92+ Boss Jokes & Puns: You’ll Be Asking for a Raise of Hilarity
Get ready to chuckle your way through the best list of boss jokes and puns this side of the water cooler! 😂 We’ve got humor so funny, it’s criminal (but don’t worry, your boss won’t fire you for laughing… probably 😉). This list of clever puns and jokes is perfect for kids and adults alike. So buckle up, grab your stapler, and get ready for some seriously funny business! 👔
Top Boss Jokes – Best Picks
- Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants to his meeting with the boss? In case he got a hole-in-one!
- What’s the difference between a boss and a pirate? One yells “Walk the plank!” and the other makes you walk the blank on your performance review.
- My boss is like a broken pencil… He’s pointless!
- Boss: “Do you believe in life after death?” Employee: “No, why?” Boss: “Well, then there’s definitely life after work because you look dead right now.”
- My boss told me to have a good day… … So I went home!
- How do you know your boss is lying to you? Their lips are moving!
- Why is being a boss so stressful? Nobody gives you instructions!
- Employee: “Can I have a raise?” Boss: “Were you even listening during the meeting? We’re switching to compliments this year!”
- Boss: “You’re late!” Employee: “Sorry, I ran out of excuses yesterday.”
- Why did the scarecrow win an award from his boss? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- When is a boss like a baby? When they’re busy throwing a tantrum!
- My boss asked me, “Do you consider yourself a hard worker?” I said, “I do, but only because you make it so difficult!”
- Boss: “You missed work yesterday, didn’t you?” Employee: “Not a bit!”
- I used to be addicted to soap operas, but I’m clean now… My boss gave me the ultimate ultimatum: “It’s me or the TV.”
- You know you’re in trouble when your boss calls you by your full name… …especially if you didn’t know you worked here!
Clever Boss Puns – Best Picks
- Why did the employee bring a ladder to work? Because they heard the new position was a step up, but the boss was still a little boss-y.
- How do you know your boss is a baker? They’ll always tell you to give them some space. (Yeast/ Yeast = Yes)
- Why did the boss bring a ruler to every meeting? He wanted to make sure they were all on the same page, literally.
- My boss is writing a book about all the good employees he’s had. So far, it’s a pretty short story.
- How does a pirate boss address their crew? “Ahoy, mateys! You’re all fired… up for another great week, right?”
- What do you call a boss who used to be a gardener? A delegator of petals.
- Why did the boss get lost on their way to the office? They took a detour on the road to success.
- Why did the boss become a comedian? Because they were always saying things that were so wrong, they were right… off-putting.
- What’s the difference between a boss and a magician? A magician says, “Pick a card, any card”. A boss says, “Pick a card, any card… as long as it’s overtime.”
- My boss is a big fan of alternative music. He particularly enjoys the band “The Off-Key Notes.”
- What do you call a boss who’s obsessed with trains? A conductor of industry… who really needs to relax.
- How does a boss make a smoothie? They blend in with the employees, then delegate the rest.
- My boss is convinced he’s a motivational speaker. He’s very good at talking himself up the corporate ladder.
- What does a zen boss say to an employee who asks for a raise? “Let’s meditate on our current wages… and by meditate, I mean, ‘no’. “
Funny Boss One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Boss Jokes
- My boss is always asking for my two cents, guess he figures it’ll add up to a raise eventually.
- Just found out “bossy” isn’t an official love language…who knew?
- My boss is like a fine wine… constantly aging, gets under your skin easily, and gives me a headache.
- I tried explaining to my boss that I’m at my most productive with my feet up, he said, “We call that ‘fired’.”
- Just applied for a new job, the application asked for salary expectation… I wrote “To get paid.” Pretty sure my current boss put them up to it.
- I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey… then my boss told me to turn myself around… said that’s what it’s all about.
- My boss asked me, “Do you believe in life after death?” I said, “No.” He said, “Well then, I have some bad news…” Turns out he saw me leaving early yesterday.
- Someone asked if my boss was a motivational speaker… I said only when it comes to looking for another job.
- Boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.
