145+ Bagel Jokes & Puns: You’ll Lox These!
Get ready to kNEAD some laughter in your life! 😂 This is it, the ultimate list of the best bagel puns and jokes about our favorite circular bread! 🥯 We’ve got humor so on-point it’s off the charts, with puns so clever they’ll make you roll your eyes (but secretly smile). 😉 Whether you’re a kid or a kid at heart, this list of bagel jokes is guaranteed to spread some positive vibes. Get ready to chuckle, chortle, and maybe even snort with laughter! 😄
Top ‘Bagel Jokes’ – Best Picks
- Why did the bagel break up with the plain loaf of bread? Because he felt like she was too bread-ictable!
- What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat!
- Why don’t bagels make good secret agents? Because they crumble under pressure!
- What do you call a bagel that likes to fight? A rye-val!
- How did the bagel know he made it big? He got his own spread in the newspaper!
- Why did the bagel get fired from his job at the bank? He kept loaving around on the job!
- What does a philosophical bagel wonder? Is there rye after life?
- How did the bagel win the lottery? He got all the right numbers!
- Why are bagels so good at poker? They always have an ace up their sleeve (or hole)!
- What’s a bagel’s favorite kind of car? A convertible!
- Why did the bagel cross the road? To get to the other tide (side)!
- What did the bagel say to cheer up his friend? Don’t worry, be poppy!
- You know, my grandfather was a baker… He made history, one bagel at a time.
- Why is it so hard to trust bagels? They’re always bread for trouble!
- What’s a bagel’s least favorite movie? Grease!
- What do you call a bagel who’s always in a hurry? A fasting bagel!
- Did you hear about the bagel who became a stand-up comedian? He was always on a roll!
- Why did the bagel go to the doctor? He was feeling a little crusty!
- What did the judge say to the bagel in court? “You’ve been bread-ed your rights!”
Clever ‘Bagel Puns’ – Best Picks
- Feeling stressed? You knead a bagel and a good lie down.
- What’s a bagel’s favorite genre of music? Anything poppy seed.
- You’re looking sharp today! Did you get a fresh bagel haircut?
- That bagel really tied the brunch together, dude.
- Don’t be shellfish, share some of your bagel and lox!
- Life is like a bagel, you gotta take the bitter with the schmear.
- I’m on a low-carb diet. Can I just have the hole of the bagel?
- What’s a bagel’s favorite dance move? The dough-nut.
- Did you hear about the bagel who won an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- I went to a bagel store called “The Hole Truth.” They weren’t lying, their bagels were amazing!
- What did the bagel say to the cream cheese? “Let’s get this bread.”
- Why did the bagel break up with the plain croissant? Because he said she was too buttery.
- I only eat my bagels toasted. I like them well-bread.
- Excuse me, waiter? There’s a fly in my soup. Oh, and can I get another bagel, he looks hungry.
- I’d tell you another bagel pun, but I wouldn’t want to bore you with the details.
- Did you hear about the bagel who became a lawyer? He could really chew someone out!
- What do you call a bagel who’s always getting into trouble? A bad seed.
Funny ‘Bagel One-Liner Jokes’ – Short & Funny Bagel Jokes
- Did you hear about the bagel who joined the circus? He ran away from the bread and butter.
- My friend said he wanted his bagel “plain and simple.” I told him that was my bread and butter.
- You know, the hardest thing about making a bagel is the hole thing.
- I went to a bagel shop and asked for a sesame seed bagel. They said, “Sure, seed you want one!”
- What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat.
- A bagel walked into a bar. The bartender said, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
- My friend says he can make a bagel disappear. I told him, “Show me the dough!”
- Why did the bagel break up with the donut? He said she was too glazed over.
- I tried to make a bagel sculpture, but it was half-baked.
- What do you call a bagel that’s always getting into trouble? A bad seed.
- Never tell a secret in a bagel shop. The walls have ears… and they’re filled with cream cheese!
- Why did the bagel cross the road? He was feeling a little crummy.
- A bagel and a donut walk into a library. The librarian says, “Shhh, this is a place for quiet muffin-ing!”
- My love for you is like a bagel: perfectly round and full of potential.
- I’ve got 99 problems, but a bagel with cream cheese ain’t one.
- I went to a bagel shop that was so exclusive, it was invite-only. I guess you could say it was the hole-y grail of bagel shops.
