109+ Maryland Puns & Jokes: Crab You Not, They’re Funny!
🦀 Hold onto your crab mallets, folks, because you’re about to enter the land of laugh-a-minute Maryland humor! 😂 Get ready for the best list of Maryland puns and jokes this side of the Chesapeake Bay. This collection of clever quips is perfect for kids and adults alike – anyone who loves a good chuckle (or groan!). 😉 From Baltimore to Ocean City, we’ve got the Old Line State covered with enough puns to make you say “Fells Point-ful”! 😄
Top Maryland Jokes – Best Picks
Why did the crab cross Maryland? To get to the other tide! 🦀 🌊
What do you call a fake crab from Maryland? An impasta crab! 🦀🍝
What’s a crab’s favorite season in Maryland? Claw-tumn! 🦀🍂
Why are Marylanders so good at poker? They know how to bluff their way through a crab feast! 🦀🃏
What’s the most popular sport in Maryland elementary schools? Hide-and-seek, but they call it Hide-and-“Chesapeake.” 🏞️🏃♀️🏃♂️
My friend from California said, “You guys in Maryland really love your crabs, huh?” I said, “Hey, we’re just shellfish about them!” 🦞😅
Why is Maryland so bad at keeping secrets? Because they always Chesapeake under the table! 🤫👀
I tried to make a map of Maryland out of crab shells… It was a-maze-ing! 🗺️🦀
You know you’re from Maryland when… You can identify a good crab cake from a mile away. 👃🦀
What happens when a hurricane hits Maryland? It becomes “Marry-land-slide!” 🌧️🌪️
My friend said, “I’m thinking of moving to Maryland.” I said, “Don’t worry, it’s crab-solutely wonderful!” 😄🦀
Why did Maryland get a bad grade in geography? It couldn’t locate its “Mary-land-marks!” 😂🗺️
Clever Maryland Puns – Best Picks
Someone stole my Old Bay seasoning! The police say it’s a salt and pepper issue.
Why did the crab cross the Maryland state line? To get to the other tide!
Maryland is crabtivating! You’ll fall in love with it.
Feeling stressed? Take a trip to Maryland, it’s baltimore relaxing.
Maryland: We’re not just a state, we’re a state of mind. (Preferably a crabby one.)
I used to hate seafood, but then I moved to Maryland… Now I’m hooked!
Why did the oyster refuse to leave Maryland? He was attached!
Maryland: Come for the crabs, stay for the… Well, definitely stay for the crabs.
You can’t spell “remarkable” without “Maryland.” Coincidence? I think not!
Maryland: Home of the brave and the crab-tivated.
Planning a trip to Maryland? Don’t forget to sea everything!
Why are Marylanders so good at poker? They’re always blu crab-bing!
Funny Maryland One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Maryland Jokes
I tried to make a map of Maryland, but I kept running out of land.
Maryland: Where the crabs are blue, and so are the fans after a Ravens loss.
What’s a crab’s favorite part about living in Maryland? The Chesapeake Bay-cation!
Someone told me Marylanders put Old Bay on everything. I was skeptical, but then they seasoned my coffee.
Why don’t they allow gambling in Maryland forests? Too many cheetahs playing poker!
Maryland drivers are so polite, they’ll let you merge in… eventually.
You can tell it’s summer in Maryland when the humidity is higher than the Bay Bridge.
I wanted to open a restaurant in Maryland called “Deja Brew,” but I couldn’t think of a good slogan.
What did the ocean say to Maryland? Nothing, it just waved.
I went to a seafood buffet in Maryland and ate so much crab, I could barely walk straight… good thing I was already crabby!
Why is Maryland so bad at poker? Because their state bird always bluffs! (Blue Jay)
Heard a rumor that Maryland is changing its state flag to a pile of Old Bay seasoning… seems a little extra, but I get it.
Someone from Texas asked me what Maryland puts on their baked potatoes. I said, “Old Bay, duh.” They looked horrified.
