just the lighter.”
  13. Why are cigarettes so expensive? Because they know you’re hooked.
  14. Life is like a pack of cigarettes… If you don’t have a lighter, you’ll always be bumming from someone else.

Funny Cigarette One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Cigarette Jokes

  1. My friend said quitting cigarettes is easy, he’s done it hundreds of times!
  2. Cigarettes are like bad relationships; they’re addictive, bad for you, and you keep going back for more even though you know better.
  3. I’m writing a book about the dangers of smoking… it’s a real page-turner.
  4. You know you’re a smoker when you think “butt dial” is about ashes.
  5. My grandpa started smoking after the doctor told him to pick a vice… He chose poorly.
  6. I saw a guy smoking a cigarette with a nicotine patch on… Talk about commitment issues!
  7. I saw a pack of cigarettes in the park, taped to a sign that said “Free.” I thought, “That’s too good to be true!” And it was… Turns out it was just a bunch of old filters.
  8. Cigarettes are like love letters to your lungs, but they’re written in smoke and ashes.
  9. My doctor told me I need to quit smoking cold turkey. So, I bought a parka for my lunch meat.
  10. My friend said he quit smoking because it’s bad for his health… Turns out, it’s also bad for his wallet.
  11. What do you call a cigarette that’s always bumming around? A mooch-a-roo.
  12. I tried to light a cigarette in the rain, but I only succeeded in making an ash of myself. Bonus Pun: I’m starting a band called “The Cigarettes.” We’re going to be really popular until we burn out.

Cigarette QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Cigarette

  1. Q: Why did the cigarette go to art school? A: It wanted to be a fine art-object!
  2. Q: What did the lighter say to the cigarette after a bad date? A: “We clearly don’t have a spark.”
  3. Q: What do you call a cigarette that just can’t tell a lie? A: A truth-a-rette!
  4. Q: Why did the cigarette get bad grades in school? A: It was always getting smoked!
  5. Q: What’s a cigarette’s favorite genre of music? A: Anything with a good beat… because it gets smoked to it!
  6. Q: What did the doctor say to the patient who refused to quit smoking? A: “That cough is really starting to ring a bell…”
  7. Q: Why do cigarettes always lose in fights? A: They’re easily extinguished!
  8. Q: What did the cigarette say to the lighter during their wedding vows? A: “We were made for each other, even if it’s a short-lived flame.”
  9. Q: Why was the cigarette always invited to bonfire parties? A: It knew how to get the party lit!
  10. Q: Why are cigarettes so expensive? A: They’ve been known to cost an arm and a lung!
  11. Q: What do you call a cigarette that’s trying to quit? A: A patch-a-rette!
  12. Q: Why did the cigarette cross the road? A: It was trying to prove it wasn’t chicken! (But seriously, don’t smoke. It’s harmful.)
  13. Q: How do cigarettes travel? A: They usually fly through the air… after being flicked!
  14. Q: What did the cigarette say to the therapist? A: “I think I’m addicted to love… or at least to lighters!”
  15. Q: What do you get when you cross a cigarette and a porcupine? A: I don’t know, but I wouldn’t try to light it!

Dad Jokes About Cigarette: Pun-Filled Quips

  1. I thought about quitting smoking by ripping the last cigarette in my pack in half. Turns out, I was just putting it back together piece by piece.
  2. They say smoking makes you look older. On the bright side, I buy my cigarettes with an ID that says I’m 85.
  3. What’s worse than offering someone a cigarette when they’re trying to quit? Offering them a light.
  4. I used to smoke after my jogs. I figured, why have one thing shortening my life when I can have two?
  5. This new brand of cigarettes claims it reduces stress. They’re called “Relax.” Now, if I could just remember where I left them…
  6. They say you can use a lighter to start a fire. Guess they’ve never met my friend who’s trying to quit smoking.
  7. Why are cigarettes always getting into trouble? Because they’re always getting lit.
  8. Cigarettes are like bad relationships. They start with a spark, burn you halfway through, and leave you ashed in the end.
  9. Why did the cigarette get a parking ticket? It was parked in the “No Smoking” zone.
  10. A guy told me his cigarette is like a good employee. I said, “How so?” He said, “It takes short breaks.”
  11. What do you call a cigarette that’s always optimistic? A light at the end of the tunnel.
  12. Bought my friend a lighter for his birthday. It’s okay, he can still use it if he quits. He can always light my cigarette.
  13. My friend said he quit smoking cold turkey. I asked him, “What’s the beak way to do it?”

