96+ Baltimore Puns & Jokes: Charm City Quips!
Get ready to laugh your crab cakes off! 😂 This is the ultimate list of Baltimore jokes and puns, serving up the best humor this side of the Inner Harbor. 🦀 From clever wordplay to jokes even kids will love, we’ve got a whole buffet of Baltimore funniness. 🤣 So grab your Natty Boh and get ready to chuckle – these puns are Charm City certified! ✨
Clever Baltimore Puns – Top Picks
- Balti-more, please! (For when you can’t get enough of the city)
- Having a Balti-great time!
- Feeling Balti-gorgeous today!
- This food is Balti-licious!
- That’s so Balti-wrong!
- What in the Balti-world…?
- Balti-lieve in yourself!
- Don’t be Balti-shy, come say hi!
- This view is Balti-breathtaking!
- Let’s get this Balti-party started!
- That’s a Balti-deal! (For agreeing on something)
- Are you Balti-serious right now?
- Just Balti-chillin’ out.
- This place is Balti-magical!
- I love you Balti-much!
Top Baltimore Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the crab refuse to leave Baltimore? 🦀 It was caught in its comfort zone.
- What do you call a Baltimore Ravens fan with a voice like an angel? A rare bird.
- I tried starting a dating app in Baltimore based solely on people’s love for Old Bay… Turns out, it’s got a pretty wide appeal!
- Heard Edgar Allan Poe was spotted at a Baltimore Orioles game… Must’ve been a fowl mood.
- What happens when Baltimore gets too hot? Everyone goes “Hon, hold my Natty Boh!”
- I tried to pay for my crab cakes in Baltimore with nickels… They said, “Sorry, hon, we only take ‘quarters’ here.”
- Someone told me Baltimore is the “Land of Pleasant Living”… Guess it depends on how you feel about pigeons.
- Why don’t they play poker in Baltimore’s Inner Harbor? Too many sharks. 😉
- How do you get a one-armed Baltimorean to hold their beer? Say, “Hey, watch this!” 🍻
- What’s the difference between a Baltimore pothole and the Ravens’ offensive line? Eventually, the Ravens’ line moves.
- Tried to rent a kayak in Baltimore… They said, “Sorry, we only have ‘Balti-more’ on backorder.” 🛶
- Baltimore is so friendly, even the pigeons will strike up a conversation! Just try saying “No” to a bagel crumb. 🕊️
- My friend said he’s moving to Baltimore for the vibrant art scene… I said, “Yeah, watch out for the paint splattered on the sidewalk – that’s considered ‘avant-garde.'” 🎨
- Why is Baltimore like a good book? Because once you get past the cover, you’ll find hidden gems everywhere. 💎
- You know you’re from Baltimore when… You measure the success of your summer by how much Old Bay you go through. ☀️🧂
Funny Baltimore One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Baltimore Jokes
- I went to Baltimore hoping to find a great seafood restaurant… I guess you could say I was harboring some unrealistic expectations.
- What’s Baltimore’s favorite type of tea? Earl Grey-to-be-in-Baltimore!
- Baltimore is so charming, it’s disarming.
- Someone told me Baltimore’s Inner Harbor is man-made. I said, “That’s ridiculous, everyone knows it’s Charm City.”
- I tried to start a dating app in Baltimore, but nobody signed up. They said it was a “crab shoot.”
- Thinking about moving to Baltimore, but I’m afraid I won’t fit in. I hear it’s pretty clique-ish.
- I wanted to go sailing in Baltimore, but couldn’t find anyone to go with. Guess you could say I was left at the dock.
- I thought I saw Edgar Allan Poe wandering around Baltimore the other day. Turns out it was just a raven maniac.
- Visited the Baltimore Aquarium and saw a shark swimming in a tank full of dice. Apparently, it was a gambling ray.
- Heard a rumor Baltimore is changing its name to “Charm City” permanently. I guess they’re tired of people assuming it’s just “Balti-more of the same.”
- Tried explaining the concept of “Baltimore time” to someone who’d never been. Let’s just say they were running late to our next meeting.
