98+ One-Liners: Jokes & Puns About “One”
Get ready to laugh your socks off, because we’ve got the best 😂 collection of “one” jokes this side of the internet! 🎉 This list of puns and funny quips about everyone’s favorite number is perfect for kids and adults alike. Get ready for some seriously clever 🧠 humor — we’re not lion when we say these jokes are absolutely one-derful! 😉
Top One Jokes – Best Picks
- Why is the number one always getting into trouble? Because it’s odd.
- What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
- Why was the equal sign so humble? They knew they weren’t less than or greater than anyone else.
- I used to hate facial hair… but then it grew on me.
- I put my phone in airplane mode, but it didn’t fly! I guess it’s just plane wrong.
- You know what they say about cliffhangers…? Never mind.
- I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- I want to name my puppies Rolex and Timex so I can have watch dogs.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere.
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
Clever One Puns – Best Picks
- Feeling lonely? Just remember, you’re one in a melon! 🍉
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. Someone should warn one. 🐆
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato. And he’s always asking for one more snack. 🦘
- Heard about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere. Just one small step for man, one giant leap for food critics. 🌕
- My friend said drawing is pointless. I told him that’s just one perspective. ✏️
- Why is being a pirate so addictive? They say once ye lose one hand, ye get hooked. 🏴☠️
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet. Just one endless road.
- Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! They can’t tell a soul, or should I say one electron to another. ⚛️
- What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved. It only had one thing on its mind: Shelling out compliments. 🌊
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. One is always splitting. 🍌
- What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells. Get a whiff of this one. 👀
- Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one…or two! 🏌️♂️
Funny One One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny One Jokes
- I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. At least I think I’m one with that decision.
- What did the number zero say to the number one? Nice belt!
- Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water. I was like, well, one is a dam…
- My friend told me he wanted to be cremated, but I told him I thought he was one in a million!
- I just bought a new boomerang, but I can’t get the hang of it. I guess I only have one shot at this.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down…kinda like this one!
One QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about One
- Q: What did the number zero say to the number one? A: You’re nothing without me!
- Q: Why is being the only single person in a room full of couples a good thing? A: You’re the one everyone wants to set up!
- Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A: A pouch potato, one hop at a time!
- Q: What did the lonely sock say after losing its mate? A: I’m officially one and done with laundry day!
- Q: Why did the Cyclops have to shut down his bakery? A: He only had one bun in the oven!
- Q: How can you make seven even? A: Subtract the “S,” and it’s one-ven!
- Q: What did the calculator say to the student cheating off it? A: You can’t just copy all my answers! Get your own one-derful brain working!
- Q: Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? A: Too many cheetahs, and they only bet one way!
- Q: Why are math books always so single-minded? A: Because they’re only focused on number one!
- Q: What do you call a bear without any teeth? A: A gummy bear – but don’t try to eat one, that’s just weird!
- Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite type of ship? A: A one-mast sailboat! They like to keep things simple, savvy?
- Q: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? A: Because they taste funny! But eating one comedian is enough to leave a bad taste in your mouth.
- Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? A: In case he got a hole-in-one! Though, who wears two pairs of pants golfing?
- Q: Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? A: The food is great, but it has just one atmosphere!
Dad Jokes About One: Pun-Filled Quips
- Why was the number one always getting into trouble? Because it was one bad influence after another.
- You know, I’m starting to think my wife is obsessed with the number one… Every time I ask for help, she says, “Just give me one minute!”
- I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. One thing’s for certain, though, I’m bad at making decisions!
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! And they only bet one way!
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it… So I took it to a movie. It was a one-hit wonder, that spider.
- I ordered an egg and chicken from Amazon. I’ll let you know which one was delivered first.
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! I’ve got one too, but he just watches TV all day.
- What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste! It’s the one my kid always leaves open.
- What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can’t tuna fish! However, my son’s convinced he’s one string away from a masterpiece.
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down! It’s the one book I’ve actually finished.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good but it had no atmosphere! I guess they only got one star.
