109+ Maryland Puns & Jokes: Crab You Not, They’re Funny!
π¦ Hold onto your crab mallets, folks, because you’re about to enter the land of laugh-a-minute Maryland humor! π Get ready for the best list of Maryland puns and jokes this side of the Chesapeake Bay. This collection of clever quips is perfect for kids and adults alike – anyone who loves a good chuckle (or groan!). π From Baltimore to Ocean City, we’ve got the Old Line State covered with enough puns to make you say “Fells Point-ful”! π
Top Maryland Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the crab cross Maryland? To get to the other tide! π¦ π
- What do you call a fake crab from Maryland? An impasta crab! π¦π
- What’s a crab’s favorite season in Maryland? Claw-tumn! π¦π
- Why are Marylanders so good at poker? They know how to bluff their way through a crab feast! π¦π
- What’s the most popular sport in Maryland elementary schools? Hide-and-seek, but they call it Hide-and-“Chesapeake.” ποΈπββοΈπββοΈ
- My friend from California said, “You guys in Maryland really love your crabs, huh?” I said, “Hey, we’re just shellfish about them!” π¦π
- What’s the difference between a Maryland crab and a gossipy neighbor? One gets steamed in hot water, the other already is! π€«π¦
- Why is Maryland so bad at keeping secrets? Because they always Chesapeake under the table! π€«π
- I tried to make a map of Maryland out of crab shells… It was a-maze-ing! πΊοΈπ¦
- You know you’re from Maryland when… You can identify a good crab cake from a mile away. ππ¦
- What happens when a hurricane hits Maryland? It becomes “Marry-land-slide!” π§οΈπͺοΈ
- My friend said, “I’m thinking of moving to Maryland.” I said, “Don’t worry, it’s crab-solutely wonderful!” ππ¦
- Why did Maryland get a bad grade in geography? It couldn’t locate its “Mary-land-marks!” ππΊοΈ

Clever Maryland Puns – Best Picks
- Someone stole my Old Bay seasoning! The police say it’s a salt and pepper issue.
- Why did the crab cross the Maryland state line? To get to the other tide!
- Maryland is crabtivating! You’ll fall in love with it.
- Feeling stressed? Take a trip to Maryland, it’s baltimore relaxing.
- Maryland: We’re not just a state, we’re a state of mind. (Preferably a crabby one.)
- I used to hate seafood, but then I moved to Maryland… Now I’m hooked!
- Why did the oyster refuse to leave Maryland? He was attached!
- Maryland: Come for the crabs, stay for the… Well, definitely stay for the crabs.
- You can’t spell “remarkable” without “Maryland.” Coincidence? I think not!
- What’s Maryland’s favorite board game? Chesapeake-opoly!
- Maryland: Home of the brave and the crab-tivated.
- Planning a trip to Maryland? Don’t forget to sea everything!
- Why are Marylanders so good at poker? They’re always blu crab-bing!
Funny Maryland One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Maryland Jokes
- I tried to make a map of Maryland, but I kept running out of land.
- Maryland: Where the crabs are blue, and so are the fans after a Ravens loss.
- What’s a crab’s favorite part about living in Maryland? The Chesapeake Bay-cation!
- Someone told me Marylanders put Old Bay on everything. I was skeptical, but then they seasoned my coffee.
- Why donβt they allow gambling in Maryland forests? Too many cheetahs playing poker!
- Maryland drivers are so polite, they’ll let you merge in… eventually.
- You can tell it’s summer in Maryland when the humidity is higher than the Bay Bridge.
- I wanted to open a restaurant in Maryland called “Deja Brew,” but I couldn’t think of a good slogan.
- What did the ocean say to Maryland? Nothing, it just waved.
- I went to a seafood buffet in Maryland and ate so much crab, I could barely walk straight… good thing I was already crabby!
- Why is Maryland so bad at poker? Because their state bird always bluffs! (Blue Jay)
- Heard a rumor that Maryland is changing its state flag to a pile of Old Bay seasoning… seems a little extra, but I get it.
- Someone from Texas asked me what Maryland puts on their baked potatoes. I said, “Old Bay, duh.” They looked horrified.