- My friend from Baltimore is so lucky! Everything in his life just seems to crab-a-liciously work out for him.
- What do you call a group of crabs from Baltimore planning a heist? A shell corporation.
- I’m writing a song about Baltimore, but I can’t seem to find the right key-lime pie recipe to include in the lyrics.
Baltimore QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Baltimore
- Q: Why did the Orioles fan bring a ladder to the Baltimore game? A: He heard they were giving away free Balti-more seats!
- Q: How does Edgar Allan Poe order his coffee in Baltimore? A: Tell-Tale Black, no sugar.
- Q: What’s the most popular dance move in Baltimore? A: The Charm City Shuffle!
- Q: Why don’t they play hide and seek in Baltimore? A: Good luck finding anyone in all those Har-bor-hoods!
- Q: What’s a crab’s favorite Baltimore neighborhood? A: Claw-ryville, of course!
- Q: Where do Baltimore’s crabs go to cool off? A: The Inner Har-brrr!
- Q: Did you hear about the psychic crab in Baltimore? A: He started a shell-psychic hotline!
- Q: What’s Baltimore’s official flower? A: The Black-Eyed Susan, duh! (But don’t pick them, or they’ll be seeing Black-Eyed Bruisins!)
- Q: Why don’t Baltimore seafood restaurants serve shrimp? A: They only cater to crab-tivists!
- Q: How do you get around Baltimore on a budget? A: Take the Charm City Circulator – it’s free and full of Charm-ing people!
- Q: What do you call a lazy crab in Baltimore? A: A shell-abby!
- Q: Where do Baltimore crabs go on vacation? A: Ocean City, Mary-land!
- Q: What did the crab say when it won the lottery in Baltimore? A: Shell yeah! I’m going to buy the Chesapeake Bay!
- Q: Why did the crab cross the Bay Bridge? A: To get to the other tide… of Baltimore!
- Q: What do you call a group of crabs singing in Baltimore? A: A crab-pel group!
Dad Jokes About Baltimore: Pun-Filled Quips
- Why did the Orioles fan bring a ladder to the Baltimore game? He heard they were giving away free “balti-more” seats!
- Why don’t they play poker in Baltimore? Too many chesapeake-ers!
- I saw a guy in Baltimore wearing a shirt that said “I love lamp.” I thought, that’s a pretty “balti-more” fashion statement.
- My friend said he wanted to open a restaurant in Baltimore called “The Fork in the Rhode.” I told him that name was a little too “balti-more” obvious.
- What’s Baltimore’s favorite musical instrument? The trom-bone!
- I met a guy from Baltimore who was incredibly strong. Turns out, he was a “balti-more” lifter!
- What do you get if you cross a sheep and a harbor? I don’t know, but you’ll find the answer in “Balti-more”!
- My son wants to go to art school in Baltimore. I told him, “Don’t be afraid to think outside the “balti-more” box!”
- What’s the most popular type of shoe in Baltimore? “Balti-more” casual sneakers, of course!
- I wanted to learn how to sail in Baltimore, but the instructor said I was too knotty. I guess I need to “balti-more” practice!
- I went to a magic show in Baltimore. The magician made a whole crab cake disappear. It was like “balti-more,” poof! Gone!
- Why are they adding more lifeguards to Baltimore’s Inner Harbor? Because the crabs keep asking for “balti-more” butter!
- My wife asked me why I was watching the Baltimore Ravens game in slow motion. I told her I wanted to savor every “balti-more” second!
Baltimore Jokes and Puns for Kids
- What do you call a baby bird from Baltimore? A Balti-more-🐥 (more chick)!