Maryland is the only state where you can get a speeding ticket and a sunburn on the same beach.
You know you’re from Maryland when you consider a crab mallet an essential kitchen tool.
Maryland QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Maryland
Q: Why did the crab refuse to leave Maryland? A: He heard it was the most crabtivating state in the Union!
Q: What’s a crab’s favorite Maryland city? A: Annapolis… it’s got that historic shellebrity status!
Q: Why don’t they gamble in the ocean off Maryland? A: Too many chesapeake-rs!
Q: How does Maryland greet its visitors? A: Welcome! Stay as long as you like, it’s mary-land of the free!
Q: What do you call a tired Maryland crab? A: Shell-shocked!
Q: What’s the most popular dance move in Baltimore? A: The Crab Rave-nsburger!
Q: What’s the quickest way to make a Maryland cake? A: Just add old bay, it’s instant shellebration!
Q: What’s a crab’s favorite Edgar Allan Poe story? A: The Tell-Claw Heart!
Q: Where do Maryland crabs go to gamble? A: The shell-sino, of course!
Q: Why are Maryland trees so friendly? A: They’re always willing to branch out and meet new people!
Q: How do you make a Maryland milkshake? A: You start with ice cream and then you Chesapeake it real good!
Q: What do you get if you cross a magician and a Maryland crab? A: A shellfish illusionist!
Q: Why did the crab get lost on its way to the Maryland shore? A: It took a shellfish detour!
Q: What does a Maryland crab put on its toast? A: Old Bay, obviously… it’s the claw-ssic choice!
Dad Jokes About Maryland: Pun-Filled Quips
I went to Maryland for vacation, but I forgot to pack spare clothes. Guess I’m wearing my “Mary-laundried” ones the whole time!
Why don’t they play poker in Maryland? Too many chesapeake-rs!
What’s Maryland’s favorite board game? Chesapeakers!
You know, Maryland gets so much rain, even their license plates are water-proof. Must be why they call them “tag” plates!
Maryland drivers are so polite…they always let you crab first!
What’s a crab’s favorite part of living in Maryland? Having so many Balti-more friends!
Tried to order a “Maryland Mule” cocktail in Annapolis, but they said they only serve Moscow Mules. Guess it wasn’t my lucky mare…land!
What’s Maryland’s state bird? The Ori-y’all!
Went to a magic show in Baltimore and the magician made a crab disappear. He said it was now a “Chesa-peaked” crab!
How do you make a Maryland crab laugh? With ten-tickles!
You know you’re from Maryland when…you think Old Bay Seasoning goes on everything!
My friend from Texas visited Maryland and said, “Y’all got more crabs than a doctor’s office!” I laughed so hard, I nearly choked on my Old Bay!
Maryland Jokes and Puns for Kids
Why did the crab cross Maryland? To get to the other tide! 🦀
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Maryland you happy I didn’t say “banana”! 😄🍌
What do you call a happy crab from Maryland? A Merry-land crab! 😄🦀
Why are horses so popular in Maryland? Because everyone wants to ride a “Thoroughbred” winner! 🏆🐎
Where do Maryland crabs go to borrow money? A prawn shop! 💰🦀
What’s the most popular sport in Maryland schools? Lacrosse-tice, of course! 🥍😄
What do you call a tired crab? A sleepy Mary-lander! 😴🦀
Why did the blue crab get an A on his history test? He was a whiz at the Chesapeake Bay chapter! 🦀📚
What kind of trees do they have in Maryland? Bay-utiful ones! 🌳😄
Where does the Chesapeake Bay keep its money? In a river bank! 💰🌊
Why don’t lobsters like visiting Maryland crabs? Because they always get into a pinch! 🦞🦀😄
Maryland Jokes and Puns for Elders
Why did the Maryland retiree refuse to move to Florida? He said, “Honey, I’ve earned my right to crab about the weather without actually moving to a place crawling with them!”