- Maryland is the only state where you can get a speeding ticket and a sunburn on the same beach.
- You know you’re from Maryland when you consider a crab mallet an essential kitchen tool.
Maryland QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Maryland
- Q: Why did the crab refuse to leave Maryland? A: He heard it was the most crabtivating state in the Union!
- Q: What’s a crab’s favorite Maryland city? A: Annapolis… it’s got that historic shellebrity status!
- Q: Why don’t they gamble in the ocean off Maryland? A: Too many chesapeake-rs!
- Q: How does Maryland greet its visitors? A: Welcome! Stay as long as you like, it’s mary-land of the free!
- Q: What do you call a tired Maryland crab? A: Shell-shocked!
- Q: What’s the most popular dance move in Baltimore? A: The Crab Rave-nsburger!
- Q: What’s the quickest way to make a Maryland cake? A: Just add old bay, it’s instant shellebration!
- Q: What’s a crab’s favorite Edgar Allan Poe story? A: The Tell-Claw Heart!
- Q: What’s the Maryland state bird’s favorite drink? A: Oriole Juice!
- Q: Where do Maryland crabs go to gamble? A: The shell-sino, of course!
- Q: Why are Maryland trees so friendly? A: They’re always willing to branch out and meet new people!
- Q: How do you make a Maryland milkshake? A: You start with ice cream and then you Chesapeake it real good!
- Q: What do you get if you cross a magician and a Maryland crab? A: A shellfish illusionist!
- Q: Why did the crab get lost on its way to the Maryland shore? A: It took a shellfish detour!
- Q: What does a Maryland crab put on its toast? A: Old Bay, obviously… it’s the claw-ssic choice!
Dad Jokes About Maryland: Pun-Filled Quips
- I went to Maryland for vacation, but I forgot to pack spare clothes. Guess I’m wearing my “Mary-laundried” ones the whole time!
- Heard there’s a big sale on furniture in Maryland…it’s sofa king good!
- Why don’t they play poker in Maryland? Too many chesapeake-rs!
- What’s Maryland’s favorite board game? Chesapeakers!
- You know, Maryland gets so much rain, even their license plates are water-proof. Must be why they call them “tag” plates!
- My wife asked me to pick up crab cakes in Maryland… I said, “Sure, shell we?”
- Maryland drivers are so polite…they always let you crab first!
- What’s a crab’s favorite part of living in Maryland? Having so many Balti-more friends!
- Tried to order a “Maryland Mule” cocktail in Annapolis, but they said they only serve Moscow Mules. Guess it wasn’t my lucky mare…land!
- What’s Maryland’s state bird? The Ori-y’all!
- Went to a magic show in Baltimore and the magician made a crab disappear. He said it was now a “Chesa-peaked” crab!
- How do you make a Maryland crab laugh? With ten-tickles!
- You know you’re from Maryland when…you think Old Bay Seasoning goes on everything!
- My friend from Texas visited Maryland and said, “Y’all got more crabs than a doctor’s office!” I laughed so hard, I nearly choked on my Old Bay!
Maryland Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the crab cross Maryland? To get to the other tide! π¦
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Maryland you happy I didn’t say “banana”! ππ
- What do you call a happy crab from Maryland? A Merry-land crab! ππ¦
- Why are horses so popular in Maryland? Because everyone wants to ride a “Thoroughbred” winner! ππ
- Where do Maryland crabs go to borrow money? A prawn shop! π°π¦
- What’s a crab’s favorite game to play at a Maryland birthday party? Pin the claw on the crab! ππ¦
- What’s the most popular sport in Maryland schools? Lacrosse-tice, of course! π₯π
- What do you call a tired crab? A sleepy Mary-lander! π΄π¦
- Why did the blue crab get an A on his history test? He was a whiz at the Chesapeake Bay chapter! π¦π
- What do you call a group of singing crabs? A Maryland crab choir! π€π¦πΆ
- What kind of trees do they have in Maryland? Bay-utiful ones! π³π
- Where does the Chesapeake Bay keep its money? In a river bank! π°π
- Why don’t lobsters like visiting Maryland crabs? Because they always get into a pinch! π¦π¦π
- What do you get if you cross a frog and a Maryland crab? I don’t know, but it sure can jump-start a car! πΈπ¦ππ¨
Maryland Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the Maryland retiree refuse to move to Florida? He said, “Honey, I’ve earned my right to crab about the weather without actually moving to a place crawling with them!”