- I got my boss a “Get Well Soon” card… I’m not sure what message that sends if everyone signs it “Get Well Soon… from your favorite employee.”
- Working from home is great. Except my new boss keeps yelling at me to get off the furniture.
- My boss just told me to take my job seriously… guess I’ll start by showing up on time… next week.
- My boss is writing a book… it’s called “101 Ways to Delegate.”
- To err is human, to blame it on someone else… is smart, so my boss tells me.
Boss QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Boss
- Q: Why did the boss jump into the lake? A: He wanted to see if he could make some power moves.
- Q: What do you call a boss who makes everyone work late? A: The over-timer!
- Q: Why is it so hard to talk to your boss on a Monday morning? A: Because they have a case of the Mondays…and Tuesdays…and Wednesdays…
- Q: What do you call a boss who’s always right? A: Never met one. (whispers) Pass it on.
- Q: Why did the invisible man quit his job? A: Because his boss wouldn’t see his potential!
- Q: How is a boss like a baby? A: They both need their butts attended to constantly.
- Q: Why don’t vampires make good bosses? A: They’re always out for blood.
- Q: How many bosses does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They’d rather delegate that!
- Q: What do you call a boss who takes credit for all your hard work? A: A depart-mental case!
- Q: My boss is like a broken pencil… A: Totally pointless!
- Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants to the office? A: In case he got a hole-in-one and the boss wanted to take him out on the links!
- Q: What’s the difference between a boss and a magician? A: A magician pulls rabbits out of a hat. A boss pulls deadlines out of thin air!
- Q: My boss said we need to learn to think outside the box… A: So, I stole the office fish tank. Problem solved!
- Q: What’s the difference between a boss and a sofa? A: One cushions the blow when you get fired. The other you get fired from!
Dad Jokes About Boss: Pun-Filled Quips
- Why did the employee give their boss a plant? They heard he loved his new pot-ition!
- My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home! What a boss move, right?
- I once got fired from a clock factory. Turns out, it was all about time management and I was always clocking out of ideas.
- What does a medieval boss say to fire someone? “You’re knight out of a job!”
- My boss is always asking me for my two cents. If I had any, I wouldn’t be working here! He can take a cent and… never mind.
- My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it… so I took it to work. Now my boss is really mad at me… seems nobody wants to work webside him!
- I used to work at a paper bag factory but I got let go. They said I wasn’t meeting their sackrifice quotas.
- Why did the boss jump into the lake? Because he wanted to see the staff meeting in person!
- How do trees get promoted? They really branch out and impress the boss!
- I asked my boss if I could go home early since it was raining cats and dogs. He said, “As long as you don’t step in a poodle!”
- My boss told me to blow up the new employee’s phone if they didn’t show. Guess it’s going to be a quiet first day… because I took him literally! He’s gonna be fuming!
- My boss keeps a dictionary on his desk at work… I guess he wants everyone to know who’s the vocaboss!
- Why is being a boss so simple? You just tell someone else to do all the work you don’t want to do!
- What did the employee say to the boss who was a mind reader? “You already know I deserve a raise!”
Boss Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the bee get promoted? Because he was always busy-ness! 🐝💼
- What do you call a bear who’s in charge? A fur-ocious boss!🐻💪
- How do you know your dad is the boss of the grill? He wears an apron that says, “Grill Sergeant!”👨🍳🔥
- Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a bad case of the mo-nitor! 💻🩺 (Monitor sounds like “My Monitor”, like your boss at work!)
- My brother said he’s the boss of our house… Mom just laughed and told him to clean his room! 🤪🏠
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! 🌾🏆 (And maybe his boss nominated him!)
- What’s a painter’s favorite music genre? Boss-anova! 🎨🎶
- My dog thinks he’s the boss of the house… He barks orders, but nobody listens! 🐶🤫
- What does a pizza chef’s boss say? You knead to work faster! 🍕🏃♀️
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs! 🐆🤫 (Cheetahs sounds like ‘cheaters’, and bosses don’t like cheaters!)
