92+ Weight Loss Puns & Jokes: You’ve Lost It!
👋 Ready to laugh your 😅 abs off… or at least the idea of them? 😉 We’ve got the best list of weight loss jokes and puns, guaranteed to tickle your funny bone! This is no light humor, folks – we’ve got enough clever wordplay and knee-slappers to build a dad bod of puns! 😂 Whether you’re a kid or just a kid at heart, get ready for some serious 😂 humor. Get ready to lighten the mood, because this list is pure comedic gold! ✨
Top Weight Loss Jokes – Best Picks
Why did the weight loss program win an award? It was out-standing in its field!
I lost three pounds on this new diet. Turns out it was just the weight of my wallet.
My friend told me to try this new weight loss tea. It’s called “Motivation.” I still haven’t tried it.
I saw a gym that offered “instant weight loss.” Turns out they just cut off your legs. (Don’t worry, I’m kidding! …mostly)
I tried to join a weight loss support group online. But I couldn’t figure out how to upload my motivation.
They say losing weight is all about mind over matter. So if I don’t mind, it doesn’t matter, right?
What’s the hardest part about losing weight? Finding something to wear in between sizes.
My doctor told me to avoid anything that makes me gain weight. Guess I’ll just avoid mirrors for a while.
Why is it so hard to lose weight in the winter? Your body is preparing for hibernation and storing nuts. Mostly in your pantry though.
I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and then I eat it.
My fitness goal? To fit into the clothes I imagine myself wearing when I order takeout.
I’m starting a new workout routine: emotional eating to mindful meditation. Wish me luck!
I lost so much weight, even my shadow is looking slimmer. It’s still following me around, though. Always hungry.
My scale is starting to get to me. I think it’s plotting against me. We’ve got a weigh to go before we trust each other again.
My secret to weight loss? I only eat at restaurants with lowercase names. I like to keep things “low key.”
I joined a gym today. Now I just need to figure out how to get my motivation to sign a waiver.
Did you hear about the weight loss guru who vanished into thin air? I guess he really knew his stuff!
Clever Weight Loss Puns – Best Picks
“I’m not losing weight, I’m losing my appetite’s appeal.”
“My weight loss journey? It’s going… pound for pound.”
“Started a new weight loss plan… turns out it’s just a typo and I signed up for “whale” loss. Feeling blue.”
“Finally found a diet with sustainable gains… unfortunately, it’s just teaching me how to sew bigger clothes.”
“My biggest weight loss inspiration? My wallet after grocery shopping.”
“Joined a gym for weight loss but I think I’m gaining… suspicion that they’re secretly replacing the weights with heavier ones.”
“They say weight loss is all about mind over matter. I seem to have a lot of matter on my mind.”
“My scale and I have a love-hate relationship. Actually, it’s mostly just hate… from both sides.”
“Doctor told me to watch my weight. Now I just stare at the scale in disappointment.”
“This weight loss is taking forever… I’m starting to think my jeans are just shrinking in the dryer.”
“Weight loss is a journey, not a race. Apparently, my journey is routed through the bakery section.”
“I’ve reached the age where ‘getting lucky’ means fitting into last year’s jeans.”
“My ideal workout? Mentally burning calories by judging people at the gym.”
“This treadmill is a great way to contemplate my life choices… and why I ordered that extra-large pizza.”
“My weight loss motivation is fueled by the fear of becoming the ‘before’ picture in my own life.”
“Just burned 2,000 calories… by scrolling through food pictures on Instagram. Does that count?”
“My new diet plan: Intermittent fasting… between bites.”
“My love handles are proof that I’m great at carrying extra weight… literally.”
“Weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint… but honestly, I’d rather just have a nap.”
Funny Weight Loss One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Weight Loss Jokes
I lost so much weight people are starting to recognize me from my driver’s license picture – it’s like finding a long-lost friend!
My weight loss journey is going so well, my jeans went from skinny to “Hey, who are you staring at?”
I stepped on the scale this morning and it just said, “To be continued…” I guess my weight loss is a cliffhanger.
My doctor told me to lose weight any way I could. I think I’ll just leave my problems behind and run away.
My new diet is amazing, I’ve lost three days already.
I tried to join a weight loss support group online, but I got kicked out for posting too many pie recipes. Apparently, they’re not into “pi”-ing everyone off.
My weight loss plan is like a gym membership – my intentions are good, but my follow-through needs work.
I’m at that age where my metabolism is slower than a sloth on vacation.
My ideal workout routine involves a lot of lifting… of forks to my mouth.
I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it!
I finally found the perfect weight loss motivation: free food at the finish line!
I only trust two kinds of scales: the ones at the doctor’s office and the ones that play music when I step on them.
My bank account is the only thing consistently losing weight these days.
I’m convinced my scale is powered by dark magic and fueled by my tears.
My treadmill’s most impressive feature? It’s uncanny ability to collect dust.
Excuses don’t burn calories, but they sure make me feel better about eating this cake!
Weight Loss QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Weight Loss
Q: Why did the scale get depressed? A: It saw too many weight-loss journeys start on a Monday.
Q: What’s the fastest way to lose 20 pounds of unwanted weight? A: Divorce. (Just kidding… mostly.)
Q: How can you tell if someone is on a new diet? A: Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
Q: Did you hear about the weight loss program that guarantees results? A: It weighs on your mind until you sign up.
Q: Why was the gym so crowded? A: Everyone was there for the weigh-in… of their excuses.