- Where do math teachers go on vacation? Times Square! That’s one place I’ll never understand.
One Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why was the number one so lonely? Because he had no-body!
- What did the decimal say to the number one? “Get over here! You’re looking a little off.”
- Why did the number one get in trouble at school? Because he kept telling everyone he was number “one” in everything!
- What’s a swimmer’s favorite number? One, it’s number “one” at being wet!
- What happens when the number one goes running? He becomes a run-away one!
- Why did the number one get a job at the bakery? He heard they were looking for someone to make “won”-derful cakes!
- What do you call a forgetful number one? A one-derer!
- Why did the zeros go on an adventure with the number one? Because together they could make one-hundred-and-one memories!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? One. One who? One-derful day, isn’t it?
- What song does the number one always sing in the shower? “I’m a One-der!”
- Why did the number one get a gold medal? Because he was always first in line!
- What did the math book say to the number one? “You’re the only one for me!”
- What’s a pirate’s favorite number? One, because he wants to be the “one” and only captain!
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato, but just “one”!
One Jokes and Puns for Elders
- I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure. One thing’s for certain, getting old is full of uncertainties… and bad knees.
- My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. I’m still holding on tight to 1972. It was the one year I felt truly alive!
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs. And let me tell you, after 80 years, I’ve seen a one or two.
- You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. And one wrong move means a trip to the chiropractor.
- My doctor gave me one good piece of advice about my aging: “Stay active!” So I joined a Facebook group. They don’t make me leave the house – it’s perfect!
- I just bought a new hearing aid. It’s state of the art! Costs an arm and a leg, but at least I can hear the TV at a reasonable volume now… just one ear at a time.
- They say you can’t take it with you when you die. Darn it, that’s why I’m still alive! Spending it all is the one thing I’m good at.
- What do you call an 80-year-old who can still do everything they used to? A liar. Let’s be honest, one thing’s for sure: things change!
- Retirement: When every day is a Saturday…except you don’t have any money. But hey, at least we have one another.
- I remember when I thought getting old was going to be fun. Now one look in the mirror tells me differently.
- What’s the one thing that gets harder to pick up as you get older? Your feet. And don’t even get me started on the remote control.
- I went to the antique auction last week. They wouldn’t let me bid on myself! Said I was a “national treasure” – one of a kind, you know.
- I’m at that age where I can’t remember if I did something or just thought about doing it. Just give me a minute, one of these days it’ll come back to me.
- The one good thing about being a senior citizen? I get to tell the same stories over and over again!
One Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw a guy spill his entire energy drink. He was completely un-one-dered.
- You know what’s better than two peas in a pod? One pea in a pod… because it’s got all that space to itself! #IntrovertLife
- My dating life is like the number one… lonely and constantly being divided. 😔
- Tried to make orange juice out of artificial oranges today. Turns out, you can’t. All I got was one terrible pun.
- My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. Now I’m really attached to this one sock I accidentally shrunk in the dryer.
- I’m starting a new band called “99%”. We’re looking for that one person who actually enjoyed math class.
- My friend said I have an unhealthy obsession with the number one. I told him he was wrong… and that I’m number one at that! 😈
- Life is like a box of chocolates, and I think I just got the one with the weird nougat.
- My bank account is like a social distancing party… because there’s only one guest. 😭 #BrokeLife
- I tried to explain to my dog that he wasn’t the only one who needed attention… but he didn’t seem to understand. Guess it went in one ear and out the… nevermind.
- I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I once got fired from a job for “doing absolutely nothing.” To be fair, I did it flawlessly. 😎
- Just found out that being a “people person” doesn’t mean I get to collect them. Disappointed is an understatement.
One Last Pun? You’ve Been Warned!
We hope these one-liners didn’t leave you feeling two-tired! If you’re still feeling punny, don’t be a lone wolf! Explore our website for a whole lot more hilarious puns and jokes that are sure to leave you in stitches. You won’t be sorry, or should we say, you’ll be one happy punster!