- What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You might think it’s “R”, but it’s really the “C”! (Sea – get it?) And they always want to be the captain – the boss of the ship! 🏴☠️🌊
- What’s brown and sticky? A stick. But don’t tell your teacher that – they’re the boss of the classroom! 🌳🤫
- What does the ocean do when it sees its boss? It waves! 👋🌊😂
- Where do pencils go on vacation? Pencil-vania! ✏️🗺️ (But they always check with their boss, the eraser, first!)
Boss Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the elder worker get promoted to CEO? > Because he was the only one who could remember where he left the company stapler in 1982.
- You know you’re getting old when… > …your idea of a power move at work is remembering to take your blood pressure medication on time.
- My boss told me, “Go the extra mile – it makes you stand out!” > So, I started coming in on my day off. Now, he tells me I’m “overthinking it”. Kids these days…
- I asked my boss if I could have a raise. > He said, “With inflation the way it is? Absolutely not!”… Then he chuckled and whispered, “Inflation…that’s a good one!”
- Why don’t they play poker in the retirement home? > Too many senior executives already know all the bluffs.
- The boss is getting a hearing aid. > Now, in addition to pretending to work, we’ll have to pretend we’re interested in his stories.
- My boss said, “Show some initiative! Think outside the box!” > So, I packed my things and started working from home. Turns out, he meant a metaphorical box. Who knew?
- Retirement: Where every day feels like a Monday to your dog. > And every day feels like a Friday to your boss.
- Remember when the boss used to ask, “Are you busy?” > Now he just says, “You look rested. Got anything you can help me with?”
- I’m at that age where I can’t remember if I did a task… > …or just thought about complaining to my boss about having to do it.
- My boss told me to “lead, follow, or get out of the way.” > So, I booked a cruise. Now he says I misunderstood the assignment. My bad!
- What’s the difference between a boss and a pilot? > A pilot only yells at one “cabin” at a time.
- I used to be indecisive, but now… > …I’ll get back to you after I consult with my walker and my afternoon nap.
- Why did the retired executive always bring a ladder to his old office building? > Because he missed feeling superior.
Boss Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw my Boss balancing his coffee on his computer… Guess that’s what they call a latte risk assessment. ☕️💻 #BossLife #Multitasking
- My boss told me to have a good day… So I went home. 🔥 #NailedIt #ShortDay
- How does a boss fight inflation? With employee raise denial. 💸😭 #Brutal #Economy
- What’s the difference between a boss and a magician? A magician makes your bonus disappear with a wave of their hand. A boss doesn’t need a hand. ✨ #PaydayMagic #WhereDidItGo
- My boss is like a broken clock… Wrong about everything, twice a day. 🕐😂 #Burn #ButAccurate
- Boss: “You’re late. What’s the excuse this time?” Me: “I wasn’t sure what to wear.” Boss: “But you’re wearing the same thing as yesterday?” Me: “Exactly.” 🤷♀️👔 #OutfitRepeater #Logic
- What did the Zen master say to his stressed-out boss? “Let that s* go.” 🙏🧘♂️ #WordsOfWisdom #ButWillYou
- Boss: “Why weren’t you at work yesterday?” Me: “I had a horrible dream.” Boss: “What was the dream?” Me: “I dreamt you were nice to me.” 😱 #NightmaresDoComeTrue
- What do you call a boss who takes credit for all your work? An Entre-plagiarist. 💼🤨 #StolenIdeas #NotCool
- I finally figured out what my boss meant by “unlimited PTO”… Turns out “unlimited” really means “two weeks, just like everyone else.” 🌴😭 #VacationDreamsCrushed
- Boss: “I need you to work this weekend. We’re really understaffed.” Me: “Oh no! Did someone quit?” Boss: “No… It’s your birthday.” 🎉🎂 #HappyBirthdayToMe #WorstGiftEver
- How is working with my boss like playing golf? Every day feels like a new hazard. 🏌️♂️⛳️ #OfficeLife #ObstaclesEverywhere
Boss-ing the Pun Game? Time to Clock Out!
Hope these boss jokes didn’t leave you feeling worked out! If you’re still craving more pun-derful humor, don’t be a slacker! Head over to our website for a whole lot more laughs. We promise, it’s anything but a dead-end job!