- Why did the crab cross the Baltimore harbor? To get to the other tide! 🦀🌊
- What’s Baltimore’s favorite board game? Checkerspot! 🔴⚫️ (Reference to the Baltimore Checkerspot Butterfly)
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Baltimore! Baltimore who? Baltimore, I’m coming in! 🏠
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo from Baltimore? A pouch potato! 🥔🦘
- What’s a pirate’s favorite team? The Balti-more Pirates! 🏴☠️ (Playful reference to the Orioles)
- Why was the Baltimore math book sad? It had too many problems! ➕➖➗
- I went to Baltimore and all I got was this lousy… Oh wait, I got a crab cake, never mind! It’s delicious! 🦀🎂
- Why don’t they play hide and seek in Baltimore? Because everyone would hide in Fort McHenry! 🏞️ (Famous Baltimore landmark)
- What did the ocean say to Baltimore? Nothing, it just waved! 👋🌊
- How do bees get to Baltimore? They take the buzz! 🐝🚌
- Why did the cookie go to the Baltimore doctor? Because he felt crumby! 🍪🩺
- What’s Baltimore’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good beat! 🎶🥁
- My friend said Baltimore is flat. I said, “Hey! That’s plane wrong!” ✈️ (Play on “plain” and “plane”)
- What’s black and orange and flies in Baltimore? An Oriole with a jetpack! 🧡🖤🐦🚀 (Reference to the Baltimore Orioles)
Baltimore Jokes and Puns for Elders
- You hear about the retirement community that opened in Baltimore? It’s called “Charm City…and Diminished Capacity.”
- Why don’t they play poker in Baltimore anymore? Too many chesapeake-rs!
- My friend said moving to Baltimore was like a breath of fresh air. He must have forgotten about the Old Bay factory.
- Baltimore: It’s not just a city, it’s an “hon”orable mention.
- I told my doctor I was thinking of moving to Baltimore for the culture. He said, “At your age? That’s the least of your cultures.”
- Baltimore: Where the history is rich and the parking is…historically bad.
- You know you’re from Baltimore when “Go O’s!” is a perfectly acceptable conversation starter…no matter the season.
- My grandkids took me to that fancy harbor place in Baltimore. I told them, “In my day, we called this a ‘dock’ and it wasn’t for fancy pants.”
- They say Baltimore is on the rise. I hope it brought its reading glasses, because it missed the first few booms.
- What’s the difference between a good time in Baltimore and a crab cake? You can’t buy a good time in Baltimore for under $20.
- Retirement in Baltimore is all about finding the perfect balance: Nat’s game, crab feast, afternoon nap, repeat.
- I went to a Baltimore antique shop yesterday. Found a newspaper from 1984 celebrating the Orioles’ World Series win. The headline? “See, We Told You So!”
- Baltimore: We put the “grit” in “geriatric!”
- Doctor told me I need more iron in my diet. Guess it’s time to move to Baltimore and become an Orioles fan.
- Baltimore: It grows on you. Like moss…or a good case of hon fever.
Baltimore Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just flew into Baltimore… Looks like it’s crabbin’ a great day! 🦀☀️
- Baltimore: Where the harbor is charming, and the people are disarming. 😉
- Thinking about getting a “Born and Raised in Baltimore” tattoo… But I’m afraid it might be too mainstream. 😎
- Baltimore: Come for the history, stay because you accidentally parked in the wrong neighborhood. 😅 (All in good fun!)
- “Hon, can you go pick up some Old Bay?” “Sure, is that near Baltimore or something?” 🤦♂️
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo in Baltimore? A pouch potato! 🥔🦘
- You know you’re from Baltimore when… You think Berger Cookies are an acceptable breakfast. 🍪
- Just saw a guy walking a crab on a leash in Baltimore… Totally normal. 🚶♂️🦀
- Trying to explain the concept of “Natty Boh” to someone who’s never been to Baltimore is like… well, it’s impossible. You just gotta experience it. 🍺
- My love for Baltimore is like a good crab cake… messy, full of flavor, and I can’t get enough of it. 😋
- Spent all day trying to find the perfect crab house in Baltimore… I guess you could say I’m “shell shocked.” 🐚🤪
- Baltimore: It’s not just a city, it’s a state of mind. (And sometimes, a state of confusion when trying to navigate the Inner Harbor.) 🤯
- Baltimore: Come for the Edgar Allan Poe, stay for the… well, everything else is pretty great too. 🖋️🏙️