My friend keeps telling me to try this new seafood diet from Maryland. It’s called the “Chesapeake Challenge”. Apparently, you eat whatever the Bay Bridge toll collector can grab in 5 seconds or less.
Someone told me Maryland is called the “Old Line State” because of its historical significance. I think it’s because the checkout lines at the grocery stores move so darn slow!
You know you’re in Maryland when… the most dangerous thing in the water isn’t a shark, it’s a politician.
What do you call a Maryland crab that’s always getting into trouble? A “Baltimore hoodlum.”
I went to a fancy dress party in Annapolis last night. Everyone was dressed as something historical. You should have seen the size of the crab cakes on Harriet Tubman!
Why don’t they play poker in Baltimore anymore? Too many chesapeakers!
I tried explaining cryptocurrency to my friend from Maryland… He just kept asking if he could pay with Old Bay seasoning instead.
Heard about the new retirement community opening up in Baltimore? They call it “Assisted Living on the Chesapeake Bay.” It has everything: shuffleboard, water aerobics, and daily crab cake medication reminders.
My doctor told me I needed to incorporate more Chesapeake Bay Blue Crabs into my diet for their health benefits. Turns out, chasing them around the kitchen counts as exercise!
Maryland: Where the history is rich, the accents are thicker, and the crabs are always blue, just like our mood after Ravens game.
They say Maryland is for crabs… But after a few Natty Bohs, I’m starting to think it’s for the birds.
I tried to explain to my grandkids that Maryland is known for its beautiful waterways… They looked at me like I had just crawled out of the Chesapeake Bay.
In Maryland, we don’t just have seasons. We have crab season, Old Bay season, and Ravens season. Everything else is just waiting for something exciting to happen.
Maryland Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
Just drove through Maryland and saw a crab holding up traffic. Guess you could say it was a… crustacean delay! 🦀 🚗
You say “Po-tay-to,” I say “Po-tah-to.” You say “To-may-to,” I say “To-mah-to.” But no matter how you slice it, it’s all about that Old Bay seasoning in Maryland. 🌶️🥔🍅
Tried to make a Maryland flag cake, but I messed up the baking. It was a state of… dis-custard. 🎂🏳️🌈😩
Heard Maryland’s holding a crab cake cook-off, but they’re being super secretive about the recipes. Guess you could say it’s all very hush-crabby! 🤫🦀🏆
What’s Maryland’s favorite type of music? Crab Core, of course! 🎶🤘🦀
What do you call a happy crab from Maryland? Merry-land! 😄🦀
Why did the crab cross the Chesapeake Bay? To get to the other tide… of Maryland! 🦀🌊
You know you’re in Maryland when… “rush hour” involves crabs, not cars. 🦀🚗🤯
Single and ready to mingle in Maryland. Looking for someone who loves Old Bay as much as I do. Swipe right if you think you can handle my spices! 😉🌶️❤️
Maryland: Where the crabs are always blue, and the beer is always cold. 🍻🦀💙
I’m starting to think my dog is from Maryland… He loves chasing Chesa-peaches! 🐶🎾🍑
Moved to Maryland, and I’m trying to fit in. Should I change my name to Chesa-Peake or Crabby Pat? 🤔😂
What did the ocean say to Maryland? Nothing, it just waved. 🌊👋
My friend from Maryland is so lucky – they get to live in a state shaped like a perfectly seasoned piece of fried chicken! 🍗🗺️
Maryland: It’s not just a state, it’s a state of mind. (And probably a delicious state of seafood coma too.) 🤤🦀😴
That’s All, Folks! Maryland, We’re “Crabby” For You! 🦀
We hope these Maryland puns and jokes crabbed your attention and tickled your funny bone! If you’re bay-ing for more side-splitting humor, don’t be a crabcake and leave! Explore our punny website for a whole Chesapeake Bay full of laughs.
