94+ Portugal Puns & Jokes: You’ve Never Lis-bon to!
Get ready to chuckle with our best list of Portugal jokes – they’re anything but Porto-ordinary! 😂 This collection of puns and humor about Portugal is perfect for kids and adults alike. So, grab your imaginary passport and get ready for some side-splitting fun with these clever quips. You’ll be saying “that’s hilarious!” in no thyme 😉. Get it? Thyme? Like the herb? Ah, just scroll down, the real jokes are way funnier 🇵🇹.
Top Portugal Jokes – Best Picks
Why did Portugal get a loan from the ocean? It needed to pay its water bills. Get it? PORtugal?
What do you call a group of Portuguese surfers who start a band? The Algarve All-Stars!
Why don’t Portuguese cats play poker? Too many Lisbon cheetahs around!
A Portuguese man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
What’s the most popular sport in Portugal after soccer? Fadolandia! It’s a new sport combining fado music with competitive napping.
I tried to learn Portuguese once. Turns out, it’s all Greek to me. And Portuguese.
Why did the Portuguese history book get lost in the library? It kept getting shelved under “Fairytales” because of all the amazing explorers!
How can you tell a Portuguese ghost story? I don’t know, but it’s sure to give you the Porto chills!
What’s a Portuguese ghost’s favorite type of food? Spook-tugal stew!
Where do fashionable Portuguese ghosts shop? Boo-tiques in Lisbon!
Clever Portugal Puns – Best Picks
What did the explorer say when he finally reached Portugal? “Well, that’s one port you gull I wouldn’t miss!”
Portugal is known for its beautiful coastlines, but be careful… They say Lisbon can be quite the cliffhanger!
My friend thinks he’s a Portugal expert, but he keeps getting his facts wrong. I told him, “Don’t be so Porto-typical.”
Why don’t they play poker in Portugal? Because everyone wants to be the Lisbon!
My Portuguese friend is teaching me the art of relaxation. He says it just takes Lisbon and a little effort.
Portugal’s national bird is so polite. It always remembers to say, “Porto-pee, excuse my French.”
What do you call a Portuguese surfer who’s always bragging? A wave of ego with a hint of Port.
Portugal is known for its beautiful beaches, but watch out… Some have Algarve-ing undertow.
I wanted to buy a castle in Portugal, but… Turns out they’re all Porto-bly expensive!
I tried learning Portuguese, but I keep mixing up the words for “wine” and “cheese.” Guess you could say my vocabulary’s a little Porto-cheesed.
What’s Portugal’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good Porto-mento.
I tried ordering a “Portugal-sized” coffee in America… They looked at me like I was speaking a different langua-ge.
What’s a Portuguese ghost’s favorite drink? Spook-Porto, of course!
Funny Portugal One-Liner Jokes – Short & Funny Portugal Jokes
I’m thinking of opening a Portuguese bakery that only sells crusts. I’ll call it “Porti-goals.”
What do you call a Portuguese man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
I tried starting a dating service in Portugal, but I had a really hard time getting my website up… Apparently, they have Lisbon problems there.
Portugal’s flag has a hidden message if you fold it just right. It says, “Iron me, I’m wrinkled.”
My friend said he’s descended from Portuguese royalty, but I don’t believe it. He seems like a pretty down-to-earth guy to me.
The Portuguese are such talented sailors… they can navigate the Tagus out of any situation!
I bought a vintage map of Portugal, but I’m a bit disappointed. It doesn’t show any of the Porto potties!
Portugal is incredibly romantic. I took my partner there, and even the buildings whispered, “Adora-ble!”
Why did the Portuguese baker get lost in the woods? He followed the yeast trail!
What do you call a Portuguese detective who can’t solve a case? Clueless in Lisbon!
Portugal is so sunny, even the lemons are tanned.
I went to a Portuguese restaurant that served everything double-stuffed. I was like, “Whoa, take it easy, Porto!”
Planning a garden in Portugal? It’s the perfect place to grow Portu-galettes.
Never challenge a Portuguese person to a staring contest. They’ve got Lisbon eyes!
Portugal QnA Quip – QnA Jokes & Puns about Portugal
Q: How do you make a Portuguese omelet? A: With a whisk-y smile!
Q: What’s the difference between a Portuguese surfer and a Portuguese chef? A: One catches waves, the other catches cod!
Q: Why did the pastry chef move to Portugal? A: He heard the pastel de nata was outstanding!
Q: What do you call a Portuguese explorer who refuses to use a map? A: Lost in Lisbon!
Q: Why don’t they play poker in the Azores? A: Too many cheetahs! (cheaters/cheetahs)
Q: What did the ocean say to Portugal? A: Nothing, it just waved!
Q: What’s a Portuguese ghost’s favorite pastry? A: Boo-los de Berlim! (Portuguese donuts)
Q: What do you call a Portuguese king who’s always losing his keys? A: A Monarch-y problem!
Q: Why did Portugal get glasses? A: It couldn’t Cintra! (See/Sintra – a town in Portugal)
Q: Why are Portuguese bakeries always so cheerful? A: They knead the dough to rise to the occasion!
Q: What do you call a lazy kangaroo in Lisbon? A: A pouch potato!