- My friend keeps telling me to try this new seafood diet from Maryland. It’s called the “Chesapeake Challenge”. Apparently, you eat whatever the Bay Bridge toll collector can grab in 5 seconds or less.
- Someone told me Maryland is called the “Old Line State” because of its historical significance. I think it’s because the checkout lines at the grocery stores move so darn slow!
- You know you’re in Maryland when… the most dangerous thing in the water isn’t a shark, it’s a politician.
- What do you call a Maryland crab that’s always getting into trouble? A “Baltimore hoodlum.”
- I went to a fancy dress party in Annapolis last night. Everyone was dressed as something historical. You should have seen the size of the crab cakes on Harriet Tubman!
- Why don’t they play poker in Baltimore anymore? Too many chesapeakers!
- I tried explaining cryptocurrency to my friend from Maryland… He just kept asking if he could pay with Old Bay seasoning instead.
- Heard about the new retirement community opening up in Baltimore? They call it “Assisted Living on the Chesapeake Bay.” It has everything: shuffleboard, water aerobics, and daily crab cake medication reminders.
- My doctor told me I needed to incorporate more Chesapeake Bay Blue Crabs into my diet for their health benefits. Turns out, chasing them around the kitchen counts as exercise!
- Maryland: Where the history is rich, the accents are thicker, and the crabs are always blue, just like our mood after Ravens game.
- Why did the Maryland politician bring a ladder to the debate? He heard his opponent was throwing shade about his Old Bay recipe.
- They say Maryland is for crabs… But after a few Natty Bohs, I’m starting to think it’s for the birds.
- I tried to explain to my grandkids that Maryland is known for its beautiful waterways… They looked at me like I had just crawled out of the Chesapeake Bay.
- In Maryland, we don’t just have seasons. We have crab season, Old Bay season, and Ravens season. Everything else is just waiting for something exciting to happen.
Maryland Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just drove through Maryland and saw a crab holding up traffic. Guess you could say it was a… crustacean delay! π¦ π
- You say “Po-tay-to,” I say “Po-tah-to.” You say “To-may-to,” I say “To-mah-to.” But no matter how you slice it, it’s all about that Old Bay seasoning in Maryland. πΆοΈπ₯π
- Tried to make a Maryland flag cake, but I messed up the baking. It was a state of… dis-custard. ππ³οΈβππ©
- Heard Maryland’s holding a crab cake cook-off, but they’re being super secretive about the recipes. Guess you could say it’s all very hush-crabby! π€«π¦π
- What’s Maryland’s favorite type of music? Crab Core, of course! πΆπ€π¦
- What do you call a happy crab from Maryland? Merry-land! ππ¦
- Why did the crab cross the Chesapeake Bay? To get to the other tide… of Maryland! π¦π
- You know you’re in Maryland when… “rush hour” involves crabs, not cars. π¦ππ€―
- Single and ready to mingle in Maryland. Looking for someone who loves Old Bay as much as I do. Swipe right if you think you can handle my spices! ππΆοΈβ€οΈ
- Maryland: Where the crabs are always blue, and the beer is always cold. π»π¦π
- I’m starting to think my dog is from Maryland… He loves chasing Chesa-peaches! πΆπΎπ
- Moved to Maryland, and I’m trying to fit in. Should I change my name to Chesa-Peake or Crabby Pat? π€π
- What did the ocean say to Maryland? Nothing, it just waved. ππ
- My friend from Maryland is so lucky – they get to live in a state shaped like a perfectly seasoned piece of fried chicken! ππΊοΈ
- Maryland: It’s not just a state, it’s a state of mind. (And probably a delicious state of seafood coma too.) π€€π¦π΄
That’s All, Folks! Maryland, We’re “Crabby” For You! π¦
We hope these Maryland puns and jokes crabbed your attention and tickled your funny bone! If you’re bay-ing for more side-splitting humor, don’t be a crabcake and leave! Explore our punny website for a whole Chesapeake Bay full of laughs.