- Life is like a bagel. You have to fill it with the good stuff.
Bagel QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Bagel
- Q: Why did the bagel go to the beach? A: To get a little toasty.
- Q: What’s a bagel’s favorite genre of music? A: Anything poppy seed-rock!
- Q: What’s a bagel’s favorite dance move? A: The dough-nut!
- Q: Why did the bagel break up with the croissant? A: They said they needed some space.
- Q: How do bagels say “I love you”? A: With a schmear, of course!
- Q: Why was the bagel always invited to parties? A: He was considered the life of the schmear.
- Q: What do you call a bagel that’s always getting into trouble? A: A real bad seed.
- Q: Why did the bagel cross the road? A: He was feeling crummy on the inside.
- Q: What’s the most confusing type of bagel? A: A plain bagel. It’s clearly conflicted.
- Q: Why don’t bagels like to share? A: They’re hole- hogs!
- Q: What did the upset bagel say to the baker? A: “You really let me down!”
- Q: What do you call a bagel that loves to travel? A: A globe-trotter!
- Q: What’s a bagel’s favorite sport? A: Open-faced tennis, obviously.
- Q: What do you get when you cross a bagel with a ghost? A: I don’t know, but it’s sure to give you a fright!
- Q: Why did the baker make the bagel cry? A: He told him he was “kneady”!
- Q: What did the bagel say to the coffee? A: “Looking hot today!”
- Q: How did the bagel pass his driving test? A: He aced the roll!
- Q: What’s a bagel’s favorite kind of boat? A: A sail-boat, of course!
- Q: What do you call a bagel that’s been framed for a crime? A: A poppy seed suspect!
- Q: What did the grateful bagel say to the toaster? A: “Thanks for always brightening my day!”
Dad Jokes About Bagel: Pun-Filled Quips
- Why did the bagel go to the bank? To get some cream cheese! 🍞💰
- Hey, did you hear about the bagel who married the donut? Yeah, it was a hole-y union! 🍩💍
- I tried to explain to my bagel what a calorie was… But it seemed like it went in one ear and out the other. 🤷♂️🥯
- Why don’t they allow bagels in school? They’re afraid they’ll get toasted in a fire drill! 🏫🔥
- What do you call a bagel that can fly? A plain bagel! (Plane bagel) ✈️🥯
- My wife told me to take the bagels out of the freezer so they could thaw. I told her, “No way, I want my bagels fresh!” 🥶🥯
- Why is it so hard to trust atoms? Because they make up everything, even bagels! ⚛️🥯
- I told my dad I was craving a bagel, so he threw one at me. I guess you could say he’s got good buns… and aim! 🥯🎯
- What kind of bagel do they serve at the circus? A clownin’ bagel! 🤡🥯
- What’s a bagel’s favorite kind of music? Anything with a good beat! 🎶🥯
- My kid asked me how bagels are made. I told him, “I don’t know, it’s knead to know information.” 🤫🥯
- Why did the police officer ticket the bagel? He was driving in a rye-way zone! 🚓🥯
- I tried to explain to my friend how to make a bagel, but he was getting impatient. I told him, “Hey, Rome wasn’t bread in a day!” 🥯🥖
- What did the sourdough bagel say to the plain bagel? “You seem a little flat today.” 😐🥯
- What’s the most popular type of bagel in Transylvania? A cinnamon raisin bagel with extra cream shrieks! 🧛♂️🥯
- I wanted to organize a bagel-themed party, but it was too much work. I guess you could say it was a half-baked idea. 🎉🥯
- I used to work at a bagel shop, but I quit. Turns out, I wasn’t cut out for that kind of dough! 🤑🥯
Bagel Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the bagel go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
- What do you call a bagel that likes to swim? A plain bagel!
- What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat!
- Why don’t bagels make good secret agents? Because they always get toasted!
- What does a bagel wear to a fancy party? A sesame seed tuxedo!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bagel. Bagel who? Bagel your pardon, can I come in?
- What did the grumpy bagel say to the toaster? “Don’t even look at me!”
- Why did the bagel cross the road? It was feeling bready for an adventure!
- What did the bagel say to the cream cheese? “Hey, wanna get spread out this weekend?”
- What’s a bagel’s favorite game to play? Hide and seek-ret ingredient!
- Why did the bagel get in trouble at school? It kept raising the bar!
- Why was the bagel blushing? It saw the salad dressing!
