95+ Cemetery Puns & Jokes: To Die For!
⚰️💀 Get ready to dig into the best cemetery humor around! 🪦🥀 This isn’t your tombstone-standard list of jokes – we’ve got puns and funny takes on cemeteries that are clever, hilarious, and even (dare we say) to die for! 💀😂 Whether you’re a fan of dark humor or just looking for some puns for kids, get ready for a graveyard smash-hit of a list. Let’s dig in! 👨🌾 ✨
Top Cemetery Jokes – Best Picks
- Why don’t cemeteries advertise? Because business is dead!
- Heard about the new cemetery employee who quit on his first day? Said he just couldn’t dig the work.
- Why did the ghost get a job at the cemetery? To pursue a career in tomb-stone carving.
- What do you call a cemetery for surfers? The Bone Yard.
- Why are cemeteries so popular? People are just dying to get in!
- I met a guy at the cemetery who was writing down license plate numbers. I asked, “What are you doing?” He replied, “Gathering data for my new book, ‘Cars I’d Like to Own Someday’.”
- What’s a ghost’s favorite type of coffee? Decaffeinated. They don’t like to be kept up all night.
- Why did the vampire move next to the cemetery? He wanted to be closer to the snack bar.
- My friend told me he wanted to be cremated and have his ashes scattered in a grocery store… I said, “That’s a very specific aisle to be remembered in.”
- Why did the zombie quit his job as a graveyard security guard? He found it too grave-ly boring.
- I saw a sign outside a cemetery that said “Pre-purchased plots available: Buy now and save!” I thought, “This is one sale I can definitely afford to wait on.”
- What do you call a ghost’s autobiography? “The Rest is History.”
- Why don’t they play hide and seek in cemeteries? Because good luck finding anyone!
- Two gravediggers were talking during their lunch break. One asked, “Do you think they would pay us time and a half if we dug deeper?”
- Where do ghosts go on vacation? Lake Erie.
Clever Cemetery Puns – Best Picks
- Ceme-treat yourself: You deserve a day off, even if you have to visit the cemetery to get some peace and quiet.
- I’m dying to get into the cemetery business: The market is always dying for new entrepreneurs.
- Cemetery picnics are my aesthetic: I like my peace and quiet with a side of eternal rest.
- That cemetery is so popular, people are dying to get in: The waiting list is out of this world.
- Just saw a ghost at the cemetery. It was a grave matter: I swear I’m not boo-ing you.
- Cemetery residents? They’re always such a down-to-earth bunch.
- Cemetery fashion shows are my favorite: I hear the shroud is the new black.
- What’s a cemetery’s favorite genre of music? Anything grave.
- I met my soulmate at the cemetery: Turns out we had a lot in common. Mostly, being dead.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite ride at an amusement park? The ceme-tary-go-round.
- Why don’t ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits.
- What do you call a cemetery full of history buffs? A grave situation.
- If you’re feeling down, just remember… Things could be a lot graver.
- Tried to start a band called “Cemetery Crew.” We were dead on arrival.
Funny Cemetery One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Cemetery Jokes
- Why don’t cemeteries advertise? Because their clients are dying to get in!
- Becoming a mortician was a grave mistake, but the work is dead interesting.
- My friend keeps telling everyone they’ll find him at the cemetery one day, I hope he doesn’t mean it literally.
- Finding a parking spot at the cemetery is always easy, there’s always plenty of dead space.
- I tried starting a business in a cemetery selling flower arrangements, but I guess it was a dead market.
- People say cemeteries are depressing, but I find them quite uplifting – they really put life in perspective.
- This cemetery is so popular, people are dying to get in.
- I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- What do you call a cemetery salesman? He’s got a plot in sales!
- I told my friend my family cemetery plot is cursed. He said, “Yeah, that’s terrible.” I said, “No, it could be worse. It could be cursed with knowledge.”
- Dating a ghost would be hard, I just know it would be a grave relationship.
- The cemetery is the only place where I feel truly alive.
- Why are cemeteries always so crowded? Because everyone’s dying to get in!
Cemetery QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Cemetery
- Q: What did the ghost say to the cemetery visitor? A: “Long time no see!”
- Q: Why don’t they play cards in the cemetery? A: Too many ghosts trying to raise the stakes.
- Q: Why do skeletons avoid cemeteries? A: Too many reminders of what happens when you don’t eat your vegetables!
- Q: What’s the most popular type of music in a cemetery? A: Tomb-stones!
- Q: Why did the cemetery get a job at the bank? A: It had lots of experience dealing with vaults.
- Q: I’m thinking of moving into the cemetery. Do you think it’s a good investment? A: Sure, it’s a growing market!
- Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite social media platform? A: Instagrim!
- Q: Why did the cemetery worker win an award? A: He was a real gravedigger!
- Q: I met a friendly ghost in the cemetery last night. We had great chemistry. A: Really? Must’ve been a soul connection.
- Q: I saw a sign that said ‘Free Wifi’ at the cemetery gate. What’s that about? A: Yeah, they call it the ‘Eternal Connection.’
- Q: Why are cemeteries so good at keeping secrets? A: They’re really good at keeping things under wraps.
- Q: A cemetery is a great place to learn about history. A: Yeah, they’ve got stones that go back centuries!
- Q: I heard the cemetery is hiring tour guides. A: Probably need someone to show the dead ropes.
- Q: Why was the ghost always tired? A: He worked the graveyard shift.
Dad Jokes About Cemetery: Pun-Filled Quips
- Why don’t ghosts go on dates at the cemetery? Because it’s too much pressure to meet the fami-ly.
