91+ Weasel Jokes & Puns: You’ve Been Warned! (They’re Mustelad!)
Get ready to chuckle and chortle with the best weasel jokes this side of the internet! 😂 This list of puns and humor is perfect for kids and adults alike – because who doesn’t love a good weasel wordplay? 😉 We’ve got clever quips and funny anecdotes, all featuring our sneaky, slinky friend, the weasel. So buckle up, get comfy, and prepare to laugh your socks off! 🧦➡️💨
Top Weasel Jokes – Best Picks
- Why don’t weasels play poker in the woods? Too many cheetahs around!
- Why did the weasel get fired from the library? He kept throwing the book at everyone!
- Did you hear about the weasel who opened a detective agency? He’s known for his weaselly investigations.
- What do you call a weasel with a sore throat? A hoarse weasel!
- Why are weasels such good negotiators? They’re masters of the weasel word!
- A weasel walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he’s paying, he accidentally drops five dollars. The bartender asks, “Hey! You gonna let that just lie there?” The weasel smirks, “What did you expect? It’s in my nature!”
- What’s a weasel’s favorite type of music? Anything they can ferret out!
- Why did the weasel blush when he crossed paths with the skunk? It was a bit of an awkward scenter.
- Why are weasels so good at hide-and-seek? Have you seen how slippery they are?
- What do you get if you cross a weasel and a kangaroo? Pockets you can’t trust!
- Two weasels walk past a chicken coop. One turns to the other and whispers, “Let’s ditch this place, something smells fowl.”
- I went to a zoo with just one dog in it… It was a shih tzu, not a weasel. I’ll admit, I was disappointed.
Clever Weasel Puns – Best Picks
- Why don’t weasels play hide and seek? They’re always weaseling out!
- What do you call a weasel with a sweet tooth? A candy weasel!
- A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We’ve got a drink named after you!” The weasel replies, “What? You have a drink called Steve?”
- Why are weasels such good negotiators? They’re masters of the weasel clause.
- What’s a weasel’s favorite type of shoe? Sneakers, they’re always sneakin’ around!
- My friend tried to start a weasel-themed escape room… Turns out, everyone kept weaseling out.
- That lawyer is so slimy, he’s a regular… weasel in a suit.
- What do you get when you combine a weasel and a kangaroo? I don’t know, but you’d better watch your pockets!
- I met a weasel who was a world-class programmer. Turns out, he was a real code-weasel.
- How do weasels get around? By weasel-copter!
- The weasel was a suspect in the robbery, but… he had a very tight alibi.
- Why did the weasel cross the road? To get to the other slide … duh!
- What’s a weasel’s favorite game show? “Wheel of Fortune!” (They love to spin the weasel!)
- I used to work at a weasel petting zoo… But I had to quit, the pay was chickenfeed.
Funny Weasel One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Weasel Jokes
- I tried to tell a weasel a secret, but it slipped out.
- That guy’s arguments are full of holes – he’s a real weasel dealer!
- Wanted: Motivated weasel. Must have experience getting into tight spots.
- Life as a weasel: It’s all fun and games until someone loses an egg.
- Just saw a weasel wearing a tiny tuxedo. It was quite the formal affair.
- Can’t believe I lost my job at the weasel factory. Guess you could say I’ve been…downsized.
- What do you call a weasel that’s really good at math? A cal-cu-lator.
- My friend said he wanted to show me his weasel collection. Turns out, it was just a typo. He meant “vessel.”
- Weasel words? Those are just terms of endearment in Mustelidae circles.
- Never underestimate a weasel in a turtleneck. They mean business.
- The weasel went to art school, but he only excelled at watercolor.
- Broke up with my weasel girlfriend. Turns out, she was just stringing me along.
- How do you make a weasel milkshake? Give it plenty of space to get comfortable!
- My dream is to open a weasel sanctuary where they can live free from predator…iation.
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything, even weasels.
Weasel QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Weasel
- Q: What do you call a weasel who’s really good at escaping? A: A slip-up artist!
- Q: Why did the weasel cross the road? A: To get to the other slide… he heard they had great weasel-lines!
- Q: Why did the weasel get in trouble at school? A: He kept trying to weasel his way out of homework!
- Q: What’s a weasel’s favorite type of music? A: Anything with a catchy weasel!
- Q: How do weasels communicate with each other? A: Through weasel signals!
- Q: Why was the weasel so sneaky? A: He was always up to his old tricks!
- Q: What do you call a weasel with a fashion sense? A: A trendsetter… though some might say a trend-stealer!
- Q: Did you hear about the weasel who became a lawyer? A: He was known for his ferret-itous arguments!
- Q: What do you get if you cross a weasel and a skunk? A: I don’t know, but don’t try to sell it any perfume!
- Q: Why did the weasel blush in the garden? A: He was picking up some flowers for his honey!
- Q: What did the ocean say to the weasel? A: Nothing, it just waved!
- Q: How do you find a missing weasel? A: Follow the trail of tiny footprints…. and missing snacks!
- Q: Did you hear about the weasel who won an award? A: He was truly a pillar of the community!
- Q: What’s a weasel’s favorite board game? A: Hide and Seek, but they’re really good at the “hide” part!
- Q: Why are weasels such good storytellers? A: They know how to weave a good tale!
Dad Jokes About Weasel: Pun-Filled Quips
- I saw a sign that said “Watch for Weasels!” I thought, “That’s good advice. They’re so sneaky.”