- What do you call a bagel that loves to exercise? A fit-ness bagel!
- Why did the bagel get a job at the bank? It was good with dough!
- What do you get if you cross a bagel and a cat? I don’t know, but it would probably knead a lot of attention!
- What’s a bagel’s favorite kind of tree? A beech tree!
- What happens when a bagel gets married? It goes on a honey-walnut-moon!
- What’s a bagel’s favorite sport? Open-face racing!
- Why did the bagel get sent to his room? He was being too crumby!
Bagel Jokes and Puns for Adults
- Why did the bagel break up with the plain croissant? Because he said she was “too dough-matic” for him.
- A baker started a dating app just for bagels. It’s called “Plenty of Schmear.”
- You know, my therapist told me to picture my problems as bagels. Now, I have a craving for a solution with cream cheese.
- I tried to explain to my date that I’m gluten-tolerant, not gluten-obsessed. She didn’t get it until I devoured my fourth bagel.
- My friend said his New Year’s resolution was to give up carbs. I told him, “Don’t worry, you’ll rise to the occasion eventually.”
- What’s a bagel’s favorite genre of music? Anything with a good schmear.
- I went to a bagel shop that only accepts cryptocurrency. They said, “We only take Bitcoin, Ethereum, or Dough.”
- A bagel walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
- My roommate tried to make bagels from scratch this morning. Let’s just say, it was a yeast of his abilities.
- What do you call a bagel that’s always getting into trouble? A bad seed.
- Why did the bagel get fired from its job at the bank? It kept taking too many poppy seeds-ional breaks.
- I told my date I make a mean bagel pizza. Turns out, I was just bread-crumbing her.
- I saw a sign that said “Gluten-Free Bagels.” I thought, “What’s the point? That’s just a breadcrumb with commitment issues.”
- My love life is like a day-old bagel: a little dry and no one really wants it.
- A bagel and a donut walk into a bar… The bartender says, “I’m surprised you two are seen together. Aren’t you on different sides of the spectrum?”
- You know you’ve hit peak adulthood when you get genuinely excited about a sale on bagels.
- I walked into a bagel shop and asked for a “bagel with a schmear.” The cashier said, “Sir, this is a library.”
- How do bagels say goodbye? They say, “See you later, dough-nut!”
- What’s a bagel’s favorite pickup line? “Hey there, are you feeling toasted?”
Bagel Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Other Social Media
- Why don’t bagels make good secret agents? Because they always get toasted! 🍞🕵️♀️
- I tried to make a bagel tower… …It was a crumby experience. 🥯🏗️😩
- Just saw a bagel driving a race car. Must have been a gluten for punishment. 🏎️🥯💀
- You know what’s worse than a bad bagel? Donut even get me started. 🍩😠
- What’s a bagel’s favorite genre of music? Anything with a good beat… and schmear! 🎧🥯🎶
- Did you hear about the bagel who won an award? It was truly outstanding in its field. 🏆🥯🥇
- My friend said he wanted a bagel with nothing on it. I told him to live a little! 🥯🧂🙅♂️
- Why are bagels so humble? They never rise to the occasion. 🥯🧘♂️
- Why are bagels so gossipy? They always seem to know the latest schmear campaign. 🗣️🥯🤫
- Bagel to therapist: “I feel like everyone takes a piece of me.” 🥯😥
- What do you call a bagel that’s always in trouble? A sourdough loser! 😈🥯
- My love for bagels is like a bottomless pit… …Always room for just one more. 😍🥯🤤
- I wanted to open a bagel shop… …But I couldn’t think of a good name. Any ideas? 🤔🥯💡
- What did the bagel say to the cream cheese? “Hey, let’s get this bread!” 🥯🧀👫
- Never tell a bagel a secret… …They’re known to be hole-y terrors! 🤫🥯🗣️
- Life is like a bagel… It’s what you put on it that counts. ✨🥯
- Did you hear about the bagel who broke up with the croissant? He said he needed some space. 🥐🥯💔
- I went to a bagel party last night… …It was pretty lit, dough. 🔥🥯🎉
That’s All, Folks! Don’t Let Your Love for Bagel Jokes Get Dough-jo.
We’re proof that bagel puns aren’t just a schmear campaign! If you’re still hungry for laughs, don’t worry, our website is fully stocked with pun-derful jokes. Explore and get your daily dose of humor, we promise it’s knead-to-know information.