Q: What’s the most motivating exercise song? A: “Single and ready to mingle” played really, really loudly during a workout.
Q: What do you call a weight loss support group that meets at a bakery? A: Carb-loading with compassion.
Q: Why did the lettuce win an award at weight loss camp? A: It was truly an out-standing in its field.
Q: What do you call someone who’s lost weight but gained it all back? A: A yo-yo dieter. They’re really good at stringing you along with their progress.
Q: Why did the weight-loss book fail to sell? A: It had too many chapters!
Q: What’s a cannibal’s favorite weight loss program? A: The “Eat Less People” diet. (Too dark? Okay, moving on…)
Q: What’s the difference between a pizza and a scale? A: A pizza can feed a family of four. A scale can send a family of four running for the pizza.
Q: I tried to join a weight loss program for vegetarians. A: They turned me away–said I was always beetin’ around the bush.
Q: My friend told me to try the “seafood diet.” A: Apparently, you see food and then you eat it.
Q: What did the left leg say to the right leg at weight watchers? A: “Between you and me, we’ve gained some inches.”
Q: Why don’t they have mirrors in gyms anymore? A: They can’t keep up with all the before and after pictures being taken.
Q: How do you make seven pounds disappear quickly? A: Put the scale back in the bathroom.
Q: You know you’ve lost weight when… A: …Your belt starts complaining it doesn’t know how to hold its pants up anymore.
Dad Jokes About Weight Loss: Pun-Filled Quips
I joined a gym today. They gave me a tour and I lost 5 pounds just walking around!
I tried to join a weight loss group, but they said I wasn’t heavy enough to make light work of it.
My doctor told me to eat light. So I didn’t use my heavy plate.
Heard about the weight loss program that’s all the rage? It’s called “Fork-get About It!”
My doctor said losing a little weight could add years to my life. Seems like a fair trade-off. I wouldn’t mind being thinner for a few years.
I wanted to lose weight with a hypnotist, but it turns out all the good ones were booked solid.
What do you call it when a cow loses weight? A moo-vellous transformation!
Why don’t they trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Especially after you lose some weight.
I used to weigh myself with three bathroom scales. It was the only way to get an average weight!
Did you hear about the weight loss pill made from feathers? It worked, but all it did was make you lighter on your feet!
I saw a sign that said “Watch for weight loss.” I thought, “That’s a good idea! It’s easy to lose track of.”
My doctor said I should try running to lose weight. I told him I already do that… when the ice cream truck drives by!
I lost so much weight on this new diet, I can now fit into the jeans I had as a kid! …Now, if only I could still fit into my childhood.
Remember, every pound you lose is a victory. Unless you were in a pie-eating contest, then it’s a crushing defeat!
Weight Loss Jokes and Puns for Kids
What’s a wrestler’s favorite way to lose weight? Going down a weight class!
What did the scale say to the weightlifter? “You’re really lifting my spirits today!”
Why did the banana go on a diet? It wanted to be appeeling!
What do you call a bear who lost all his weight? A bare bear!
Why was the gym so crowded? Because everyone heard it was a weigh to go!
What kind of tea helps you lose weight? Slimming tea!
Why did the boy put his phone in his shoe? He wanted to lose some callories!
What did the left shoe say to the right shoe that went on a diet? Wow, you’re looking slim!
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!
What’s a ghost’s favorite way to lose weight? Scareobics!
Why don’t they trust atoms? Because they make up everything, even weight!
Why did the weightlifter bring a dictionary to the gym? He wanted to learn how to define his muscles!
What do you call a funny way to lose weight? A laugh diet!
What fruit helps you lose weight? A grapefruit, because it’s always on a diet!
How do you make seven even? Subtract the “S” – and you lose some weight!
Where do hamburgers go to lose weight? To a salad bar!
Weight Loss Jokes and Puns for Elders
I told my doctor I wanted to lose weight quickly. He said, “No whey!” 😉
My friend started a new weight loss program. It’s called “The Wine Not Diet.” So far, he’s lost three days. 🍷
My wife told me to take the spider webs down instead of vacuuming them. Now I’m waiting to see if that’s how weight loss works. 🕸️
My grandkids got me a Fitbit for my birthday. Now I can accurately track how many naps I take each day. 😴
Aging gracefully is about attitude, they say. Personally, I think it’s about good lighting. 💡
Weight loss is a journey, not a race. Which is good, because I wouldn’t want to pull a hamstring. 🏃♀️💨
I tried a new low-carb diet. Now I’m always tired and grumpy. Turns out, “low-carb” is just a fancy way of saying “hungry.” 😡🍞
My secret to staying young? I just lie about my age. And if that doesn’t work, I start talking about my hip replacement. 🤐🤫
Years ago, I lost a lot of weight on a juice cleanse. Turns out, I also lost my mind. Good news is, I found it again at the bottom of a bag of potato chips. 🧠🥔
My doctor told me to get more iron in my diet. So I started carrying a horseshoe in my pocket. He wasn’t amused. 🧲
I’m at that age where “getting lucky” means finding my car in the parking lot. 👵🚗
I used to worry about losing my hair. Now I worry about losing my keys, my glasses, and my train of thought… 👴🔑👓🤔
My doctor suggested I try yoga for flexibility. I told him I can get down into “child’s pose”… as long as there’s a comfy chair nearby to help me back up. 🧘♀️👵
People are always telling me to live each day like it’s my last. That’s why I nap so much. You never know what tomorrow will bring! 😴✨