Q: What’s Portugal’s favorite type of music? A: Fado, fado, fado! (Portuguese music genre)
Q: What did the grape say when the Portuguese farmer stepped on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Q: How do you say “goodbye” in Portuguese? A: Just wave “Adeus” with your hand!
Dad Jokes About Portugal: Pun-Filled Quips
Did you hear about the Portuguese man who won an award for bravery? He got a medal for his Portu-gallantry!
What do you call a Portuguese man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
You know, Portugal is a great place to visit. In fact, I’m really Porto-ing my heart out to convince you to go!
I met a Portuguese baker who was making a pastry shaped like a ship. He called it a “Sail Dough.”
I’m learning Portuguese, but I’m having trouble with all the silent letters. They’re hard to Portu-guess.
What’s a Portuguese ghost’s favorite dessert? Boo-lho de arroz.
What’s a Portuguese musician’s favorite instrument? The Portu-guitar!
I tried to learn Portuguese, but I got Tuga’ed down by all the grammar rules.
Why did the Portuguese king get lost in his castle? He took a wrong turn at Al-garve!
What do you call a fake Portuguese coin? Counterfeit-ugal!
I saw a Portuguese man selling watches on the side of the road. I asked him, “Hey, are those watches any good?” He said, “They’re in-Lisbon condition!”
What do you call a Portuguese explorer who never gets lost? A Navi-gator!
Portugal Jokes and Puns for Kids
Why did the Portuguese kid bring a ladder to school? Because he heard it was a high-learning institution!
What does Portugal grow on? Vine-yards!
Why did the lost explorer end up in Portugal? Because someone told him to “sea” for himself!
What’s Portugal’s favorite game? Tagus! (Tag, you’re it!)
Why is it hard to keep a secret in Portugal? Because everyone wants to Lis-bon!
What kind of fruit do they grow most in Portugal? Portu-grapes!
What did the Portuguese ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved!
Why don’t they play hide and seek in Portugal’s capital? Because Lisbon everything!
Where do surfers hang out in Portugal? On the coast, of course-a!
What happens when you step on a grape in Portugal? You get Porto-smashed!
Why did the Portuguese baker get an award? He was outstanding in his field!
What did the mommy ocean say to the baby beach in Portugal? Nothing, it just Algarve!
What do you call a Portuguese soccer player who helps clean up? A goalie-keeper!
How do you get a Portuguese baby to smile? Say “cheese-o” with a Porto-guese accent!
Portugal Jokes and Puns for Elders
Why did the Portuguese explorer refuse to use a map? He said, “It’s Portugal to sail, Portugal to tell!”
Retirement in Portugal is all the rage these days. Apparently, they give you all the Port you gal can handle!
My friend tried to critique my Portuguese cooking. I told him, “Hey, don’t be such a Porto-critic!”
I met a Portuguese historian who specialized in ancient plumbing. He was an expert on the aque-ducts of Portugal.
My wife complained about the cost of our trip to Lisbon. I reminded her, “Honey, we’re on vacation! It’s Portugal to splurge a little.”
You know you’ve spent too long in Portugal when… You start calling your afternoon coffee break “Siesta o’clock.”
What do you call a Portuguese detective who always cracks the case with a wry smile? An Investi-gator with Porto-col!
Why don’t they play poker in the Azores? Too many sharks make it a high-stakes Portugal!
My doctor recommended a Mediterranean diet for my health. Now I enjoy a glass of Port with every Portugal of my salad.
I tried writing a song about Portugal, but I couldn’t find the right rhymes. Turns out, good ones are few and Porto between.
They say Portuguese wine gets better with age. Must explain why those old Fado singers sound so soulful.
What do you call a Portuguese surfer who’s always late? Tardy on the Forty! (Forty Foot wave in Nazare, Portugal)
My Portuguese grandmother is a terrible gambler. She always goes all-in on the first Portu-go.
They say Portugal is a land of contrasts. Where else can you find ancient castles next to cutting-edge Porto-chitecture?
Portugal Puns and Jokes for Reddit & Social Media
What do you call a sad strawberry from Portugal? A blueberried in Lisbon!
Tried to make friends with a Portuguese pastry, but it was too flakey. Guess we couldn’t custard each other’s company.
Portugal is truly an explorer’s dream… They even have Porto call home about!
“I’m thinking of starting a Portuguese boy band called ‘The Lisbons’,” I told my friend. “That’s a great Algarve you’ve got there,” he said.
I’m making a documentary about Portugal’s incredible history of exploration. It’s going to be an epic saga.
Why did the Portuguese explorer bring a ladder on his ship? To get to the high seas!
Why don’t they play poker in Portugal? Too much bluffing on the coast!
I started learning Portuguese, but I’m struggling with all the silent letters. They’re Porto hard to pronounce!
Why is Portugal such a romantic destination? Because love is always in the Ayr.
Why is it so cheap to live in Portugal? Because the houses are Algarve-ain prices!
Just realized I left my heart in Portugal. Guess I’ll have to Lisbon back!
That’s Porto-gallo the Portugal puns!
Hope these Portugal puns and jokes had you saying “siiiiim,” that’s Portuguese for “LOL.” If you’re thirsty for more side-splitting humor, don’t be a Porto-loser (get it?), explore the rest of our punny website!