- Heard they’re starting a new exercise class at the cemetery. It’s called ‘Zumba with the Departed’.
- My wife got annoyed when I suggested we spend our anniversary at the cemetery. I told her, “Honey, it’s where we met!”
- I met a ghost at the cemetery who was a former comedian. He said his career was “dying” for some new material.
- A cemetery is the only place where you can literally say “Excuse me” to someone six feet under.
- They’re building a new fast food place by the cemetery. I hear they’re calling it “Tomb It To Go”.
- I accidentally tripped and fell into an open grave the other day. Luckily, I managed to get out – talk about a grave mistake.
- My friend tried to tell me ghosts aren’t real, but then he visited a cemetery at night. I guess you have to see it to be-lieve it.
- Why are tombstones so gossipy? Because they have a lot of dirt on people.
- What do you call a cemetery with WiFi? A dead zone.
- Never lie in a cemetery. You’ll only get caught dead.
- A ghost walks into a bar at the edge of a cemetery and says, “Give me a drink – I’m absolutely petrified.”
- Sign at the cemetery entrance: “We’ve been ‘die-ing’ to meet you!”
Cemetery Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why don’t ghosts go to the library? Because they’re already booked for the cemetery! 👻📚
- What do you call a cemetery full of tired ghosts? A yawn-iversary! 👻🥱
- I wanted to get a summer job at the cemetery, but… …they said all the positions were filled. 💀💼
- What kind of music do they play at a ghost party? Spook-tacular tunes! 💀🎶
- What should you do if you see a ghost having a picnic in the cemetery? Just leave them be-gone-it! 💀🧺👻
- Why are graveyards so good at keeping secrets? Because they’re really good at keeping things under wraps! 🤫💀
- What did the ghost say when he won the race? “I’m feeling sprited away!” 👻🏃♂️
- Why don’t skeletons go trick-or-treating? Because they have no body to go with! 💀🍬
- What do you get if you cross a telephone with a cemetery? A lot of missed calls! ☎️💀
- What did the ghost teacher say to his class? “Listen closely, or you’ll be repeating this next eternity!” 👻📚
- Why didn’t the ghost get invited to the party? He said he would bring his boo-friend. 👻🥳
- What do you call a lazy kangaroo at the cemetery? A pouch potato! 💀🦘
- Where do ghosts go on vacation? Dead Sea! 💀🌊🌴
- What game do ghosts love to play in the cemetery hide and seek?Boo-seek! 👻💀
Cemetery Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why do cemeteries have fences? Because people are dying to get in!
- I met a mortician at a party the other day. He was quite the charmer. He told me he could make me disappear for good.
- Just learned my neighbor makes a living designing tombstones. Apparently, business is… to die for.
- Retirement is great! I finally have time for all the things I never wanted to do before… like visit a cemetery and reflect on life’s brevity.
- I’m writing a book about all the famous people buried in the local cemetery. It’s proving to be a real page-turner.
- My wife got mad at me for buying a plot in a pet cemetery next to our dog. Said I was pushing up daisies.
- Why don’t ghosts haunt cemeteries at Christmas? Too many spirits around!
- A friend asked me if I preferred cremation or burial. I told him, “Surprise me!”
- I saw a ghost riding a lawnmower through the cemetery last night. I guess he was just dying to cut the grass.
- I hear the new cemetery is very exclusive. People are dying to get in.
- What’s a ghosts’ favorite social media platform? Snap-chat.
- Why don’t they play hide and seek in the cemetery? Because good luck finding someone who wants to be found.
- The cemetery is the only place where they encourage you to keep your distance. Talk about social distancing taken to a whole new level.
- My friend says he wants to be cremated and his ashes scattered at Disney World. I told him I’d rather he didn’t, I wouldn’t want to visit him there and start crying and have everyone think he was a much better person than he actually was.
- They buried the gardener in the cemetery today. He’s pushing up daisies now.
Cemetery Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw a ghost at the cemetery playing a tiny piano. I guess you could say it was a… tomb-and-roll session. 👻🎹
- What’s a ghost’s favorite type of music? Anything but soul. They hear enough of that at the cemetery. 💀🎶
- Tried to buy a house near a cemetery, but the prices were through the roof! 🏘️💸 (play on “through the roof” idiom)
- You know you’re at a fancy cemetery when the headstones come with a guest list. 🪦🌟
- The one good thing about working at a cemetery is that if you make a mistake, there’s no one to complain to. 🤫🤐
- Cemetery picnics are always a grave affair. 🧺😔 (play on “grave” meaning serious)
- What do you call a cemetery salesman who’s always pushing the priciest plots? A real go-getter. 👔💀
- Someone keeps stealing the “reserved” signs from the cemetery. Those are some bold moves. 🚧😨
- What do you call a cemetery where all the ghosts are fashion icons? The haunt couture district. 👻💅
- Two ghosts got in a fight at the cemetery. I guess you could say things got a little heated. 싸움🔥 (play on “heated” as in argument and ghost temperature)
- My friend asked if ghosts use the cemetery Wi-Fi. I told him, “Only the spookiest sites.” 🕸️💻
- Cemetery fence builders really nail their jobs. 🔨⚰️
- Bought a used book about the history of a local cemetery. Turns out it was a real page-turner! 📖😲
- The cemetery is the one place where you’re always dying to get in. 💀⚰️ (play on “dying” meaning eager and literal death)
Rest in Pun, Until We Meet Again!
Well, that’s our last epitaph! We hope you found these cemetery jokes to die for. If you’re still looking for more laughter, don’t be a ghost! Head over to our website for more hilarious puns and jokes that’ll really wake you up.