- This guy at the zoo kept asking me if I wanted to see the weasel. I told him, “No weasel, no deal!”
- What’s a weasel’s favorite genre of music? …Pop music!
- Why are weasels such bad dancers? …They have two left feet!
- A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, we got a drink named after you!” The weasel goes, “What? You have a drink called Brian?”
- Did you hear about the weasel who went to art school? Apparently, he’s a real brush master!
- Never try to outwit a weasel in an argument. They’re always weaseling out of things!
- My friend said he wanted to open a weasel-themed restaurant. I told him, “Sounds like you’ve got a recipe for disaster!”
- What do you call a weasel with a sweet tooth? …A chocoholic weaselton!
- I used to have a pet weasel, but he kept getting into trouble. He was a real… little stinker!
- Why don’t weasels make good librarians? …They always return their books late… and chewed up!
- A group of weasels walked single-file down the street. I thought, “Well, look at that… the weasel line is down!”
- What do you get if you cross a weasel and a skunk? …I don’t know, but it sure would stink to high weasel!
- My wife told me to take the spider webs down, not the weasel! I told her, “Don’t be ridiculous, we don’t have a weasel.” She said, “You do now!”
Weasel Jokes and Puns for Kids
- Why did the weasel cross the road? To get to the other side…line and cheer for his favorite team!
- What do you get if you cross a weasel and a skunk? I don’t know, but it sure would stink to be you if you found out!
- Why don’t weasels share their toys? They’re too weasily attached to them!
- What do you call a weasel with a sweet tooth? A chocolate weasel pop!
- What’s a weasel’s favorite type of music? Anything they can weasel their way into hearing!
- Why are weasels such good detectives? They’re always sniffing out the truth!
- Where do sick weasels go? To the weaselfare office!
- Why did the weasel get lost in the library? He couldn’t find any books about his favorite superhero, Weasel Man!
- What’s a weasel’s favorite game to play in the snow? Weasel ball!
- Why are weasels such bad dancers? They have two left feet!
- What do you call a weasel that’s also a pirate? Captain Weeeeesel!
- Why did the weasel fail his driving test? He kept turning into weasel lanes!
- What’s a weasel’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers, of course!
Weasel Jokes and Puns for Elders
- Why did the weasel refuse to join the senior center’s book club? It said, “Frankly, I find your choice of authors a tad…pedestrian.”
- A weasel walks into a high-end antique shop. He eyes a gilded cage and asks the owner, “What’s the provenance of that piece?”
- Two elderly weasels are reminiscing. One sighs, “Remember when we could steal eggs without pulling a hamstring?”
- Retirement’s been strange, confided the elder weasel. “I used to be known for my cunning. Now it’s my gout.”
- Why did the weasel get kicked out of the retirement home bingo game? He kept yelling, “Bingo! … Oh, wait, that’s just my lumbago flaring up.”
- Ever notice how weasels age? It’s all in the jowls. One day you’re a svelte predator, next you’re basically a furry dewlap.
- What’s a weasel’s favorite Mozart opera? The Marriage of Figaro, but only for the parts where Figaro gets up to his weaselly schemes.
- The elder weasel scoffed at the younger generation. “Back in my day, we didn’t need fancy traps. We had grit, determination… and also, these tunnels were wider.”
- What do you call a weasel who’s an expert in ancient languages? A weasel of few words…but incredibly impactful ones.
- Why don’t they let weasels into the vintage car show? They say their presence is always… “uninsured.”
- My financial advisor’s a weasel. Which, honestly, isn’t as reassuring as he seems to think it is.
- Heard about the weasel who retired to Florida? He traded in his den for a timeshare and now preys on early-bird dinner specials.
- I tried writing a memoir about my life as a weasel. Turns out, it’s mostly redacted for legal reasons.
Weasel Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
- Just saw a weasel wearing a tiny leather jacket. Must’ve joined a weasel gang. #WeaselWednesday
- My friend said his startup is “lean and mean.” Turns out, it’s just one weasel in a suit. #HustleLife
- You know you’ve made it when your biggest problem is paparazzi weasels hiding in the bushes. #CelebriWeaselProblems
- Why don’t you ever see weasels at the bank? They’re always getting chased out for trying to make withdrawals!
- How do you make a weasel float? Add root beer and a scoop of ice cream – you’ve got yourself a weasel float!
- A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we got a drink named after you!” The weasel replies, “What? You have a drink called Bob?”
- What do you get if you cross a weasel with a skunk? I don’t know, but it sure is a stinky situation!
- What’s the difference between a weasel and a lawyer? The lawyer charges more to weasel out of a deal. Bonus Memes/Tweets:
- Me trying to get out of my responsibilities like… \[Insert picture/gif of a weasel squeezing through a tiny hole]
- When someone asks me to describe 2023 in one word: \[Picture of a weasel looking shifty]
- Just found out “weasel” is an anagram of “seawel.” Feeling shook. #MindBlown
- Dating in 2023 be like: [picture of a weasel in a tiny fedora, holding a rose]
- “Weasel out” should be a compliment. Those guys are escape artists! #RespectTheWeasel
That’s All, Folks! Don’t Be a Weasel, Share the Laughs!
We hope these weaselly jokes didn’t leave you feeling squirmy with boredom! We had a lot of fun rounding them up, and we’re sure there are plenty more out there. So go forth and spread the laughter – and don’t forget to explore our website for even more hilarious puns and jokes!