Cigarette Jokes and Puns for Kids

    Cigarette Jokes and Puns for Elders

    1. My doctor told me I need to take up a hobby to relieve stress… So, I started collecting vintage cigarette lighters. It’s lit!
    2. Why did the old pack of cigarettes blush? It saw the lighter fluid.
    3. You know you’re getting old when… You need a fire extinguisher to light your birthday candles AND your cigarette.
    4. What’s a smoker’s favorite type of music? Anything with a lighter tempo.
    5. My grandpa says cigarettes were his only vice… Except for that time he ran off with a showgirl named “Virginia Slim.”
    6. Why don’t they offer group therapy for nicotine patches? They’re afraid it would be too much of a patch-work solution.
    7. I used to think my memory was getting bad… Then I remembered I quit smoking years ago! Now, where did I put my glasses?
    8. Cigarette: Proof that even if you’re bad to the core, you can still have a filter.
    9. Dating a chain smoker is like playing Russian roulette… You never know which drag will be the last.
    10. My retirement plan is just like a lit cigarette… Burning away quickly and leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
    11. What do you call a cigarette that’s always optimistic? A “light” at the end of the tunnel.
    12. I’m writing a book about the dangers of smoking… It’s a real page-turner.
    13. They say smoking makes you look cool… But honestly, I think it just makes you look “ash-phalt.”

    Cigarette Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media

    1. My friend said his New Year’s resolution is to quit smoking cold turkey. I told him to go for it, more leftovers for me! 🍗😎
    2. Why did the cigarette get arrested? It got caught carrying a lighter! 🔥👮‍♂️
    3. My friend tried to light his cigarette with a laser pointer. He was told to quit smoking beams. 😂 lasers
    4. A cigarette walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a ‘no smoking’ policy. You’ll have to put that out.” The cigarette replies, “Don’t worry, I’m here to quit.” 😉🚬
    5. You know a cigarette is bad for you when… it comes with a surgeon general’s warning and its own Instagram filter for the photos people take while smoking it. 🤪📸
    6. I’m writing a children’s book about a talking cigarette. It’s called “A Light Read.” 📖✨
    7. My friend said quitting smoking is like falling in love. You have to find the right one to make you actually quit. 🤔❤️‍🔥
    8. Why are cigarettes always invited to parties? Because they’re good at breaking the ice! 🎉🧊
    9. I saw a cigarette lighter arguing with a match. I thought, “Wow, that’s a heated debate!” 🔥😠
    10. What’s a cigarette’s favorite genre of music? Blues…because they’re always feeling the burn. 🎶😔
    11. A guy walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, you gotta help me, I think I’m a cigarette.” The doctor replies, “Just take a seat and relax… You’re smoking!” 🤣💨
    12. Why don’t cigarettes ever win arguments? They always lose their butts. 😂😭
    13. Life is like a pack of cigarettes: Totally pointless, and you’ll die slowly regretting it. (Just kidding, stay healthy folks!) 😉✌️

    That’s a Wrap! Butt These Puns Will Linger.

    Well, smokers and jokers, that’s our roundup of the funniest cigarette jokes this side of a Surgeon General’s warning! We hope you found these puns more satisfying than a fresh pack. If you’re craving more laughs, don’t extinguish the fun just yet! Light up your browser and explore the rest of our punny website for jokes hotter than a lit cigarette. Remember, laughter may not be the best medicine, but it’s definitely the most fun. 😉

    Rabia Noreen & Team

    Rabia Noreen: The Punnovator

    Hi, I'm Rabia, the lead punster behind PunnyHub.com, alongside my incredible team. With a background in Comparative Literature, I specialize in turning phrases and crafting chuckles. My team and I are committed to delivering humor that not only entertains but enlightens. Every post we share is designed to sprinkle your day with laughter and a dash of wit. Find your Best Puns & Jokes.

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